All kids have behaviors that drive us as parents absolutely bonkers!
Sometimes it’s annoying things like whining or tattling on their siblings.
Other times it’s frustrating behaviors like fighting or not doing chores or schoolwork.
But no matter what the behavior is, if you are using one of the tactics below, chances are good you aren’t stopping or changing your child’s behavior. Chances are good that you are actually feeding it and making it even stronger.
Vicki Hoefle, parenting coach and author of the book Duct Tape Parenting, asks parents to think of their child’s annoying or frustrating behaviors like a weed, and the tactics below like fertilizer, helping the behaviors just grow stronger and bigger. She advocates for parents to take a step back when facing these behaviors.
So what are the 3 things you must stop doing right now to get your kids to behave?
1. Nagging & Reminding
These tactics are done in good faith. We honestly believe that we are helping our kids by reminding them (over, and over, and over) that they will eventually remember to do something or change their behavior to what we want them to do. But let’s be honest….when has nagging or excessively reminding your kids ever got them to fukky change their behavior?
2. Focusing on the “bad” behavior a child does.
Identifying your child’s annoying or frustrating behavior as a characteristic of your child, such as,
my son is so “bossy” or my daughter “whines a lot”, can become a serious problem that could eventually become a characteristic that they believe is true about themselves.
They also get another tricky belief.
Now they believe that if they continue that behavior that is now a characteristic of theirs, that they will get your attention. Which we all know is basically their main goal…to gain attention and belonging in their family.
3. Putting bandaids over bullet holes.
These are all small, temporary solutions (bandaids) for BIG behavioral problems (bulletholes). And none of them stick. You have to keep doing them all the time. It’s exhausting!
What you need to look at here is the LONG game, and avoid what might get it to stop right now.
So how do I fix it?
Now that you know what you need to stop doing to stop the bad behaviors, what should you be doing.
Well, first, step back and observe. Watch your kids. See when the behaviors start to pop up. A lot of times it’s related to your kids needing more skill training and relationship building.
Kids need us to help teach them skills. A lot of the annoying, frustrating or “bad” behaviors just need some guidance on how to problem solve and put into action the solution or skills they need.
When it comes to relationship building- your kids may need to learn conflict resolution, what to do when you tell someone you’re upset, and how to handle emotions.
Resources We Shared:
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The best mom is a happy mom. To better take care of you, download our No Guilt Mom mindset here . These reminders will help you second guess less, and feel more confidence every day in your parenting.