I lost it. I broke down sobbing, stomped down the stairs, slammed the guest room door and buried my head under a pillow.

I wish I could say this an old tale – like from my teenage years. But no, it happened last weekend.

Let me explain.

It’s the fifth time your son has whined this morning.

The screeching sounds causes every single muscle in your neck to tighten. Your head feels dizzy. Seriously, whining kids could’ve been a form of medieval torture.

You take a deep breath and let it out.

You will not yell.
You will not yell.
You will not yell.

I stood there at the kitchen sink ready to scream.

My five-year-old son refused anything I suggested.

“Argh!!!!,” he cried as he flung himself down on the couch.

And me, oh I would do anything to get the screaming to stop.

Ever feel like you need to honor every request from your kids? They’re only young once that little voice says, of course, you should WANT to spend every minute with them. But, saying YES only makes you feel burnt out and resentful.

Here’s the fix.

You’re sitting on your couch, playing on your smartphone and you just want to be left alone.

There might be a small amount of guilt lurking under the surface. But not much.

Your kids ask, “Can you play this game with me?”

Nope, not right now, you reply.

You’re burned out. Every bit of energy and motivation has left your body. It disintegrated with that last tantrum or vaporized after your tween daughter gave her characteristic shrug when you asked how her day was.

You’re done and frankly, don’t really see a point in this whole parenting thing anymore.

I see you. I’ve been there.

Often, I feel guilty about taking a girl’s night because of time away from my kids.

I’m afraid I’ll miss something important or even worse, my husband will resent me for taking this time for myself.

They’re baseless fears.

Taking time alone is essential to being a happy mom.

He lay there screaming on our kitchen floor with his arm twisted under him.

“Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh….”

I panicked and picked my son up from the floor.

I slam my foot against the kitchen cabinet.

“Just stop it!” I yell, “Stop the fighting!”

My kids go quiet and stand frozen in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry Mama,” my five-year-old son tells me and immediately… I feel bad.

They’re just kids, they don’t deserve an angry mom.

And yet, I’m literally going out of my mind. I’m so exhausted and feel like I don’t even have the space to sort through my own thoughts.

Is this what motherhood is supposed to be like?

Nope. But, I’m making one critical mistake.