Recently in an online parenting group, a mom asked something other moms do that makes their lives easier and her example was “making the husbands’ lunch out the night before so that he wouldn’t wake her up in the morning.”
I was like whatttt??
And Brie was like…. Yep. That totally happens.
I was horrified. Now before you curse my name, let me tell you. I have my struggles at home too. But my husband waking me up to make his lunch? That’s not one of them.
Our stories about this were not so different:
My big struggle involved dishes.
Brie’s big struggle involved making lunch (yep! Just like the mom in the group).
Why do moms have to do everything?
I mean seriously!
Cleaning up after dinner every night when your husband/spouse/partner/kids leave the room?
Picking up everything in every room in the house?
Waking up the kids every day?
Making sure that everyone makes it to every practice and appointment?
It seems to be this recurring theme of moms feeling so overwhelmed and resentful. Worse yet…no one wants to feel that way. We want to feel happy, calm, fulfilled, and appreciated.
So how do we get there?
Here are 3 things you can do to help ditch the overwhelm:
This one is simple and yet can feel very scary.
You start by telling others how you feel without blame.
The best way to do this is to use “I statements”.
This would look something like this…
I feel unappreciated when everyone leaves the dinner table and no one offers to help clean up.
This clearly states how you feel when something happens and even goes the extra mile of telling the person you are talking to what they could do to help with the situation.
And better yet- you didn’t say they did it on purpose and you didn’t say it was their fault. You just stated the facts.
It can be scary to say something like this, I get it. The other person might say something hurtful like, “So?” Or even just walk away without saying anything.
But if you change nothing, then nothing will change.
Come to a mutually agreeable solution.
This is something that addresses BOTH peoples’ needs.
What it isn’t is something like, “I work so you should take care of the kids and house.”
Ummm, okay. During the day… sure. But that doesn’t apply to everything else.
And remember that agreements are fluid, just like life. If something isn’t working anymore, then talk about it again and come up with a new solution that works for both of you.
Embrace the messiness.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, it happens at it’s own pace and the process will be a little messy.
If the dishes are still on the counter in the morning, don’t do them! Leave them there.
Some days things will go so smoothly and other days, you will have to be vulnerable all over again. But I promise that it will get easier, change will happen, and you will feel that old feeling of overwhelm and resentment fading away with the guilt.
Does this sound good to you, but you would like some support with it? We’ve got it for you!
Look for Calm and Happy Parenting, which teaches you how to do all of this and provides a ton of support for taking away the work you have to do and transferring it to your family. It will only be available from Monday, April 19th – Thursday, April 22nd.
Resources We Shared:
Download the transcripts HERE
The best mom is a happy mom. To better take care of you, download our No Guilt Mom mindset here . These reminders will help you second guess less, and feel more confidence every day in your parenting.