Tantrums, school issues and moods – solutions found here.
Every week, your daughter tells you of a new conflict with a particular friend at school. You are losing your mind and feel helpless. Here’s how to help your daughter deal with friend drama.
“Noooo… I can’t do it. I don’t have the time!!”
Have you heard this from your child when she sits down to do homework? My gosh, it wrecks me.
I can feel her overwhelm and so relate to it.
I know what it feels like to have so much to do and what seems like no time to do it.
So, I jump in and try to help.
“It’s ok sweetie, let’s write down all the things you have to do to get it out of your head.”
“NO!” she pouts back, “That won’t help. I don’t know any of this and I have to get started now.”
What do you do with that? You see the problem, you know the steps to take to fix it and yet your child pushes you away like you couldn’t possibly know what she’s talking about or what she’s dealing with.
School districts “no homework” policies miss the point.
It’s not that black and white. In fact, the research many journalists cite is frequently misinterpreted for a clickbait headline or to get people riled up.
Is homework getting you down?
You dread it as soon as you see your child take his backpack to the kitchen table or maybe even get in the car.
You anticipate the fights, the struggle and sometimes the necessary bribing and manipulation to get the homework done.
Just the other night, your child cried at the kitchen table for 20 minutes because he didn’t want to even try a hard math problem.
You had no idea how to help him. Maybe you tried Youtube, you tried googling, but nothing.
Or perhaps your daughter sat there with the assignment of writing a 5 paragraph essay but refused to actually write something.
She sat.
She stared.
It was painful.
Do your kids whine?
Does the whining make your head hurt? Do you want to dig a tunnel through your kitchen floor and burrow inside until the whining stops?
Me too.
Why do we feel so guilty when our kids say they’re bored?
I’m typing on my computer when my son wanders into the office.
“Mom, I’m bored.”
Immediately, I clench up. My gosh, I shouldn’t be working this much. Why don’t I have something for him to do?
Meal planning for picky eater is frustrating! This teaches your picky child how to plan healthy meals that they will actually eat.
“Five more minutes!” you call into the living room.
Your daughter and son are both engrossed in their tablets. They haven’t left the couch all afternoon.
You feel that you have no control over it either – take away their devices and they become complaining, moping monsters.
I run from the word homemaker. I call myself a homemaking rebel.
Even though I shy away from the word, I know… I KNOW that having an organized home and life boosts my mental state in inconceivable ways.
“I’m so stressed. I have so many things to do.”
Nope, that’s not me saying it.
My five-year-old son rolls back and forth on our family room carpet. “MOOOOOMMMMM”.
Oh geez, this has nothing to do with how much he has to do. He’s 5. We don’t live on a dairy farm. His “so much to do” is filling his water bottle and putting his lunch in his backpack.
No, he does not have too much to do. I know what’s really going on. It’s what always happens in the morning.
My son wants my full attention. He doesn’t want me talking to his sister. He doesn’t want me to get ready. He wants my eyes completely on him and focused on his needs.
Not more than 2 seconds after they hop in the car, the screaming begins.
“No, that’s not what happened Erik. My lunch is at 11:35am, not 11:30.”
I brace myself.
“NO SISSY! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT”
And then, WHAP!
He reaches his little arm across the space in the bucket seats between them and hits her.
“Erik, DON’T HIT ME!!!”
That’s when I intervene.
I don’t know how school bus drivers do it. How do you discipline 30 kids when you’re trying to keep safe and focus on not veering your large yellow, monstrosity off the road
I’m in a Toyota Highlander with only two children and I’m ready to lose my mind.
They’re driving you crazy. The yelling. The screaming. Here’s a quick way on how to stop sibling fighting in your home.
It’s the fifth temper tantrum of the morning.
Your son is mad at you because you poured milk on his cereal when he only wanted it on the side.
Your daughter huffs past you in a little ball of rage because her brother is taking all the attention… AGAIN.
And you?
You are fed up.
“Mom, can I invite a friend over today?”
I hesitate. I want her to be able to invite friends over, but today is simply jam packed.
Nope. Not today.
Five minutes later. “Mom, can I have a playdate?”
What the…? Didn’t I just answer this same question five minutes earlier?
It was 6:30 AM on the first day back to school last year. I put my hand on my daughter’s fluffy floral comforter and shook her.
Gently, of course.
OK… OK… it was harder this time. Because this was the fifth time I walked into her room that morning to pull her from bed. This morning was close to becoming a chaotic mess.
Vitriol.
Anger.
All seemingly directed at me.
But its not about me. And its not about you either when your child turns on you with the rage of emotions and backtalk.
Picture this.
You come home to dishes piled on the counter, your child’s clothes hamper overflowing with dirty clothes and the dog staring at you. telepathically trying to tell you she’s hungry.
No one else in your family seems to see it.
Your kids happily walk in after school, throw their stuff on the floor and think that the magical cleaning fairy somehow cleans it up.
Why can’t anyone in your family take the initiative to clean up but you?
I get that. I’ve felt that.
It’s not like you haven’t tried either. You’ve tried the pretty chore charts. You even offered to pay them!
But, nothing’s worked.
You may have been making the same mistake I was…
Ever walk in your house and become immediately overwhelmed with the stuff lying around?
Its bad enough when you have a kitchen junk counter stacked with 3 layers deep with kid’s artwork, random books and those gadgets for your door that you don’t want to throw away but you don’t really know how to install.
But then is all the stuff your kids leave laying in the living room or crammed onto the top of the family room game shelf.
Children can say some pretty hurtful things.
As my kids perused the LEGO aisle in Target one day, I spied on a mom and her little girl.
They were picking out a birthday present and the mom tried to convince her five-year-old daughter to choose a small LEGO friends set.
The daughter agreed, but then… went one step further: she asked for the same set for herself.
“No honey, we’re buying birthday gifts today.”
“BUT WHY??? THAT’S NOT FAIR”
Mom still tried to explain, “Sweetie, its not your birthday. We’re just getting something for your friend.”
“NO. I HATE YOU! YOU’RE THE WORST MOMMY! I DON’T WANT YOU AS MY MOMMY ANYMORE”
Sassiness.
What can I say, sometimes we bring it on ourselves…
I walked into the kitchen this morning where my son was sitting perfectly happy, until he saw me…
Middle school was complete hell.
When my daughter entered sixth grade this year, I was terrified.
I didn’t want her to think it was her fault that other people were mean to her. I wanted her to know how to confront problems and the typical, stupid ways that people would react.
Ways that had nothing to do with her.
Girl drama is one of those things.
My son stomps into my office upstairs. I’m staring at the computer trying to figure out what to write next.
His face is full pout.
“MOM! I told them I need a break!”
Uh oh. Usually when this happens, he’s prepping me for something – trying to convince me that he’s on the right side.
It’s a fight. I can feel it.
I’ve learned one major thing about picking my kids up after school.
I cannot – by any means – ask them in any sort of cheery voice, “How was your day?”
My nine-year-old daughter recently told me that for some reason that question produces this fiery rage inside of her. She can’t explain it, but it makes her so mad.
I asked my husband about it that night and he said that the question has too many expectations attached to it. If someone really wants to know about your day, they will ask you directly with no fake cheer.
The cheer places too much of a burden on having a happy answer in response and that’s all fake.
OK, I get it.
But then, I realize that the response to anything I ask my kids to do after-school is met with groans and whines.
Why? Are your kids like this too?
It feels like all the behaviors your kids have are challenging.
But what if I told you those challenges are actually life skills that just need a little guidance?
This is how you can tell.
I’m not picking up my toys for forty-five cents.
Even though it was close to 25 years ago, I remember that chore chart affixed with Disney magnets to our white fridge.
My dad had broken apart every chore in our home, assigned it a monetary value and created this perfectly organized chart.
If I did every chore on it, I would earn $2 a week.
That amount seems small now, but at the time, my 10-year-old self was pretty stoked.
So I scanned the list and decided to start with dishes. I quickly scrubbed the plates, bowls and silverware and placed them in the drying rack. It took me 20 minutes.
Yes! I went back to the list and check it off. Fifty-cents.
Already…I was done with this.
Time for a break.
Fast-forward a week later and that was the only box I completed on the ENTIRE chart.
My nine-year-old daughter sighed and stared out the car window at the glow of the street lamps. I could hear the annoyance in her voice.
“I don’t want to talk about it”
Ugh… roadblock. And it had been such a tame conversation.
She told me about how the class had to write a lot that night. Writing during dance class? Totally weird to me. So, I asked her,
“What did you have to write during dance class?”
Bam Total shut down. She clammed up. I had asked one too many questions.
“Ok. That’s fine.” I clenched my jaw. I asked one simple question. Why did she have to treat me like this?
Then, she turned me and said, “I’m sorry.” Not a heartfelt, “I’m sorry.” Rather, the apology dripped with guilt and fear that she had deeply offended me and didn’t want me to be mad at her.
Does it seem like your child has a lot more homework than you did at her age?
The vocabulary, the spelling, the math homework sheet and then the required 20 minutes of reading… all in first grade??
How can you possibly keep your child focused during it all?
He cried when he opened his present. Actual real tears running down his cheeks.
Nope, not tears of happiness.
To him, Santa betrayed him.
You are fed up. After doing so much for your kids, they still throw a tantrum when they don’t get their way. Here is how to change spoiled behavior in your kiddos.
I saw the potato chip fly across the table.
We’re at the mall food court and next to us sits a mom and her two boys. At that moment, I feel for her.
“Jonathan,” she placated, “Why did you throw this at me?”
I clench.
“WELL! Aaron threw at me! It’s not MINE!”
Aaron sat next to her examining the contents of his plate.
“Oh fine… well, it’s not nice.”
I stare at my plate of tacos. What just happened here?
I yelled at my kids this morning.
I simply lost it. Usually, I’m not a yeller. I’m the one who keeps all my frustrations hidden until they insidiously eat away at me until I’m curled up in a little ball, crying on the couch.
It’s not healthy.
But yelling, oh man. My kids had finally found my button.
When your child worries too much, you might feel helpless? Here is a powerful method that I used to teach my daughter (and myself) on how to have more control over our own anxious brains.
“MOooooom, I can’t find my library books.”
My daughter stopped, stood in the middle of the living room and stared at me with these sad eyes.
Her head was down.
Her shoulders drooped.
I don’t buy it for a second.
Deep breath.
“Mom, I can’t do this. I’m scared”
My daughter glares at me from the backseat, ready to cry. I can see it.
Recently, she’s developed a fear of bumpy and windy roads. Every road trip we take, her first question is always, “Will it be bumpy?”
I have no idea how this started or how the fear originated, but man, she can work herself up to the point where she starts feeling stomach aches and refuses to eat.
I stared at the complicated chore chart that my dad placed on our refrigerator.
42 cents for washing dishes. 20 cents for picking up my room.
When he first pitched this idea to my 10-year-old self, I wanted to do all the chores immediately.
This was my chance to earn $5 a week. Yes, I could do this!
So, I did the dishes. It took me 20 minutes and I didn’t even get enough money to buy a can of soda. Wouldn’t it be simpler to pull that red can of Coke out of our fridge?
That week, I completed a few boxes of chores from that monster list, collected my $1.15 and then ignored the list the next week.
Soon, the chore chart disappeared.
In the corner of my family room sits my daughter’s backpack, dance bag, coat and her backpack from last year that she refuses to throw away.
Oh my goodness. I’ve asked her ten times to clean up this pile.
I feel as if a huge fist is squeezing my stomach. My shoulders knot up.
Deep breath.
You walk in the door from school. Your nine-year-old comes in after you.
Everything seems fine. She’s happy. All is well and good.
Then, you remind her that the dishwasher needs unloading.
Boom. It’s like something inside her detonates.
“Noooo… I don’t have time to do that. That’s so unfair. I can’t believe you’re making me do this!:
She glares at you, stomps over to the kitchen sink and starts crying.
WHA-ATT just happened? She was happy. I didn’t blame her. I just had a simple request.
As soon as we stepped out of the theatre lobby, my nine-year-old daughter burst into tears.
“Oh my goodness, what’s wrong?” I pulled her close.
She nudged me away with a little whimper and used the back of her hand to sop up her face.
Immediately, my brain went into panic mode.
Was someone mean to her at camp?
Did she not have fun?
She climbed into the backseat and the whole story came tumbling out:
Have you ever thought that being a parent should carry some training? How about spy training? I mean, who doesn’t want to learn how to parent like a spy? Meet Christina Hillsberg, former CIA agent and author who shares how her training as a spy has influenced her parenting with her 5 kids.
“Mommy, I’m sick. I don’t want to go school”
My preschool son stood in front of me, still wearing his Paw Patrol pajamas. My heart picked up pace.
Anytime my kids are sick, a solid steel ball forms in my stomach.
Is he ok?
Should he go to school?
Or does he need to stay home and rest?
And also, the point I’m less likely to admit:
Am I bad mom sending my child to school when he says he is sick?
Want to help your child in school? Of course! These 3 after school questions are quick and give you so much insight into your child’s learning.
Walking past the Disney store, I see a kid in mid-breakdown.
Her face is red, her eyes are wet.
The woman -I can only assume is her mom – stands above her and repeats, “No, you can’t get a toy from the Disney store.”
“WHY?!?,” the little girl screams, “WHY! It’s not fair! You said we could. It’s not fair!!”
Is this little girl spoiled?
Want a simple method to get kids to stop fighting and start figuring out their problems like actual human beings? I swear it’s possible. Here we go.
Motivation for kids at school is a tricky thing to master. These 5 methods encourage intrinsic motivation without the use of rewards and create internally motivated children.
I thought it would be a nice breakfast out.
My husband was golfing with his parents and brothers, so it was just me and my kids.
We slid into a teal green booth at the Oink Cafe.
“Mommy, I want to sit by you,” my nine-year-old daughter slid into the booth next to me leaving her four-year-old brother to sit by himself on the other side.
Ooooh…I knew that wasn’t happening.
I saw his face crumple. He opened his mouth and before he could say a word, I interjected with…
“No, why don’t you both sit together?”
That’s when the standoff began.
Not my best parenting moment.
My four-year-old son and I were running late. It’s always where my blow-ups happen.
We had left Target and were driving to pick up my daughter from her day camp when I noticed it… that orange light on the dashboard.
I only had 7 miles left in the tank.
OK, I can do this. I can hit the Circle K on the way to camp. As I cross the intersection, I notice the station is packed – I’ve never seen so many cars! Every pump occupied.
Ooohh… except one. I pull a fancy backup maneuver and sidle up to the pump.
“Mommy, I’m hot,” my four-year-old son tells me from the backseat.