Kid Behavior

Tantrums, school issues and moods – solutions found here.

I let my kids get away with not doing household chores – and its going to change
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I let my kids get away with not doing household chores – and its going to change

I come downstairs to see a pile of dishes in the sink. I hate dishes.

Unfortunately, I’m in this tough spot where I don’t want to do them and yet I have not yet assigned responsibility of them to anyone else.

Sure, we say its our kids’ job is to unload the dishwasher.

However, it doesn’t happen automatically.

I call to my kids, “Hey, the dishwasher needs unloading”

“OK,” my four-year-old yells, “I’ll do it when I come home from school!”

How does he know how to procrastinate at 4? I know what happens. He promises to do some household chore and then conveniently forgets when he comes home.

One Magic Phrase to Tell Your Kid When She is Scared
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One Magic Phrase to Tell Your Kid When She is Scared

“Mom, I can’t do this. I’m scared”

My daughter glares at me from the backseat, ready to cry. I can see it.

Recently, she’s developed a fear of bumpy and windy roads. Every road trip we take, her first question is always, “Will it be bumpy?”

I have no idea how this started or how the fear originated, but man, she can work herself up to the point where she starts feeling stomach aches and refuses to eat.

You Can Stop Rewarding Kids for Chores
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You Can Stop Rewarding Kids for Chores

I’m not picking up my toys for forty-five cents.

Even though it was close to 25 years ago, I remember that chore chart affixed with Disney magnets to our white fridge.

My dad had broken apart every chore in our home, assigned it a monetary value and created this perfectly organized chart.

If I did every chore on it, I would earn $2 a week.

That amount seems small now, but at the time, my 10-year-old self was pretty stoked.

So I scanned the list and decided to start with dishes. I quickly scrubbed the plates, bowls and silverware and placed them in the drying rack. It took me 20 minutes.

Yes! I went back to the list and check it off. Fifty-cents.

Already…I was done with this.

Time for a break.

Fast-forward a week later and that was the only box I completed on the ENTIRE chart.

What to do when your kid gives up too easily
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What to do when your kid gives up too easily

As soon as we stepped out of the theatre lobby, my nine-year-old daughter burst into tears.

“Oh my goodness, what’s wrong?” I pulled her close.

She nudged me away with a little whimper and used the back of her hand to sop up her face.

Immediately, my brain went into panic mode.

Was someone mean to her at camp?

Did she not have fun?

She climbed into the backseat and the whole story came tumbling out:

Your kids are NEVER justified for treating you badly
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Your kids are NEVER justified for treating you badly

I saw the potato chip fly across the table.

We’re at the mall food court and next to us sits a mom and her two boys. At that moment, I feel for her.

“Jonathan,” she placated, “Why did you throw this at me?”

I clench.

“WELL! Aaron threw at me! It’s not MINE!”

Aaron sat next to her examining the contents of his plate.

“Oh fine… well, it’s not nice.”

I stare at my plate of tacos. What just happened here?

3 Ways to Stop Whining for Good
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3 Ways to Stop Whining for Good

Not my best parenting moment.

My four-year-old son and I were running late. It’s always where my blow-ups happen.

We had left Target and were driving to pick up my daughter from her day camp when I noticed it… that orange light on the dashboard.

I only had 7 miles left in the tank.

OK, I can do this. I can hit the Circle K on the way to camp. As I cross the intersection, I notice the station is packed – I’ve never seen so many cars!  Every pump occupied.

Ooohh… except one. I pull a fancy backup maneuver and sidle up to the pump.

“Mommy, I’m hot,” my four-year-old son tells me from the backseat.

Dealing with Temper Tantrums: The trick you haven’t used yet
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Dealing with Temper Tantrums: The trick you haven’t used yet

I thought it would be a nice breakfast out.

My husband was golfing with his parents and brothers, so it was just me and my kids.

We slid into a teal green booth at the Oink Cafe.

“Mommy, I want to sit by you,” my nine-year-old daughter slid into the booth next to me leaving her four-year-old brother to sit by himself on the other side.

Ooooh…I knew that wasn’t happening.

I saw his face crumple. He opened his mouth and before he could say a word, I interjected with…

“No, why don’t you both sit together?”

That’s when the standoff began.

Consequences For Hitting
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Consequences For Hitting

Not more than 2 seconds after they hop in the car, the screaming begins.

“No, that’s not what happened Erik. My lunch is at 11:35am, not 11:30.”

I brace myself.

“NO SISSY! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT”

And then, WHAP!

He reaches his little arm across the space in the bucket seats between them and hits her.

“Erik, DON’T HIT ME!!!”

That’s when I intervene.

I don’t know how school bus drivers do it. How do you discipline 30 kids when you’re trying to keep safe and focus on not veering your large yellow, monstrosity off the road

I’m in a Toyota Highlander with only two children and I’m ready to lose my mind.

Yelling At Child Doing Homework
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Yelling At Child Doing Homework

“Noooo… I can’t do it. I don’t have the time!!”

Have you heard this from your child when she sits down to do homework? My gosh, it wrecks me.

I can feel her overwhelm and so relate to it.

I know what it feels like to have so much to do and what seems like no time to do it.

So, I jump in and try to help.

“It’s ok sweetie, let’s write down all the things you have to do to get it out of your head.”

“NO!” she pouts back, “That won’t help. I don’t know any of this and I have to get started now.”

What do you do with that? You see the problem, you know the steps to take to fix it and yet your child pushes you away like you couldn’t possibly know what she’s talking about or what she’s dealing with.

My Family Does Nothing To Help Around The House
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My Family Does Nothing To Help Around The House

Picture this.

You come home to dishes piled on the counter, your child’s clothes hamper overflowing with dirty clothes and the dog staring at you. telepathically trying to tell you she’s hungry.

No one else in your family seems to see it.

Your kids happily walk in after school, throw their stuff on the floor and think that the magical cleaning fairy somehow cleans it up.

Why can’t anyone in your family take the initiative to clean up but you?

I get that. I’ve felt that.

It’s not like you haven’t tried either. You’ve tried the pretty chore charts. You even offered to pay them!

But, nothing’s worked.

You may have been making the same mistake I was…

At What Age Should A Child Clean Up After Themselves
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At What Age Should A Child Clean Up After Themselves

Ever walk in your house and become immediately overwhelmed with the stuff lying around?

Its bad enough when you have a kitchen junk counter stacked with 3 layers deep with kid’s artwork, random books and those gadgets for your door that you don’t want to throw away but you don’t really know how to install.

But then is all the stuff your kids leave laying in the living room or crammed onto the top of the family room game shelf.

When Your Child Says I Hate You
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When Your Child Says I Hate You

Children can say some pretty hurtful things.

As my kids perused the LEGO aisle in Target one day, I spied on a mom and her little girl.

They were picking out a birthday present and the mom tried to convince her five-year-old daughter to choose a small LEGO friends set.

The daughter agreed, but then… went one step further: she asked for the same set for herself.

“No honey, we’re buying birthday gifts today.”

“BUT WHY??? THAT’S NOT FAIR”

Mom still tried to explain, “Sweetie, its not your birthday. We’re just getting something for your friend.”

“NO. I HATE YOU! YOU’RE THE WORST MOMMY! I DON’T WANT YOU AS MY MOMMY ANYMORE”

After School Checklist Template
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After School Checklist Template

I’ve learned one major thing about picking my kids up after school.

I cannot – by any means – ask them in any sort of cheery voice, “How was your day?”

My nine-year-old daughter recently told me that for some reason that question produces this fiery rage inside of her. She can’t explain it, but it makes her so mad.

I asked my husband about it that night and he said that the question has too many expectations attached to it. If someone really wants to know about your day, they will ask you directly with no fake cheer.

The cheer places too much of a burden on having a happy answer in response and that’s all fake.

OK, I get it.

But then, I realize that the response to anything I ask my kids to do after-school is met with groans and whines.

Why? Are your kids like this too?

Toddler Says Sorry A Lot
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Toddler Says Sorry A Lot

My nine-year-old daughter sighed and stared out the car window at the glow of the street lamps. I could hear the annoyance in her voice.

“I don’t want to talk about it”

Ugh… roadblock. And it had been such a tame conversation.

She told me about how the class had to write a lot that night. Writing during dance class? Totally weird to me. So, I asked her,

“What did you have to write during dance class?”

Bam Total shut down. She clammed up. I had asked one too many questions.

“Ok. That’s fine.” I clenched my jaw. I asked one simple question. Why did she have to treat me like this?

Then, she turned me and said, “I’m sorry.” Not a heartfelt, “I’m sorry.” Rather, the apology dripped with guilt and fear that she had deeply offended me and didn’t want me to be mad at her.

How to win at allowance by NOT paying for chores
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How to win at allowance by NOT paying for chores

I stared at the complicated chore chart that my dad placed on our refrigerator.

42 cents for washing dishes. 20 cents for picking up my room.

When he first pitched this idea to my 10-year-old self, I wanted to do all the chores immediately.

This was my chance to earn $5 a week. Yes, I could do this!

So, I did the dishes. It took me 20 minutes and I didn’t even get enough money to buy a can of soda. Wouldn’t it be simpler to pull that red can of Coke out of our fridge?

That week, I completed a few boxes of chores from that monster list, collected my $1.15 and then ignored the list the next week.

Soon, the chore chart disappeared.

Tween Mood Swings
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Tween Mood Swings

You walk in the door from school. Your nine-year-old comes in after you.

Everything seems fine. She’s happy. All is well and good.

Then, you remind her that the dishwasher needs unloading.

Boom. It’s like something inside her detonates.

“Noooo… I don’t have time to do that. That’s so unfair. I can’t believe you’re making me do this!:

She glares at you, stomps over to the kitchen sink and starts crying.

WHA-ATT just happened? She was happy. I didn’t blame her. I just had a simple request.

Podcast Episode #146: How to Parent Like a Spy with Christina Hillsberg
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Podcast Episode #146: How to Parent Like a Spy with Christina Hillsberg

Have you ever thought that being a parent should carry some training? How about spy training? I mean, who doesn’t want to learn how to parent like a spy? Meet Christina Hillsberg, former CIA agent and author who shares how her training as a spy has influenced her parenting with her 5 kids.

How to Stop Your Kids From Lying without Using Punishment
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How to Stop Your Kids From Lying without Using Punishment

“Mommy, I’m sick. I don’t want to go school”

My preschool son stood in front of me, still wearing his Paw Patrol pajamas. My heart picked up pace.

Anytime my kids are sick, a solid steel ball forms in my stomach.

Is he ok?
Should he go to school?
Or does he need to stay home and rest?
And also, the point I’m less likely to admit:

Am I bad mom sending my child to school when he says he is sick?

Are My Kids Spoiled
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Are My Kids Spoiled

Walking past the Disney store, I see a kid in mid-breakdown.

Her face is red, her eyes are wet.

The woman -I can only assume is her mom – stands above her and repeats, “No, you can’t get a toy from the Disney store.”

“WHY?!?,” the little girl screams, “WHY! It’s not fair! You said we could. It’s not fair!!”

Is this little girl spoiled?