Podcast Episode 265: How to Motivate Your Teen Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn: sometimes this lack of motivation comes from fear and the fear of being uncomfortable and the fear of putting themselves out there. And I think that’s a fear that all of us can relate to, right? Like this fear of the unknown.

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: Why, hello, hello, everybody. How are you?

JoAnn Crohn: I’m trying to give you some of your own medicine by giving you faces over here. Except I’m like death metal.

Brie Tucker: Need your devil horns.

JoAnn Crohn: Devil horns. So something we’re talking about today is a question that we get a lot in our community, like about how do we motivate our teenagers to do something? How do we get them off their screens, out of their rooms and going to actually interact with society?

Brie Tucker: I’m telling you people, I got nothing. I got

JoAnn Crohn: I get

Brie Tucker: I mean, like, it’s, it, it, I do think one thing is that people have to have realistic expectations. And we, and, and I think that’s something that we talk about today, like, it, it’s, sometimes we expect way too much. We expect them to be on our schedule, right?

JoAnn Crohn: Mm hmm. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: to be motivated at our level, and that’s not biologically how it works. We,

JoAnn Crohn: What does motivation mean? Does motivation mean that they’re doing all their chores? Is that what we’re talking about with motivation? Does motivation mean they’re excelling in school or does motivation mean like they’re passionately pursuing something that they’re interested in?

Like what Does it mean? And so I think like, that’s one of the first things we have to talk about, because a lot of people are like, Oh, my team, like is playing video games all day with his friends. Which, yeah, I get that. I think that’s a great activity. I enjoyed doing that as a teen. I was, I was on the original Nintendo, Bri.

Adventure Island 3, that was my jam. Oh my gosh, I knew how to get that secret golden egg right at the end of level 1. That jumped me all the way to level 9. And so it was just focused on level 9. And this was like before, you got like save, like you couldn’t save in your game. On a Nintendo, an original Nintendo, if you lost all your lives, you were done for, and you had to start right over again. So I never actually beat the game. It’s kind of sad story. Sad ending.

Brie Tucker: we, we had a Nintendo, but that was our second. Our first was something called Intellivision. Did you ever know that one?

JoAnn Crohn: I did not have intellivision.

Brie Tucker: Intellivision was like a generic game system that came out between Atari and Nintendo. And it had the one thing I remember playing on it. It had two games. We had Snafu and BurgerTime. Have you

JoAnn Crohn: I know burger time, burger time we had on the Nintendo, but with the power pad, do you know the power

Brie Tucker: Yes, I had the power pad! And I had the little gun for the duck hunting, yes.

JoAnn Crohn: yes the duck hunting well the power pad with burger time like you had to jump on the one and the two to put The patty and then you had to jump back to put the lettuce on like the seven and an eight and then like it was supposed To be like a workout

Brie Tucker: I never, I never had, oh man, I never had BurgerTime on Nintendo. Like, so we had BurgerTime and Snafu, and Snafu was this game, like a snake game where like, the little thing went around. Anyway, I don’t know, like that was, that was my video game lifestyle, and I was not, Good at video games. I still suck at video games.

Like I try, like, that’s my, okay. So talking about our teens, that’s my bonding attempt with my son. He loves games. And, I, he really loved Minecraft when he was younger and got really into the whole Fortnite thing too, when it first came out, I would try to play. And I swear, I am just like those memes.

first of all, we went to go play like Minecraft and I kept falling in a hole and I couldn’t figure out how to get out and I kept getting eaten by zombies and stuff, cause. I kept falling in a hole and he would just sit there and laugh at me and I’m like, help me, I’m getting mad because I’m like, I can’t figure this out. And then we went to like an arcade type place to play Fortnite and I couldn’t get out of the corner. I am like, I am just not coordinated for video games. I like, I

JoAnn Crohn: that hand eye coordination.

Brie Tucker: Tetris is my height is the top of my skill level.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: That’s

JoAnn Crohn: oh, I have something to say about Tetris, but it’ll go down an interesting path. Uh, like I’ve been thinking about video games a lot because I like to play them and I don’t play them right now as an adult. I like. Games with very specific tasks. So like all the games where you just kind of wandering around, like, I just can’t get into them.

I can’t go find my task. I want to know what to do. So like when we, when among us was a big phase, I was the one trying to complete all of my tasks and among us. And I would seriously get mad at people if they killed me before my tasks were done. And among us, do you know what I’m talking about

Brie Tucker: I did not like the Manas, but

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: could not stand that game because yes, I would constantly get killed, and I’m like, oh, this is crap. Like, never mind. Yeah. Yeah. It, you know what? I want to hear people, like, seriously, if you’re listening to this episode, Tell, like, leave us a review and tell us what was your favorite, like, what was your game that you remember from your childhood, your video game that was like your, your shiznit when you were a teenager? What was your thing that you like? I loved, I loved Paperboy too. That was one. And it’s a very specific task. Very specific task.

JoAnn Crohn: I loved it. Yes So we are gonna get into all about inspiring your teen which you know Maybe maybe they want to be inspired about video games after this podcast episode We’re we’re a little inspired to go back and play those video games now But if right now you feel like your teen is unmotivated Stick around.

We’re going to tell you how to motivate them, how to figure out what they’re thinking and, how to develop your relationship with them more. So you don’t feel like you’re so on the outskirts. So let’s get on with the show.

So something cool that we didn’t mention in the intro is we have a brand new no guilt, mom podcast group on Facebook. It is like new this week. If you are listening to this episode, live brand

Brie Tucker: spankin new, brand spankin new, like it still has the new car smell, all the shiny tags. It’s really fun and you guys need to come join us because we’ve got like, there’s some amazing stuff happening this week. As a matter of fact, the day that this episode drops, if I did all my, if I dotted all my, my I’s and crossed all my T’s, we’re going to have a live episode being recorded today that people can join in.

JoAnn Crohn: That’s the cool thing about the group. Like we’re live streaming our podcast episodes in there. So like any questions you have. So if you’re thinking like during this episode, Oh my gosh, I wish they would have covered this. I wish I could have asked them this question. You could be in that group right now.

You could be asking the questions and we work them in, in the podcast episodes. It’s going to be. Frickin cool! And I say this because it has not launched yet.

Brie Tucker: and you can see how much I terrorized JoAnn by making stupid faces and

JoAnn Crohn: Oh my gosh. So much. So much. So much. I kind of just have learned to ignore it. I look at me on the screen instead of Brie. And that’s like my, it’s like this. I, I like. Hold up a wall right there, which you can’t see because you can’t see us unless you go to the podcast group and then you could see us. Uh, but we’re, we’re talking about teens today and so many people are scared of teens.

And, I love the teenage age. I think they are awesome and amazing, especially this generation. Gen Z, they are so spunky, at least like the girls that I see on a regular basis, so spunky, so opinionated, so willing to like fight for what they want and they’re strong and I just admire the heck out of them.

So, you have so much to look forward to when your kids become teenagers, if you’re listening right now and your kid’s a tween and you’re like, oh my gosh, I cannot, I cannot. When they become a teenager, they’re going to be so hard to deal with. And I’ve just not found that to be the case at all.

Brie Tucker: I think that I, I have a similar view, but slightly more, I miss my cuddly kiddos. Like I, so like with my kids, when, so first of all, my kids are 15 months apart. So when things happen in my house, they happen all at once. Like we’re talking about like within a year of each other. So I don’t get that. extra, like, I just, I lost all of them at the same time.

I lost both of them at the same time going into teenage hood. And I do love getting to hang out and have more like adult conversations and getting to do more fun things together. but I do miss them wanting to hang out with me more. Like, it’s funny, like right now. My daughter is like super, super into our relationship.

So that’s really awesome. I’m getting a lot more time with her. My son is a little bit more of the prickly teen boy of like, ah, Bob, you’re so lame. but it is so cool to see them getting into being who they are. And. I will say that every day I get to practice patience on the whole, not trying to make them do what I think that they should be doing.

JoAnn Crohn: That’s a huge thing.

Brie Tucker: it’s a huge thing and it’s hard for me. It is so hard for me because like my role, like I, you know, this, like I am somebody who likes to take charge and likes to have things on a schedule and done a certain way. And I like to know all the details. Of what’s happening that those details make me feel safe and secure.

But, my kids don’t necessarily function the same way, especially because they are teens. And we have learned so much about teens. Like, I love having been part of no guilt mom for all these years, because I feel like I am prepared. Like we have talked to so many experts and, and read so many books about this.

And I feel like coming into the teenage years, I knew what to expect. And so while, again, it’s. It can be a little rough for me sometimes to keep my opinions to myself.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s rough for me to keep my opinions to myself. Oh my gosh. Just so like the first thing with teens that we want to emphasize is if you want to motivate your team, you really have to recognize like their choices and figure out like where they’re coming from and what they’re doing and. I would add to that and say that you are not going to agree with their choices.

It does not mean you have to agree and support everything all the time. Uh, just yesterday, like my daughter, um, my daughter has a spam account and like so many teens have these Instagram spam accounts. And if you’re not familiar with spam accounts, they’re basically, they’re where they post all their unfiltered pictures or where they say stuff that they could get in trouble with. By adults, they could do like anything on there and their public account is very curated. It is what they want to show to the world. Like you’re laughing here. Brie, you

Brie Tucker: I’m just smiling because I think it’s so funny. It is so, like, God, it’s so much work.

JoAnn Crohn: it is so much

Brie Tucker: much work for these kids, like, in this, in this world. But anyway.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, so their spam accounts are usually very, like, locked down. They know every single person who follows them. They only let spec like, specific people in. So, uh, my, uh, my daughter and I have been talking a lot about me, quote unquote, leaving her unheard. Which means like, she talks to me and I don’t respond like, and this has been a back and forth between us so much.

So I posted a reel. She showed me on Instagram and we’ll, we’ll link to the reel. Yeah. And she’s like, mom, I like that guy. Like I enjoy him. He’s funny. Like, why’d you have to make fun of it? And I’m like, I didn’t make fun of it. I just. Gave another point of view because what happened was this guy was complaining that his mom was leaving her him unheard And so he goes to his mom who’s relaxing in her bedroom on her phone and being like, hey mom When are we going to that that thing again?

And the mom is just like ignoring him typing on her phone And he’s like, okay, good mom. Nice talking to you. And I’m like, I know exactly what was going on there because it’s what goes on in our house. I am working. I am writing something in the middle of writing. And my daughter asked me a question right when I’m in the task and I do not want to disrupt my focus in the task. And so then she gets really offended that I leave her unheard and it bugs the crap out of me.

Brie Tucker: because I think they’re, they’re so, uh. Again, this comes back to our, our point that teens are on their own timeline, their own motivation. And like, and let’s just be honest people. Let’s take a moment. Let’s, let’s reflect back to when we were kids and did we not feel like our parents were just so slow,

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah

Brie Tucker: not know what was going on, could not keep up with the times. And yes, I will admit. My 44 year old body is like, I cannot keep up with this shit all the time. Like they are like too much everywhere all the time. Like seriously, when my daughter is like, yeah, I worked till close tonight. I’m like, God, I got to drive out at 11 o’clock at night. I’m like,

JoAnn Crohn: reasonable pushback there. I mean I would feel the same way I’d feel the same way if I was like a teenager having to drive up and pick up a like a friend or like a Sibling for sure.

Brie Tucker: think that, yeah. So like, it’s, it’s common for them to have like that different speed that they are doing things. But with that being said, I think one thing that is really big that we hear, I think as parents in general, a lot of times we’ll be like, because kids aren’t doing things on. Our schedule. So I’m, I’m totally shifting gears on this. So sorry. I’m like, I’m taking the train and I’m turning it on another.

JoAnn Crohn: didn’t finish my story though. I realized I didn’t finish my story because my daughter has a spam account and it left me unheard. Anyways, so she posted a picture of me working and she posts like a little caption, Mom left me unheard again. And she does this in a series of images. This was after. We talked about it and after she knows, like it bugs me because also ADHD, hyper focusing a lot of times I don’t even hear her.

Cause I’m so focused on the task at hand. And so I’m like, I commented under it. I’m like, I know where you sleep and like her friend, her friend, Brooklyn is like typing. She’s like, Ooh, out for blood. Now I’m not the only one bullied by her spam. And I’m like, I could tell why she’s bullied by like, and like, so my daughter got really sad.

She thought me and her friend were ganging up on her. about bullying us on our spam account. But it was all about like, you’re not gonna agree with their choices. And so it doesn’t mean like you just have to accept them. You can put up a fight when we say recognize their choices. Like, it’s just not saying, it’s saying like, Hey, I disagree with it for this way. It’s not saying, You should do this. You should do that. It’s just giving your opinion to it too.

Brie Tucker: So with that being said, I would like us to talk about, like, what. what we should not be doing or what is not helpful when we disagree with their choices and what they’re doing. And let’s talk about that right after this break.

Okay. So I think that a lot of times we don’t agree with our kids choices. We are very quick to label them and it’s, and it’s okay sometimes to label them in a certain way, but I think that we really need to be thoughtful about whether or not we’re saying it in front of them, to them, because it is, like you just said, like, it can be very, very hurtful. I think we tend to give them labels of being lazy,

JoAnn Crohn: Mm

Brie Tucker: being, um,

JoAnn Crohn: inconsiderate

Brie Tucker: yes, being, being rude and considerate, selfish.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: yes, all of those things happen a whole, whole lot and I think that our, the way that our parents dealt with it was, okay, well, if they’re going to be lazy, disrespectful, selfish, whatever, I’m going to threaten them. I’m going to take things away. I’m going to tell them that they aren’t, grateful for stuff and that they’re selfish. And I’m going to tell them that they’re all these things and

JoAnn Crohn: And oh, I think that a lot. I

Brie Tucker: is, there

JoAnn Crohn: I’d be like

Brie Tucker: yeah, there is a regular basis when I like turn to my husband and I’m like, It’s a dickish day in the household. Like,

JoAnn Crohn: mean, like, I think it, I’m like, you were asking me for all this stuff, and then when I ask you for help for cleaning up this little thing, you’re like, in a minute, mom, I’ll get to it later. I’m like, what the, argh!

Brie Tucker: I’m not being left unheard. I’m being left undone. Like, uh, uh, whatever. I don’t know what the right word is for their, like, uncared for.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. Unca like,

Brie Tucker: but it, but it comes down. Yeah. Right. Like, and it, so like the thing that we’re saying is like, we’re not saying that you’re not going to perceive things that way because we are, but we also have to remember that. Well, sometimes we think we know exactly what’s going on and we know exactly what’s going to happen when they go down path A or path B. sometimes we don’t.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, most of the times we don’t, most of the times they have thought out things a lot further than we have given them credit for. like my, my favorite saying is like, whenever I get frustrated with my kids, like, especially my daughter, who’s the teenager. I like bring out my Marge Simpson, you know, how Marge never like yells or anything.

She’s like, like she has a close up and that’s how I feel inside. I’m like, okay. Like I will just turn away because I realized that she is like trying to hit me hard emotionally. She pokes. And I think that’s pretty common in teens. Like if they feel like they’re being manipulated in any way, they will poke you back. 

so my sister just had a baby and I have my first niece and she’s like, Oh my gosh, a girl. And the conversation came up and I’m like, When she’s becomes a teenager, like just come to me because they will hit you in ways that you were not expecting and they will trigger you and bring up all your old insecurities. And that is what is very, very hard about. Raising a teenager,

Brie Tucker: Yeah, oh my god, yes, because, but it’s also seen like this on, on, uh, Instagram lately, like talking about how like your mom is the only person. It was for daughters, at least it was like your mom is the only woman that always is going to want you to do better than them and not that that came out wrong.

JoAnn Crohn: well, no, I know the thing you were talking about though. I know. And I totally disagreed with that comment. I’m like, I don’t want you to do better than me. I want you to take what you, what I learned. I want to help you with what I learned so that you don’t have to go through the same struggles

Brie Tucker: I think

JoAnn Crohn: to feel like you’re all alone

Brie Tucker: I think that’s the same thing, though. Like, I want to I want to give you the knowledge that I didn’t have so that you have a step. Like, I think we all do that, right? Like, don’t we all like we all look back at how our parents raised us. And even if we had the best freaking. Parents in the whole wide world of the best relationship with them.

We still want to do better than our parents did. We still take those pieces that we enjoyed, pass them on and our parenting to our kids, and we take the pieces that we didn’t enjoy and we toss them out. So,

JoAnn Crohn: I think that’s true. And notice, like, if you’re listening right now and you’re like, wait a minute, Joanna and Bri have not gotten to like, how do I inspire my teenager at all? Guess what? Guess what? It’s mostly the relationship you have with your teen. That is like 95 percent of inspiring a teen right there is so that they have a strong Base to come back to whenever they have problems and difficulties, because when we talk about inspiring and motivating our kids, our kids, like, if you go back to like, when you were a teenager, you might like, remember those feelings of not even knowing, like what you want to do in the world, being totally afraid of growing up because you look at like all the money that’s needed to have this life you want and have no idea how you’re going to get it.

I remember being like, so scared. Scared out of my mind to graduate from college because I’m like, I’m not going to find a job. Like, I’m not going to find a job. I can’t even imagine what this generation is where there’s actually like, No jobs.

Brie Tucker: know they’re not leaving your house any time soon.

JoAnn Crohn: So like, just know that it is 95 percent of the relationship. and that is what we’ve talked about so far. We’ve talked about like, make sure not to label them. Make sure, making sure, making, make sure. Do you like how I make up words

Brie Tucker: It’s all good. It’s all good.

JoAnn Crohn: Making sure, uh, to, to like not be triggered by some of their hurtful comments, it’s that base of relationship. And we’re going to get into some actual strategies you can use once you have that base right after this.

Okay, so with teens and motivation, sometimes this lack of motivation comes from fear and the fear of being uncomfortable and the fear of putting themselves out there. And I think that’s a fear that all of us can relate to, right? Like this fear of the unknown.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, yeah, I do think that teens feel it way stronger than we probably did at their age. Because, like we talked a little bit about social media, like they are out there for so many people to see. And I, and I think that the, the judgment. And the fear of that judgment is so much more real to them. Like, you know, like, when we were younger, I feel like you always had that fear, that, or that thought that maybe somebody was saying something behind your back. No, no, these days, you know, you

JoAnn Crohn: you know,

Brie Tucker: know, it’s out there.

JoAnn Crohn: love, I don’t know if I’d enjoy that or not, because if it’s out there, then you know, and you don’t have to like waste any mental brainpower guessing. but I don’t, that’s, that’s kind of beside the point, I think, like, I don’t, I don’t know, honestly. Knowing now,

Brie Tucker: suck no matter which way it goes.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, like usually now as an adult, I just view critical comments as more of a reflection of the person making it than me because it’s, it’s nothing to do with me. Typically,

Brie Tucker: But that’s a skill that takes time, right? And they don’t have that

JoAnn Crohn: that takes time

Brie Tucker: But you can help them build it.

JoAnn Crohn: Yep So most of like this and motivation comes from like fear of the unknown So here’s like a little tactic to take if your child shows like a slight interest in something a slight interest Remove the barriers for them to go and pursue that interest.

So here’s what I’m talking about my daughter She had this little interest in theater You At the beginning of this year, she’s like, Oh yeah, maybe I want to audition, for the fall musical. And I’m like, Oh, that’d be cool. Like I enjoy theater. I know theater’s full of really great people. They’re usually very accepting in theater. and she felt number one, she was worried about the time involved in theater. Number two, she could, she did not have any experience singing and she was very, very scared because the audition included a song. And she went back and forth, back and forth trying to figure out if she would audition or not.

And so it was these small little steps that I tried to remove barriers for her. So like she says, Oh, but I’ll need to be picked up later. Okay. I can make that happen. I can pick you up later. I don’t know what to do with a song. Okay. Well, let’s think about that. Like, I think there’s YouTube voice tutorials and I like looked on YouTube voice lessons on YouTube.

And so she took a few of those on YouTube to feel comfortable. More prepared for the song. Oh, they’re having like this workshop. I still don’t know if I want to do this. I’m like, well, you know, it’s not like a big commitment. Just go try the workshop. Just go see. It’s like one day after school. And it’s all those little steps that they take that build their confidence because they realize that here we go into something and we don’t have much of a commitment with it.

Like for instance, that acting workshop or the audition workshop, she goes for a few hours and what happens during those few hours is she goes with two of her friends. And they’re in a circle, she says, and they all like take turns reading from the script in the circle. Two, there’s two of her friends got completely scared and left the room and refused to read in front of everybody.

And she was like, okay, I could do this. This isn’t, this isn’t such a big deal. and in that little workshop, she realized that she was actually more well suited for this than she thought. Now, it could have been, you know, It could have been completely the opposite. She could have been like terrified there.

There she knows theaters, not for her, but like either way, it’s just convincing them to take little small steps because they don’t need to have their whole life plan ahead of them. Like we don’t have our whole life plan ahead of us. like, all we need to know is the next step we take. And that’s what we’re trying to convince our kids to do. Just take that next step and see, and then make another decision after that.

Brie Tucker: And I think that that really ties into like, it helps at like that builds their self esteem by letting them try those new things. So another thing that we didn’t say that I think needs to be said is recognize that kids have choices. They can choose to do things or not do them. It is really 100 percent up to them.

Like, we cannot force them to, to do something. Like, an example in my, in my household of, of that is like, one of my kiddos studies like there is no tomorrow. Because that kiddo wants to get straight A’s and that is very important to that child. The other one, Won’t study like just doesn’t just doesn’t study not nothing and that child Gain, straight A’s is not important to that child now I have pointed out to that child many many times you realize that you have all A’s and like two really high B’s Uh huh I’m like and I realized that you don’t study for a single dang thing you do and that child’s like Yep, and I’m like imagine what it would be like if you ever tried to like apply you Yourself like, and like, you actually really want it. If you, I, and I think actually the, the way I put it often is like, when you find something that’s really interesting to you, you’re going to be amazing at it

JoAnn Crohn: There you go. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: I know you’re like, Oh, I’m not sure about the way you’re talking about Brie. I’m like, you’re going to do amazing because you’re going to actually apply yourself. And if you can do this well, without doing any extra work, imagine what it’s going to be like when you are like totally committed to And you know what that kid did last night? Studied for three hours for their AP test, which they had absolutely no intention of studying for whatsoever. And, I was just like, wow, what made you decide to do this?

And, and that kiddo was just like, I’m just going to see what I can do. And then came home, came home the next day and was like, I’m like, so how do you think you did in your AP test? Two days before that, the person that that kiddo had said, like, I think I’ll, I’ll probably get like a, a three came back. It was like, Oh.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I think I might have a five, like a four or five. I mean, like I, there was not a single thing on that, on that test. I did not know. And I’m like, wow. And, and I’m trying not to say pronouns. And the child said, yeah, like studying really like it made it so that I, I was, it was so much easier. I had no idea it was going to be this easy. And I’m like, uh huh.

JoAnn Crohn: glad they decided to test that out. But it was like, so not under your control. It was something that they had to decide

Brie Tucker: could’ve taken it away, like, and I’m not saying that that works in every single scenario, but I’m just saying, forcing that child to, to study, wouldn’t have gone very well, would’ve been a test of wills, like, Kid could have sat there on their bed and stared at the wall for three hours because I was like, you’re not leaving your room because you need to study all night. Like it, you can’t recognize that they have choices.

JoAnn Crohn: made them quit their job, change the wifi password, like take all of these things away from them and it would still be a battle of wills and it wouldn’t have been the most productive way to

Brie Tucker: Yeah. And it was still their choice at the end of the day, like what they were going to do and made a choice that I was very happy with. Finally, after like two years of not.

JoAnn Crohn: I had a situation like that when I was a high schooler, which I always referenced, like I was so into this club, Odyssey of the Mind, and we had just won regionals and we’re going to go to state. And. I loved it. I loved it so much. It was performing. It was problem solving. It was everything. and then I got a C in my English class, freshman year.

And my dad took me out of odyssey of the mind. And I just remember just bawling and crying on the floor when I had to call them and be like, I can’t come to state because I got a C and. I’m still mad about that. I’m still mad at him. I’m still mad Did I get a B and A’s and B’s for the rest of high school?

Yeah, I did. Did I learn anything? No, I did not. I did the bare minimum The bare minimum. I like worked the system and I mean, maybe that was a way to work the system. I don’t know, but I don’t think like long term benefits. I’m more angry than anything else for that situation. Even now when I see like, okay, well, JoAnn, but you went to college and I don’t care. I don’t care. I think that could have

Brie Tucker: You would have gone to college anyways. Like did it really make any, any big difference other than make it so that you had like less trust?

JoAnn Crohn: actually my, like, my, my decision right then. I’m like, I’m going away for college. There’s no way I’m dealing with this crap anymore.

Brie Tucker: Oh.

JoAnn Crohn: would hear this. She’d be like, Oh, I’m gonna get your father.

Brie Tucker: The things they get by listening to this podcast.

JoAnn Crohn: But you feel so disrespected like and I think that’s what we forget about kids is like we We want this relationship for the long term. We want them to trust us. We want them to rely on us And we don’t get that through punishment and taking things away So if you’re right now thinking about inspiring your kid and one of the things you’re considering is taking something away that they love Don’t do it. In fact, I would say look at those things they love and find out what it is about them that sparks them and encourage them to dive deeper into those

Brie Tucker: Yes. And like, I think that’s another really important strategy. Dig deeper with your kids. Find out what they’re thinking. Find out what they’re wanting and then I think a big piece next is like and how can I support you in that? I tend to be really big right and you know this like I tend to be real big on like I’m gonna do XYZ Like I come up with all the ideas first of all that takes away all the power from my kid And then I get mad at them for not doing stuff.

Why would they do it? Mom always does it. Like, I don’t, why do I need to take initiative? Mom’s going to take care of it. So first of all, like by you giving them all the solutions, you’re making it so that they don’t need to be innovative and they don’t need to come up with solutions for starters, right there. Like you’re, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.

JoAnn Crohn: Exactly.

Brie Tucker: Second of all, it teaches them or it can teach them that they, that you don’t believe that they can come up with it on their own. Which is kind of also back into that whole, like, learned helplessness that a lot of us, I don’t know.

I feel like that’s been like a thing that we’ve talked about, like, in society a lot lately, and maybe on social media, like the learned helplessness or weaponized helplessness, all that. And then also, it just, it is you coming up with the solutions that work in your life, in your mind, not theirs. And they may have had something way better, or what you think is the problem isn’t really the problem.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, there’s so much. There’s so much, so many things like we can dig into in this. So we want to hear from you, join our new podcast group. Tell us what you think of this episode. Give us your comments. Give us your stories. Tell us your favorite video games from the nineties.

Like we started out with, and let us know how we can help you. We put the link to the group right below this episode and we can’t wait to see you there.

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Or you can just search No Guilt Mom Podcast. That’s the name of our group. Pretty easy to find. We like to make things simple,

JoAnn Crohn: It is on Facebook. So until next time remember the best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by. 

Brie Tucker

COO/ Podcast Producer at No Guilt Mom
Brie Tucker has over 20 years of experience coaching parents with a background in early childhood and special needs. She holds a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Missouri and is certified in Positive Discipline as well as a Happiest Baby Educator.

She’s a divorced mom to two teenagers.

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