Podcast Episode 377: Screen Time Without the Guilt: Creating a Balanced Tech Plan for Summer Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Brie Tucker (00:01)

So we are here to tell you that having a goal of zero or very little screen time during the summer might be a detriment to your kids of learning how to live alongside the technology as they get older. Why not teach them how to use tech to their advantage as well as for your advantage?

JoAnn Crohn (00:25)

Welcome to the No Get Mom podcast. I’m your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the brilliant Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:32)

Why hello hello everybody how are you? I was hoping you would say mischievous –

JoAnn Crohn (00:36)

Mischievous? That doesn’t have an alliteration, Brie. 

Brie Tucker (00:41)

Be getting me in trouble. There you go!

JoAnn Crohn (00:44)

So why are you feeling mischievous today?

Brie Tucker (00:47)

It’s been a struggle this morning. As I’ve mentioned briefly on a couple of episodes, my daughter got a puppy a couple of months back, and today he is extremely rambunctious. He is getting into everything. He’s clawing, he’s digging, he’s chewing, he’s squeaking, and it’s making me feel mischievous myself. We’ll just say that.

JoAnn Crohn (01:09)

It would make me want to scream.

Brie Tucker (01:12)

It wouldn’t be a big deal if we weren’t recording. people, have to feel my pain. Every time I hear him digging or squeaking something, which you may hear in the background of this episode, I’m constantly trying to get to the mic to mute it as fast as I can so I don’t hear squeaking in the background or digging or growling or whining. I have nobody else to babysit the puppy today. My daughter’s at work. She has two jobs this summer. I’m very happy she’s being responsible, but I’m tired of babysitting my furry grandchild.

JoAnn Crohn (01:42)

Yeah,

I wouldn’t like that. No way. No.

Brie Tucker (01:45)

You know what? I wish the puppy would watch a screen.

JoAnn Crohn (01:49)

Yeah, there’s a segue. If only you could put the puppy in front of an app and have the puppy be entertained because that’s what we’re talking about today. All the screen time that comes with summer break because this is a huge guilt inducer for so many moms out there. So if you’re listening right now and you’re like, my gosh, my kid is spending so much time on screens. I feel like such a bad parent. I should be making these enriching activities for them. They should be making their own meals. They should be doing all these things.

Don’t worry, we got some solutions for you. You’re gonna feel a lot better at the end of this episode. So let’s get on with the show.

to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids. We’re going to have fun doing it. We’re going to help you delegate and step back. Each episode, we’ll tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process. Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. ⁓

JoAnn Crohn (03:01)

It was interesting, Brie. We were just having this discussion on a balance coaching call yesterday about one of our members just is going crazy. She works from home and her three kids spend all day long on their screens. And she lives in Ohio on a farm property. And I mean, when I describe this to you, Bri, you’d be like, this sounds like heaven because we’re here in Arizona where the temperatures get so high. And she’s here in Ohio with green grassy fields.

temperatures, highs in the 80s, there’s a stream going through her property. And I mean, it sounds like heaven from an Arizona observer.

Brie Tucker (03:40)

Well, it also sounds like a place where kids can get into a lot of mischief, in my opinion. Good mischief. Good mis- But still mischief.

JoAnn Crohn (03:50)

That’s her thought as well, but like not mischief. She just wants them to go outside and explore. And she brought this up with our 14 year old and their answer is we’ve explored everything already,

Brie Tucker (04:05)

Let’s explore some summer jobs! No, let’s explore some new chores since you’re apparently –

JoAnn Crohn (04:12)

Well, as you know, there’s like, are 14, 12 and 11. Okay. Anytime that you as a parent initiate something like chores, you have to monitor the chores. You have to follow up on the chores to make sure they’re done. And she works full time. It’s such a problem with so many families. It’s unfair, first of all.

Brie Tucker (04:30)

gets all the crap.

JoAnn Crohn (04:31)

Well, then mom gets all the crap and that also like we live in one of the wealthiest nations in the entire world. Why isn’t there affordable childcare that we could sign our kids up to that we don’t have to start planning in January to attend, nor that costs $400, $500 a week per child?

Brie Tucker (04:50)

You also mentioned there’s also the restrictions of your location. Yeah. Talking about the farm setup. That’s awesome. That’s great. I see a lot of benefits to that. Having lived out in the rural area where we didn’t even have house numbers. We didn’t have house numbers, JoAnn, where I originally grew up. And I’m talking like, remember all this, but I was four. So most of this comes from my parents. But I mean, like when you live out that far, you don’t always even have house numbers. It’s like, I’m the third house on the left from the blue one. So.

Location can make it difficult as well, getting things available there. So you have to work with what you have. And we’re here to pull away the guilt of trying to make the summer work when you are the default parent that is there with the kids during summer break and everybody’s schedule gets upheaved.

JoAnn Crohn (05:39)

I want to though reduce the expectations that moms are putting on themselves. Okay. this is not how life is supposed to be. No one should be expected to focus on a full-time job and take care of their kids at the same time at home. It is almost impossible. And I just want to like peel back the curtain recently. As my kids have gotten older, I have regained so much focus that I didn’t even know was missing.

Brie Tucker (05:48)

true.

JoAnn Crohn (06:06)

Just because I don’t have to react to all their demands anymore or drive people places. mean, my daughter having her driver’s license as a 16 year old is a complete game changer. much of my time. The other day I sent her grocery shopping. It was amazing.

Brie Tucker (06:27)

Let me know how you got her to do that. Actually, no, I know how your daughter is just a little bit more. I can’t even get my kids. I’ll be like, can you please run to the store and get X, Y, Z? And they’ll be like, nah, I don’t feel like it. I’m like, yeah, but I need this for you. And they’ll be like, nah, I don’t need it. I don’t need it. And then you know what? The next day, where’s this? Where’s X, Y, and Z? Well, remember when you refused to go get it for me?

JoAnn Crohn (06:50)

She was stomping through the house being like, I’m bored. I’m like, well, know, dad missed a few things. First, enemy. Not that my husband’s an enemy, but you know, when you’re in terms of convincing and motivation, common enemy.

Brie Tucker (07:01)

When you’re trying to get the kids on your side, need a common enemy. I getcha.

JoAnn Crohn (07:05)

I’m sorry, Josh, I threw you under the bus.

Brie Tucker (07:09)

I know he would, he’d be like, throw away.

JoAnn Crohn (07:11)

I was like, you know, dad missed a few things on a shopping trip. You know, the things that you wanted. He got the wrong true fruit. And he also like got the wrong size tortillas I need for recipes. So you’d be helping me out there. So there we go. She’s on my side to help me out. And if you go, you can go get like a sweet treat for yourself at the grocery store, whatever you want to get. And she was like, clean. Okay.

Brie Tucker (07:36)

swing by to Starbucks, you know?

JoAnn Crohn (07:38)

So I want to tell that story because when my kids were like, well, then I don’t know, seven, that was their age gap. I did not have that freedom or flexibility. was driving to summer programs to drop them off. I was coordinating play dates where I could maybe get some work done at the jump park with my headphones on as they went and jumped on trampolines. I was doing all those things.

And I did not have the focus necessary. And if I had worked for another employer, I’m sure I would have gotten fired. I mean, the fact that I work for myself and I’m like, I’ll just do that a little bit later or I’ll work on the weekend. Yeah. So just to say screen time, if you’re struggling with it right now and if you see your kids on the couch and you’re like, my gosh, why won’t they just do something? Just know the reality of the situation is incredibly difficult.

Brie Tucker (08:26)

It is. like we are here to let you guys know that in general as moms, we have too much placed on our shoulders during the summer. There are plenty of stay at home dads too, and that’s awesome and that’s great. But the truth of the matter is the majority of the time it falls on mom, whether or not she’s working from home. And I mean, working from home for an outside employer or for herself as an entrepreneur or working at home in terms of being the chief engineer at home, the one who is taking care of the family, you’re still trying to maintain your family and your household the way you did while your kids were in school during the year and you had a little bit of time off. You’re still trying to get all that stuff done along with watching your kids 24 seven, making meals, doing all the jazz. And we’re here to tell you that it’s okay.

JoAnn Crohn (09:19)

I want to counter another crappy expectation as well. ⁓

Brie Tucker (09:22)

You’re just countering, countering. What’s next?

JoAnn Crohn (09:24)

I’m feisty. I’m feisty. You are feisty. Okay. This woman’s husband, she was talking to him about the screen time. his response was, well, you’re their mom. They should just do what you say.

Brie Tucker (09:26)

Okay, let me know where that button is. Can I switch that mode? Do I like pull up their hair and in the back there’s like a mode button like listen to mom, not listen to mom. Demon child. Is that the three settings?

JoAnn Crohn (09:55)

We’re talking about lived experience here. So if somebody says that to you, they do not have the lived experience of taking care of children and focusing on their own stuff at the same time. They don’t.

Brie Tucker (10:04)

For a long period of time, in my opinion, anybody can step into it for a day or two and feel, now I’m not saying everybody does, but anybody can make it work for the short term. It’s making it work for the long term. And when I say long term, we’re talking more than a couple of days. We’re talking summer vacation. We’re talking longer.

JoAnn Crohn (10:28)

Even like short term. So like I go away from time to time for like three days, four days for like a business trip or girl’s trip or whatever. And when I come back, everything is good. Everything is golden, but my husband is ready to lose his frickin mind. And he’s like, I don’t know how you do it. We don’t have a set schedule, but he does know, hey, I’m not gonna leave a giant mess for my wife to come back to because number one, she would kill me. Number two, like

Guys, I’m scary. I’m sorry. But also, there’s a bit of a pushback to that because when we say short term, people can make it work for short term. They’re not really making it work short term. Exactly.

Brie Tucker (11:10)

Mm-hmm, that’s where I was going.

JoAnn Crohn (11:12)

Yeah, because they leave a mess for you to clean up with. That’s not help. That’s not help.

Brie Tucker (11:19)

Or even better in my first marriage if I was gone, which was very rare. could think of it three times I had to leave without my husband and left him with the kids for an overnight. Never longer than two days. No, wait, one of them was three days. But regardless, I’d come back, there’d be a mess to take care of. Yeah. But his opinion would be like, I did it. I don’t know why you make it sound so hard. And I’m like, okay.

`

JoAnn Crohn (12:06)

So as we start this discussion about screen time, just know that if your kids are on the screens like 24 seven, and you’re feeling guilty about it, girl, it’s okay. They’re on screens, you are doing so, so much. But if you want some suggestions, and you really, really want to get them off screens and exploring a little bit more, we have them for you too. And we’re going to get into them right after this.

So in terms of parenting, we come at you with a very realistic view of parenting. You know, go and you hear experts who talk about like, here’s the best benefits for kids and here are why kids are anxious and da da da da. But I feel like all of those experts have a very narrow view of the situation where they mean the best. They know their topic area, anxiety in screens maybe or ADHD and screens, anything that they talk about, but they’re not looking at the entire picture, the entire ecosystem. And part of that ecosystem is you. You are important in this ecosystem.

Brie Tucker (13:10)

You deserve to have some brain time too.

JoAnn Crohn (13:13)

Yes!

If you’re doing everything in your parenting just for your kids and you are like, silently suffering or maybe not so suddenly suffering and losing it. It’s not working. Regardless of what all the research and data says about what’s best for kids just know you need to be part of the equation too. ⁓ yeah, here in balance here in no guilt mom, we really look at parenting.

being more less about the perfect parenting and more about the parenting that is sustainable for you, that makes you happy as a person, gives you a great relationship with your kids, teaches them how to self direct, but it’s not perfect.

Brie Tucker (13:55)

And I have to run in on this too, like since we’re talking about screen time, I feel like, and I’m part of the problem, I’m going to 100 % admit that when in my previous life, when I started my career, I did parent education, follow-up, all that kind of stuff. And when I did that, one of the big current research suggestions was that, you you limit the time that your kids are on screens. And yes, that is very true for newborns.

babies, you don’t want them in front of a TV or a screen 24-7, you do want to limit it during that time where their brain is going through 90 % of its development. However, tech is part of modern life people. But like us trying to limit their screen time to that unrealistic expectation of we’re going to have no screens, or we’re going to have it where they only get 20 minutes a day and it’s only going to be educational games.

JoAnn Crohn (14:38)

It is. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (14:53)

Like it does depend on the age group. Let’s start with that. But in my personal parenting opinion, you’re doing your children somewhat of a disservice by trying to act as if tech can be avoided in their everyday life. It’s not going to be. We’re telling you as ghosts of kids future that your kids are going to have to have tech. They’re going to have it as early as like elementary school moving forward. They’re going to have to know how to do this stuff.

JoAnn Crohn (15:17)

And history repeats itself and this same kind of fear that we see around screens, the same thing happened when the publishing press became a thing and the printing press started printing books and people worried about kids’ minds getting ruined by all of this literature that they were reading and they were just sitting there not interacting with anyone else but reading their books.

Brie Tucker (15:41)

Okay, that’s hilarious.

JoAnn Crohn (15:43)

It was a thing. it’s like, when you look at that compared to our fears right now about screens, you have to see it’s kind of the same. They were concerned about kids being exposed to different ideals and values that weren’t their own values or being exposed to things that they weren’t ready for. a computer. Sounds familiar, right? They were concerned about the lack of socialization among the youth who were

Brie Tucker (16:04)

Sounds familiar, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (16:12)

Lack of socialization among the youth who were caught up in their books. That’s the same thing that’s going on now. Think about what we think of books today. We would love for our kids to be just reading all day. I I think we would all consider ourselves the best parents ever if they were reading all day.

Brie Tucker (16:26)

Well, I had that kid. That was my oldest when I would say pretty much from the time he learned to read until about seventh grade. I had one kid who wanted to be social. My daughter, your daughter, they loved hanging out, but my son would be like, I’ll just sit in my room and read a book. I’m good. And he struggled with getting those social connections done. But trust me, I’m glad he was a reader. That was the worst thing the teachers would tell me at parent teacher conference.

He’s a delight to have in class. He just constantly hides books and reads, and then he’s not paying attention to the lesson.

JoAnn Crohn (17:00)

I would hide the book under my desk and I would read while the teacher was talking because

Brie Tucker (17:05)

But reading a textbook. But reading. So.

JoAnn Crohn (17:08)

Dawn in the babysitter’s club was so much more interesting than my fourth grade teacher.

Brie Tucker (17:12)

My son was really into the fantasy world with like dragons and magic and all of that. Right. So our point is again that we are here to tell you that screen time is helpful. First of all, screen time is helpful regardless, but there are things like you said that you can do to make it feel like it’s not taking over your kids and that you’re not doing those things that you talked about. They’re not being exposed to things that they’re not ready for yet.

JoAnn Crohn (17:18)

That’s cool.

Brie Tucker (17:40)

They’re not being exposed to anything that you’re not familiar with. And I want to say that rather than values that you don’t, because I think one thing that we’ve talked about this month is how sometimes we can overgeneralize things. Yeah. And we can assume that a certain message is being pushed because we aren’t familiar with it ourselves.

JoAnn Crohn (17:59)

Yeah, even with the phrase information your kids aren’t ready for yet. I would put just porn in that category because there’s not much out there. I mean, porn violence, violence against women, violence in general, but even like the violence in video games and stuff and the cartoon violence, it’s really a spectrum. You can’t define it very well. I think that there’s more fears when it comes to screen time use and there is actual data suggesting that it is bad.

you know, some of the arguments that we’ve heard, Bri, our advice from our pediatricians when our kids were that age was, ⁓ don’t let them watch TV. And now I feel like TV is more of a thing of the past. I was thinking about this and I don’t know if you could talk to like a four year old or a five year old and be like, what’s your favorite TV show? Because everything they have is on streaming. it’s on YouTube. Yeah.

Even Bluey’s on streaming really. I we don’t sit down and watch a TV show like we used to and see all those commercials and want all the bazillion things.

Brie Tucker (19:00)

I do think that that has definitely changed. With that being said, we’re going to share with you guys, first of all, we’re hoping that you’re getting out of this that screen time is not your enemy. It’s not your enemy. It isn’t. It’s another piece of the puzzle of life that we have to figure out how to integrate well. After this break, we’re going to give you guys some light framework that you can use based on your kid’s age to be able to use screen time to your advantage during these.

rough summer break months with your kids.

JoAnn Crohn (19:32)

Well, that would be delightful, Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (19:34)

Yes, that won’t make you pull your hair out.

JoAnn Crohn (19:36)

And we’ll get to it right after this.

Brie Tucker (19:42)

Let’s break this down by age groups because if there’s one thing that I think that we both definitely know from personal experience is that screen time looks different based on how old your kids are. Reaching back into our past, we’re going to start with the preschooler type age. The age where three to five ish, your kid is at home, needs a lot of interaction, a lot of adult supervision to some extent.

JoAnn Crohn (20:13)

also known as the most exhausting age.

Brie Tucker (20:16)

Yes, yes. And I’m not saying that you have to be with them 24-7, but you do have to be aware of what they’re doing pretty much all the time.

JoAnn Crohn (20:24)

They can be very creative. Yeah. destructive manner. ⁓ my god.

Brie Tucker (20:28)

Yes, they can be like puppies people. Anyway, so some of the big things that you could do is first of all, this is the big reason that they suggest or at least in research in the past and it suggested not to do screen time with little kids. It’s because they’re not getting their main mode of learning, which is through interaction back and forth. So hey, what we’re telling you is let them have screen time. But if you can co view with them, watch it with them.

talk to them, ask questions. ⁓ wow, why do you think they did that? ⁓ man, I would be feeling the same way if I were bluey right there. Or have them watch one of those shows that is interactive. I’m going to reach back really far here. Dora the Explorer. ⁓

JoAnn Crohn (21:13)

I’m gonna go for Dora.

Brie Tucker (21:15)

A lot of the viewing made for three to five year olds is call in responsive these days. A lot of things are like that, or just have them have short bursts of using it. Maybe it’s every hour we’re gonna do 15 minutes or something, whatever you want, whatever works for you and your family.

JoAnn Crohn (21:34)

Or put on a show like Sesame Street. mean, Sesame Street was originally created to teach kids to read who couldn’t access early childhood programs.

Brie Tucker (21:43)

Okay, I feel bad I did not know that. Yeah. I’ve never questioned why it started.

JoAnn Crohn (21:47)

well, it was PBS Public Broadcasting System and yeah.

Brie Tucker (21:50)

That makes sense, brought to you by the letter E. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (21:53)

Yeah, an educational tool for kids. And kids would learn the ABCs and everything off of Sesame Street. So it’s an example of how screens like they’re not evil. They’re not evil at all. And of course, interacting with humans is a great, great thing. But also, you can be exposed to so many different situations and environments and family make ups through entertainment.

and through education. Most of this stuff is an art form. the purpose of art, I’m gonna get real deep here, because we’re talking about three to five year olds, so I do know my audience. But the purpose of art and entertainment is to stir human emotions. And so there is a value there. So that’s my whole thing was screen time, not being evil.

Brie Tucker (22:41)

This is going to lead us into the next age group that is your jam because now we’re going to talk about elementary school kind of like the earlier elementary, kindergarten through fourth, fifth grade timeframe.

JoAnn Crohn (22:54)

Yeah, I like the older elementary, but elementary.

Brie Tucker (22:57)

but this first tip is definitely one that I’ve heard you talk about. Start building media literacy. And that’s like asking those questions.

JoAnn Crohn (23:07)

It’s starting. is this true? Is this what this is being presented? Is this right? And those are questions that will serve you all throughout their childhood because I was just having a conversation actually with my 11 year old son and he’s like, Hey mom, did you know cheating next year is going to be illegal? And I’m like, tell me more about this. And he’s like, yeah, they’re going to make it a law that if you’re married and you cheat on your spouse, you’re going to go to jail. And I’m like, what?

And I’m like, and where did you hear this? no, some article. Find that article. I don’t think that’s true. I haven’t heard anything like that. But that is an example of media literacy. It’s knowing that when you hear something, do you trust it or do you not trust it? And these are conversations that you can start when they’re in early elementary.

Brie Tucker (23:58)

Yeah, because they’re really interested in finding out the facts at that age. They are so interested in finding the facts. So that’s a big one right there. And another one too for that age group is they can read time to some extent. Most kids can read a digital clock or they start working on that in like kindergarten, first grade. So this age group, they are familiar with at least the concept of time, if not able to read a clock. So you can start using those timers or.

pointing out to things and they’re going to be able to maintain it without you as much. Okay, you have five minutes, you have 10 minutes and you were using something with your family. I never ended up doing this, but I loved it. You use some of the parental options on your devices. yeah. it limits their time.

JoAnn Crohn (24:44)

We had Google Family Link, which it was called at the time, where all you do is you sign on through your Google account and it’ll shut off their device after a specific timeframe. And usually those times were not hard times with us. We would have 30 minutes and then our kids would come to us and say like, here’s what I was doing. Here’s what I want more time for. And that would just be the chance to have a conversation.

Brie Tucker (25:06)

And you know what else I love about that right there? Just sorry to interrupt him, so excited. You gave your child the opportunity to practice defending their opinion. Yeah. Defending their thought process, which is a fantastic, fantastic skill to have.

JoAnn Crohn (25:23)

It is fantastic. It is hard as a parent sometimes to have kids who are that good at defending their thought process because they will usually use that against me and my husband. I’m very stubborn. I’m much more easily swayed. They know how I can be swayed. But yeah, they have to say what they’re doing. And it’s not like they have to defend anything. They just explain that that was also a time for me to be like, OK, how are you feeling mentally? How’s your brain feeling? Are you tired? What have you watched? Have you seen?

And I could then notice also if they were a little cranky. And if they were a little cranky, I’d be like, let’s take a break right now. Or I see some dishes on the counter. How about you go and take care of your chores and then I can give you more screen time. So it’s just an easy way where I did not have to go in and shut it off and then have an immediate tantrum. But they had to come and negotiate with me and make friends with me and make me happy.

before they continued their screens. And that’s a much different dynamic for you to deal with. ⁓

Brie Tucker (26:24)

Which actually leads us into our older elementary. Because I mean, honestly, because the skills you’re talking about, they flow right into that. Okay, now we’re talking about fifth grade through junior high. You talked about, and this is a big one that I feel like this is the sweet spot to be introducing this to them for sure. How does this make you feel? Yep. How do you feel after spending that time?

JoAnn Crohn (26:35)

Mhm.

How do you feel? Exactly. And the self-regulation. So for example, my son’s almost 12. He does not have screen time limits anymore on his devices because we see him be able to control his, not really even control his screen time use, more like how it affects him and the content he’s viewing. He’s very into sports right now. He’s playing a lot of Madden on the Xbox, which I can’t say with a straight face because my last name’s Madden and I still don’t get that. and he plays Roblox. There’s like a lot of football games on Roblox, which by the way, Roblox has very much increased their graphics ability. Really? Oh yeah. He’s playing this game. I’m like, this is Roblox. This is amazing.

Brie Tucker (27:34)

I remember when roblox like just came out.

JoAnn Crohn (27:37)

They’ve gotten better, but it’s like a football game. It’s not even like role-playing. It’s just a general football game. So we learn just through going through it with my daughter and she gets mad at us all the time because her brother got a cell phone earlier than she did. He has no screen time limits on his phone earlier than she did. And it’s just part of being second child instead of the first child. Like, yeah, a little bit more about what we are doing with it. Right. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (28:02)

I think that is 100 % true. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves with that first kid to get it right. Yeah. And there is something to be said about figuring out what were those hills that you didn’t need to die on that you like held. So again, like I think because also you started this, you started it because your daughter was getting into the media. So you needed to learn how to start doing this. You figured it out. And because the path that you chose in your family, which is where you started at a younger age than with your son. You’re like, geez, I’m already doing this with my daughter. I might as well do some pre skills with my son. Now at the same age as your daughter, he’s further ahead because you started sooner on these skills.

JoAnn Crohn (28:45)

It’s true. I was just going to say like he saw the whole thing happen through my daughter and he was in those conversations as a young child. And so he has a lot of screen time. I will say that there’s a lot of screen time. However, right now it doesn’t really bother me because school just got out. His school was pretty demanding. He gets pretty stressed in school time. He’s like the happiest kid right now. Just being able to like do his own thing and like football stuff.

and he wishes we lived in a cooler climate so he could go outside.

Brie Tucker (29:16)

I know, I know. For those that don’t know, summer in Phoenix is the winter for everywhere else. We don’t go outside because we burn ourselves. So we stay indoors as much as we can.

JoAnn Crohn (29:30)

It’s a big production to go outside.

Brie Tucker (29:32)

It is, it’s a lot. So again, for that older elementary, if you haven’t had the conversation before, it’s okay. You can still start now. You come up with those agreed upon limits, let them have a piece of the conversation with you and help determine things. They will have so much more buy-in if they felt like they were heard and that they’re being heard and they’re being respected on their opinions.

JoAnn Crohn (29:53)

Let’s talk about those teens. Yes.

Brie Tucker (29:56)

Yes, let’s move into teens because this is where it gets interesting.

JoAnn Crohn (30:00)

This is where gets a little interesting because you can’t really restrict teens to the same amount that you can kids. We’re running into an issue right now with my son. He very much wants discord, really wants discord. And I don’t know much about discord, my husband does. And he’s very against my son getting discord because it’s completely unmoderated by an outside company who actually has to be held accountable to certain standards for minors.

Roblox at least is moderated by the outside company who’s accountable to those things. Discord, anyone can be on there. And it’s getting into that area now where my son is getting older and he’s not seeing why we’re restricting him. He’s like, don’t you trust me? And we’re like, ⁓ it’s not about trust, but you do have a point where like, we’re gonna have to figure out how to do this and let you have it because the reason he wants it is his friends.

had formed servers of fantasy football and he really wants to be involved in the fantasy football.

Brie Tucker (31:01)

That’s what I was going to say. Like it’s, you’ve got that struggle when they get into teens because they’re going to start asking to do things that their friends are on. And we’re not saying that you need to say absolutely no or absolutely yes. There is a middle ground. So for teens, you’re going to use collaborative rule setting, asking for their input.

And asking them to, again, like what you talked about earlier, defend their opinion, okay? And why do you see Discord as something that you need? And then you then present your side of it. This is why we don’t want you on Discord. That’s one example, but you’ll have conversations and then you guys are gonna come up with something where you feel comfortable. I think the most important thing when it comes to teens is to let them know, because I always say this, God knows I love my teens, but.

Teens are just preschoolers with better vocabulary.

JoAnn Crohn (31:58)

They went up because you used to say toddlers with better vocabulary.

Brie Tucker (32:01)

Alright so Toddlers, preschoolers they’re still the same. They’re all in the same realm to me. Like they’re under five but with a better vocabulary. So what I mean by that is that teens like to make things long lasting. Oh well you said on January 3rd at 4 45 p.m. that I could do xyz.

JoAnn Crohn (32:23)

The memory of an elephant.

Brie Tucker (32:25)

I know, right? Except for the memory when it comes to getting the chores done, but that’s okay. Emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, whatever. I’m not bitter. We’ll just say having that collaborative conversation that also includes, and I have the right to change this as I see appropriate based on what is happening. If I start to see concerning behavior, if I go on Discord and I read something that incredibly inappropriate that popped up on your Discord, the rules will change.

JoAnn Crohn (32:54)

It’s true. We had screen time protections on my daughter and we took them off for high school because we’re like, you know what, you’re going to need to start managing this yourself and figuring out how to make this work. And she was having trouble. She was staying up until midnight because she was watching TikToks. And so all we did with that is I just brought up the discussion over and over again. Are you getting enough sleep? Do you think you’re getting enough sleep? And she was like, mom, stop talking about sleep.

stop it until she realized that on a school break when she was able to sleep in until 10. Yeah, I’m in such a better mood. Like, why do you think that is? Probably because I’m sleeping more. I’m like, and so she asked for the screen time protections to be put back on for a little bit. They’re off now. Now that she’s a senior, they’re off. She knows how it affects her.

Brie Tucker (33:47)

Yeah, but it took time to get there.

JoAnn Crohn (33:49)

Yeah, it took time to get there and she needed to put them back on for a few months. And that’s not a failure. That’s just realizing that, I need a little more structure regulating and that’s fine.

Brie Tucker (34:01)

Wait a minute, is that also using technology in a way to help your life? Yes, it is. It’s realizing that, okay, I’m having a hard time being on this app too much. I’m going to put a restriction on. I did that for myself. I actually have a social media restriction on my phone. Now, I will say this. I hate that it puts life 360 in there because I constantly have to turn it off and be like, ignore the time limit on life 360. I’m sorry. I need to know where my kids are.

JoAnn Crohn (34:26)

We can fix that for you, Brie, so that I won’t do that.

Brie Tucker (34:29)

You’ll help me with that, but it does help me limit my doom scrolling because I only allow myself an hour a day. so anyways, it’s about having those conversations. Another big one for teens. And I saw you do this with your kids too, talking about the different types of screen time there are there’s stuff that’s social, there’s stuff that’s creative, there’s things that are educational and helping them be able to determine the difference between them.

JoAnn Crohn (34:55)

There’s things that are work related too. And I get called out by my kids for ignoring them and focusing on my phone sometimes, which I do the same for them. We just had the discussion actually that I felt like I was being fubbed. Remember that phrase? ⁓ yeah.

Brie Tucker (35:10)

I remember this whole conversation too.

JoAnn Crohn (35:12)

Two, phone snubbing. And so I called out being thubbed and she was totally thubbing me by the way guys, but she denies it. But she stopped doing it, which was the most important part. So we have all those things. So just know that in this summer, like screen time is not a bad thing. You have unrealistic expectations that are being put on you by outer society and are probably even being perpetuated by looking at Instagram and all of the moms posting things about the delightful things their kids are doing.

cooking their own dinner or having family movie nights or doing like these delightful art projects and you’re like, what the hell? Or mom saying that, ⁓ we’re imperfect. And yet here’s the meal my seven year old made. I’m like.

You know what?

Brie Tucker (35:56)

It’ll just drive you freaking insane.

JoAnn Crohn (35:59)

It’ll drive you insane.

Plus, a lot of those are complete fakery and they don’t even know it’s fakery yet. They don’t even know the mental space they’re in when they’re posting those things online.

Brie Tucker (36:12)

We are here to tell you that having a goal of zero or very little screen time during the summer might be a detriment to your kids on learning how to live alongside the technology as they get older. I think we both feel very strongly that trying to roll with a zero screens policy is going to be very mentally draining on the default parent, which nine times out of 10 is mom.

and it’s going to bring in a lot of extra conflict that we’re telling you that you probably don’t necessarily need. So why not teach them healthy habits? Why not teach them how to use tech to their advantage as well as for your advantage?

JoAnn Crohn (36:56)

Yes, yes, always think about you in the equation. You are part of the ecosystem as well. And if you’re going crazy, that’s something to listen to.

Brie Tucker (37:06)

Yeah, and we’ve got some stuff that’s cooking as going to be popping up here in the next week or so. If you’re listening to this as this episode is released in June of 2025, we’ve got some fun stuff cooking that’s going to be coming out in about a week or two to help you guys make it through your summer. And it’s going to be amazing. It’s going to be awesome.

JoAnn Crohn (37:24)

It’’s going to be great, and it’s actually going to have your kids be focused on goals. And maybe if you’ve been a fan or around no guilt mom for a long time, we’re bringing back an old favorite that was five years ago, but we’ll leave that as a little teaser. stay tuned until next time. Remember the best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (37:43)

Thanks for stopping by.