Podcast Episode 274: I’ve Got to Do WHAT? Things You Wish You Knew Before You Became a Mom Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Amanda Tice: when a woman goes through the phase of being pregnant and through childbirth, they change. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and it’s equivalent to the developmental push of adolescence. And we just don’t treat it that way.

JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: hello, hello, everybody. How are you? It’s

JoAnn Crohn: practice my announcement voice. I get to go really down low and maybe get a little nasally, where it’s a little vibration, and I’m like, hello, how are you?

Brie Tucker: joys of audio. Oh

JoAnn Crohn: The joys of audio. Yes. We have such a fantastic interview for you today. It is with Amanda Tice, who is a curve model and the author of the new mom code shatter expectations and crush it at motherhood. She helps moms tap into their inner wisdom and uncover hidden truths about motherhood to thrive postpartum and Beyond we talk about so many things that affected us as moms that we didn’t even know were a thing. And so during that time in our lives, we really beat up on ourselves. I mean, didn’t you too Brie, just beat yourself up for so many things.

Brie Tucker: yeah. And I felt so alone and like, it’s funny cause like in the podcast episode, we talk about, how in some cases, if you’re the first one to have a kid amongst your community, That that could be very isolating because people don’t understand. And I was certainly not the first in my community. I had gone to 13 baby showers the year that I had my son.

So I was definitely not alone in having people that had babies, but yet I felt incredibly lonely and isolated because. Of the things that I didn’t know and so I kept thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn’t know this stuff and then even at the time, like, my husband would be like, well, you know, kids and you have friends that have had babies. Is this stuff normal? And you’re like, I’m not going to tell everybody that I’m having diarrhea right now. So no, I don’t know.

JoAnn Crohn: Exactly. So we get into those things that we wish we knew, before we had kids and let’s get on with the show. 

Where are you located, Amanda?

Amanda Tice: I live in Austin, Texas.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, I’ve heard so many wonderful things about

Brie Tucker: to go to Austin. I want to go to Austin.

Amanda Tice: I highly recommend it. I have lived all over the country and it is by far my favorite place to live.

Brie Tucker: Okay, why? Why Austin? Why is that your favorite?

Amanda Tice: Well, I just think it’s the most family friendly. So, I mean, they just have, because it’s such a large state and because it’s such, it’s so spread out, I feel like they just have the capacity to have more parks and there’s so many restaurants with playscapes and there are breweries

JoAnn Crohn: I

Amanda Tice: playscapes and wineries with playscapes and it’s just such a family focused community out where I live because I live about 25 minutes outside of downtown Austin and it, it’s just like the perfect place to raise a kid. You know, especially in this day and age, there are just very few places where your kids can actually ride their bike in a cul de sac and have

JoAnn Crohn: That is awesome.

Amanda Tice: lifestyle.

Brie Tucker: Yes! I know, right? Like, yeah. Yeah. You think, we, we think back to what we had when we were younger and it was like, oh, that was so much fun. Why can’t we all, like, just have that again?

Amanda Tice: I

JoAnn Crohn: Austin sounds like a gorgeous place. I, I know a lot of people who’ve gone, who like moved to Austin and I, need to put it on my list to visit, especially the restaurant scene. And like, this is probably going to like, make me sound so nerdy. Just take this in stride, Amanda. Know that I’ve never been to Austin, but at Whole Foods out here, they have the from Taco Deli, which I think

Amanda Tice: Okay. Yes.

JoAnn Crohn: big, it’s big in Austin with the salsa Donia, which like sets your whole mouth on fire, but it’s so delicious and you can’t stop eating it.

Brie Tucker: Eh, eh, eh. Says you. Says you!

Amanda Tice: I get that. Spice is one of those things.

Brie Tucker: yeah, I tried one bite and like, yeah, yeah, I was, no. I

Amanda Tice: You’re

JoAnn Crohn: times. It’s fiery. Good times. It’s so Amanda, I want to really dig into this and like, talk about, both your life before kids, after kids, you have this new book out called the new mom code, and I am super excited to dig into that as well. but first let’s start with. Your career, that started before you became a mom as a curves model. Can you tell us a little bit about that and like how you got into it?

Amanda Tice: Sure. So for me, even before I was a curve model, I was actually a news anchor and a reporter. And so I had, I had some on camera experience. And then when the economy tanked in 2008 2009, No one wanted to pay me what they were paying me before. So I kind of had to get a little bit scrappy and figure out how I could pick up kind of odd jobs because I was living in New York city and let me tell you, New York city rent is not cheap.

JoAnn Crohn: No.

Amanda Tice: So I, I started doing like just random jobs here and there and one of the things I did was actually as an extra in a TV show. So as a background actor and strangely enough, I met a photographer who was shooting at the time for Wilhelmina and Ford. And he said, you know, you could be a curve model. And I said, what’s that? 

Or back then they didn’t really call it a curve model. They called it a plus size model. And I said, Oh, what’s a, I mean, you know, it was, it was a plus size model. And I was like, well, how big do you have to be to be plus size? And he was like, Oh, it’s eight and above. And, you know,

Brie Tucker: my god! I

Amanda Tice: and I was like, well, I’m an eight. I’m like, I could do this. You know, I think at the time I was probably more like a 10, but, now I’m a 14. So definitely bigger than I was before, but I decided one day to go to an open call at Wilhelmina. After this photographer had taken some pictures of me and much to my surprise, they signed me that day and it totally changed my life. So the plus size modeling industry has definitely evolved in a good way, I would say. but I’ve been a plus size model now or a curve model, which is the appropriate term now for about 13 years.

JoAnn Crohn: Wow. Are you still doing it now? Like living in Austin, like, are you having kind of the same opportunities there as you did when you were living in New York city?

Amanda Tice: So if you live in New York, you’re always going to have more opportunities because you can be available at the drop of a hat. It’s a little bit harder now. So I would say that the last year I worked a lot, but I just transitioned to a new agency. So I’m still kind of figuring out my place there. And so it’s been, it’s been an interesting transition.

I’m excited because I went from, you know, like a, pretty solid, good agency to Ford. So they’re doing a complete rebrand of me right now. And that’s been an interesting process. And it’s always interesting to see how other people perceive you versus how you perceive yourself. So, you know, it’s been, it’s been a little bit different because Ford is more of an editorial brand and everything I’ve done really has been more commercial. And so it’s a totally different look and feel and vibe and different types of photographers. And I’m excited about this new chapter. I just signed with them about maybe probably two months ago.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, that’s really recent.

Amanda Tice: new. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: That’s incredible. And like, as a model, I’m sure you use your body every day, like you position, like positioning your body for the camera, very aware of your body. And in your book, you discuss about how, when you became a mom and, uh, you know, the inevitable changes, of course, in a postpartum body and you have this experience that I was like, Oh my gosh, like I couldn’t imagine walking into this where you were at a swimsuit casting call 14, weeks post giving birth. And like, tell us, tell us how that went.

Amanda Tice: Well, I mean, first of all, I was so unaware of how much my body had changed because I think postpartum you don’t pay very much attention to your body, especially at that point when they’re so little, you’re just, at least for me, I was so consumed with what was going on with my son that I really wasn’t paying a lot of attention to myself. And so. I show up to this casting and I’m already a little bit hysterical because I’m still kind of figuring out the breastfeeding thing. And so my

JoAnn Crohn: my gosh, we’ll get into that too. Yeah. I know.

Amanda Tice: drove me to the casting, you know, my son’s in the car. I’m like, Thinking, is he going to wake up while I’m in the casting? And is he going to be crying and waiting for me and I’m not going to be able to feed him? And then I’m having to put on this professional face of, you know, this is my job and I want to book this job.

And so I don’t remember if she had told me if it was going to be a swimwear casting or not, but I remember being like. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m about to get in a bathing suit right now. And so she handed me, I remember the woman who was doing the casting, she handed me this bikini. And let me tell you, as a curve model and a plus size model, they didn’t used to put bikinis on us very often. It was more like full piece bathing suits. So I didn’t go into it thinking, Oh, I’m going to be trying on a bikini. I thought I’m going to have like, maybe a shaping, you know, miracle suit type of bathing suit.

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Yeah.

Amanda Tice: she hands me this ba like, this itty bitty bikini and I’m like, Oh my gosh, is this really happening? And so she hands it to me. I go in the bathroom, change and put it on. And I just looked at my body and I was like, whose body is that? That’s not my body. Because I don’t think I’d really taken the time to get a sense of what I actually looked like postpartum because I just was so, my brain was just not there. And so I’m

Brie Tucker: by fire. Just throwing you into bikini. Oh my

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: Okay.

JoAnn Crohn: In public.

Amanda Tice: put it on, I’m like, I’m, I’m trying to pull it down because my boobs are, you know, changing size and shape by the minute. And, you know, my nipples are almost popping out and then I pull it up and then I’ve got under boob and I’m, I’m just standing and I’m standing in there just laughing to myself.

And so she has me come out and she says, okay, we’re going to take digitals of you for the client. I didn’t know who the client was either. And so she takes all these pictures and I leave and I’m like, Oh my gosh, I’m never going to book that job. That was mortifying. Like I just so uncomfortable. And so then two days later, my agent calls and says, Oh, you booked the job. It’s for Access Hollywood. So you’re going to be on live TV and it’s with Heidi Klum. And I’m like, uh, excuse me, what? You know, I think I was really just shocked.

Brie Tucker: But right there, that is like, I would have been like, hell yeah. Like, look at myself and be like, and this is I kick ass, honey.

JoAnn Crohn: me like, let’s,

Brie Tucker: out tonight. Like

JoAnn Crohn: let’s start the trend for under boob. Yes. This is sexy.

Amanda Tice: and muffin top. Let me tell you, I had both.

Brie Tucker: love that.

JoAnn Crohn: Both should be celebrated. Both should be celebrated. Both Muffin Top and Underboob. Like the new It’s the new sexy. It’s the new hotness. As Burnout would say. The new hotness. Yes. Yeah.

Amanda Tice: I mean, I, I like to, and I talk about this in my book too, but I always like to call those stretch marks and all the kind of Different things that you get throughout pregnancy, your mom gems. And so they’re like, the, your, your mom jewelry. And they

JoAnn Crohn: No one ever tells you like those things that appear on your body and how your body changes. It’s, it’s

Amanda Tice: they are signs of resilience and strength and all the amazing things that your body has gone through in order to have a baby. So I always try to look at them and think of them as a positive thing. That’s a real physical representation of that experience.

JoAnn Crohn: And, uh, Amanda, in your book, you talk a lot about this stuff that you had no idea was going to happen to your body. and like your mind as well as a new mom. And we are going to get into that right after this.

So amanda in your book you talk a lot about how Your body changed which I mean, it’s the normal course of all women’s bodies after childbirth But one thing that you said really stuck out for me. It says that Moms feel so much daily pressure that no one dares discuss. tell us like a little bit more about that, about especially how no one dares to discuss it. Like, what do you feel were some of the things that you just did not know going in that would have been so helpful?

Amanda Tice: Well, I mean, I think the first thing that you kind of hear inklings of that are not necessarily related to your body, but are related to your mindset is the hormones. No one really talks about how many hormonal changes you have postpartum. And all the, you know, you are crying at the drop of the hat for no reason, and you don’t understand why you’re so emotional. And I think that’s one really big thing that happens. But then the other thing that I think is wild is no one really talks about matrescence. Have you heard of matrescence?

JoAnn Crohn: Yes. Well, matrescence was in your book, actually. So.

Amanda Tice: Yeah. So I, the fact that no one discusses this just blows my mind because it is an anthropologically studied phenomenon. It was coined by Dana Raphael in 1972, but it talks about how when a woman goes through the phase of being pregnant and through childbirth, they change. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and it’s equivalent to the developmental push of adolescence.

And we just don’t treat it that way. We expect that, okay, you’re gonna have a baby, the baby comes out, and you know what to do. And there’s like some special manual, and you’re just supposed to feel the same way, and go back to living the life that you were living before. I always think it’s funny when people say, Oh, I, you know, I’m going to go back to work and, you know, I’ll miss work so much.

I’m going to go back in four weeks. Or they have all these expectations for how their life is going to change, but not actually change. And you just don’t know what that’s like until you experience it. But I do think that coming into it, knowing that all these different things are going to happen, I mean, from the, like I said, skin tags and cellulite and stretch marks, like all of those bodily things that happened.

I mean, a lot of people I know also get, what is it called? What are they called? I’m forgetting now. I’d have to look in my book, but you like your feet expand. Like no one ever tells you your, your feet are going to expand and your shoe size might

Brie Tucker: Oh, really?

JoAnn Crohn: stays that way. I grew a half size and it never went

Brie Tucker: Well, okay. So like, yeah. So your feet get bigger. That’s a thing. Also, can we also acknowledge the fact that like, if anybody else did this, I know I’m not alone. Like I stretched out my shoes while I was pregnant. So even then, like after I had my kids and, and like, yes, the feet expanded. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My shoes wouldn’t fit because they were like all stretched out from when I was puffy. I’m like, I’m just like, can I have anything that fits me that’s not spandex and elastic? Like, yeah,

JoAnn Crohn: It’s true. It’s true. And like saying that my trust is, is like equivalent to the experience an adolescent goes through. Like that’s just mind blowing to me. And yet looking back at my own experience, it makes total sense. I mean like my brain changed so much as a mom and I was just talking with my sister about this the other day cause she has to get on a flight today with her kids and she just had a baby two weeks ago. Um, Transcribed 

Yeah, no, it’s a crazy situation. but she says, she’s like, I am so scared to travel with them. Like I am scared to she, but not for the reason, like people think, like it’s not being overwhelmed. She’s like, I am just so scared for these little beings. Like I’m okay. Traveling by myself because I’m not afraid of the airplane, but I’m just thinking like, what if something happens to them, um, And that’s some way that your like brain changes where you’re just protecting these kids and you’re keeping these kids alive that no one ever prepares you for that. And no one really talks about that either.

Amanda Tice: No, I mean, the actual gray matter in your brain changes when you get pregnant and the effects of that gray matter change last for two years. for a lot of people. So people don’t talk about the fact that, you know, quote unquote mom brain is a real scientifically studied thing. Your brain does actually change because it is, it is evolving to help you deal with new responsibilities.

So it’s helping you to prioritize new responsibilities in order to be a better mother. But again, people don’t talk about the fact that this is an actual scientific thing that happens. It’s not like a flippant thing that’s just, Oh, I have mom brain, right? It’s actually physically happening to you, you know, without you even realizing it.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, and I feel like so many women, since they don’t have this knowledge of it, think they’re just going crazy or they’re being too emotional. Or they’re thinking like everyone else has it together and something is horribly wrong with them. Yeah.

Amanda Tice: 100%.

Brie Tucker: And I think that, in society, we do, we’ve gotten better over the years talking more about, like, postpartum, depression, and the, and baby blues, right? So I think that also some people, like Brie, could become hyper focused on just that. And so, like, you discount anything else that’s, that’s changing on you because you’re like, well, that’s not a big deal because it’s not.

This big postpartum depression thing that I, that’s on my shoulder that I need to keep looking out for. So then you’re discounting the other things that are happening, telling yourself, it’s no big deal. It’s no big deal. Or it’s just me, or I’m probably overreacting about this change. It shouldn’t be

JoAnn Crohn: The overreacting, the overreacting, yes.

Brie Tucker: not postpartum depression, then I need to not, then I shouldn’t worry about it.

Amanda Tice: Well, the other crazy thing too, that I also talk in my book is that there was a scientific study that said 90 percent of women feel lonely. That first year after giving birth and 54 percent feel friendless because a lot of times you’re that first person who has the baby and your friends don’t have children, you know,

JoAnn Crohn: totally.

Amanda Tice: I mean, people don’t talk about that loneliness too, because you feel like you’re going through this process. somewhat by yourself because you’ve internalized it as I’m going through this by myself. But the reality is, is a lot of the things that you’re experiencing are completely normal. It’s just that because other people aren’t talking about them, we think that they’re not normal.

JoAnn Crohn: Yes, because I know that a lot of people think that when you have a baby that you’re so busy all the time, and then they don’t reach out to you because they don’t want to quote unquote bother you. At least that’s what I heard from a lot of my friends. Like, oh, you’re so busy, we don’t want to bother you.

When really the opposite is true. Because with a baby, all you have is your thoughts, and like, this little baby. Being who is actually not even as intelligent as your pets are at that time. I mean, I just spent time with a newborn like the past few days. I’m like, yeah, she ended. I’m looking over at my dog. I’m like, yeah, my dog has something on this newborn right

Brie Tucker: Yeah, I

JoAnn Crohn: it’s not an intellectual stimulating time

Amanda Tice: Right.

Brie Tucker: And you’re also like you also add in like you were talking about with the loneliness. there are places that you can go during that time. Like most hospitals have like a newborn mom meet up and stuff like that. But you’re also told like you have to keep your kid out from other people.

And you’re, we’ve set up a system that is isolating. And so then you, you almost like you feel, I don’t know, like I, I definitely felt very trapped. I wanted to go out and I wanted to do things, but then I had that other piece of me that was like, Oh, but in my case, like my baby was premature. He was a NICU baby.

I’m like, I can’t take them out anywhere. And I can’t have anybody over. And who wants to talk to me anyways? I’ve been stuck on bedrest for the last four months. I know nothing except for what’s been on running on reruns for TV. Like I’m not, I have nothing to contribute to others. And like you just said, like that’s so many people have that same feeling,

Amanda Tice: Yeah. Well,

Brie Tucker: self isolating even. Yeah.

Amanda Tice: And, but the other thing that I think is so important is to ask for help. And I know. A lot of people who are your friends want to help, they’re just not sure how to help. So I try to also tell new moms, if you can put together a list of things that would be helpful, your friends half the time are willing to do it.

And that could be anything, not, not traditionally like drop off a meal, because I feel like everyone drops off a meal the first week and then You’re like, now what? Right? You know, on that list, it could be like, I need someone to come walk the dog on Wednesdays. Right? Or I really know that I run out of diapers every Friday and it’s really hard for me to get out of the house and I’m afraid to leave the house.

You know, can you just go pick up dry diapers? Can you drop off diapers? Right? So having that list of things that that your friends can do to help you not only makes them feel good, but it also makes you feel good because at least you know that your friends want to be involved and they want to help. And it helps with that feeling of loneliness, even if you’re not getting to see them for very long or they’re not having direct contact with the baby.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. And so, so many people right now in our podcast, Facebook group, they’re commenting about how they felt lonely as well. Um, and Donna says she reached out to the available community programs and she was lucky enough to find some new friends there. but Brittany, Brittany had, her baby had seizures at five weeks old and she couldn’t take the chance of him getting sick because it would mess with his meds. So there’s like so much isolation during that time for moms that it’s

Amanda Tice: I have to say the one good thing that you can do, like, you know, right now you’re in a Facebook group about no mom guilt. I always tell new parents, like, if you can’t really get out of the house, there are so many mom support groups on Facebook. You can find them on Instagram and just hop on a call and listen to other moms talk about their experience and interact with them and sometimes DM them.

Because it really does help to combat some of those feelings of loneliness when you’re listening to other people who are going through similar things. Because then you don’t have to expose your baby, but you’re still getting personal interaction with other people.

Brie Tucker: JoAnn and I were talking about that because our kids are now, or at least my, both of mine are teens. I have a 17 and almost 16 year old. And

JoAnn Crohn: I have a 15 year old and a 10 year

Brie Tucker: and we’re like, back when we had our kids, like there was, it was Myspace, that was the best you had.

JoAnn Crohn: It was all you had! Yeah,

Brie Tucker: meetup might’ve just started, just started. So like, it was, it was a struggle back then, but now it’s so much more connected and you can actually reach out and like, no matter where you’re at, there’s always going to be somebody online.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, it’s just the quality of the information that you get that isn’t like based in fear. That’s the hard thing to get in an online environment. one other thing that you mentioned that I want to touch on today, Amanda, in your book is this concept of how your free time changes to paid time. And we’re going to talk about that after this.

So Amanda, , in your book, you address the loneliness, new mom’s face and how they can ask for help. and I think that really applies to all moms today because those first few months, they can stretch out like our reactions and our behaviors. We can still have them even when our kids become teens, where we’re so used to doing everything alone, that we keep ourselves isolated from the rest of a community who’s there to help us out. Yeah. So I think like your advice really applies to all moms out there. Not just new moms. and yeah.

Amanda Tice: No, I was gonna say I agree. I do think that the great thing is that if you try, if you start meeting moms in, you know, at school, once they get into kindergarten or even preschool and you start building that community, it just, it’s makes the experience so much more enjoyable and then it gives you people to lean on when you need them.

So it’s like when you have a crisis, you at least know that you can call X person and they can take your child for a few hours and you’ll be fine. so I, I do always, I’m a huge fan of doing whatever you can to build in at least a handful of really good mom friends and make the time for them because you just, you need them, right? At the end of the day, you really need them.

JoAnn Crohn: do need them. And it’s so hard sometimes and so difficult. Like Terry mentions that, her kids stopped being invited to play groups because the other moms knew something was different because she has neurodivergent kids. And so it was like that lack of acceptance in that play group that then led to her feeling isolated.

And so I think the message there is this, that there is a community out there for you. And sometimes you really have to work for it, unfortunately. Like, I wish that it was so much more easy to find your people than it is. it’s not just the village that you, you grow up in, unfortunately. Yeah. in your book, you talk about how before kids, and I love how you said this because I’m like, you are totally right, Amanda.

You had this free time where you got to watch Netflix, where you got to meet with friends, where you got To go out to restaurants and I know that so many moms right now are told to like get more free time in their life Go like go like do some stuff and it’s not really free time anymore because you have to pay To get that time to yourself. So let’s touch a little bit on that Talk to us about what you see paid time means

Amanda Tice: So I, like you said, I feel like there are so many instances where you just want to go for a walk, right? Or you just want to have half an hour to yourself and go get a coffee by yourself.

But the reality is, is that there’s no, you, you can’t just decide, Oh, I want to have 30 minutes of free time. That’s That 30 minutes of free time is now I either have to call a family member to come over and watch the baby for that time, or watch my kid, or I have to schedule a babysitter.

And if it’s during the day, a lot of the babysitters, at least around here, are high school kids and they’re at school. So that’s not really an option. Or it’s, you know, I used to. go to the gym, because the gym, the gym that I used to go to had child care. And so I would drop my son off at child care and then they had a coffee shop downstairs and I would go get a coffee. I wasn’t even going to the gym,

Brie Tucker: Oh, I did that. Like there was a, okay. So not when my kids were really little, I had to wait until they were older, but there was a, there was a grocery store. They’re still out here. Bashas. Do you remember this JoAnn? And they had a kid corner and they had a little cafe there. And I would wait for them to open just to drop my kids off and then go sit in the cafe and like, maybe just drink a glass of water and stare at the wall just in silence. Be like, Oh my God, this is so nice. is so

JoAnn Crohn: It’s true. Yeah. It’s crazy. You know what? Like I could never do that. I could never do that with my daughter. Like I was working, I was a teacher when my daughter was little and my mother in law actually watched my daughter. But when my son was born, , I took a year off from teaching and anytime I tried to drop him off at the daycare center, he would cry the entire time so much so like they would not take him anymore. Um, and yeah, but.

Brie Tucker: That is, that’s, okay, as a child, as someone in the child care world, that’s not okay.

JoAnn Crohn: It was awful. It was so awful. I like felt so much guilt. Like I was doing something wrong as a parent. I mean, my son is great now, but he is highly sensitive to other things to things. And that was probably what was going on, but it could be so isolating when you have kids who aren’t like behaving in the norms of society and who just need that little extra attention to even get that time to yourself.

Amanda Tice: It’s

JoAnn Crohn: it’s so hard. So like Terry, Terry, like you ignited something in me, Terry. Cause you’re totally right here. Like,

Amanda Tice: Sometimes it’s even self inflicted as well. I mean, for me, I didn’t even leave George, I want to say, like, My husband and I leaving and having dinner together until he was maybe six or seven months old because I was, I was just had so much postpartum anxiety, right? So I, I did not want to leave him under any circumstances.

I wouldn’t, the first time I left him, I left him with my mother and a babysitter. Because I did, I did not, I did not want to leave him with her because I was like, well, she might not, she doesn’t like changing diapers. He might have a blowout, you know, you, you start putting all of, yes, you put all of these ideas in your head that, oh, well, they’re not going to do it my way, or they’re not going to follow my directions. And

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, yeah.

Brie Tucker: the schedule. I was the mom that wrote the schedule out on the refrigerator that was like, and I drove my mother in law nuts down to the 15 minutes. I’d be like, at 315, you do this. At 330, you do this. Like my mom will even tell you to that. To this day, I was the hardest of, of her three daughter moms. To deal with.

JoAnn Crohn: like, but it’s not even our fault though, because all these expectations are on us. That we’re

Brie Tucker: I thought I had

JoAnn Crohn: the kids. Like as women, you think you had to like, I, I, Amanda, I, I didn’t leave my son very much either. Cause I was breastfeeding him and it’s not like anything that’s, that was easy to do. I think this is best. Like the example of this is like last night, I went to a student government banquet for my daughter. And when I was talking with this mom that I knew for a long time, actually, and, she’s like, Oh yeah. How are you doing? And everything. And when she, she knows, like, I. I have ulcerative colitis and she was there when I was diagnosed and everything.

And she’s like, how is everything going with like your stomach? And I’m like, Oh yeah, it’s fine. Like, I just have to, you know, avoid stress. And, stress is usually what exacerbates it. Exactly. And she’s like, Oh, well, you know, that means like you have a, like, You know, you, you have a chance to be more chill, you, you can take it more chill. And my husband beside her laughed out loud. And I’m like, that’s not really a choice. Like I’m not a chill person. It doesn’t

Brie Tucker: it’s implied that that was a choice. Like, oh, so you get

JoAnn Crohn: That was a choice.

Brie Tucker: Like, the rest of us don’t get that doctor’s note, but you do? Like, I don’t.

JoAnn Crohn: that’s the same thing that’s happening with moms. Like, and you say it was self inflicted Amanda, but really like when I left my son, it was painful to be separated. Like my mind would not stop. I could not relax unless that I knew he was okay. And I also knew that the people around him were okay. Like I, like you really wanted to protect everyone else from my son’s meltdowns, even though he was like a little three month old. but. It’s not controllable. It’s not under your control during that time.

Amanda Tice: No. Well, and the other thing that I, you know, I try to talk about again in my book, but that I think is so important is just transparency. So you know how this mom came up to you and asked you this question and you said, Oh, it’s fine. Right? Like, I feel like our default is always, it’s fine. Instead of, instead of just being like, actually I’m really having a hard time with this.

You know, it’s really hard for me because the only way that doesn’t make it flare up is if I’m not stressed out and I have a lot of stress. Right? So, instead of just being transparent, you know, we, we like to brush things under the rug. Like, no, it’s fine. Like, I’m dealing fine. Like, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry about me. Whereas on the inside, you’re really struggling. And if you were to just tell them, hey, I’m really having a hard time, a lot of times you’d be surprised at how receptive people are to helping.

JoAnn Crohn: They are. And I think, like, though, in your mind, because I felt this acutely last night, because I tend to tell everybody all of my life issues right away, and that’s, like, that’s kind of what happens, and it makes me feel like sometimes I’m a buzzkill, or sometimes I say inappropriate things at the inappropriate times.

And so last night I actually did this, not in regards to this, but I was like, you know what? It’s been a really Really awful 24 hours because we had a death in the family and like, uh, yeah, it’s so it’s like, it’s in that, you bring that out in a social event where everybody is happy and wonderful and immediately you feel the mood downturn and you feel it’s your fault because we’re also conditioned to like make everyone around us comfortable and happy all the time.

And so what you’re saying right there, Amanda, just the vulnerability and the transparency is like, so needed. Along. Yeah. Along with this like whole, it’s okay if other people aren’t happy all the time, and like you as a mom deserve to be comforted as well.

Amanda Tice: Yeah. No, I agree. A hundred percent. I, again, the reason I wrote the book that I did is it’s not a parenting book, right? There are so many parenting books out there. And part of the reason I chose to write it was because it really is what the mother is going through. There are just not that many books out there that are about what you’re dealing with as a mother and we get left behind. It’s not, how are you doing? It’s usually, how’s the baby? Right.

JoAnn Crohn: I know.

Amanda Tice: And so, you know, there is a lot of that where we are just taught as women to, push everything down, pretend like everything’s okay. And then, you know, the next thing you know, we’re crying in our closets and feeling lonely and we don’t understand why we feel crazy.

Because we’re not, expressing ourselves, we’re not being transparent and honest with our friends about what we’re actually experiencing because we, like you said, we don’t want to make them uncomfortable. But the, the reality is, is I feel like, number one, if you are vulnerable and someone has a bad reaction to it, then that person is obviously not your friend. Right? I

JoAnn Crohn: True.

Amanda Tice: I, think, that’s a hard, hard truth that sometimes people have to deal with. But, you know, the reality is, is if you can be vulnerable with someone, then you’ve really found a great companion and someone who will support you in the long run. So the more vulnerable you can be, I don’t know, I think the more courageous you are because it then helps them talk about their truth and what they’re going through. And by doing that, it makes everyone feel a little bit less alone in the whole process. Thanks. That’s

JoAnn Crohn: need to reframe my oversharing to be like, less about oversharing and I’m just really screening for real people I can talk to very, very, like right away I’m wasting no time. Like if I, if you’re not my people, you’re gonna be turned off by me right away. like, there, there’s nothing

Amanda Tice: fair though, we only have, I mean, that’s the other thing when you become a mom and you have a job and whatever, you have only so much time, right? So there, we spend so much time like trying to appease everyone else instead of trying to figure out what’s best for ourselves, right? And you find that very quickly when you’re just open and honest. If someone doesn’t like your jam, great, they’re the one who’s missing out.

JoAnn Crohn: Yep, exactly. Oh my gosh. I’ve loved this conversation, Amanda. And I’m excited to hear like, what are you excited about that’s coming up for you in the future?

Amanda Tice: So my book was written about two years ago now, and I really went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth about whether or not I was going to make it an audio book and I just signed on this week to make it an audio book.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, good. And you’re reading it?

Amanda Tice: Yes. So I’m going to narrate it and you know, I just felt like. You know, so many new moms, they don’t really have the time to open a book, unfortunately. And it’s just so much easier for a new mom to put in a headphone and listen. And I really feel like the information in this book is so important for new moms to hear that. I, I just felt this calling, like I have to do it. You know, it’s an investment to do it, but I was like, it has to be out there. I think it’s important. And I really am excited about making it into an audio book.

Brie Tucker: I

JoAnn Crohn: that. is so fun. I was, I was recently reading a book. It was, , Adam Grant’s book, hidden potential. And he was talking about how people comprehend things. And like audio is the best way to understand emotion. And I think that what you have, like you need to hear the emotion and you need to have how deeply you feel about it. And, like how many emotions, especially are going through motherhood that I feel like an audio book is going to be. So good. It’s going to be so good. So where can people get your book, Amanda?

Amanda Tice: So you can find my book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, pretty much anywhere where books are sold. And you can also just go to my website, which is just amandatice, T I C E. com. And you can find an easy way to access it there.

JoAnn Crohn: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining us today, and we’ll talk to you soon.

Amanda Tice: Thank you so much.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, my gosh. All the things that our bodies and our minds go through that we’re kind of almost, uh, dare I say, like, and I can’t think of the word right now. Gaslit. It’s gaslit. Dare I say we’re gaslit into thinking that nothing is wrong and we’re all making it up? When really, like, Amanda brings up this thing about matrescence and, like, how brain goes through the changes that are equivalent to a teenager brain?

Brie Tucker: right? Like, okay. So I think that that is a huge thing because like, yes, I knew that my body was going through changes and yes, I knew I was going to have hormonal changes and stuff like that. But the amount of,

JoAnn Crohn: know.

Brie Tucker: the amount of things that you don’t know until you don’t know what you don’t know until you know, like it’s ridiculous. And, and we’ve said, like, it’s so isolating.

JoAnn Crohn: it’s so isolating, which is why we are here on the No Guilt Mom podcast to tell you all the TMI and everything that happens all the time.

Brie Tucker: yeah, yeah,

JoAnn Crohn: We were just talking before we got on about like feeling calmer and reasons. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: like, I feel like, I’m feeling so much calmer these days, like, and again, it’s very interesting too, going through this podcast, talking about what we went through when we had our babies. And I mentioned, as everybody knows, like, I have two teenagers right now, and matter of fact, I’m going through perimenopause right now, so shout out to my, to my gal, Kim Holderness, you have been, like, making me feel, like, seen and heard, and oh my god, yes, but it’s weird to kind of reflect back to all the stuff that was happening when I, I had my, you know, My kids, I’m feeling that same amount of like, I think I’m crazy right now going, going through the changes I’m going through now with the perimenopause, like, but both of them are times that like, in general, we know that our bodies change. We know that we go through a lot of things, but we don’t, I just feel like there isn’t enough like information out there. You have to really search to find it.

JoAnn Crohn: well, like women’s, you know, research into women’s health is very much underfunded. Like that is a fact

Brie Tucker: Yes. It’s much more important to make sure that the men have their little blue pill.

JoAnn Crohn: Yes, that it is for women to not have pain. because like, now that we’re being so much more open about these things, like this kind of information didn’t exist when my mom was going through menopause, I don’t think, the, the amount of people who are like, this is an okay thing.And this is actually an amazing thing. Cause like who wants a period anymore for reels for reels? Like I’m having mine right now. And it’s a period from hell because I’m approaching, you know, perimenopause and it’s It like goes from heavy, it’s like so heavy. I like, here’s the TMI guys, turn it off. If you don’t want to hear this so heavy, I soak through the pad and there’s a spot now on my kitchen stool from my stupid ass period, because it like. It was just rushed. It’s like rushes of like, it sucks so bad. And sometimes I get them really bad and sometimes I don’t, and sometimes they’re fine. And this one’s the one from hell where I have like headaches, every day that I’m fighting. I had to take a, I should probably take a migraine med again today. Cause that really helped yesterday. Uh, but like I had to take Advil and like just the stomach cramping and

Brie Tucker: And the advice, the advice about the headaches, magnesium people, try

JoAnn Crohn: I do that. I do magnesium. I’m back on my athletic greens. yes, they used to be a sponsor of the show, but they’re not currently, but we are open. No, I actually love, I love, I love athletic greens. It really is like my whole vitamin thing that I actually like taking. and that’s helping and exercise. I’m back on exercise again. I that’s trying, that’s helping.

Brie Tucker: But this is why you need a community. This is why you need a community of people that you can feel, cause like, everybody has their different comfort level, and I am comfortable, like, I can talk to you, like, in the intro where I’m all like, I don’t want to tell random people that I’m dealing with diarrhea, like, so I don’t know if that’s normal, like, and this was, that was my story of like, right after I had my son, like, Got discharged.

We went home and I’d had it because of the fact that I had an eventful pregnancy, I hadn’t gone through any childbirth classes. And I, and I think somehow I missed the memo that like you could have nausea, diarrhea, and that your, and that your uterus contracts and it’s extremely painful and I didn’t have those memos, so I thought I was dying and was super sick and I was going to like. Make my baby sick, but anyway, I digress. You’re not always comfortable saying that like out in the open with random people But when you get to know somebody you can be like, hey Are you having these issues too? Or can I just tell you these things are happening? And then it’s like oh, yeah, my sister’s cousin had the same thing. Oh, it makes me feel so much better.

JoAnn Crohn: So much better. So much better. Yeah. It’s interesting. The whole childbirth things. I mean, we’re like, my sister just gave birth two weeks ago, so I got to, that’s very fresh in my mind. And something she said was, she’s like, okay, I was prepared for the childbirth, although it hurt a whole damn lot. cause it was all natural. She was at a birthing center.

Brie Tucker: she could have a water birth. I’m so excited

JoAnn Crohn: She did kind of,

Brie Tucker: Oh kind

JoAnn Crohn: was water in the pool, but actually the birth happened outside of the, like,

Brie Tucker: Oh, okay. I just

JoAnn Crohn: but not outside. She didn’t have to move or anything. It was just, the baby was not born into the water is what I’m saying. but what she said was she’s like, no one prepared me for delivering the placenta. Like, you know, it’s so like, she’s like, this hurts and the midwives are there like, yeah, it does hurt. It does hurt. And so she wasn’t like scared of it, but she’s like, this hurts. And I’m like, rightly so.

Brie Tucker: 100 percent agree. So, like, had two C sections, so I did not have to go through delivery of anything. And I think I remember, like, the first time one of my friends was talking about, like, delivering the placenta, how it’s like, you know, you, you go through, you deliver your baby, you’re exhausted, and the doctor’s like, okay, next thing. There we go!

JoAnn Crohn: Next thing

Brie Tucker: Right? Cause like, when you watch TV, it ends after the baby comes out, and everybody’s all happy and lovey, and like, mom gets to rest. Like, I didn’t even realize that there was that whole second part of it. Just, again, because. Sometimes Brie just doesn’t get the memo. It doesn’t sit. It doesn’t stick

JoAnn Crohn: Well, it’s so interesting the natural birth process, like you don’t cut the umbilical right away. the baby was like pretty much attached to her for a good, like 15 minutes after the birth. So 30 minutes after birth, the placenta like has to come out because there could be dangerous to the mom.

and so the midwives would, we’re coming to her, like she was on the They’re like, okay, like it is time. We have to try to make this happen now. And so then she had to push out the placenta and I thought it was so interesting because baby was still getting blood from the placenta. That’s the whole reason you the baby’s still attached.

So it’s still getting those, the good stuff in there, but it was so interesting seeing that process and yet seeing like how hospitals do it, where they immediately, they cut the cord, they do all these things to the baby and it’s very traumatic to the mother that way, and this way I saw, like, it was just very like.

All about the mother child experience. Very chill, very relaxed, not like there was no pressure. There was no like things to, and she was still very well taken care of. And the midwives knew exactly what they were doing.

Brie Tucker: I would have loved something like that like cuz you and I both had c sections We had a very different experience It was very cold and sterile and like

JoAnn Crohn: My second one very much differed from my first one

in terms of what was what happened. Yeah, because I was, I educated myself a lot. Well, I went through Bradley birthing classes with my husband cause I thought I was going natural. And so when it was a C section, there were things I knew I could ask for. Um, um, like,

Brie Tucker: I’m joking. I’m

JoAnn Crohn: so the thing, so they made some changes at the hospital I delivered at in the, in like the four years between my kids, they used to separate the mom and the baby right away and like, take the baby down to the nursery. the second C section I had, they, they took Eric to the table where I could see him.

It was like, he was five feet from me just to do their first checks. And they did their first checks very quickly. I would say like a minute or two. Um, and then they brought him over and they put him on my chest for the remainder of the procedure. So like he was on my chest. We were like snuggling, Josh was holding him there. So we

Brie Tucker: cuz you can’t move your arms Yeah

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, I had everything there and then they closed up and he remained on me. They never took him away from me and that a whole

Brie Tucker: you ask for that? Cause I don’t

JoAnn Crohn: No, it was the procedure of the hospital when he was born and it changed. So when Camden was born, who was born after your daughter, it was the same.It was, they took them away right away. But when Eric was born, it was this more family inclusive thing that they changed at the hospital. Yeah. And we delivered at the same hospital. I think Chandler. Right? No? Where’d

Brie Tucker: Nope. Uh, both of my kids were at, uh, Mesa, uh, Banner, Banner desert

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, we were at

Brie Tucker: cause I was, uh, I was high risk. And at the time Chandler didn’t do high risk. I got, I got kicked out of Chandler cause they were, that’s the whole helicopter story. Chandler wouldn’t take me like they, cause they, they didn’t have high risk at the time. So it’s fine. It’s yeah, it’s all it. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: But definitely a lot more cold and sterile is how I would say that my, my experiences were having my kids, but,

JoAnn Crohn: yeah.

Brie Tucker: and yeah, you just, you long for that community. I think people that understand what you’re, what you’re going through, what you’ve been through, what’s coming up. Like,

JoAnn Crohn: Everybody needs that everybody needs that and I wish more people would be open to it too instead of fighting and making assumptions or Stuff like that.

Brie Tucker: well, I feel like no guilt. Mom does do that. So if you’re looking for that community, come and check us out. Come join our Facebook group for our podcasts. there’s a link of the show notes, but also you can just search in Facebook, no guilt mom podcast will pop right up. Um, yeah. Join our newsletter. We have so much warm, warm goodness for you.

JoAnn Crohn: we have so much for you and remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by. 

Brie Tucker

COO/ Podcast Producer at No Guilt Mom
Brie Tucker has over 20 years of experience coaching parents with a background in early childhood and special needs. She holds a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Missouri and is certified in Positive Discipline as well as a Happiest Baby Educator.

She’s a divorced mom to two teenagers.

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