Podcast Episode 411: Boundaries Aren’t Mean: How to Stop Over-Explaining Yourself Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn (00:00)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn joined here with the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:07)

Hello, hello, how are you?

JoAnn Crohn (00:09)

Today we’re talking about something that actually spawned from our balance members and it’s about holding boundaries because boundaries are one of the hardest things to do when you are a people pleaser, when it is like such your goal to have other people like you and you feel like your heart is bursting in a bad way if someone’s mad at you. 

Brie Tucker (00:30)

Right? They’re hard. Yeah, I feel like a big thing with it too is that when you are a people pleaser or you’re maybe not even a people pleaser, you’re the peace keeper. Setting boundaries can feel like you’re causing unnecessary drama sometimes.

JoAnn Crohn (00:50)

That’s a script to rewrite. Yes.

Brie Tucker (00:52)

I’m not saying it’s the right feeling but I’m just saying that we can feel like we’re causing unnecessary drama or pain to somebody else

JoAnn Crohn (01:00)

or be difficult. That was something that’s thrown to women a lot. Yes. It is. is.

Brie Tucker (01:05)

So like, that’s why this episode, when we were talking about it, it like, makes so much sense. And it’s something that we really need to share because there’s a serious mind shift that a lot of us need to really, really ease into.

JoAnn Crohn (01:19)

We’re gonna teach you how to set boundaries without over explaining. So if you are a mom right now who says yes when they really wanna say no, or you feel guilty about setting limits with kids or in-laws or friends or even volunteer groups, I laugh with the volunteer group after my silent quitting of one, or you constantly explain or justify or defend your decisions or feel like you even need to.

Brie Tucker (01:47)

Yes, Brie. Yes, yes, Brie. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (01:50)

This is for you. And you know what, to make it really easy for you, we’ve also made a list of 15 phrases that you can use when you’re setting your boundary. If you want that list, head on over to NoGuiltMom on Instagram and direct message us the numbers 411. If you’re a millennial, you know what that means. 411 and we will send you over that list. So without further ado, at the end of the episode, you’re going to have three

practical tools to protect your peace, to protect your sanity without having to over explain. Sounds good, Brie? Sounds good. Let’s do it. Let’s get on with the show.

So we’re gonna talk about why we have to over explain and Brie, I wanna toss it to you because you identify as an over explainer.

Brie Tucker (02:41)

I do identify as an over-explainer. Thank you for noticing it. It so much to me. It makes me feel really good because sometimes I feel like I just keep going on and on about things and I’m waiting for somebody to tell me that I either need to stop or they need to me a face and a smile and yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (02:54)

Sometimes I let you go on with it just to see where this train is going. I’m like, where is this going to end? What’s the caboose?

Brie Tucker (03:00)

Sometimes the train doesn’t even know which track it’s on, girl. It’s just going. It’s just going. But no, really, I do do that. And I know I do it because, first of all, I’m really big on reading body language from other people. So if I’m talking to somebody and I’m not getting that feedback from their face or their body language that they understand what I’m saying, I’m telling myself, Bob in my head is going, you’re not explaining this well enough. They don’t believe you.

I think that’s the big one. They don’t believe you that you really can’t make this happen. And so you need to keep pushing.

JoAnn Crohn (03:37)

That’s interesting. Being on the other side of it, usually I’m just waiting for everybody to stop talking. And I’m like, I already agree with you. I don’t know why you’re continuing talking or why you haven’t given me a chance to check in and see if I agree with you or not. ⁓

Brie Tucker (03:54)

And I can’t even tell you where it came from, but I definitely know it’s a problem of mine that I work on consistently. Some people more than others, I have a tendency to do that with. And I think it’s probably my loved ones. I definitely over explain with my loved ones because I’m afraid, like you said, of like the, I don’t want them to think that I don’t love them. I don’t value them. I don’t respect them. And so I feel like I have to explain why there’s a no so often. And you know, the truth is, I know it irritates some people. They don’t need it that much.

JoAnn Crohn (04:25)

Yeah, you don’t need that much. don’t know. Let me tell you right now, I don’t need that much. Usually I’m agreeing with you in like the first sentence or I’m disagreeing and like, it’ll be easier to contribute to the pool of knowledge to get all of that information and that. But yeah, I mean, I’m an over explainer at times too. I’m usually an over explainer with people that I want to like me. So like my loved ones, I am totally okay with being, no, we’re not gonna do that. Or I’m not done with that. But with people who I feel I want them to like me, like I’ve done this with friends of my kids’ parents. I want to be seen as a good parent. So I hesitate saying no to things when I’m invited places, even if I don’t want to go because I feel like I need to go to please them or there is an incident that happened where my son did not do a good thing. Like he did not do a good thing. And the parents of the person that he did not do this good thing against contacted me.

And I talked with my son about it. got his rationalization. He admits he acted hastily and he is course correcting his behavior. I wanted to tell the entire parent this and get this. also wanted to tell the parent what had happened from my son’s point of view as well and over explain the whole thing. And I gave my husband this text I was going to send and he’s the one who’s like, why do they need to know all of this information.

Brie Tucker (05:54)

and you’re like, because they need to know that our son is good.

JoAnn Crohn (05:57)

and like I’m a good person and I’m raising him well and everything and he’s like no you could just say like thanks for letting me know it’s handled and I’m like okay I’ll try this the other parent was like okay thank you yeah the end

Brie Tucker (06:12)

Cause I bet they were also feeling uncomfortable with it too. So diving into this some more, like feel like a big reason we say no. And you and I resonated a lot of this. It’s, don’t want to be seen as being rude or too much or unaware, you know, or selfish. We also don’t want to like start fights. That’s another reason why I might like, again, that unnecessary drama that goes through my head. If I say no, if I hold this, if I hold this boundary and I say no.

I’m gonna piss off my kid, I’m gonna piss off my mom, I’m gonna piss off my sister, and then we’re gonna have a conflict, and I’m gonna feel uncomfortable. They’re gonna be fine, but I’m gonna feel uncomfortable.

JoAnn Crohn (06:52)

Even beyond that too, sometimes we need and rely on the other person for something else. Yeah. And we feel that if we say no and cause the conflict, then that will disappear. True. One of our balance members, Amanda, had that with her in-laws that she talked about on one of our balance stories that we’ll link to at the end of this episode. But her in-laws were telling the kids that it was mom’s job to pick up after them and the kids should work on having fun.

JoAnn Crohn (07:23)

And of course, like Amanda was like, no, no. But they also relied on the in-laws for childcare and everything like that. And it was also a cultural dynamic where in their family and in their culture, this is how it works. But that’s not how Amanda wanted it to work. So that’s another reason that boundaries are really, really hard to set. You’re afraid of disrupting a relationship.

Brie Tucker (07:49)

Yeah. I think that a hard truth we have to like really accept here is that we’re not over explaining or explaining under any circumstances to be understood. What we’re really doing is explaining to not cause discomfort or a fight, or we want to be liked.

JoAnn Crohn (08:09)

We want to be liked. We don’t want anyone to be mad at us. That is a huge, huge thing. And I see it in a lot of people around me who’s like, if I’m unhappy with somebody, they’re like, don’t be mad at me. Don’t be mad at me. I’m like, I am mad at you. I’m like, reserve the right. Just as other people reserve the right to be mad at me. Knowing that it’s a temporary emotion that usually results from some underlying feelings, some base needs, maybe this feeling of insecurity, maybe this feeling of vulnerability, that person needs to be able to process and figure out exactly how they’re feeling. So someone being mad at you isn’t a bad thing. It’s a temporary thing.

Brie Tucker (08:51)

Right, but it’s sometimes it’s so hard to look past that. And especially if you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t respect boundaries, because they can throw out all of those worst fears you have right back at you. Well, you’re being mean. You don’t love me. If you cared about me, you would do X, Y, Z and

JoAnn Crohn (09:12)

That sounds like a teenage daughter. Is that?

Brie Tucker (09:15)

So like, would even say like, it’s not even an imagine. We have all been there where we tried to hold a boundary with somebody and they threw back all of our worst fears in our face. And the truth of the matter is it’s temporary. It doesn’t feel temporary at the moment, but it’s temporary. And we’re going to help you get through that.

JoAnn Crohn (09:33)

Yeah, so if your note comes with a three-minute monologue and emotional backstory, we’re going to fix that right after this.

Let’s take a minute to break down what a boundary really is because I did not grow up in a household that set boundaries. And it took me until my adult life to actually learn how to set a boundary and learn how to protect my peace and my time with them. Because a boundary isn’t something that the other person does. It’s something that you will do. So the other person does not need to agree with you. It is just you saying, Hey, this is how it is and if you don’t want to respect and follow that, this is what I’m going to do instead. There was something that happened last night. I use this with chores all the time in boundaries. My son has lately been lagging on dishwasher duty and he had tried the whole thing about when I asked him what time he’s going to do it, he’s like, I don’t know. I like, oh, well, I need a time and I could set your time for you if you don’t know And I have to say like it has to be done by this time else. We’re not going to like, for instance, mountain biking is always we have to leave the house at five. The dishwasher needs to be unloaded else we can’t go to mountain biking at five. When the dishwasher is unloaded, then we’ll go to mountain biking.

Brie Tucker (10:56)

It’s kind of hard to eat dinner when you get back if you don’t have clean dishes. Just saying. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (11:01)

Yes. And so that’s a boundary that he was mad at me for. He was stomping around. He refused to look me in the eye. It hurt as a parent because I like to be connected with my kids. I like my kids happy with me. I don’t like them mad at me at all.

Brie Tucker (11:17)

Especially for something that wasn’t new. Like this has been his chore for a while, but I don’t

JoAnn Crohn (11:22)

Keep going. But it happens. It happens. So he got unloaded. Everything’s fine.

Brie Tucker (11:28)

Yeah I think that’s the big thing about it, right? Is that in order to really understand boundaries and to see how they are, can help make a relationship healthier, you have to really come to terms with you can’t control what others do. And I’m just going to say that I do that a lot. And you know that about me. Like I am constantly worried about step 20. all the possible scenarios that could happen and me trying to figure out how to keep the ones that I don’t want to have happen happen. When really, if I have just set a healthy boundary and on those occasions when I do, I would say I’m probably about a 60 40, I’m 60 % good at holding boundaries and 40 % letting them go. I think that the times I do hold it, I’m always happier the person in the end. We always end up in a better spot.

JoAnn Crohn (12:04)

Mm-hmm.

Brie Tucker (12:25)

And I try to remind myself of that anytime that I start to waver in my head of like, wouldn’t it just be easier just to do what they want instead of what I said we were going to do what I said it was going to hold. So yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (12:39)

It was really all about knowing what you value and knowing what’s important to you. I always look to my own emotions when I’m asked to do something and I take it one step in the future. I’m like, if I do this thing, how am I gonna feel afterwards? Am I gonna feel like I’m being helpful? Am I gonna feel like I’m being taken advantage of? Am I gonna be very, very mad at the person for making me do this thing?

And that’s usually my little litmus test to see if I need to set a boundary or not. I do this a lot with my kids. When I’m asked to do something last minute, I’m like, ooh, there’s some anger and discomfort in here because I am in the middle of reading a book and they’re coming and asking for a drive to a friend’s house right now. Like, no, I can make a reasonable request. I could say like, you know what, let’s wait 30 minutes and then I can take you. Cause that works for me and they get a little bit what they want as well. But that’s a boundary too.

Brie Tucker (13:38)

And I love that boundary because that boundary was not about being mean. It wasn’t about saying no. It was about being clear and telling your kids like what you could and couldn’t do in that scenario at that moment. again, I think all of us appreciate it when someone’s very clear about what is a yes and what is a no.

JoAnn Crohn (13:59)

Confusion is awful. It is awful. And somebody leaving you hanging on something instead of just saying like, no, like I’m not interested in that. When they say maybe or we’ll go, like there was a situation with a friend of mine where I just wanted to spend time with her I’m like, look, we could go do this. We could do that. And constantly, constantly like rejecting everything I said. It got to the point where she called me a boundary pusher and

JoAnn Crohn (14:29)

⁓ I steam trained or steamrolled everything while I was just trying to do something. have actually, when you get to people like that who set like explicit boundaries in the situation like that. So it’s really hard for me to articulate because there’s such a thing as setting boundaries with no explanation to the other person. like if saying like, no, I’m not going to do that.

And not having follow-up being like, like, why do you want to do that? Or why is that important to you? That also shows a lack of interest in the relationship to begin with. Do know what I’m saying here? Like just saying no, no, no, no, no to someone that someone’s going to be like, ⁓ they really don’t care. It’s not an over-explanation, but yeah, it’s definitely something to look at. It’s a different way of setting boundaries than usual.

Brie Tucker (15:29)

And I think that what we also though, like, so like if you set a boundary, you tell somebody, I’m not going to do this or I will do this if you do this or whatever that boundary is, right? Like, or when you do this, I will do this. And somebody asks for more information about it. I think that depending upon your past experiences, you might be like Bri and you might immediately run to, they don’t trust me. They don’t believe me. They. ⁓ want to fight me, they don’t respect me. Those are the things that run through my head when sometimes somebody starts asking questions about the boundary. And I’m going to say that in the cases where I’ve stopped myself from that thinking, and I’ve told myself, the person isn’t trying to attack me, they are just curious. It does help me better explain why I’m holding that boundary. And I can’t think of a single time where I came out feeling worse from that conversation.

I was able to do better with that. So two things to everybody. One, guys in Podcastland, I am fighting the urge so bad to not start singing Meghan Trainor, no, while we’re having this episode. It’s just rolling through my head the whole time. My sign is no. Okay, anyway. But the other thing I wanted to say was that I do feel like over-explaining, because earlier when I was showing you my over-explaining, you’re like, where is this train gonna go? Where’s the caboose?

I think it does lend also for you to lose your train of thought. When you’re over explaining, next thing you know, you’re like two blocks to the left in like the warehouse district. You don’t know where you are. You don’t know why you were explaining all that. All you know is that the other person looks even more confused and you’re like, I don’t even know what started this conversation. I don’t even remember.

JoAnn Crohn (17:21)

Well, I think what’s boundaries and when you’re setting boundaries, and I know this is a fear and I think we should address the fear because you’re worried that when you set a boundary, you’re going to feel like you’re rejecting the other person. ⁓ I think that’s a valid fear. That is something where I have seen boundaries being set against me, where it was no respect whatsoever for anything I wanted in the confrontation. And it was all about the other person.

Brie Tucker (17:47)

So how do you work through those?

JoAnn Crohn (17:49)

Well, I’m not saying that to over explain or anything, but like when you set a boundary, so let’s talk about these clear, concise boundaries you can use. So for example, they don’t want to do evening meetings and events. Saying I’m not available for evening meetings. That stops the conversation in its tracks. Where it says, yeah, I’m not available for evening meetings. The thing that gets me is when, especially like as an entrepreneur and as someone who is the one

JoAnn Crohn (18:19)

trying to organize everybody and bring everybody together in friend groups and stuff. When I ask a question and I’m like, okay, guys, does this work for you? If somebody’s like, nope, doesn’t work for me, with any, no additional follow-up, I’m gonna automatically be like, okay, here I am putting myself on the line for all of these people. I am putting all this energy into planning. And this person who’s just setting this one boundary is like stopping it and not continuing the conversation at all.

Brie Tucker (18:49)

Okay, I hear that, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (18:52)

It’s one of those things where as a courtesy to another person that you’re in a relationship with, whether it’s friends, whether it’s workplace, whether anything, there is some other thing always trying to get accomplished when somebody asks you to do something. And if the relationship is at the forefront, something that could always be said is like, okay, I’m not available for evening meetings, but then there’s the context about why that evening meeting is even needed.

And hey, can we plan it in the morning? Or can we do it right here instead?

Brie Tucker (19:26)

Yeah, because like I hear you and I agree with you that while short and clear is good in some situations, it certainly is not applicable in all. Yeah. And if you really want to get your point across. like going in that example right there of like, I don’t do evenings. I don’t do weekends. I don’t do extra stuff. Hey, I really appreciate that. I’m not available for the evenings or the weekends because that’s really our hard family time, but I’m happy to do.

X, Y, Z, or while I can’t be at the meeting, I’m happy to help be in charge of notifying everybody and to make copies or whatever. So like just sharing what you are willing to do because yeah. So skipping onto another example, here’s one that I get all the time. So school has started again and you are being asked constantly from your kids.

There are six birthday parties in my class. got invited to all of them. Can we make it this weekend? Cause they’re all at different times. I think we could do it if we do two on Saturday and two on Sunday. And then there’s the PTA meetings and all the things. I have loved it when I’ve heard people be like, thank you so much for the invite. We’re I’m not sure if we’re free that weekend, but I promise I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. And then have the time to actually look at your calendar and talk to your kid and be like, dude, you’re not going to all six parties. One.

Not enough time in the day to, I can’t afford it. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (20:54)

Yeah, there’s not enough time in the day. I would say like one, one at the max, but that is all due to your own personal standards about it. Right. And I think the only time that you really need to have that clear and concise boundary is when you’ve said no multiple, multiple times. Say it’s for an event that you just don’t want to go to. And you’ve been clear. You’re like, I just don’t want to go. And they’re like, what if we make it at this time? No.

I just don’t want to go. What if you make, what if we make it over here? What if we make it closer to you? No, I won’t discuss this topic anymore.

Brie Tucker (21:30)

Sometimes it does require that, Yeah. my no isn’t working. So again, cue Meghan Trainor. Have the song on cue on your phone. Okay, I’m just gonna hit this for you. My sign is no.

JoAnn Crohn (21:45)

that’s what other people sometimes need. If you’re very, very strong in your boundary, totally say no against it. But in most situations, there’s so much nuance involved in every situation that there may be variations of what is suggested that you may be okay with. Like maybe the only reason you don’t want to do something is because like, say we’re talking about the holidays and the holiday dinner has always been at your house and you don’t want to have a holiday dinner at your house this year.

Well, if it was at someone else’s house, you’d be down for it, but just not at your house. Yeah. And you’re pretty strong in that. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (22:21)

So that would be a no.

JoAnn Crohn (22:23)

It would be a no, not at my house. But the situation that would work for you is, I totally want to have holiday dinner if you host or whatever. But yes. So coming up after this break, we’re going to give you three easy tools you can keep in your back pocket to set and keep your boundaries right after this.

Brie Tucker (22:31)

Exactly. Exactly.

Okay, so here we go people. This is the part that you guys were dying to hear. I’m so sure. These are three tools that we’re gonna share with you to help you set your boundaries and hopefully like kick that guilt to the curb and be like, listen, this is a healthy boundary I’m setting and things are gonna be good. You know what I’m noticing I’m doing JoAnn? I’m over explaining as I introduced this part of the episode. It’s lovely. Okay, Focus.

JoAnn Crohn (23:08)

⁓ that’s okay. clarity. clarity.

Brie Tucker (23:14)

All right, number one. And this is a cool one I hadn’t heard of before when I was like trying to come up with some like different things for this one. And I came across the three S’s and I’m like, okay, I haven’t seen that before, but I love it. It’s something that we actually do tell our balance members a lot. like state it and then don’t give it disclaimers or extra stuff. And then just warm, happy at the end, letting them know that you still love them. You’re still happy. This doesn’t ruin your relationship.

So it’s state it, shut it down and smile. So say it simply, I love you and we’re not, love you. Sorry, that’s going the wrong direction. I know, right?

JoAnn Crohn (23:53)

That’s a kid. Yeah. That’s who we set the most boundaries against as parents.

Brie Tucker (23:58)

I know. I’m trying to think of a recent boundary. ⁓ I know. I had a boundary where I was at a party recently and I was very tired. And before we went to the party, I had spoken to my husband about it and was like, Hey, I don’t think I’m going to make it much later than like nine o’clock. And he’s like, yeah, no, that’ll be fine. No problem. So we get there and we’re hanging out and then like nine o’clock comes and I’m like, okay, I can do 15 minutes. Okay. Yeah, sure. Sounds great. And then 15 minutes later, Nope.

He was very involved in conversation. We weren’t going anywhere. So I had to just kind of look at him and be like, Hey, it’s been half an hour since I said I was leaving. I’m going out to the car now. You can just text me when you’re ready to go. I’m going to lay down in the car and let me know and we’ll leave then. And I was hoping that articulated to him that I needed to go. I was done. And that I still love you. Just text me when you’re done and I’ll come in and say goodbye to everybody. And then we’ll go.

JoAnn Crohn (24:57)

And you left. And then he was out 15 minutes later because you set that clear boundary and you actually acted on it. Because I think I think that’s the big thing. It’s like boundaries. It’s not just words. You just have to act on it. Yeah, because no one’s going to respect your boundaries if you don’t act on it.

Brie Tucker (25:12)

Yeah. If you don’t keep your boundaries, then why should anybody else expect that your boundaries are really hard and set? Right.

JoAnn Crohn (25:21)

Yeah, it comes down to a respect thing too, but not respect is thrown around so much that I don’t like to use the word respect.

Brie Tucker (25:28)

But it can be taken in a negative way Yeah

JoAnn Crohn (25:30)

It can’t. But like, for instance, with my son and some chores around the house, like all I had to do was set a boundary in one moment about dishes. And now I just look at the sink and I look at him and he’s like, it’s going to be unloaded tonight. I’m like, okay, cool.

Brie Tucker (25:47)

I love it when you could just be like uh-huh

JoAnn Crohn (25:50)

That makes my life so much easier. Thank you.

Brie Tucker (25:55)

Thank you for asking and it’ll get done. So yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (26:00)

So number two for this, after the state it and smile and shut it down, ask yourself, am I seeking clarity or approval? So if you’re starting to justify your no, are you actually looking for the other person to approve of why you’re saying no? Because I could tell you it’s not gonna happen, because they want you to say yes.

Brie Tucker (26:09)

Good one.

They wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t want to, yes. And I can guarantee you if it’s your kids, that’s exactly what they wanted.

JoAnn Crohn (26:27)

Yeah, and there’s a perception in this world too. And as a business owner, I operate by this. A no doesn’t mean a no. It’s not final. You can go back and ask again and again. And usually you’re not asking the same thing over and over again. You are taking into the other person’s considerations into mind. You are figuring out what’s motivating them and what they want. And you can go back. So most people who know this, when you say no to someone, they’ll be like, okay, cool, you know, I’ll check in with you later, mental checkbox. And then they’ll work their way around again to make sure that, okay, the next time they come up with an offer for you, they’re going to modify it a little bit to make sure that it’s something that makes you happy as well. So I just wanna say that so that to tell you that most people, like they won’t approve of you, but most people who are pretty savvy won’t give you any grief either for saying no. In that moment, they will respect it because they know whatever they’re asking you to do, it doesn’t drive with you and that’s okay.

Brie Tucker (27:35)

Unless the conversation is with a kid. then when I say the kid. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (27:41)

Kids will push, push, push, push. Yes. Because they don’t have a frontal lobe. 

Brie Tucker (27:46)

Yeah, so for that they will be bringing that back and back and back, but it just

JoAnn Crohn (27:50)

some adults don’t have a frontal lobe either. No, they do. That’s what makes it really bad. Yeah. Underdeveloped. Underutilized.

Brie Tucker (27:55)

Ooh, there you go. Yeah. But okay. All right. So like, if you find yourself like Brita sometimes spiraling into the justification because you feel like they don’t believe that it’s really a no and that they think that really you’re just being lazy and you don’t want to do whatever it is they’re asking, take a moment, stop, ground yourself. And like you said, think about how you’re going to feel after if you were to given on this boundary, how are you going to feel? Are you going to feel used? sad, resentful maybe, then you probably need to hold this one guys. You need to hold it. So I like that. Am I seeking clarity or approval? Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (28:40)

Acting on a boundary is the hardest part. Like we can tell you all the things to say and it only makes like 10 % of the difference. 90 % of your boundaries being effective is acting on them.

Brie Tucker (28:54)

100%. So. 100%. Yes, it does. Okay. So number three is building yourself a little sidekick of things that you could say when you’re put in that position, which we kind of talked about the beginning of the episode. We actually created something like that for you.

JoAnn Crohn (28:54)

That makes 100 % altogether.

We have a freebie for you. We have all of these phrases written down for you that you can look at whenever you need that little boundary push. Whenever you’re like, I don’t know what to say in this situation. Look it up there. All you have to do is go to no guilt mom on Instagram and message us 411. That’s the digits 411. And you will get this entire list of boundaries you can set things like

This doesn’t work for me.

Brie Tucker (29:45)

I appreciate the invite, but I’m going to need to say no this time.

JoAnn Crohn (29:50)

Yes. Yeah. Or my favorite, I’m not going to do that. It’s very clear.

Brie Tucker (29:56)

This was a great one for your kids. I love you, but that’s not an option today. Or just you don’t even need to throw in the, love you. That’s not an option today. Or here is my favorite. You guys have heard me say it before in the podcast. JoAnn knows it’s the only thing that works with my daughter is the, I love you and no, not I love you, but no, I love you and no. Whenever I get stuck in a loop with that girl and trust me, I have told her before that she needs to look into a career as a mediator or a lawyer because she can fight like there is no tomorrow. Just keep pushing and pushing and pushing. And I just have to keep saying that over and over again. I think my record has been 10, but on average she gets it by four. Yeah. huh. I hear you.

JoAnn Crohn (30:41)

We get the children that challenge us in the ways that we need to be challenged.

Brie Tucker (30:46)

Yes, the universe gives you an opportunity to practice any skills you need at any time so

JoAnn Crohn (30:53)

Yeah. So working and acting on boundaries is something that we work on in our balance membership all the time with our members in there. If you feel like having these conversations is the hardest part, and I can tell you that usually the conversations with people are the hardest part because there’s so many emotions involved, come and join us in balance. Go to balance for moms dot com slash go. And it is closed right now, our membership, but you can get on the wait list and we’ll send you some goodies when you get on the wait list, too. So, Look for that, go get on that. again, remember, message us on Instagram at noguiltmom411. I will send you this list of boundaries that you can say that will get you started. Yeah. So yeah.

Brie Tucker (31:37)

Yeah. Remember everybody. Hopefully you got at least one really core thing out of this. Boundaries are not being mean. They are essential to maintain a healthy relationship with others. That is the purpose of boundaries. And also your energy, your cup is precious, man. Like you can’t empty your cup and then still be able to deal with things. So don’t burn good energy.

good mood that you have trying to please or convince other people that your boundary is valid.

JoAnn Crohn (32:12)

Yep, you don’t need to convince other people. You don’t need to be defensive. just need to know what you want, which is sometimes hard, and then act on it. And we are here for you, and you can do this. You are strong. You are brave. You’ve got this. Remember, the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk with you later.

Brie Tucker (32:33)

Thanks for stopping by.

JoAnn Crohn (32:37)

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