Podcast Episode 277: How To Have a Stress-Free Summer With The Kids So You Don’t Lose Your Cool Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s all about those expectations.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, we’re here to tell you that no, they don’t exist and you’ll be fine. Your kids will be fine. You do not have to have it all figured out. And if your kids are driving you bonkers and you need a break, you make that happen.

JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: Why? Hello. Hello, everybody. How are you?

JoAnn Crohn: Here we are at the kind of beginning of summer for the East Coast, but we’re, we’re pretty much midsummer here in Arizona, if not a couple of weeks away from school starting again, which is just insane.

Brie Tucker: I was gonna say, okay, so we’re recording this the second, well, the end of the first long week of June, which is already in our households because of the district our kids go to here in Arizona. It’s already week three of summer

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, mm

Brie Tucker: and are coming into week three. And I got to tell you, I went to Walmart last night and they had school supplies out.

JoAnn Crohn: I

Brie Tucker: It was like, how dare you dirty, dirty, dirty me like that. That’s just a no.

JoAnn Crohn: But our district goes back July 18th

Brie Tucker: no. 17th

JoAnn Crohn: of 17th.

Brie Tucker: I know that because my daughter, her birthday’s on the 18th and she is, she is like trying to get me to tell her that she doesn’t have to go to school in the second day of school because it’s her birthday. I know.

Right. I’m like, yeah, it’s, it’s not, but it’s only still a bit. No, no, you’re not missing. No, you’re not. You’re not the kid that’s missing in the second day of school because it’s your birthday. That’s just not

JoAnn Crohn: yeah, it’s just not happening not at all That’s funny. Well, this summer episode, it’s not what you think because summer gets kind of thrown onto moms, like to make all of the arrangements, map all of the activities. And uh, I don’t know why, like, why is that? Why are we the ones who are forced to do all of that for you? We’re the ones who step up and make it happen.

Brie Tucker: I think just because of the fact that people assume that mom is the like activities director, you know, like no matter what, no matter where we are, we’re like, somehow it ends up being our job to make sure that we do everything. And like, and it’s interesting because I do think in some cases we end up in that role because.

We’re at home. Maybe we’re stay at home moms. Maybe we’re work at home moms, but somehow Everybody thinks it’s our job to come up with things for our kids to do and when I told you about my idea for this episode you were like, oh, I don’t want to do this one because I feel like a terrible mom this summer

JoAnn Crohn: I do feel like a terrible mom.

Brie Tucker: But your reason you were feeling like a terrible mom is exactly why we need to do this episode because it’s bullshit

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: So go on.

JoAnn Crohn: So I’m going to tell you that story along with other things that you can do with your kids this summer and let’s get on with the show. So yeah, when Brie came to me with this episode, I’m like, Brie, I just can’t do this episode. What to do this summer with your kids. I have no activity ideas. Like my kids are just on their devices today and we ordered door dash from two separate places and they have not left the house. I mean, it’s 114 degrees outside too, so let’s just put that in there,

Brie Tucker: In all fairness, it’s hot.

JoAnn Crohn: it’s real hot.

Brie Tucker: It’s a little hot here in Phoenix.

JoAnn Crohn: but it’s come to like, I’ve come to the point in my life where it’s not, I’ve finally realized I’m not doing it. I’m not planning all the activities because first of all, they’re not always happy in the activities I plan, rightly so, because. They don’t want to go into it. I mean, they’re older now they’re almost 11 and 15 and I wouldn’t be happy with my mom planning all the activities. If I was 11 and 15, I’d want to.

You know, dictate my own time and do stuff like that. I wanted to do so I get that but at the same time You see everybody on Facebook and Instagram being like, oh, yes I’ve signed my kids up for summer camp and I’ve done this and I’ve done that and you feel like Even like times you take a break because it’s not like they’re gonna have a bad summer I mean, we’re going to Cancun next week on like They’re learning entrepreneurial skills and we’re going to go to New Zealand. And yet I still think I’m a crappy mom.

Brie Tucker: Oh, yeah. Like, I, every summer. Yeah, I know, right? And it’s, okay. There, there’s just so many things. Like, maybe we just bat these out, like, one at a time. And for anybody that is, like, watching us while we’re live streaming this, By all means, we want to see your comments and your additions here. I think one of the big problems that we hear about is my house is going to be destroyed all summer long, either because my kids are going to destroy it or because, well, actually, no, I think it’s also mean it’s mainly that there’s no also, it’s your kids.

Let’s just be honest. Even with me, I’ve got two teenagers at home this summer. Both of them are working, so they’re not hanging out at the house. I mean, I would say. It’s rare if they’re both home at the same time, it’s rare that I’ve got both of them, but even so with them being here and not at school, now I have them making breakfast in the kitchen, which they normally like made on the run or didn’t make at all.

They’re making lunch, which that’s also a mess and it’s extra stuff to do and they’re just kind of like at a different pace, but they still have things that they can do around the house to help clean up and help make it okay. And also I need to let go of some stuff. And just be like, does it really matter to me?

So like, not everybody can do this, but in my house and I, you can do this. I know you can. So the way our houses are set up, like I may not be okay with the way, like the living room spaces and maybe the kitchen isn’t where I want it to be, but I can at least control my space. I can control my bedroom and my office.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, I can control that.

Brie Tucker: They look the way I want them to, and then you already know my secret. I just shut the doors on anything else that I can.

JoAnn Crohn: Exactly. That’s all you like. That’s what I have to do too. I cannot stand the trash being left out. I cannot stand it. I cannot stand like rappers being left on counters. I cannot. Oh, I have the dog. The dog gets into every single. Um, and so if there’s any trash left out, like, and that dog is left alone for any period of time, that trash is going to be shredded all over the living room.

Like, no matter what it is, the dog will find it. I made cookies the other night. My daughter came into the kitchen. The dog was on the counter. Like, and it was like seconds, it was seconds, Brie, like I had her in my office the entire time because I knew we were cooling cookies. I went to the bathroom, I went to the bathroom and the dog like remembered about, she’s like, Oh my gosh, this is my chance to get the cookies. It’s been 30 minutes without the cookies. This is my chance. I’m going to go up there. And she didn’t get any. We caught her in time. But I mean. So I can’t stay on trash on the counters. So what I did with my kids and talking about like keeping the house clean is I sat down with my daughter and I’m like, look, when I see trash, it makes me crazy. Like, and she’s 15 years old. And I’m like, it really makes me crazy. So to keep your mom seen, can you just put it in the trash can? Can you just put it in the trash can? Look, I’m getting crazy already. Can you just put it in the trash can?

Brie Tucker: And you’ve heard me say it, like, even now with my 17 and almost 16 year old, I will still refer to myself as grumpy mom or grump. Yeah. Yeah. Grumpy mom is what I call myself. I call myself grumpy breed and my husband. And I’ll just be like, nobody likes grumpy mom, grumpy breed. Nobody does. And I don’t like her either. So if you can do this one thing for me, then we’ll be good going forward. And after this break I’m gonna give you guys my other secret weapon that I have on how to get my kids to get chores done around the house Which will help with that cleaning.

Okay guys. This is my secret sauce of what I have done so far and granted, like I said, we’re only on like week two and a half, almost week three of summer break here, but in all fairness in Phoenix, we only get a six or seven week summer. So it’s, we’re halfway through, but, , so one thing I have said to my kids is like, look, You guys, you’re old enough that you guys can go do your own things.

You know, one of them’s got a car, the other one doesn’t, but has lots of friends that have cars. So you guys can go do your things, but it’s summer, so let’s do some, some chores around the house. And I do let them like pick their chores. So every like couple of months, we go through this all the time.

And you’ve heard me say it before. And hopefully people that are listening have heard me say it too. So I’m like, here’s your current chores. Do you want to keep them or do you want to change them? Okay. Keep them. Cause that’s almost always what they pick. All right. I’ll keep them. Okay, great. What day does this have to be done?

In the past, we were doing it on this day because this is what worked with your school schedule, but it’s summer now. So do you want it to be the same day or do you want to change it? We’ll change it. Okay, great. Now it’s this day that it has to be done. All right. And now here’s the piece I added for my kids that I, oddly enough, I don’t know why I never had this before.

All right. Now, if you don’t get your chores done by the chores that you have picked by the day you said you’d have them done, here’s what the consequences are going to be. And the first one is like a, it’s a warning. We talk about it. Like, what’s going on happens again, twice, driving privileges are gone. Going out with your friends is gone until the chores get done. Once they’re done, you get to go right back out. Like. It’s not a big deal.

JoAnn Crohn: mm hmm. Exactly. I think that’s a great thing. And like, what kind of chores are they doing?

Brie Tucker: So, for my daughter, she has to wash our dog cause we have a, we have a Chihuahua Spaniel mix. So he’s little, but he gets stanky when he goes on his walks during the summer. I like, I never thought that a dog could like have body odor, but I swear to God that dog during the summer gets body odor. Cause he’s black and it’s 115, like we said in Phoenix. So he gets hot when he goes on his daily walks.

JoAnn Crohn: Poor Maxie getting called out for his

Brie Tucker: Oh, I know he comes back and all of us are like, Oh my God, what is that smell? Get away. You can come back at like 15 minutes.

JoAnn Crohn: What did you roll in? Who did you meet on your walk?

Brie Tucker: I know. Right. What have you been doing? But like 15 minutes later, you can come back and he’s okay. But so anyway, she has to bathe them once a week so that’s her thing. And then she dusts the house and, , she has to clean their bathroom because. She is now living with us full time. Before that, I was the one that was cleaning their bathroom. Long story short, she just did not feel like it was fair that she had to clean up after her brother.

So, but now she’s in there all the time. So I’m like, all right, you clean your bathroom. And then my son said he likes vacuuming. Is the boy the best vacuumer? No, but is he certainly helpful? Yes. So we have a three story townhouse. He does the two floors and one set of stairs, which means I have one floor and it’s my office that I do.

And I have one set of stairs I do. And it, it has certainly helped us keep the house like under a little bit better control so that I’m not feeling like everything is constantly being left to me because I’m the one that’s at home.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, that’s a good thing to not have it constantly left to you like for my kids at home. So, , our house got too cumbersome to clean. Like we have a pretty large, large house. And so we do have cleaners come in every two weeks who take care of like the vacuuming and the washing of counters And

Brie Tucker: And

JoAnn Crohn: like that, because I, and yeah, cause I, I wasn’t going to take that under control, even managing the cleaning of it. I was like, no. No, it’s not going to happen, but my kids, they load and unload the dishwasher. They help us clean up the kitchen. , my daughter, pooper scoops, the backyard, I’m trying to teach them more kitchen skills. So they’re coming into the kitchen with me when I’m cooking and lately when I’m cooking, it’s just, , trader Joe’s recipes. It’s amazing. I love it. I love trader Joe’s

Brie Tucker: It’s going to help them when they get into college learning how to make things quick and like look at stuff that way. It’s gonna

JoAnn Crohn: yeah. Yeah. It’s a really, really good thing. , and then they have to keep their stuff picked up around the house. Like I don’t want to like keep tripping over their stuff. Uh, and it’s a lot better and easier during the summer for them during the school year. I think it’s harder to keep it picked up because they’re so busy with schoolwork and so like done with that. they just want to rest and relax at home, which I totally get.

Brie Tucker: Well, and I think it’s important too to note like that’s not a hill. you’re gonna die on during the school year. There’s other things that they have to do, but that’s for you. That’s not your end all be all. But there

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. It’s a hard thing. It’s a hard thing because also with the chores thing, like, yes, kids need responsibility and it’s good, , to have them help around the house, but also like there’s somebody who needs to manage those chores and keep on top of them and keep them accountable for them. And so I think that.

We get a lot of flack when, like, if you have a job that you love and you put a lot of time into that job and your husband or partner has a job that they love and they put a lot of time into that job, well then, like, where’s the extra time come from that you’re also going to manage all the chores being done in the house and all, like, the house, because it’s household management. It’s like in a company when you’re managing a lot of different people, like, You have to have somebody, yeah, you have to have somebody in control of it to make sure all the pieces get closed and everything gets filed, like followed up on and, and it’s a big job. So if right now you’re like, my kids don’t do any chores around the house. I feel like I’m being a crappy mom. Hold on one step back. I mean, if you have other responsibilities, you’re not being a crappy mom at all. Like there’s just not, not any extra time in the day to do it. And you really just have to pick your battles.

Brie Tucker: yeah. Like, pick your battles, what’s important. And I also, like, when my kids were younger, I don’t do it now because I think a couple, I think it might have been two summers ago, they were like, Hey, uh, take down the sign. I don’t like it anymore. I’m going to grab the sign because I actually have it right behind me.

JoAnn Crohn: Mm hmm. Oh,

Brie Tucker: People that are watching this on Facebook.

JoAnn Crohn: that’s the sign I made

Brie Tucker: Yeah. I was going to say like, it originally came from JoAnn back when, uh, I think with your original blog,

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, whimsical. Mm

Brie Tucker: that was whimsical and this is like a summer screen time rules, but it was, but what it really was, was a summer chore chart, 100%,

JoAnn Crohn: It was

Brie Tucker: but it, it gave them screen time. Before they got to use electronics, they had to, uh, get dressed, eat breakfast, which they made themselves, make up your bed, do one chore, because again, they picked chores for the summer, , to create a play for 30 minutes, read 30 minutes, physical play, 30 minutes, which is important here in Phoenix.

Cause like, Getting that physical activity during our hundred plus degrees, it’s hard and do something kind for someone else. Nine times out of ten, they played with the dog. And they were like, we’re being kind to dog. They’re being kind to Max, Liz is watching this on Facebook. It’s like, you forgot to put hygiene on it.

Well, you know, there is an empty spot, so you could add something extra. I don’t know why I feel like brushing teeth wasn’t an issue when they were younger, but I don’t know, I could be wrong. So

anyway, I used that. And it was there and it was on the wall and that way. I didn’t have to manage it.

You’re going to do your thing and you’re going to add like, and next to the do one chore, they had to write down what chore they did. It was a dry erase board. So like they just got to dry erase it. And that’s what I needed to do to not have to manage it. Like that made my management minimal. And I didn’t feel like I was losing my mind.

And I also didn’t have to like, Be checking on everything. Now, another thing too, is , you also have to be like realistic and like, what to expect from your kids. even at 17 and 16, I don’t expect my kids to do the degree of cleaning that I would do. But

JoAnn Crohn: No, because they’re still, yeah, they’re still working on it. I remember it used to take me four hours to clean a bathroom when I was in high school. I

Brie Tucker: Oh my God, girl.

JoAnn Crohn: I would, I would, no, no, no, no, no. I didn’t clean it the whole time. I kept getting, I kept getting distracted and I would like, I would like clean the sink and then I’d be like, oh, that reminds me, I need to go do this.

Why didn’t I get diagnosed with ADHD suitor? I don’t know. Like, my parents are like, Joanne, if you just focus, you could clean it so fast, they didn’t, didn’t make the connection, but, , you know, you just have to, to figure out what your kids need, figure out what your kids want to do and like how to help them the best you can, and that’s all you can do, uh, and, and also like, screen time isn’t a horrible, horrible thing, uh, but we’re gonna, we’re gonna get into more things to do with your kids this summer, right after this.

So talking about what to do with your kids this summer Especially if they’re like laying around the house and like they’re destroying your house or they’re doing doing something like that I have to say that we have to really address that issue because what to do with young kids during the summer is Much different than what to do with older kids during the summer because

usually with older kids, they’re less likely to destroy the house and leave messes out for you to then clean up. Like older kids can be held accountable for picking up after themselves. And especially when you do something when then, like you do with driving privileges, when you actually go do your chores and like clean up this mess, then you get your driving privileges back, which makes sense because you have to stay until you do it. Like you can’t do it. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: Exactly. Exactly. And yeah, so like when they’re younger, there is some degree of stuff that you do have to like help facilitate with your kids for sure. Like we’re talking like toddler, preschooler, like, and even elementary, you still have to be there to help them do a lot of those things. But, you don’t have to do it all, because if you’re constantly being the activities director, you’re gonna be done, spent, before lunch probably even, right? And, plus there’s also the fact too that like, We do know that our kids have to have some degree of, of figuring out how to do things on their own.

JoAnn Crohn: yeah,

Brie Tucker: Boredom is great.

JoAnn Crohn: it is. It is great. . It is difficult though, because I recognize now, like I am in a different season of motherhood than I was like five years ago, five years ago during the summer, I would have a summer routine where like, first of all, I would They had to be in a day camp. They had to be, at least for part of the summer, because that was not going to go well for anybody since I work from home.

So they had to be in a day camp, they had to have some kind of activity that they were doing. when my son was really, really young though, I would have a routine where we would go and we would do an activity together in the morning, , maybe use our little like, what was that pass called that everyone uses here at Phoenix? The Pogo Pass! Use that little Pogo Pass, go to the library, get those free admissions. Like, I went to so many Phoenix museums for free because of those library passes.

Brie Tucker: oh, remember we would go to the airport too?

JoAnn Crohn: oh yeah, the airport. Ride the train at the airport. Mm hmm. And we would have to do an activity in the morning. And my whole mission was to tire him out in the morning. And then we’d come back and we’d eat lunch and then he would go down for a nap and then we would just hang around the house for the rest of the afternoon and watch movies and have the TV on and that sort of thing. And that was like our summer routine in our summer days. We also had a pool at that time, so I’d go in the pool with him and everything like that.

But it was like, when you have a kid that young, they need all the adult attention and it’s so hard if they’re not in a camp or something like that. I find it’s impossible when women are expected to work from home, like do another career. other than, you know, just staying home with the kids, which is a career all in itself. Like you’re essentially trying to do two jobs when you have a young kid and it’s. It’s impossible. Like you just lose your sanity throughout it all.

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember like when our kids were in elementary school? I think is when we started this. We had a group of like four or five of us that all lived within probably five minutes of each other and our kids were all friends. It was mainly our daughters and we would do swap outs because, I want to say like, it’s you worked from home. I can’t remember. I was working from home still at that time or not. And then we had another friend that was a stay at home mom, but also had like a side hustle that she did. So we would share our kids. It’d be like, okay. I’ll take the girls Monday this week who can take them on Wednesday and like at really helped give us like those few hours and plus also the other beauty of it was that if I had an extra three kids over at my house, it still made it so that I didn’t, I did not have to have the degree of being like in everything they were doing because they were doing their own thing and they were keeping each other happy. Maintained and it was crazy too because , I feel like sometimes like the kids behaved better when they were at one of our houses than if they were at home. So my daughter having three friends over she would get into less mischief with her three friends over than if it was just her and her brother.

JoAnn Crohn: Exactly. Yeah. I mean, that’s how it works. So if you have like elementary school kids at home, volunteer to take some more people on over because it’s going to be an easier time.

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Reach out, reach out to those friends that your kids had at school or that, you know, that’s around the neighborhood. Like chances are good. There’s somebody else that would be really excited to do like a, swap out. That’s like a huge thing, I think

JoAnn Crohn: Well, it’s interesting too, because like I always say, like it was so much easier being an elementary school teacher with 30 kids in the classroom than being home alone with my two. And that’s exactly it. Because when you have like multiple kids, not related to each other, siblings drive each other crazy.

Uh, but if you have multiple kids, not related to each other, they actually like interact with each other. They play. and you don’t have to be involved in all the squabbles and the fun. Fighting and the jealousy and everything. and that’s one of the things that makes it easier. Uh, so yeah, just invite the friends over, invite the friends over.

And now that they’re teenagers, I just have to let go. I have to let go and be like, you know what? It’s going to be okay if they sit on the couch, because that’s what I did when I was a teenager, I just sat on the couch and watch TV

Brie Tucker: They’ll figure. Yeah, they figure out what they want to do. Like, , that’s crazy. Like, I’m trying to think some of the stuff that I’ve seen happen so far in these couple of weeks. So we just got back from a four day trip to a cabin with our extended family. And, , I have seen my kids reading more for pleasure.

Summer started, they didn’t do it at all during the school year. I thought that they had like lost that reading skill, but they actually were doing it just for the fun of it. my daughter’s gotten really big into doing her nails. So like, she is constantly like, , honing in her skills on that. And, she has really gotten into like cleaning out her room and selling things back.

Like there’s a Plato’s closet that is, you know, it’s like a hop, skip and a jump from my house. It’s like a two minute drive. And we’ll take her over there at least once a week. She’s like, Hey guys, I got more clothes for you. She’s dropping stuff off. Sully things are going back and like, they’re just, they’re finding things to do at that time that I mean, and even if they are watching TV, I think it’s okay.

I really do. Because I know that they’re, they’re doing other skills. They’re seeing their friends when they can, like, it’s, it’s okay. It’s definitely like a lot more rounded than it looks like sometimes like, and, and, and this is also people, this is the ghost of child future talking to you. So when you’ve got your like, let’s say like three year old to 11 year old at home and you’re freaking out that they are watching too much YouTube. They’re on their screens. There’s all these things happening. We’re telling you, it’s not going to break them. I promise. It’s not going to be like this forever.

You’ll have good days where you’re going to be so busy and there’s so much stuff going on and your kids are going to have so much to it that they’re doing that that’s going to even out for those days where they are just like screen zombies.

JoAnn Crohn: and you need that. You need that like balance because even though I’m like, I told Bri when I was getting on, I’m like, I’m not in a good mood right now because I like feel like a crappy mom. I’m like, I feel like a crappy mom. Like my hair appointment took way longer. I’m running behind and I just started my period.

And she’s like, there you go. There you go! There you go! Like, because, like, when you said things that you’ve noticed your kids do, like, I’ve noticed that my kid’s doing, , a lot of stuff, too. Like, my son is making plans with friends. Even though he’s on Minecraft, he’s also, like, Calling them on the phone.

They play, , Minecraft together, like friends from school. , he’s making plans for them to get together. Like he’s going over to a friend’s house on Sunday. , all of these things. And then my daughter, she just came back from a trip with friends yesterday. She’s in a book club. She’s going to a friend’s house this weekend.

Like she’s busy. And so like. I don’t know where we got it that if our kids have any downtime, we’re crappy parents, because I think that’s what I’m looking at. If my kids have downtime, for some reason I did something wrong and it’s just strange. It’s like this productive thing gone haywire, you

Brie Tucker: is. It’s this expectation that if you’re not doing it at a level 10, you’re not doing it

JoAnn Crohn: exactly. Like I always think of that saying, like how you do one thing is how you do everything. And it’s just not true. It’s not true. I don’t know. I don’t know. I

Brie Tucker: No, I do things at a lot of different levels. You know that you’ve seen my intensity. I could, do a level intensity and I can do a level one intensity. Guess what? I could do that back to back.

JoAnn Crohn: Mm hmm.

Brie Tucker: okay. It’s okay. We all have days where you just, it’s not possible. Nobody can be a level 10, 24 seven. and even if you were able to do it, the sacrifices you’ll be making and, happiness wellbeing and the expectations that you are setting for your children are unrealistic and more than likely going to cause them to be like, why is it that my mom could do everything and I can’t? Well, that’s because, you know, mom was, was trying to do a level 10 cause she was living up to some expectations that don’t really exist.

JoAnn Crohn: Mm hmm. It’s all about those expectations.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, we’re here to tell you that no, no, they don’t exist and you’ll be fine. Your kids will be fine. You do not have to have it all figured out. And if your kids are driving you bonkers and you need a break, you make that happen. Like have the conversation with your parenting partner, reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member. Hey, I need some time off. Like, how about this? Like one of my favorite little tricks that we would do. And, and I know this doesn’t work out for everybody, but, , my in laws lived in California about a five and a half hour drive away.

So they didn’t get to see our kids as often as they wanted to. , so like, you know, seeing them over the weekend, wasn’t an option. They got to see them a few times a year. Like when they would drive out here or we would drive out there. So what we decided to, because I had summers off because I worked for the school district, and it was just it was too much for me, all summer long, no breaks, I was like, I was like, I’ll just be honest, it was, I’m trying to like,

JoAnn Crohn: Nope. It was too much. It was

Brie Tucker: It was too much. So my mother in law and I had figured out this thing where I was like, okay, great. We’ll drop them off. Like we will drive, you know, halfway to your house. So we’ll drive two and a half hours. You’ll drive two and a half hours. We’ll swap out the kids. You take them for a week. We called it camp grandma, grandpa, and everybody was happy.

Like my ex husband, like, or husband at the time, like he wouldn’t take off from work, but I sure enjoyed that time that we had, that we could have date nights during the week. We could do whatever, like I could sleep in I got that time and it was so fantastic and so, so refreshing.

JoAnn Crohn: And I, and I get the feeling about feeling bad to ask for help, by the way. Like, like, we feel like we have to do everything ourselves and if we don’t do it ourselves, that we’re somehow failing. And the way to get out of that is to start really, really little, like start really, really little. And if you’re not comfortable telling somebody that like you need some time or like it’s too much, just plan something little for yourself or tell people you’re planning something little for yourself when that plan is you’re going to stay at home in a quiet house, do nothing and just be like, Hey, can you take the kids? , and see what happens from there because there are always people who are willing to help. And it’s actually something that you forget, like just the buzz and the high you get when you know that you’ve helped someone else out. Like I, I ask a lot. I’m like, how can I help you? How can I help you? And people always be like, I’m fine. I don’t need anything. I’m like, damn it. Tell me how I can help you because I don’t know. Like, let me do something. Oh,

Brie Tucker: like, I think back again to when we had our kids in elementary school and I don’t think I would have made it through that time if it weren’t for the friends that I had. And, and it was funny because like my oldest. Cause my kids are only a year apart.

So when my oldest got into kindergarten, I never had had friends before with kids. So I didn’t know how to navigate any of that. But, , you definitely rolled it off. Like when I, with the second year, . So I met a friend, , my friend Mindy. From art masterpiece when I did my art masterpiece for my son, but like when I met you that second year when my daughter went into kindergarten, it just clicked really well.

And we got this group of friends where we were all the same way. We were all like, I’m going to ask for help. and like, as soon as one of us did, I think all the rest of us were like, Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. And then we just have been like super open ever since. So like, it’s crazy. To me, the idea of like people not asking for help and being afraid for it. I mean, I understand why I really do, but it seems so far away from me. So far detached now because of the group that are friends that I had and how we supported each other.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. It’s interesting. Cause like, , I I’m falling in with the same kind of, , group at my son’s school. the moms are all really supportive. Like yesterday they planned a movie for the kids and like I couldn’t go and another mom was working as well. And so two of the moms, April and Allie, shout out to them.

I know Allie listens to the podcast. they took the kids to go see Garfield and then I’m like, well, I want to see you all. I want to hang out with you. So I’m going to, I’ll, I’ll come and meet you for lunch. And so we just, I hung out with them. We met for lunch and it was wonderful. And I, I look forward to any time that I can help them as well and take some off them because like I had to work during that time and my son wouldn’t have been able to go, um, otherwise. So it’s so great to have parents around who support. Each other and who aren’t in competition or anything like that.

Brie Tucker: so I guess the other thing we’re saying is like, again, ghost of, of kid future. Like if you have a kid who is, , just now starting into elementary school or is in preschool or whatever, and you’re like, gosh, I wish I had those people in my life. I don’t have them. Chances are you do in some capacity.

You just haven’t put yourself out there yet. And unfortunately someone has to take that first step of being like, , I could really use some support. Could really use some help. What do you think about doing a swap out? Yeah,

JoAnn Crohn: I think I may have been the one who started the Uh, to reach out first. I think I was the one who, cause all it, all it takes is like, if your child is in a group of friends at school,

Brie Tucker: or even has one friend,

JoAnn Crohn: or even has one, friend, all I did was it was Halloween. And I’m like, Oh my gosh, the kids want to trick or treat with each other. Why doesn’t everyone just come to my house? I’ll make like sangria for everybody and we can all bring food. And that’s when I met everyone for the first time in that group. , and then from then it’s been like meetups. Like they had an afterschool party, April’s house. And so all of us moms were like out there drinking wine and the kids were playing in the pool and it was wonderful. It was wonderful. And, , I was like, I was stressed all day. And then I sat down and like, Oh my gosh, I really needed to come.

Brie Tucker: right? It’s like, sometimes it’s even like just being there and being able to relax and have those things happen. So, so I guess what we’re saying is like setting up expectations for the summer, like that’s important. And Yes, you can ask your kids to help keep that house clean, but you also are going to have to let go of this, like, idea that you want it to be perfect, because it’s just not going to be, and it’s not good for anyone.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t teach your kids or have expectations for them to do a certain level of chores, but You can set those boundaries, set those expectations, and everybody will be, be happier to reach out for support and help. There are other people out there that can help give you those breaks. You cannot be expected to do the whole thing all summer long, and they will not be on TV or screens all summer. We promise you.

JoAnn Crohn: I would start with your kids, friends, parents, because not only will you have someone else to talk to, but your kids have someone to play with.

Brie Tucker: I know, right? I was going to say like, sometimes that was the best part was just us getting to hang out. Like the kids were so happy and we were like, Oh my God, I get to have a conversation about something other than my child’s latest Minecraft creation. And I needed to do that. Cause if I had to hear about one more damn creeper, I was going to explode myself.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah,

Brie Tucker: Yeah. I remember those days. So, so well. So yeah. , yeah. So like, you guys got this, You got this.

JoAnn Crohn: You got it. You got it. Have a wonderful, wonderful summer. Remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.

Brie Tucker

COO/ Podcast Producer at No Guilt Mom
Brie Tucker has over 20 years of experience coaching parents with a background in early childhood and special needs. She holds a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Missouri and is certified in Positive Discipline as well as a Happiest Baby Educator.

She’s a divorced mom to two teenagers.

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