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Podcast Episode 244: How to Freaking Chill with Tami Hackbarth Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Tami Hackbarth: And I thought something has to give, like It can’t just be them. I was a third grade teacher, kids hold a mirror up to you and they show you all of the beautiful parts of you and also the things that you’re not interested in looking at. And I thought, what would happen if I basically chilled out? Would their behavior change? 

JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the delightful Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: Why, hello, hello, everybody. How are you?

JoAnn Crohn: Today we’re talking about one of our favorite topics, which is self care and how you can prioritize yourself, because that is why we are here for you and No Guilt Mom, to be a happier parent by prioritizing you. And before we really get into it, Brie, we always have a favor to ask of everyone listening.

Brie Tucker: We would love, love, love for you to, you know, just wonder on over to Apple podcasts. Leave us a review. Tell us what you think. Rate and review. Share!

JoAnn Crohn: yes, it helps us get all of the goodness that we want for you to have in your life. There’s no guilt. There’s no shame. Out to as many women as possible. So please rate and review us. It really does help us in the algorithm of Apple Podcasts. and without further ado, we want to introduce you to Tammy Hackbarth.

She is a life and work coach. She’s a fair play facilitator, a speaker and host of the 100 percent guilt free self care podcast, which prior to this interview, 30 minutes before I had just finished an interview for that podcast. So go and listen to that. She’s also the author of the book, the essential guide to a hundred percent guilt free self care and creator of the.

Group coaching experience, deferred maintenance. She helps women get their time and energy back so they can create the world they want to live in. We hope you enjoy our conversation with Tammy. 

So Well, we’re totally in an interesting situation in this interview because I just got off talking with Tammy for an hour and a half for your podcast, Tammy. So tell us, you are all about self care, which we definitely promote here at the No Guilt Mom podcast. How did you get in to teaching about self care?

Tami Hackbarth: I needed self care.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, that’s usually it, right? Yeah.

Tami Hackbarth: It’s like you, you teach what you need. I was, I changed careers three times. I started in politics. I moved to teaching and now I’m a coach. And the one thing that, my first two careers had in common is that I was in a pattern of overwork, collapse, burnout, sort of recover. And then come back and do it all over again and wonder why I felt terrible and was having a hard time, like making progress on my goals and keeping my house clean and feeling good in my life. 

And when I became a teacher, I was like, I love this job. I want to be happy in this job. Like, how can I, Feel fulfilled and happy and I will say I didn’t come to this completely by myself. I went to my principal one time, to ask for some advice about something in my classroom and he walked behind the desk behind me, closed the door and he came back around and he said, Are you happy being a teacher and are you guys, I burst into ugly tears and was like, of course I’m not happy. That’s why I’m here.

Brie Tucker: Right? It’s like that question you don’t want to hear because you know, you don’t want to have to say the answer.

Tami Hackbarth: you don’t want to have to change anything. Right?

JoAnn Crohn: hmm.

Tami Hackbarth: I did. I was a little insulted. I will admit it. And so I took this as a personal challenge to, to sort of fix my life in the way that what, what would happen. If I did all those things that are recommended, what in my life would change, if anything? Because I was like, I wasn’t convinced that sleeping well, eating well, meditating, moving my body made that much difference because I had never been consistent before.

JoAnn Crohn: Mm

Tami Hackbarth: So after that gentle call in from my principal, I decided to dedicate the rest of the school year and that was in November. So I like had a long runway to making dinner, connecting with friends, meditating, actually making it to yoga class without You know, getting a speeding ticket on the way there,

JoAnn Crohn: Being rushed on the way to yoga. Yes, that’s a great way to start the yoga practice. Yeah.

Tami Hackbarth: exactly. You, you, you were like, I’m going to make it there. and what I discovered, was in that year I had a particularly rough class, like, Ooh, they were a tough nut to crack as a whole. And I thought something has to give, like it can’t. It can’t just be them. I was a third grade teacher, kids hold a mirror up to you and they show you all of beautiful parts of you and also the things that you’re not interested in looking at.

And I thought, what would happen if I basically chilled out? Would their behavior change? Would I feel better at work? So I took on this, you know, basically school year long experiment and what I discovered was that everything changed. My relationship at home changed. My spouse was like, wow, you’re a lot happier.

My relationship with my students changed. Like, I couldn’t believe how much my behavior was affecting their behavior.the relationship I had with my body changed. And I thought, Oh my God, if everyone did this, we could change so much in the world.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, okay. So I have so many questions for you, Tammy, and I can already see where this is going. This is gonna be the how to effin chill out episode, because I think we all need this. And it’s so funny because at the end of my interview with you, you asked me what is the one thing that I’m still working on. And I’m like, well, I need to relax. So

Brie Tucker: We all need to.

JoAnn Crohn: we all do. we were also talking about Enneagrams and I want to bring up Enneagrams again, because in the short little half hour break that we had, by the way, go listen to my interview on Tammy’s podcast. We’ll have a link for you in the show notes. Tammy, you said you were a one, which is the perfectionist.

And I went back to the book I use, The Road Back to You, the Enneagram Journey, that’s how I figured out. I believe I share your Enneagram of a one because I am looking at it and I am like, I beat myself up when I make mistakes. I don’t feel comfortable when I try to relax. There is too much to be done.

I don’t like it when people ignore or break the rules, like when the person in the fast lane at the grocery store has more items than allowed. I am like that when people are disturbing other people. efficiency. I can’t take it. I can’t take it. it’s hard for me to let go of resentment. If I say it, I’ll do it.

Like all of these things, I’m like, whoa. And one of the things you also said to me is to look at the Enneagram and to see like how it comes out in terms of stress, like what you don’t want to do. And so I looked at that. And I’m like, here’s the Enneagram, it’s stress free. And you’ll be like, okay, that’s that’s good.

Stress. In stress, ones instinctively take on the not so great qualities we expect to see in unhealthy fours. Their inner critic begins working overtime and their need to perfect the world goes into overdrive. They become more resentful of others having fun, more sensitive of criticism and depressed. And I was like, whoa, I’m a one, Tammy. And I don’t know if anyone listening. Can see that they’re a one as well, but I felt that was so 

Tami Hackbarth: It’s so funny. Right. So when I shared that with, when I found out I recently, I was like the last five years that I found out about the Enneagram and I am by no means an expert. I do have a 10 part series on the Enneagram on my podcast. You can go check it out, where we discuss the good, the bad, the ugly, and the self care prescription for each Enneagram type.

Brie Tucker: Interesting.

Tami Hackbarth: But when I presented this information to my family, both my. My daughter and my husband went, Oh my God, it’s not going to change.

Brie Tucker: Oh crap! That’s like, that’s like a personality trait that’s there?

Tami Hackbarth: Exactly. And then my daughter said, have they been following you around when you’re in a bad mood, mama? Do they write it all down? yes, I, that’s how I felt too. I was like, Oh, I feel deeply, deeply uncomfortable in how I’m being seen here. And so that’s what it made me really realize. there’s a lot of things in my control in what I do in my daily life that can make me.

Quite frankly, easier to be around. It can make me a better parent. It can make me a better teacher. It can make me a better coach. It could make me want to hang out with myself. Right. And, and a lot of it comes back to practicing self compassion, deep self care. And one of my mantras over and over is let it not be perfect. Just let it not be perfect. Like you don’t have to fight every fight. You don’t have to get an a plus in life in every aspect.

JoAnn Crohn: And also I think it’s so important to be introspective and know exactly how you are and how you react to conversations in that. And I know how much people love being self prescribed. I know

Brie Tucker: Okay, well, okay, so let me back this up. started the episode, JoAnn prefaced me with do you know which one you are? And I’m like, I don’t. And I’m like, it’s so crazy. I totally will be like, I know I’m a Libra. And I don’t know my number. So what do you think my number is?

JoAnn Crohn: I think you’re a two. I think you’re a helper. 

Brie Tucker: Okay. That sounds right. I think I am a helper. 

JoAnn Crohn: one that they say, When it comes to taking care of others, I don’t know how or when to say no. I am a great listener and I remember the stories that make up people’s lives. I am anxious to overcome misunderstandings in a relationship. It seems like people who love me should already know what I need.I am more comfortable giving than receiving. 

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Yeah. 

JoAnn Crohn: like my home to feel like a safe and welcoming place for my family and others. Like your home is beautiful and gorgeous and wonderful. but here are the stress ones. So this is the thing that Tammy turned me on to is like you can really see it in terms of stress. 

Brie Tucker: It’s a shadow side.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s your shadow.

Tami Hackbarth: It’s the shadow side. It’s this part where you’re like, don’t tell anyone my secrets. Here’s my vulnerabilities.

JoAnn Crohn: twos in stress become demanding and controlling either directly or manipulatively. They blame other people for what makes them unhappy and can be surprisingly aggressive and vengeful about past wrongs. could see that. Yeah. Yeah. when I’m, yeah, you know that. Like I, I had cons when I am really stressed out. I think I have to say I’m sorry more than anything else because I’m constantly like, but two, I mean twos are the helpers and the welcomers and the taker carers and the everything and like, it’s so interesting.

Brie Tucker: is so funny. Very doctor. Uh, very what? Like, uh, uh, Dr. Jekyll. Mr. Hyde.

JoAnn Crohn: What, for like your stress versus

Brie Tucker: I feel like. What do you think, Tammy? What do you think? 

Tami Hackbarth: Well, no, legit. Because I was telling JoAnn earlier, if you look at just the good traits, we can all see ourselves in these, like, when we’ve had enough water, when we’ve had enough sleep, when we’ve had enough sex, when we’ve had enough energy and exercise and we’ve fed ourselves well, we can all feel really good about things.

Right. We can see the good traits in all the numbers. But when you look at how we decompose when we’re under stress, when we’re sick, when we have too much on our plate, when, we just got the third call from the principal because your kid is, you know,

JoAnn Crohn: Sick again. And you have to pick them up to go 

Brie Tucker: Or thought that they could leave campus for lunch when they’re not allowed to. I don’t know!

JoAnn Crohn: I don’t know where that happened. Who knows?

Tami Hackbarth: Yeah. All of these things. It’s so you ratchet your number down and you start looking at the, this is where you feel like you can become more unique in it’s how you, how your particular brand of person falls apart.

And my kind of person gets real rigid. It’s like I have a real mean grandma, German grandma in my head, and I’m going to take us all down a few pegs, and we are going to redo everything until it is done right, as defined by me.

JoAnn Crohn: And one is also called. The perfectionist, so we are going to get into exactly what to do right after this. So Tammy, we kind of wanted to go about this episode with, you know, how to chill the F out because we all need it. So what is one of the first things you did when you started that experiment into changing how you related to everybody?

Tami Hackbarth: One of the first things I did, honestly, wasI’m a questioner. I want to know why things, I want to see if it works for me. I want to test the theories to see if they’re BS or not. So I was like, okay. what would happen if I moved my body more often than not, say four times a week rather than three times a week?

What would happen if I did the meditation a few minutes a day? What would happen if I fed myself things that were not Twizzlers?from my, yeah, from my drawer in my desk, what happens, what would happen if I spent time laughing with friends? What would, and again, what I felt was like, what would happen if I took a moment to think about all the things that are going well in my life? Things that would bring me one to 3 percent more joy a day. So when you’re a teacher, I don’t know if anybody had this experience. Um, Oh, wait, we all had this experience in 2020 when we’re like, who are these children? And why are they at my dining room table? And why are they asking me stuff that I haven’t thought about since I was in grade school? They need to knock it off. I don’t know. I don’t know how to diagram your 

Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

Tami Hackbarth: but imagine that you’re with kids that do not belong to you all day long and you are charged with. Not only their academic learning, but helping them develop who they are as people. It can be really exhausting, right? So at the end of every day, I would sit in my classroom and I would look around and say, what brought me 1 percent joy today?

JoAnn Crohn: that’s something that I’m trying right now too. So I totally identify that. And how did it go for you? 

Tami Hackbarth: on some days it would be like the really, really small things like, Oh, thank goodness. There’s still tissue. Oh, I don’t have to put up. I don’t have to splash out money for tissue. Oh, look, my, my sharpened pencil bouquet is still available. Yay. I don’t have to sharpen pencils today.

Oh, they cleaned up around the floor in their area. Oh. and then I can look at their, work That I had put up,they had completed work. They were showing growth as students. I could look at their little empty chairs and imagine the groups that are doing a great teamwork to work together, to make sure that everybody in their group is getting what they need.

And I could be like, I taught them that I could look, you know what I mean? And it was like, in those moments, I realized, wow, I have never, ever been asked to celebrate. the progress towards a goal. I’ve only been sort of lauded for reaching my goals, but really what we do mostly is we, once we get near our goal, If we ever get near a goal, instead of celebrating that milestone, we just move the goalposts further down.

So we are left with this feeling of dissatisfaction. Like we’re never quite there. We’re never quite enough. We aren’t doing enough. We aren’t enough as people. And being well rested, being well hydrated, having some mindfulness practices in my life and having And that goes with also the noticing the 1 percent joys. I was like, this is actually not a terrible life, what I’m doing here.

JoAnn Crohn: No, it’s there. So there’s two things in there that I really want to dig into. The first thing, let’s talk about these 1 percent choice. Because,I’m reading this book right now by Gabby Berenstein called Super Attractor. And it’s all, one of the chapters I was reading actually last night when I am having all of these feelings of anger and like going inward on myself because of this personal situation happening.

She’s like go full in on Appreciation when you feel those moments like write in your journal like five pages of everything you appreciate And everything that’s okay and in that moment when I am so raging mad. I’m like, okay I’m gonna try to go to appreciation. I mean here in the bathroom and I’m like I like the feel of the tile underneath my feet.

I like, I am comfy in this sweater right now and like how it like halfway covers my arms because that’s very rare as a tall person to get sleeves like this. And you have to go so granular and it seems like it doesn’t make a difference, but it did make a difference and helped raise me just a little bit, just a tiny bit out of the anger. 

Brie Tucker: To me, it’s like a jackpot, uh, like, gratitude when the end of the day I can be like, Nobody yelled. We didn’t have any fights in the house. But some days you don’t get that! And that seems so granular and small, but it isn’t! And then you, like you just said, you have to come up with something else, I didn’t get indigestion after dinner. I like how this sweater makes me look slim. I don’t know! Whatever it is, right? 

Tami Hackbarth: No, but it’s all true, right? But sometimes, so I have ratcheted this noticing practice up even more. Every day I ask myself, three to five things I’m thankful for. I write down three things I did well the day before because I do this all, I see the sunrise literally every single day of the year, doesn’t matter. I am awake at the crack of dawn. I like to wake the birds up. I know you’re welcome. I’ll take the first 

JoAnn Crohn: I do it. I do it. Yeah, that’s what I say, too. I’m like, I will wake up early, but if you ask me to stay up later, it Slangry happens. Slang I’m slangry. 

Brie Tucker: vacation we should get up and watch the sunrise. Eh, nevermind, eh, 

Tami Hackbarth: but so I write down things that I did well the day before and embrace sometimes as I didn’t react to my child. 

Brie Tucker: right? 

Tami Hackbarth: Because previously I would have reacted to my child and now I haven’t, right? I also take my gratitude out into the world by, I write Yelp reviews for good service. I send friends messages saying, you really helped me with this small thing that was really significant. I try to write some sort of appreciation to my spouse every day.

Brie Tucker: Oh, like via text or like how do you do it? 

Tami Hackbarth: yeah, yeah, I just texted him. I’m like, hey, thanks for making sure that we had sourdough. Our kid is going through this weird toast situation where she wants to eat toast 24 hours a day. And so we don’t, we never have bread unless my husband’s like, I’ll stop by and I got two things to sourdough. I’m like, me too. And he’s like, where are we gonna hide the bread? 

JoAnn Crohn: I could tell you what happens at the end of that because my daughter went through a toast phase and then we get on this habit of buying bread. And so now we’re still in that habit. She’s out of the toast phase. Bread is molding in our pantry. Like I have to dig it out and be like, Oh,

Tami Hackbarth: yeah, but the thing is though, these practices, they seem small, they seem insignificant, but our brain doesn’t know if we’re experiencing something in real time or if we’re reliving it. So if you tell your brain, oh, the other thing is I, for two minutes every day, I write down something great in like as much detail as I can, because it’s like adding to your, the greatest hits of your life.

And your brain’s like, Oh my God, I love this story. This is so great. That’s it. And we also do family meetings every week and we start with compliments. So we have to compliment each other.

JoAnn Crohn: I should make my kids start doing that with each other. Honestly, honestly, we need to bring that back.

Tami Hackbarth: Right. It changes things. I did 

JoAnn Crohn: does change things. Yes, the compliments, and it’s so hard though with kids because they will end up doing some backhanded compliments that you’re like, Oh, let’s talk about what a compliment is. well, first it’s a learned skill, right? You’re like, You get these things, they’re like, you’re not as mean as you were yesterday. And I’m like, okay, let’s talk about this. Oh, you’re not as ugly today as you were yesterday. Guys! Guys! 

Brie Tucker: you got teens in the house. 

Tami Hackbarth: That’s been really good scenes. Yeah. So, appreciation is so huge and, we’re gonna get into the rest of the tips when we come back. Okay, so, what is another tip, Tammy, that really helped you get calmer and get happier when you did the experiment? everyone hates this one, but it is exercise. Everyone’s like, but I don’t want to, or I’m too busy or I’m this, I’m that. And Joanna and I had a very, we had a like fangirl moment when we were talking about the book burnout.

JoAnn Crohn: Free knows my fangirl about burnout. 

Tami Hackbarth: Yeah, I mean, I’m just going to let everyone know I’ll be the bad guy. if there’s one activity that can change your mental health, your outlook, how your body like physically does things, it’s movement. And if we change it from this is a punishment or if this is a have to into the idea, like I’m completing a stress cycle, I am getting out of a stress.

I’m elongating my life. It can change your relationship to movement. Also, so I was telling JoAnn earlier too, I interviewed a hundred women about self care in 2016 because I was like, I think, I might be talking about something different than other people are. So I’m going to take a little temperature check.

And when I asked people, Where could your self care be improved? What, what needs some massaging? What needs some help? 100 percent of respondents said I need to go to the gym more. I’m not doing this. I’m not doing that. And I thought, Oh my God, exercise has terrible PR.

JoAnn Crohn: It does, because exercise is associated with body image, which is very different than what we’re saying right here. Like, especially for 

Tami Hackbarth: Exactly. It’s really associated with diet culture and we can never live up to this ideal of no one lives up to that ideal because it doesn’t really exist. So, but if we change it from we’re trying to control how our body looks. to it managing how our body feels now and in the future?

Brie Tucker: Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s a huge thing and I agree. I fell off the exercise wagon during Christmas and the holidays. Things got too stressful and I was like, forget this, this needs to go off my plate right now. But, I noticed that everything just started hurting. You know, like my elbows started hurting, like my hips started hurting, everything started hurting.

And so I just went back two weeks ago to strength training again, just videos in my, my, my house here. And it is amazing how fast you can see progress when you focus just on your, how your body feels and movement. Like I was stretching and I’m like, Ooh, this is a lot tighter than I remember it being.

And now just like a week or so into it, these pains that I was experiencing, they’re gone. And my stretching has improved so much. And there’s something to be said about how you feel in your body is really how you act everywhere else. if you are comfortable in your body, you have more of an impact on the rest of the world. Because you’re not so focused on how you feel, you’re more focused on how you can make other people feel and the impact that you have, 

Tami Hackbarth: Well, absolutely. And if you want to do this as an experiment for yourself, say next time you have a disagreement with your child, instead of deciding in that moment, Oh, I’m going to fix this, meaning I’m going to fix you, little kid who’s doing the thing wrong. If you take a step back and you go do without saying a word, say, I’m going to, I need to go.

Let off some steam and you go move your body. You don’t have to change your clothes and take a walk. do some jumping jacks. Get on your exercise bike, whatever, just do 20 minutes, let your mind do what it’s going to do, and re engage with the kid 20 minutes after you’ve had some exercise. I bet that outcome and that interaction will be completely different.

JoAnn Crohn: It’ll be a little

Brie Tucker: Oh, yeah. a little less, a little less aggressive, a little less

little less Well, here’s the story. It wasn’t about me, actually. It was my daughter. Because, I She asked me last night, she’s like, Mom, have you worked out yet? And I’m like, nope, I haven’t worked out yet. And she’s like, oh, could I work out with you? I’m like, yeah, sure.

JoAnn Crohn: And so my plan was to come home and work out immediately. her plan was to put all of her laundry in the washer, change into the perfect set of gym clothes, and have me wait for her to do the workout. 

Brie Tucker: Sounds about right. 

JoAnn Crohn: And so was like, and, and, and these plans weren’t communicated at all. And so I started the workout and I like gave her five minutes and then I gave her two minutes and I’m like, okay, I’m starting.

And she stopped in and she’s like, I don’t know why you can’t just wait for me and started doing the workout. And we did a whole 30 minute workout. And at the end, it was a little less intense, she was still pissed off at me and refused to talk to me, but I mean, that is commitment for you right there, of a teen is commitment to you are wrong

Brie Tucker: and I am right. I dug Yes, it’s commitment. But yeah, it helped, it helped her a little bit, and with me, I was able to handle her anger, I’ll be like, okay, you’re gonna get over this, it’s gonna Yeah. Right. Cause there’s not so much of that pent up. Cause like, I think while I do need to work on that area and I know that, like moving my body more and everything. I think that, like, you can physically feel all that in your body, and I think that at the end of a good session of whatever it is, yoga, walking, dancing, running, whatever, you do feel less of that pent up, whatever it is, we’ll call it energy, stuck inside you. And when you’re, when it’s not already full to the brim, there’s room then for other things to come in, and for it not to make you explode. 

Tami Hackbarth: Exactly. And I have to say, even When I was at school, I called it screwing our lids on correctly, like I would take my students out and we would run a couple laps before we came into the classroom

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, that’s a good idea. 

Tami Hackbarth: because I was like, Hi, I don’t know what y’all had for breakfast. I don’t know who you’re mad at from the bus. I don’t know anything about your life before you were standing in this line waiting for me. So let’s have this moment out here. All right. In nature, nature as much as nature, you can have as a school ground, but like we’re going to be outside, we’re going to move our bodies together and when we come back inside, it’ll be like the great reset button so we can get started off on the right foot

Brie Tucker: Oh, yeah. I always, I think, honestly, like every school day should begin with an outdoor recess or something because kids, they have that energy to be let out. I mean, I’m not even going to get on my soapbox about society and the society we live in now and how, like, our kids don’t get enough time to, like, be out and about anymore. But I think that’s excellent. I could imagine that would have 

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. Definitely. Well, Tammy, what is coming up for you that you’re really excited about?

Tami Hackbarth: I got certified as a fair play facilitator last spring, y’all, I am helping families redistribute the mental load, the domestic labor and people are, yeah. discovering these big pockets of time where they’re like, Oh, if I’m not in charge of every single thing at my house, I do have time to exercise. Oh, I do have time to hang out with my friends.

Oh, I am going to go away with my friends for the weekend. Oh, I am going to take that painting class at dance class, all of these things. And so I’m helping people see their time differently. I’m helping people see their relationships differently. I’m helping them realize that their kids are way more capable. of doing chores and being responsible for themselves at a much, much, much younger age.

JoAnn Crohn: And also allowing our spouses to be full players in our households so that they too feel an ownership of being in their kids lives, being in their spouses lives. And they’re not some sort of guest in their own home.

Tami Hackbarth: And I, and I’ve just seen So many clients go from feeling overwhelmed with everything that they have to do to Seeing that they’re empowering their family to step up into this Confidence and leadership and it just is like family’s connecting and it feels really good

JoAnn Crohn: That is awesome. That’s awesome. Well, we have a link to Tammy and her podcast right below. And thank you so much, Tammy, for joining us here. It has been a pleasure, and I will chill the F out. Self care is such a fraught word. I feel like it’s it’s Fraught? Like, what do you like it’s one more thing we have to do.

Do you ever feel like oh yeah, yeah. It’s just, it’s a, it’s another thing where at the end of the day, when you’re beating yourself up because you didn’t do things the way that you would have liked the day to go, or you’re tired, or you’re sad, or you’re starting to feel sick, and you’re just like, man, I should really take better care of myself.

Brie Tucker: I suck. 

JoAnn Crohn: do you like notice how much like self sabotage goes into it because when she was listing her things of the things that she does every day like list five things of gratitude list three things of thankfulness I I’ve tried that before and I end up beating myself up when I don’t Do it, you know, and then it becomes a way that I’m feeling bad in a way I’m measuring myself versus the way I’m making myself feel better. And I’m just like when does this all end like Brains are funny.

Brie Tucker: I would say it’s the eternal struggle of a mom, of a woman.

JoAnn Crohn: maybe it’s like of a woman okay, cuz I had this other thought while I was walking today because you know, one of the things in self care is connectedness and You know making friendships which like I did last year with this margarita Monday thing inviting neighbors over to my house and everything and then One of my things that I do is I’m like, I’m putting in all this work.

Why don’t other people do this too? Like, this is my self talk doing it. It’s very. Not great, but I was like, well, why don’t other people have things? And so this Friday, there is a Galentine’s event in my neighborhood that I was invited to. But, but do you know the first thing that popped in my head?

Brie Tucker: Oh, no. 

JoAnn Crohn: me. Isn’t that crazy? Like it’s crazy, but I think a lot of people feel this way. Like they’ll see the invitation. They’ll be like, no, they don’t really want me there. They’re just being nice. They’re just being nice. And it would be much better for everyone if I just stay home and not cause the awkwardness. isn’t that horrible?

Brie Tucker: not good. But I was going to say, like, I hear you on the whole, it takes a lot of effort to keep these things going. And I think that, you talked about too in the podcast episode, how, like, you had a stressful time around the holidays, and so you cut the exercising because you needed something to take off your plate.

And I think a lot of times We cut what we think is going to be an easy cut, and we don’t really take that. Let’s actually stop and list out the reasons why I’m cutting it and what are the possible bad sides of it, because we cut out the gratitude. We cut out the hanging out with friends. we have, like, just to throw that out there, I immediately started thinking about how we had a, we have a group of moms that, we were hanging out with quite a bit, like you and I were a part of, and then, it kind of shifted.

And, You know, post COVID and then we got in this thing like for a little while where we were like planning stuff and then it just kind of fell apart. if there wasn’t somebody planning all of it, everything just sort of fell apart and now I can’t even tell you the last time I saw half of those gals. so it’s, it’s funny how sometimes the things that we take off because we think it’s easy to take off our plate ends up causing more things to fall apart.

JoAnn Crohn: You’re right. You’re absolutely right with that because it’s like the social support and connection. That’s what you rely on in terms of stress. 

Brie Tucker: Right, and you think you don’t need it, but you do. 

JoAnn Crohn: you do need it. I mean, like, yesterday when I went through my emotional breakdown, the first thing I thought of was like, I’m gonna call Brie. I need to like really, really like go down this thing because it was, it’s too much life sometimes to process on your own and you really need your social support to help you, else you end up lashing out at people who don’t deserve it because you didn’t have somebody to bounce things off of before they came out of your mouth.

Brie Tucker: Which is everybody all the time. Like 

JoAnn Crohn: Which is everybody all the time. 

Brie Tucker: so like you got to give yourself grace on it. But yes, so like, hopefully everybody was listening to this episode and you found some good ways to chill the F out because. Yeah, Joey and I can tell you, man, 2024 has been a hell of a year so far, and we’re like, how far into it? We’re not even, we’re not even done with the first quarter.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s gonna go better. It’s gonna go better. If you’re listening to this right now, by the way, have you bought your retreat ticket yet? Have you? I mean, that is one thing that you can do for your self care is to go out somewhere on your own where you know it’s gonna be a positive and loving experience and people are going to lift you up.

That is the No Guilt Mom Retreat. And we have a link to it. for you in the show notes for that. So please come and join us in Phoenix, we can hug you in person, we can talk to you in person, you become a part of the No Guilt Mom family forever when we meet you in person.

Brie Tucker: you get to enjoy all the funness that we create in our heads, I mean, Friday night party, at a garden, it’s gonna be fantastic, massages, and drinks, and food, and fun, and party yoga. I can’t, like all the things we have planned is going to be freaking phenomenal. 

JoAnn Crohn: it’s gonna be the best weekend. So that link is in the show notes and until next time, remember, best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later. 

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.

Brie Tucker

COO/ Podcast Producer at No Guilt Mom
Brie Tucker has over 20 years of experience coaching parents with a background in early childhood and special needs. She holds a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Missouri and is certified in Positive Discipline as well as a Happiest Baby Educator.

She’s a divorced mom to two teenagers.

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