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Podcast Episode 261: 1 Easy Habit To Get Kids To Open Up More Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Brie Tucker: they learn by what we’re letting them in on. And those inner dialogues that we have, those things that we do without even thinking, they don’t learn them unless they see us doing it. So our kids, especially the little ones, they tend to think we have got all of our shiznit figured out all the time and that we never get upset. We never get worked up because they don’t see it.  Getting in the habit, when they’re really little, of talking through these things is huge, 

JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn, here with the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: Why, hello, hello, everybody. How are you all doing?

JoAnn Crohn: I have

Brie Tucker: there. I don’t know where

JoAnn Crohn: a little twang. Yeah. Well, we were talking about country line dancing right before we started this, so that could be where the twang is coming from. I was

Brie Tucker: talking about small towns, too. in the book you’re reading, in the

JoAnn Crohn: true, the book I’m reading is called Listen for the Lie and it is about a small town murder that happened and the main character goes back to her small town and they all think she did it. And so like you have that tension, but also this crime, true crime podcasters come to town and doing like a whole podcast about the murder, but he’s very handsome and he’s the same age as our heroine. there’s going to be something that goes on right there. It’s a good one. It’s a good one, but how people in small towns know, everything that’s going on about everybody else. Something I’ve never experienced, and you say it, it’s horrible. 

Brie Tucker: I was, just gonna say that was my experience. so for like people I talked before, like I, actually, when I was really little, I lived outside of D. C., but on a farm. I’m Like in a very small town, like that is pretty far from DC, but my dad commuted there. And then we moved to Missouri.

And then when I lived in Missouri, I was in Kansas City. That’s a pretty big city. That’s right. Go Chiefs! Go Chiefs! All for Travis and Taylor, man, make this happen. and then, I went to college in a small town called Warrensburg. So if anybody’s, you know what, leave us a review. I want a shout out from anyone that is listening that knows Warrensburg. And, I am convinced that in modern family, Camden at the end of it, he got his coaching job at University of Central Missouri. Again, go fighting mules, go fighting mules. 

JoAnn Crohn: that’s fun! We went from talking about small town to talking about mules! That, that was a real big progression right there, and modern family!

Brie Tucker: it was, but again, so that was a small town. It’s a very small town. And I just feel like everybody knew everybody’s business. It just like you couldn’t do anything without everybody knowing what was going on.

JoAnn Crohn: That would be very difficult. Very difficult. So, if you’re in a small town, we’re here for you. We’re here for you!

Brie Tucker: and you know, that kind of leads us into talking about like our family, like in your household, in your family, it’s hard not to know everybody’s biz, or when somebody has something happening, it affects everybody.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, and it’s hard also to get your kids to open up when everybody else knows everybody else’s business. Very, very difficult. there are so many secrets I feel like I keep in my house, from both of my kids. Not my own secrets. I am not that interesting. And I’m actually an open book. I like share everything about myself, maybe a little bit too much.

It’s actually a characteristic of ADHD. You’re just an overshare and you don’t know what’s appropriate in every situation. But, yeah, I keep like my kids secrets from each other. I keep like how they’re feeling. And then I’m the. The kind of mediator between it all and I bet a lot of moms probably feel that way.

Like I thrive on information. I am an information collector. That is my strength. Like I took a strength assessment actually and this was what my top result was. I’m an input. That’s what it’s called. And so I like to gather things and I think that through this strength, I have learned different strategies for gathering information.

And so in this podcast episode, we are going to talk about this easy habit to get your kids to open up more. And it’s actually a great habit to use. It’s everywhere in your life to get anyone to open up more and to be that information gatherer, which is really a powerful thing. Like you see my eyes go wide.

It’s power. It’s like power. So we’re going to get into that today and let’s get on with the show. we did an episode a few, maybe a year ago now, Brie, right? Like the three ways to handle when your kids are having trouble and pain, and those three ways were to listen and vent, ask if they need a distraction, or ask, if they want to chill out and talk about it later. And that is A great strategy, but the one that both of us find the hardest to do is that first one, just to listen while they vent.

Brie Tucker: because it requires like, okay, so like you did a reel on this on Instagram whereyou made a very good visual and we do have another podcast episode where we interviewed, Vicki Hoffel who wrote, Duct Tape Parenting. Because it is so hard! I am, like, literally sitting on my hands, biting my tongue, trying not to say a word because they just need, yeah,

JoAnn Crohn: they just need to be listened to. I mean, 

Brie Tucker: we feel like we know the answer. We feel like we know what they need to do.

JoAnn Crohn: yeah, and it’s painful. It’s really painful to listen to them vent. Because a lot of times when they vent, they’re saying things that we don’t necessarily agree with. They’re saying things that we’re like, oh my gosh, do not say that in public, else people will think I have the worst parent ever.

Ever, or that you are like, not respectful of people. I mean, all this fear goes through your mind when you hear your kids vent and say horrible things about other people. Because, when we were kids, that wasn’t allowed to happen. If we said something bad about someone else, our parents would be like, that’s not a very nice thing to say.

Brie Tucker: And then that would get immediately squashed and pushed down into our bins. I always think of the trash can when we’re talking about suppressing negative emotions. Because, like I had it happen to me as a kid too. Anytime you’d say something bad, That’s not a nice thing to say. You don’t have anything nice to say, you don’t say anything at all. And we’re not, encouraging to say crappy things to people. We’re not doing that. 

JoAnn Crohn: But I think there’s a way that you vent. there’s a difference in complaining and venting versus ruminating. Where complaining and venting you hear it once, it’s out of your system, it’s gone. Ruminating would be like you hear the same thing over and over again and you’re keeping your mind in that area for such a long time.

That’s not healthy. The venting part though is completely healthy and it needs to come out. I think that it was summarized best by this session that we went to when we were at mom 2. 0 recently in Nashville, it was Maggie with perspecticals talking as she’s on Instagram. And she talked about it where people don’t always need a solution right away.

Sometimes when they have a problem, you have to think that like they’ve dug this hole. for themselves, and they’re way down deep in this hole. They don’t need someone right there to pull them out immediately from the hole. What they need in that moment is somebody to come down in the hole and sit with them for just a bit.

Sit with them so they aren’t so alone down there, so their feelings are acknowledged down there. And then when you sit with them, they’re They might be ready to come out of their hole. And I was thinking about that a lot this past month when my kids would come to me with issues. And also thinking about it, when I think about members in our balance community, especially our members who’ve attended, my masterclass, not the grumpy mom masterclass saying that.

when we talk about communication with our kids and asking them questions, a lot of kids clam up and they’re like, I don’t know, I don’t know. And they won’t share their emotions and they won’t share how they’re feeling about their emotions. Sometimes, They could just be experiencing really big emotions, and they really don’t know. But other times, it could be a lot more complicated where they just don’t feel safe sharing their emotions.

Brie Tucker: And I think right there, that is a huge factor that applies. For a big chunk of our kids, like I, I do think like no matter what age you are, sometimes you just don’t know how you’re feeling and that’s true, but I do think that not feeling safe is definitely something that you see that pops up, especially once you start to hit those lovely tween years.

Which in case the memo didn’t go out to you, those years start as early as like nine, like eight, nine, like I started seeing some of the tween stuff. And I’m like, are you freaking kidding me? I thought I had to at least it was a double digit, but you don’t. but yeah, like they, it, And it’s not always something you did. It’s not

JoAnn Crohn: No. On

Brie Tucker: I, cause I feel like, again, like we’ve talked a lot about stuff lately and the whole, if something goes wrong with my kids, I’m like, Oh, there you go. I screwed it up. And, that’s that lovely Bob voice saying that to me, but realizing that sometimes it’s not about you. it’s about the fact that they’re just feeling very, I don’t want to say put upon investigated. They’re being, they feeling like they’re being put under a microscope sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. 

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. And when we say safe, it doesn’t mean like they feel unsafe because they feel like they’ll be physically harmed or

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Not that at all. 

JoAnn Crohn: Like, that’s not what safe means. Yeah, it’s a big term. It could be like, for instance, we were talking a lot about our childhoods. And I talk with this about my husband too. We were just having this conversation when we went out to lunch with, some people this past weekend. Where, when you were a kid, you didn’t share things with your parents because you wanted to protect them. You saw that they got really

Brie Tucker: Uncomfortable.

JoAnn Crohn: uncomfortable. when you shared these things with them, and so you didn’t want them to feel that way, so you would protect them and not share things. And I could say I definitely did that as a child. I wanted to protect my parents. I didn’t want them to have this big reaction. I wanted to protect them. Even as like a kid, you realize you’re doing this. And so that could be one of the reasons that kids are clamming up and not sharing and not talking about it.

Brie Tucker: I think that’s a really good example, and to build upon that, so not only is it that you want to protect them, but there’s also that piece of, we talk about this a lot too in Balance, about the stories we tell ourselves.

JoAnn Crohn: And at that age,I don’t know, just in general, even as an adult, I think that, we tell ourselves a story of how people perceive us and then we don’t want to ruin that perception.

Brie Tucker: Like for instance, like growing up, I felt like my role in my family was the one that made everybody happy. it was my role, peacemaker. That’s what I would call myself. Somebody said, I cheered them up. Somebody was mad, I’d, ooh, look over here, pay attention to this. I did whatever I could to make sure that everybody was in a good spot emotionally. And because of that, when I was struggling, I didn’t want anybody to know because I felt like they looked to me. Isn’t that ridiculous?

JoAnn Crohn: No, I can identify with that. I,

Brie Tucker: hearing it now, that a, an 8 year old felt like it was their job to keep everybody emotionally in check in the family. And so if they were having a bad day, they had to keep it quiet and in a corner and like not say anything to anybody because the whole family was depending on them. And I got

JoAnn Crohn: Oh no. felt like that too. I felt like that because my sister was a handful. She was a handful. My parents had no idea how to handle her. She would have very explosive moments. She would burst out in like rage and like just be very, very hard to handle. and she’s a wonderful person now and it was all due to ADHD.

Honestly, that could really wreak havoc. But because of that, I was the good child. I was the one who followed all the rules. I was the one who didn’t get in trouble. And if I did, step out of line, I would be the huge disappointment. Oh, you’ve disappointed us so much, JoAnn. And that’s what you internalize.

Unless you have these frank discussions with your kids about emotions regularly, and they feel okay bringing these things up. And we’re going to tell you the one simple habit that you need to start right after this break. So the cool thing about delving into all of these strategies about parenting and about self growth is that you see your relationships with other people change, especially your relationships with your kids. Like my kids tell me stuff like I never would even dream of telling my parents about. Like

Brie Tucker: my God. Yeah. 

JoAnn Crohn: picture it. Like I, I’m like, do I need to know this? I don’t know

Brie Tucker: Yeah. There’s a big part of me that gets super squeamish. And I’m like, I think the best way I can give this to everybody was driving the car. With actually, no, I was in the passenger seat. One of my kids was learning to drive and they were driving the car in a parking lot. It was no big deal, right?

It seemed like a rant. We’ll call it a random Tuesday because it seemed like that’s the most boring of days. That’s the most vanilla of days. It was a Tuesday afternoon. And my kids said to me, Mom, do we have that kind of relationship where we share secrets? Immediately my head starts to explode because I’m like, I had all the feelings, right?

Part of my head, I, I imagine like it zooms in and it’s like one of those scenes from Inside Out, There is the one, one part of my emotion. That’s like, Oh my God, it’s happening. It’s happening. We’re connecting with our team. Everybody be ready. Don’t screw it up. We’re connecting.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah,

Brie Tucker: And then there’s this other part that’s like, Oh, geez, I know whatever they’re going to say next. I don’t want to hear. I don’t want to know like plausible deniability. And then the other part of me, that’s like, just shut up and listen. And it was, and I, so then my zoom right back out. It was like, I feel like we have the kind of relationship where you can tell me. Whatever you need to tell me, and I’ll always be here to support you.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah 

Brie Tucker: then thus came The motherlode of information.

JoAnn Crohn: the mother Yeah, and this mother load of information is not comfortable in the moment. And I think that’s really What we struggle with. And the one simple habit that we want you to try out is just keep your mouth shut. It is the hardest damn thing to do. It is really, really hard. Really hard. I mean, I get into it too.

Like when, my kids are venting to me about problems at school and like the, my trigger is when you call people names. When you’re like, this person, especially when they talk about teachers, this is where I really get into it. Oh my gosh, because I was a teacher. I was a public school teacher. I know how hard it is.

I want to really rush in and defend all the teachers in the world. And so when they come in and they’re like, Oh my gosh, this teacher was so stupid. They’re like mean and they’re cruel. And like automatically my brain is like, but They have such a hard job and it’s such a hard day and I’m sure they didn’t mean to do that.

I have to keep my mouth shut because it is not about the teacher in that moment. It is not about me in that moment. It is about my child in that moment. That is so hard. Usually what I end up doing is I’m just Using the headline method that Dr. Lisa Damore talks about in her book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, where you’re looking at, what they’re saying and you’re trying to summarize it.

So if one of my kids comes and they’re like, yeah, this teacher sucks. And they did this and this and this, what I say is I’m like, Wow, that sounds like that’s really tough and frustrating to deal with. if I had to deal with that, I would be really like mad as well. And so I’m trying to empathize with them and doing the headline method with them without defending the teacher. And that’s really hard.

Brie Tucker: right? Because there’s that part of us that’s cause I can hear the yeah, but right now. Okay. So the yeah, but coming in is, well, yeah, but it’s my job to teach my child like how to be polite and thoughtful of other people. yes. There is a time and a place. This, though, is not that time or place.

JoAnn Crohn: No, but I also have to give this little caveat where, yes, they do have to be thoughtful of other people, but are you showing the same thoughtfulness to them in this situation by completely dismissing their emotions in the moment?

Exactly, and that’s what, so that’s why it is so important to try to do this, to have this moment where whatever it is, bite your tongue, bite your cheek, grab some duct tape, and stick it over your mouth, whatever it takes. it’s so hard, and we weren’t able to talk this way with our parents and I hear now all of those things that we were talking about in the first part of this podcast episode where, you felt like you needed to make everybody happy and that was your role. I felt like I needed to be the good child and never, step out of place or never try anything or never, take any risks.

I mean, that’s how I interpret it as. I am hearing that from my kids all the time now because there is one phrase that I use with them. anytime, like my son will bring this up, he’ll be like, Hey, I feel like I’m making you angry. Like I see that you’re angry. And I’m like, dude, it is not you, like you are not making me angry.

And I say, I am in control of my own emotions. You are not causing my emotions. It is how I am choosing to deal with my emotions and go through with it. You cannot cause another person’s emotions. And, I repeat that for them over and over again, knowing that me as the adult, I am in charge of my own emotions.

You do not need to protect me. I am good here. This is the best thing I can do for you is to make sure that I am good and you don’t have to take care of me in the emotional department. because I feel like that’s something like I did with my parents all the time. I felt like I needed to take care of them in that emotional department.

Brie Tucker: I think that is a big, big thing there. So let’s unpack that for a split second because I think that’s where we know our stories ended up.

JoAnn Crohn: It started with whatever it started with. And both of us, there was a bit of chaos going on in our house and we saw that it was helpful to our family if we acted a certain way.

Brie Tucker: And so our story was that it was our job to take care of our parents or other people. Like either way, it was our job to take care of those other people and that we needed to do this to manage their emotions.

JoAnn Crohn: Had someone said to us years ago, no, it’s not your job to manage our emotions. We’re 100 percent aware of our emotions, I don’t even know where I’m trying to go with this necessarily.

Brie Tucker: Other than I think that it would have been really helpful because I don’t think our family’s even new. That we were telling ourselves that story,

JoAnn Crohn: No, they had no 

Brie Tucker: this, if they’re listening to the podcast episode today, we love you. We love you all endlessly.

JoAnn Crohn: No, they had no idea, and I don’t blame them at all.

Brie Tucker: yeah. And it took a lot of time for us to figure that out. But imagine the gift is somebody had said to us when we were younger, you can be happy. You can be fun. You can make people laugh. You can make whatever you want to do, but it’s not your job to take care of them. That would have taken so much stress off our shoulders.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, and so much more freedom to share how we actually feel about things.

Brie Tucker: And that’s kind of also how you can get into not great relationships going forward because you feel like it’s your job to fix these red flags you see 

JoAnn Crohn: Exactly. 

Brie Tucker: in dangerous positions. and that could be like at work, like so many different ways. It doesn’t have to be like romantic relationships because I feel like a lot of people go there, but like you can get in toxic relationships at work.

JoAnn Crohn: anywhere. my daughter was actually really quick to point out something that I’ve been doing in the house. my son has always been very high energy, high emotional energy. I mean, I’ve talked about him as a baby before. It’s been this way since he was born. And, She pointed out, I feel like I am being ignored sometimes, especially she talked about one instance at dinner where she was telling a story and then my son said something and we all, like me and my husband just kind of looked at my son and tried to engage him because we’re so used to trying to prevent emotional meltdowns.

with him. And she called me on it. She’s like, I feel like you are always trying to manage his emotions and then I get ignored. And hearing that I was like, Oh crap. and I, at first I felt really bad and I wanted to defend myself and I stopped myself in those moments. Anytime I want to defend myself and I’m like, okay, is there truth here?

Is there, I was I acknowledge, I’m like, you know what, you’re absolutely right. I do that. I totally do that. And I’m gonna work on that. Did I feel like I was about to cry in that moment? Uh huh! Yeah, I felt really shameful and bad, but I also knew that it was an emotion that I was going to go through and get through pretty easily. And I’m like, thank you for telling me that. And then I left and I had my emotional moment on my own.

Brie Tucker: But like you also realize that happens. And so many families, like so many, like that’s what happened in your family growing up. And imagine how different it would have been had you been able to articulate that, had you felt that you could safely say that without that person coming back at you and saying how dare you say that, that’s not true, you’re completely false in your feelings and 

JoAnn Crohn: Or, I’m doing the best I can, how dare you criticize me. that kind of, you know? Because I feel like kids get that as well. I hear stories of kids getting that. my daughter tells me stories of, friends. And my son tells me stories of, teachers who do that. And so kids are getting this from all directions. So it’s a hard thing. It’s a hard thing to do. It’s a hard thing to keep in mind. It’s a hard thing to keep your mouth shut. so we’ve told you already one of those things, like you just have to keep trying to keep your mouth shut. If they need a response, you’re using that summarizing technique. You’re using that acknowledging you’re taking a beat for information.

and we’re going to give you a few more tips to help in getting all that information out of your kids right after this break. So, we’ve already acknowledged, keeping your mouth shut, this easy habit, maybe it’s simple, but maybe it’s not so easy, maybe,we get that, but the things that you learn from kids and the things that you learn from people are going to be so eye opening because once you start thinking this way, you will start to notice if you have had the habit of offering advice way too quickly. when I started doing this, I noticed my first inclination was to be like, Oh, have you tried this? Like the first thing out of my mouth

Brie Tucker: Well, 

JoAnn Crohn: was 

Brie Tucker: we want to fix, right? Because we want to fix things. We want to fix things. And plus we have the joy. I mean, we’re here to tell you that yes, you have a life of experience, and you probably do have top notch, grade A ideas on strategies to do. But in that moment, they’re not going to be hurt.

JoAnn Crohn: They’re 

Brie Tucker: No matter how amazing they are,

JoAnn Crohn: They’re not. And there’s actually, ways that you can teach those ideas that are outside of the moment. right now, going into this weekend, we have our huge No Guilt Mom retreat coming up. And I have to say, Brie, I think I’m speaking for both of us, where it’s a little nerve wracking. Because it’s a huge event. It’s, it has a lot of moving pieces. And it’s a little nerve wracking coming up. we’re a little nervous about it. And I know that this is something that happens with my son. And so I pulled this out this morning because my son gets nervous about big things going on or like big projects coming up that he doesn’t feel like he knows exactly what’s going to happen like first, second, and third, which I feel like this retreat coming up is.

So, since he was in a good emotional space and I was trying to talk myself down, I was telling him in the car, I’m like, okay, I’m really nervous about this. I’m really nervous about my sister, like having her baby right in the middle of this. And I’m just trying to tell myself to, enjoy the moment because there’s such great things happening.

And I have this choice, whether I want to concentrate on the worry or if I want to concentrate on the good stuff about it and the hope. And so I’m really trying to work on concentrating on the hope. And I just told him this, I’m just modeling. This is modeling in action. It’s talking through your thoughts without any teaching.

Brie Tucker: Yes, okay, I cannot express how helpful that is. And again, like if you’re listening to this episode and you’re like, alright, yeah, but my kid is like two, that doesn’t really come up. No, wait, it does. Let me pause you there for a moment, because they learn by what we’re letting them in on.

And those inner dialogues that we have, those things that we do without even thinking, they don’t learn them unless they see us doing it. So our kids, especially the little ones, they tend to think we have got all of our shiznit figured out all the time and that we never get upset. We never get worked up because they don’t see it.

 Getting in the habit, when they’re really little, of talking through these things is huge, because you know what else it does? Like, when they get older and they turn into these, self aware teens that think that the whole world is, focusing on them 24 7, they realize that, oh, a lot of people have anxiety. Oh, a lot of people are worried about that stuff. It’s not just me. I’m not crazy. because of it.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, that goes exactly to what my goals for doing this is. Like, I am very open with my kids about, Like entrepreneurship in particular about the stresses it has with it. And it’s like maybe sometimes I concentrate a little bit too much on the stress because my Daughter’s like I never want to be an entrepreneur mom. It sounds way too stressful And I don’t concentrate enough on the freedom and the absolute joy of doing what you want to do is

Brie Tucker: Well, I would say in that case, it’s because she’s lived it. She’s always seen you having that and they don’t realize what you don’t realize. Wait, what’s that song from the eighties? You don’t realize what you got until it’s gone. I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s really bad. It’s a hairband song, 

JoAnn Crohn: I would help you, I just don’t know what song

Brie Tucker:

JoAnn Crohn: about. 

Brie Tucker: Cause I am butchering it at this moment. So yeah, it’s yeah. know what you got until it’s gone. Anyway, 

JoAnn Crohn: it’s funny because I’m like, do you know, most parents wouldn’t be able to, stop what they’re doing 30 minutes before you need to pick them up? do you know this? Yeah,

Brie Tucker: know that getting a car ride instead of riding a bus is actually a perk?

JoAnn Crohn: you know this?

Brie Tucker: Did you know that when you’re having a stomachache and you can stay home just because I’m already here is completely, it’s a

JoAnn Crohn: Exactly. modeling that stress because I think growing up, we had this perception that if you were doing things right in your life, everything would be easy. did you ever have that? you thought, something must be wrong if things are hard.

Brie Tucker: Okay. So I’m smiling huge on this because I was, At my daughter, my, my daughter had a doctor appointment yesterday for, just like for a checkup. And that’s exactly what the doctor brought up. The doctor was like, listen, I know you’ve got struggles going on right now, but I want you to know that I never wish struggle on anybody.

She goes, I, and she was like, and people with these lives and they have a nice car, they have a nice job, they have a big house. Everybody seems happy. She’s but I could tell you that. It’s the struggles that make you who you are, and that builds you up. And she’s so while you’re dealing with some struggles right now, I just want you to remember that life is supposed to be hard. It’s not supposed to be like, beat you down hard, but it is supposed to have those hard parts. 

JoAnn Crohn: You have the eustress, the eustress, the good stress, the stress that propels you forward and sometimes it’s the stress that’s not so good for you and that’s the thing to monitor. Something like I’ve realized that I thrive on a challenge and Usually, when I get to the place that I want to get to, it’s like next goal post please.

And that’s where my mind goes naturally. And I’ve tried to tell myself that this is like the challenge. The challenge is what I love. I don’t love the destination so much. It’s like the Miley Cyrus song. Have you heard the song, The Climb? yeah, it’s like that. It’s not the highest mountain peak.

It’s the climb that is really exciting and that’s where you connect with people. That’s where you get your best stories from. That’s where you really like change as a person. So all of those things. are great to share and they’re great to get out of kids as well and they’re good to have them vent because a lot of times like all people need is for someone to go and sit in the hole with them.

So when your kids come to you next time and they’re complaining, go down and sit in the hole just for a little bit and then If they keep complaining, then’s the time to try to get them out of the hole once they’ve gotten everything back. I usually know it’s time to start pulling them out when they start circling back on things they’ve already complained about. And I’m like, it’s time. Let’s, let’s, let’s get up. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: that’s a good thing, because I think that’s like, as someone who’s very black and white, and I like my, Rules and procedures, not knowing how long to be vested in something. That’s a really good point. Like, when they keep coming back to the same thing, they’re starting to go down, I would say starting to go even deeper down the hole into the rabbit hole underneath.

JoAnn Crohn: And you could get stuck in that mindset, and I think that’s where a lot of people get afraid that their kids will get stuck if they allow any complaining whatsoever. And it doesn’t have to be that way. one thing that I know in the positive parenting circles, if kids ask a question more than once, they’re like, asked and answered.

Well, I think that’s a little cruel, honestly, without the emotions, but, with the emotions attached to it, because obviously they’re in this place, but, making them aware of it. my daughter will come to me with, The same problem she talked to me like two days ago, and I’m like, didn’t we go through this decision already?

Didn’t we like talk about this issue? And she’s like, yeah, I just want to bring it up again and again and again. And she’ll stop then because she realizes that, yeah, she has already gone through this. She has already made a decision on how to move forward. She is just experiencing some doubt that she wants to go through it again. but it’s a great thing. To notice in yourself too. I mean, how many times do you feel like you just are, stay down in the hole and like, you need to take some action to bring yourself up out of the hole. Like I’ve been there many

Brie Tucker: yeah. Yeah. Like I was just thinking like my, my go to vent people. Like I was wondering, I call one of my sisters a lot because we both like worked in the same field. So we know a lot of the same people. So sometimes it’s fun just to be able to vent to somebody else that gets it. They’re like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sharon, man. Yeah, she’s tough. And, and then of course you and I have Miguel and I just, I have my safe people that I know I can call and just be like, I just need to get this out. So that I can start, yeah, moving forward. Because it’s way, I would say it’s weighing me down. I feel like I’m drowning. I just need to be able to get it all out so that I can now take a breath and move forward. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: just have someone to acknowledge that, Hey, that really sucks. That sucks a lot. And then sometimes it’s all you need. And that’s all your kids need too.

Brie Tucker: Uh huh.

JoAnn Crohn: Just sit down in the hall with them and try to keep your mouth shut. And that is the easy habit to start today. So we hope that you’ve gotten a lot out of this episode. Let us know, please, on, Apple reviews. We would love to hear you there. Come DM me on Instagram. And if you’re not getting the no guilt mom weekly in your inbox, we have a link for you right down there. So go sign up for that. And until next time, remember the best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. And we’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.

Brie Tucker

COO/ Podcast Producer at No Guilt Mom
Brie Tucker has over 20 years of experience coaching parents with a background in early childhood and special needs. She holds a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Missouri and is certified in Positive Discipline as well as a Happiest Baby Educator.

She’s a divorced mom to two teenagers.

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