Podcast Episode 399: Your To-Do List Is Lying to You (and how to conquer it) Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn(00:00)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the brilliant Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:06)

Why hello hello everybody, how are you?

JoAnn Crohn (00:08)

So something that we talk a lot about here at No Guilt Mom and something that actually a lot of balance members come in with is wondering how to prioritize all the stuff they need to do. This is a constant struggle.

Brie Tucker (00:21)

Yeah, I think also there is a good piece of it that is that mindset that it’s all about you. Like, okay, I can’t get my to-do list done because I’m not capable because I’m not productive. And we tell ourselves there’s all these reasons, guys, secret. Come on, come in closer. Come on. Your to-do list. Lying to you.

JoAnn Crohn(00:44)

Let’s leave.

Here I am laughing because I know Brie was dying to do that voice. Absolutely dying.

Brie Tucker (00:55)

Gremlin voice, wahhahaha!

JoAnn Crohn(00:58)

You’re right. It is lying to you because VCR to-do lists and there’s never ending slate of all of these things and there is no way we could get them done in one day. So because there is no way we can get them done in one day, we just see all the stuff we haven’t done. And that is such a mood killer and invites all the shame and guilt in the world inside.

Brie Tucker (01:21)

And it gets you to try to live up to unrealistic expectations. Just be honest about that too.

JoAnn Crohn (01:28)

So we wanted you to know that your to-do list is lying to you. I can’t do it as good. I tried. I really tried on that one, guys. It was good. Was it good, Gremlin?

Brie Tucker (01:37)

It was a good gremlin.

prettier than mine, but that’s okay. ⁓

JoAnn Crohn(01:42)

⁓

I don’t even know. ⁓ In this episode, we are going to help you get back in control of that to do list and give you some great strategies that we teach our balance members to on how to prioritize when everything seems like it’s an equal priority. So with that, let’s get on with the show.

So, Brie, with to-do lists, I actually have not used them for a long, long time, and there’s a funny story behind it because I saw how a to-do list could totally ruin something. It was in college, and my college roommate, Alyssa, wrote to-do lists everywhere. We were roommates for a semester, senior year, and she would leave them lying all over the place. Well, it came up to my birthday.

And my husband, now husband, was coming into town because he was actually in California. He moved right after he graduated a semester before I did. We were doing a long distance thing. He was going to come into town to surprise me for my birthday. And she had written on her to-do list, pick up Josh from the airport. ⁓ no!

Brie Tucker (03:04)

Did you ever tell Josh? What had happened?

JoAnn Crohn (03:08)

You see all my emotions on my face anytime. So when they did the surprise, they’re like, weren’t you surprised? I’m like.

No!

JoAnn Crohn (03:19)

Because I can’t hide it. I can’t hide it.

Brie Tucker (03:23)

You and I suck as liars. We cannot play poker together.

JoAnn Crohn (03:27)

He’ll be like, we don’t have a hand. And you’re smiling. You’re like, ooh.

Brie Tucker (03:32)

I’m jumping around in my seat.

JoAnn Crohn(03:34)

Yes, yeah, to-do lists, I’ve always not been a fan of them ever since that instance. And also because they never end. They never ever end. so I just don’t like them. But a of people use them and a lot of people have the same kind of guilt and shame that I built around them too. Freeze raising her hand.

Brie Tucker (03:54)

Yeah, I have such a love hate relationship with to do lists. You know this I’ve even created my own to do list. have to do list for the to do lists for the to do. That now though, I would say has a lot more to do with my brain fog of the whole perimenopause and you need to remember stuff. But I am also a long time sufferer of the mindset that I am not productive. I don’t get much done.

JoAnn Crohn (04:04)

Yeah.

Brie Tucker (04:22)

I’m slower than everybody else and that everyone else can do it, why can’t I? Now I have learned enough and I have enough good systems that I don’t have that mindset on a regular basis, but it does still creep in there. It does still creep in.

JoAnn Crohn (04:38)

where I would say that you are amazing and wonderful and like you do things just the same pace I do. I just don’t show them sometimes how long it takes me to do something. Usually because I keep getting distracted during boring tasks and something that should take me 10 minutes may take me two hours because I don’t like to focus on it.

Brie Tucker (04:59)

Yeah, totally.

JoAnn Crohn (05:01)

But something like lists are often filled with these shoulds, not the real priorities. The things you should get done. You should go and fill out the emergency health card for your kid’s school, which they keep emailing you about continuously, which I will not do.

Brie Tucker (05:18)

You should be able to do two 20 minute walks a day. Even when it’s 118 outside.

JoAnn Crohn (05:25)

yeah, you should be able to menu plan your entire week. So you have all your meals set forth ahead of time and damn it. is your fault if you are not losing weight because you did not take that time to meal prep.

Brie Tucker (05:38)

or go on those two 20 minute walks, right? All the things. Or I have a tendency to be like, can I really check it off yet? I’m not sure if I can check that off yet, if I really done all the steps. Like that’s a big thing.

JoAnn Crohn (05:50)

Question your to-do list too?

Brie Tucker (05:53)

 I do. Well, I already have trust issues. Like I’m already think that my to-do list is lying to me from the beginning and I’m the one who wrote it. I’m like, which?

JoAnn Crohn (06:03)

Your to-do list is gaslighting you?!

Brie Tucker (06:04)

It does ,sometimes I think my to-do list is so mean to me. If I don’t have everything checked off that I wrote on that to-do list, like that optimistic Brie, the one that meets my to-do list at like the beginning of the day, does not like the end of the day Brie. Because the end of the day Brie is like, if I can’t check them all off, then I am not worthy. Like I said, I’m too slow. I’m not productive. And I know that other moms feel this way. I know a lot of us.

We think it’s a failure thing about us. Some people are really great and some people have failures too, but we think that we’re in the minority and that it’s all controllable by ourselves.

JoAnn Crohn (06:48)

Yeah, like you have the very high locus of control. Uh huh. I’m guilty of that one too. And what I mean by that is the locus of control is everything that you think you have control of in your life. People with a high locus of control have a lot of guilt and shame because they think that they are personally responsible for everything. with a Oh my God, that’s me! Yeah. People with a low locus of control, they may blame everybody for their circumstances.

Like, ⁓ my kids didn’t do this, or my husband didn’t do this, or ⁓ I can’t believe the government’s against me. Well, they are.

Brie Tucker (07:20)

Here’s Brie’s favorite. I’m late because traffic was just terrible. We’re not talking about the traffic was in the Starbucks line, but yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (07:26)

That’s how it goes. like when we try to shoot for the middle ground and control, because if it’s too high, we are really harsh on ourselves. And if it’s too low, we’re not taking the appropriate accountability for our actions. So aiming right for the middle. And I know that a lot of our balance members out there, a lot of our Lola’s have high locuses of control as well.

Brie Tucker (07:55)

Right. And I don’t think that that’s abnormal. I think that’s more common than not common. If people are being 100 % honest, right? That we feel like if we just have the right system, you can control it all. And we’re here to tell you that you can’t control it all. First of all, that’s like the first thing that you have to hear. But we also want you to know that your measure of success is not tied to that to do list.

JoAnn Crohn (08:25)

It’s not. I think so. I’ve talked to you many times when you have not accomplished the things in your to do list. my. You feel this way. Yeah. I feel like it was just last week actually. It was last conversation.

Brie Tucker (08:25)

And I think a lot of us do that, don’t we?

I got It might have been last week, like right before I had our rainbow planning that I do with balance. Like I feel much better after I do it. And I have tips and tricks on how that that works. But, we’ll talk about that a little bit more in this episode.

JoAnn Crohn (08:50)

As if not due to do list person, I always get scared for you when you’re like, I’m feeling really optimistic about what I can get accomplished today.

Damn, this is gonna be bad.

Brie Tucker (09:04)

You’re like clearing your calendar as of like two o’clock in the afternoon because that’s in case you’re not aware. was just talking to my therapist. That’s about the time I hit rock bottom. There’s no 2 a.m. There’s no midnight. No, it’s 2 p.m. when Brie hits rock bottom about. That’s it. I can’t do it anymore. And I just throw everything up in the air and I just go, I’m terrible. I’m awful.

JoAnn Crohn (09:31)

You go straight to the self-flagellation, which I know that world well. I’m an expert in self-flagellating. I can beat myself up good any day.

Brie Tucker (09:41)

That sounds dangerously close to flatulence.

JoAnn Crohn (09:43)

I know. Yes. ⁓ I always think I’m like, I may be getting the word totally wrong. In fact, I’m probably going to look it up right after this podcast. If it’s wrong, I apologize. I think it’s a little like the little tentacles like yourself, flagellating, but they’re like, ⁓ they’re beating.

Brie Tucker (09:59)

That sounds about right. The productivity octopus will beat the crap out of me because I think that I should be able to get everything done on my to-do list and it doesn’t. And then I end up feeling like crap about myself and it’s not true. It’s not true. yes, did this episode slightly get written for Brie? Yes, but I know I’m not alone. people, I need you to tell me I’m not alone.

JoAnn Crohn (10:22)

Self-flagellation is the action of flogging oneself, especially as a form of religious discipline.

Brie Tucker (10:28)

I was gonna say that makes me think of the book, the Da Vinci Code, but okay.

JoAnn Crohn (10:34)

It does say it is excessive criticism of oneself. Guys, I have to get these words right. Something that I am being told a lot about in the process of editing my book is that I tend to talk in very extreme language. And most of the time when I use extreme words, I am kidding. And I am doing it for dramatic effect. Like I pick them for a reason because they are so extreme, but I don’t know if that comes across to everybody. So let me know. Let me know if you guys hear my words and don’t take me seriously when I use them.

Brie Tucker (11:07)

When they say extreme do they mean like words that aren’t commonly used?

JoAnn Crohn (11:12)

I guess so, well here we go, here’s another definition of self-adulteration. It’s the disciplinary and devotional practice of flogging oneself with whips or other instruments that inflict pain. And so like, I think as a metaphor, it kind of works for the process that we beat ourselves up.

Brie Tucker (11:29)

It does as a metaphor, but now I am honestly picturing a purple guys. I am picturing a purple octopus in my head beating me up with like rolling pins because I didn’t.

JoAnn Crohn (11:39)

The productivity octopus. we go. Productivity octopus. coming up next, we’re going to show you how to flip the script on the productivity octopus right after this. So if you right now shame yourself massively for not being productive, we just want to throw a few little truth bombs on you. Little mic drop moments, because there are some things based on the podcast interviews we’ve had throughout this entire podcast, we’ve gotten to talk to so many great experts. One of them was Kendra Adashi, who’s the lazy genius. And when she told us this, I was like, oh my gosh, you’re totally right, Kendra. She said that 92 % of productivity books are written by men. And what this means for you is that men do not have a menstrual cycle. Men have the same amount of energy on Tuesday when they wake up at 6 a.m as they do on Wednesday when they wake up at 6 a.m., as they do on Thursday and the following week as well. They can pretty much time out how they’re gonna feel because they do not have these waves of hormones raging through them at all times of the day.

Brie Tucker (12:48)

But you know what else men don’t have? I’ve got a little visual after this, but they also don’t have the consistent pool of family responsibilities. What I’m saying is men traditionally, not all men. Okay. Because there are, it’s a scale. know.

JoAnn Crohn (13:09)

Not all men, but all of them are men. Yes.

Brie Tucker (13:12)

that’s a good one. Yes, I remember that. So not all men, but all of them that are men do have the ability to often say to dictate what their day is going to look like without having to take in considerations of other people. Men do have the tendency to be able to say, I’m working late on Thursday. You know, I have back to back meetings all day on Wednesday, whatever. Right. Whereas women who are moms in the family don’t tend to have that luxury.

We do tend to have a, can’t work late on Thursday because I have to be home in time to take Kyle to soccer practice. Or, you know, I can’t have meetings all day on Tuesday because there’s a parent teacher conference at two. So we have other things that are equally heavy in our schedule that we have to, so we have more obstacles than they do.

JoAnn Crohn (14:01)

Yeah, but using a term that E. Bratsky uses in her work, the default parent. Yes. Women are usually the default parent. We are the ones who step in for the kids. Like for instance, at the end of the day, I’m the one who makes dinner. I’m the one who takes care of the kids. My husband is at work. Who’s calling husband to make sure he stops what he’s doing and comes home? It’s me. Who doesn’t have that luxury and has to keep her own schedule? It’s me.

Brie Tucker (14:28)

you know what else you are as a default parent? You’re also the parent that your kids will go and seek out. How many times have we had our kids come to us with a problem, whatever it is, and we are doing something and they walk right past the other parent. Best example ever people. All right, I’m going to like totally give JoAnn a bit of an embarrassing moment here because the story is 100 % about her. Best example I ever saw of this.

JoAnn Crohn(14:34)

Yes, it is true.

Brie Tucker (14:56)

We were in Tennessee, but the point being is we were out of state and your son texted you from home that he wanted some help with something.

JoAnn Crohn(15:06)

Yeh and that there was no toilet paper in the bathroom.

Brie Tucker (15:09)

I was gonna leave that part out, but yes, he wanted toilet paper, so he texted you to text his dad, who was literally sitting about what, 10 feet away from the bathroom door?

JoAnn Crohn(15:20)

He could’ve yelled yes ⁓

Brie Tucker (15:23)

So like that is like to me, that is the epitome of default parenting. When your kids are like, yeah, I see that other adult human being there, but they don’t know how to get toilet paper.

JoAnn Crohn (15:27)

It is.

That was the situation that made me and my husband realize that, we have a problem in this and we need to start training our kids to go to you. And they do now, they actually text him. More often, they know the things to text him with and they know the things to text me with. Even with homework stuff, they have homework, math and science goes to Josh because he’s an engineer. He uses it all the time and literature goes to me.

Brie Tucker (16:00)

Yeah, that’s what I would do too. was like, yeah, got to science, you got to go to your dad. In math, I never went above algebra 2.

JoAnn Crohn (16:09)

I was in calculus, I was in calculus, but then I don’t use it for 20 years and we forget it.

Brie Tucker (16:15)

Well, okay. So I want to say like what we’re talking about with this and why is it so important about productivity being written for men and why is it so important that there is a difference between the challenges that women face in productivity versus men? It’s because most productivity is defined by how much you got done. So it’s defined by valuing the volume of what you got done.

over what necessarily the value may have been. And we are here to shift that mindset.

JoAnn Crohn (16:49)

Your word is not tied to your output. Yes! I took the words out of her mouth!

Brie Tucker (16:56)

Because I mean, that is like honestly, my mantra. like we imbalance, we have rainbow planning that we do every Friday, which is specific system to help you with planning. Right. And as someone who feels like she is suffering from ADHD on a regular basis, self-diagnosed here, my mind is all over the place all the time. takes a lot to get it to like, I swear to God, it’s like I’m hurting cats in my brain most of the time, trying to get them together to make one, one complete thought.

But the other thing about it, when we’re doing Rainbow Planning, we reflect for the week. And one of the questions we reflect about, because we talk a lot about this in balance, is the importance of self-compassion. And the question is, what changes have you noticed about yourself this week as you have been practicing self-compassion? I have had the same answer for a year, and I’m proud of that answer. And I don’t need a new answer yet, but I know one day I’ll move on and I’ll be very happy when that happens. My answer to that question every time is, I am enough. My worth is not tied to my output. I am enough as I am.

JoAnn Crohn (18:04)

Yeah, I think that’s an important thing.

Brie Tucker (18:06)

Right? So I want to share that with anybody that needs that little mantra. You are enough. You do great things.

JoAnn Crohn (18:12)

I need that reminder every single day, especially when I am not as quote unquote productive as I should. I don’t want to say, look at how that voice creeps in. said productive as I should be. There’s the judgment. If you guys like say stuff like that, there’s a judgment going in there. There’s a judgment. And something else to keep in mind is that you are allowed also to have blank space in your day. I think so many of us as moms, we get invited somewhere.

or somebody asks us to do something and we’re like, well, we don’t have anything else that we have scheduled for then. So, I mean, I should say yes, because wouldn’t I be a bad person if I didn’t help out? And you’re allowed to have that blank space. I have to say like, my husband, he goes batty when he doesn’t have blank space in his calendar. He looks forward to those weekends where we have absolutely nothing.

Brie Tucker (19:06)

same here. I love my nothing to do weekends. I had one a couple weekends ago and it was so nice, but I had to really fight for it.

JoAnn Crohn (19:14)

You have to fight for it. Yeah. Because then he will get all mad if I schedule something for us to do because I’m always like, what should we do? Where should we go? What should I?

Brie Tucker (19:24)

My question I ask my husband every Saturday morning, because again, in my household, I have nothing but teens and one of them goes off to college in a week. So I don’t, our weekends are not dictated by our kids. That’s what I want to make clear. So every Saturday I asked my husband like, what do want to do this weekend? Like just tell me one, if one thing could be accomplished, what do you want that one thing to be? And last weekend when I did nothing, that was what it was. I was like, I want to come out of the weekend feeling like.

I’m rested and not exhausted. But when I’m exhausted, I do tend to feel productive.

JoAnn Crohn (20:00)

You’re like, I got all the things done. I am tired. Thus, I am good. Really? Yes. What? It’s that Protestant work ethic. That’s what I always think of it as. It is like tied back. And we saw this in our interview with Elise Lunen about all of the, you know, how the seven deadly sins are basically about women, about this work ethic that you have to accomplish something to be worthy.

And you have to work hard to be worthy. And it’s kind of toxic when you think about it that way because rest also makes you worthy. Rest is actually what lets your brain reset so that you can have new ideas and won’t be frustrated all the time when it can’t figure something out.

Brie Tucker (20:48)

your brain was never meant to be doing things all day long back to back. That’s another thing that we got like one of our first episodes. And by the way, people who are listening, all these episodes we’re referencing, I do have links to them in the show notes. So you can just scroll down and click on them if you wanna listen to these episodes. But we had another episode where we were working with the author of the book, Rest and gosh, Alex. I can’t remember his last name right now, but the links there. So in there, Alex talks to us about how tons of people, mostly male figures in history that are considered great men, great people that had a great impact on society. I remember one of them was Winston Churchill we were talking about in the episode. How they spent a decent chunk of their day by today’s standards. A decent chunk of that day resting.

JoAnn Crohn (21:39)

It was an active rest too. like Winston Churchill was like painting.

Brie Tucker (21:43)

Right. So it’s like, it’s finding those things that you enjoy, that isn’t like deep focus, because I think I had read somewhere that, and this is a very general term, so we know it’s not the law right now. But I think it was like 30 or 40 minutes is as most time as you should have for like focus. Does that ring a bell to you at all?

JoAnn Crohn (22:04)

something used in like Pomodoro techniques where, you you focus on something for like 30 minutes and then you can rest and then you can go back and like do it again. I use it when writing all the time when I’m doing a boring task. I don’t want to do, I’ll do 25 minutes on and then a little five minute break where I just get to mess around and then 25 minutes on again where I’m supposed to be focused and working.

Brie Tucker (22:26)

So I guess what we’re just trying to say is if your to-do list is packed full of tasks that are going to fill your entire day back to back to back, because you’re like, hey, the kids are at school for only six hours, so I got to get all this stuff done in six hours. You’re setting yourself up for frustration, for overload, for being tired. We want you to flip your mindset and think about the fact that you’re allowed to have blank space in your day. And we need you to recognize that just being, being you, existing, living, loving life is just as important as checking off those things on the to-do list.

JoAnn Crohn (23:09)

And coming up next, we are going to show you three ways to take back your to-do list so that the purple productivity octopus doesn’t beat you up right after this. So we’ve talked already about how your to-do list may not be your best friend as well as these mind shifts to take when you’re looking at productivity. Now we’re going to get super tactical. We want you to walk away from this episode knowing the steps to take.

to take back your to-do list, especially if you have that question of how to prioritize things on your to-do list. Because ~

JoAnn Crohn (23:49)

Number one, we only want you to pick three things you’re going to accomplish per day. And that may sound scary and you might be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I have way more than three things I have to accomplish in a day. but do you do them and do you do them well? That’s what I want to know.

Brie Tucker (24:05)

Right and the other thing is do you really though? Do you really do you really need to do them all? I’m not quite sure if you really need to do them all

JoAnn Crohn (24:16)

Well, it’s interesting because I’ve been off to do lists for a really, really long time. I do not have them. I do not keep them. I’m also pretty defiant when it comes when people ask me to do things. I’m like, you can’t tell me what to do. Brie knows this. It’s a really difficult personality tendency of mine to deal with.

Brie Tucker (24:33)

At least I know that you’re never following the crowd. If you’re making a choice, it’s because you truly want to do it.

JoAnn Crohn (24:39)

Absolutely.

But I also think it has served me incredibly well because it allows me not to think I have to accomplish a certain number of things per day to be productive. I get to choose what is important to me on that day. I just got off a balance one on one call actually with somebody who says she’s been following me for a long time. And the reason she joined balance is because she has watched me build this, write three books, and she feels like she has not done anything like that, even though she’s wanted to.

Brie Tucker (25:14)

Now why is she coming to you now?

JoAnn Crohn (25:16)

She says she’s just done with it. She’s done with not accomplishing what she wants to do. And I thought of that and I’m like, well, have I really? Cause I mean, you know, the purple productivity octopus gets me all the time. And like, constantly beat myself up for not doing the things. But then I thought I do make things a priority in certain times of my life. Like right now guys, I’m finishing writing this book. It’s called The Best Mom Is A Happy Mom. It’s coming out in November and I’m working on the edits and I have been working on this book, really working on it since May. I’ve been saying I’ve been working on it since February, but it got serious in May. Every day I have worked on it and written in it. And the way that shifted was I had to figure out, okay, I am sick of telling people I am writing a book and I am not fulfilling that. I feel like a liar every day.

Brie Tucker (25:55)

There we are.

JoAnn Crohn (26:12)

And also, I had to pare down my schedule and give some things up so that I can focus on the book. I’ve given up my morning walks with my dog because that’s my book. That’s the editing time I have. And I’m looking forward to taking those back right when they’re done. But picking those three things and being selective, but also making those sacrifices of things I give up in the meantime, that’s the secret to getting what you want done, is making those choices ahead of time.

Brie Tucker (26:42)

Okay, and you need to because we are not full of infinite energy. things in life suck out our energy. Sometimes it’s physical things that suck it out, like running around all day and you’re just depleted by the end of the day because you didn’t have time to sit down and drink your water or eat a meal, a proper meal or anything like that. But I mean, we’re just full of so many things like…

not even the physical stuff, let’s throw in the emotional stuff. Cause that’s where Bri always says, I do get tired from doing stuff like physically, but more often than not, I get emotionally tired. And so what that means is I’ve spent all day spinning my wheels, working on X, Y, Z more than X, Y, Z actually. Cause this typically happens some days when I have a lot to do. So like I’m trying to get through, I’m trying to check up everything on that to do list by the time

dinner comes, I have nothing left. If you come into the kitchen and go, ⁓ what’s that smell?

⁓ That is where I go. And it’s because I’ve tried to do so much, right? I have nothing, nothing left to give. No F’s left to give. Nothing people. It’s part of that I don’t care no more club.

JoAnn Crohn (28:03)

I think a lot of people can identify with that comment because they experience the exact same thing. It’s what happens when you try to fit so much in and you have this inner dialogue that you’re not doing it right too. So that the next comment made to you, you rip someone’s head off. You’ve already been ripping your own head off and you’re defending yourself.

Brie Tucker (28:19)

my god!

Yes.

Yes, it is entirely that the damn purple octopus has been beating the crap out of me all day. So our first thing that you can do to take back your to do list is only pick three things per day to help that focused efforts and to have more impact than trying to do a million things on that to do list.

JoAnn Crohn (28:47)

Yes. The second thing is to make your done list and celebrate your wins. A lot, often we do not see the wins that we have. Something that’s actually really interesting you mentioned to me today is my friend Tira, we are on calls every two weeks and manifestation is really big in Tira’s life. She keeps a manifestation Excel file of like every good thing that she thought about happening that has happened to her.

And so when she’s feeling down, she just goes and looks at it and she’s like, my gosh, all this great stuff has happened. That’s the power I think of celebrating wins. It’s something for you to look at to actually make you feel positive versus looking at what you haven’t done.

Brie Tucker (29:19)

It gets you closer to that gap in the gate.

JoAnn Crohn (29:34)

the gap in the gate, We talked about that, yes. You’re looking at your gain, what you did accomplish versus your gap, what you didn’t accomplish. And your gain is almost always, always associated with those positive emotions of pride and satisfaction and your gap, those things you haven’t done, you’re always feeling less than and shame, maybe guilt.

Brie Tucker (29:56)

another thing that we do that we talk about when we’re doing our planning and balance. Like we talk about what our wins are and like when we’re reflecting on our week and that’s where I had the question about what have I noticed about my thinking as I’ve been practicing self-compassion. Another question we have is I want you to write down your wins from this week and it never fails. There’s almost always one person in the group that has had a struggle for a week because that’s just mathematics people.

Like if you have a group of like 15 people, someone’s going to have had a bad week. And it is interesting how hard it is for us to be okay with those wins when we’re first starting this mindset. So when you’re first starting the mindset, you’re going to struggle coming up with wins on a bad week. But eventually you’re going to get to the point where you’re like, all right, so everybody has the flu. The dog has decided that my antique table is its new chew toy.

But hey, I did not rip off anyone’s head when I was making dinner. That is a win.

JoAnn Crohn (31:01)

There you go. There’s the win. You got to acknowledge them where you could find them. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (31:06)

Sometimes they’re huge and sometimes they’re like, I just didn’t lose my schiznit and I’m happy.

JoAnn Crohn (31:11)

That’s what you have to do. And the third thing is to add that white space on purpose. Put those blocks where you’re doing nothing or nothing. Nothing has to get accomplished. But those are going to give you the most peace. And sometimes like you’ll even get more white space because you will finish something early and you’re like, I’m not beginning anything. I’m going to go sit down and watch the bear.

Brie Tucker (31:21)

We missed those days. I love those days where you’re like, my god, it’s like four o’clock and I’m done. Heck yeah. Like whatever it is.

JoAnn Crohn (31:48)

Put those in because you’re gonna experience so much less stress when you actually schedule white space. And if you have to schedule something, just put it in there and be like, rest. Schedule the rest. Right? On your calendar.

Brie Tucker (32:02)

Be loud and be proud, people. This is actually a good thing. Don’t you let anybody go out there and tell you, nay nay, say. Nay nay, you shouldn’t have rest.

JoAnn Crohn (32:12)

If you have someone else filling your calendar, we have a Calendly, which just puts things on our calendar, then no one can take that space from you.

Brie Tucker (32:20)

True. Yes. True. That is a very true thing. Yes.

JoAnn Crohn (32:24)

It is scheduled. So we hope that you have gotten some really concrete ways that you could take back your to-do list and maybe like, you know, just throw away that to-do list and only focus on those three things per day. It’s what we have our balance members do in their balance journal. They’re only allowed three on their list every day. And when you think about those in the morning and you’re really intentional about your day, you will be surprised at how well your day can go because you started yourself off successfully and realistically.

Brie Tucker (32:57)

And your to-do list left room for joy.

JoAnn Crohn (33:01)

⁓

Yes. Yes. So you’re ready to ditch this to-do list. You’re ready to claim your time back. Go do that. And, you know, we talk about our balance program a lot and we would love to have you in it. So please go and visit balanceformoms.com forward slash go to come and join us and we can help lead you through all these things and also keep your motivation and joy up because it’s really, really hard to do this kind of stuff by yourself. You need somebody who has your back.

who you’re able to turn to when things get rough and you hit a roadblock. Our community is the biggest love bubble in the entire world. That has been our goal to create a group that women feel welcomed in. So know that if you’re also looking for something like that, we have you.

Brie Tucker (33:47)

Yeah, we want you to know, guys, if that to-do list is lying to you, it’s lying. You’re not behind. You’re really not. You just need to release some of it so that you can enjoy your day and feel happy. happiness needs to be on that list.

JoAnn Crohn (34:04)

So remember, the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (34:09)

Thanks for stopping by.