Why You Keep Saying ‘I Thought You Were Going To’ (and How to Stop the Resentment) with Julia Dhar

If you’ve ever felt the weight of the mental load and wondered why you always seem to do everything at home, this episode is for you.

You say yes to the plan, your partner says yes to the plan, and then somehow you are the one who is disappointed. Julia Dhar, a world champion debater and author of How Change Really Works, joins me to show you how to have the hard conversation without it turning into a fight. We talk about making a clear and specific request, why false agreement quietly builds resentment, and what to do when you catch yourself thinking “I thought you were going to.”

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why anticipating a conflict feels so physical, and why most people say they feel relieved after the hard conversation
• How to make a clear and specific request instead of asking “can you help me?”
• The difference between false alignment and true agreement, and how true agreement lowers your mental load
• Why “I thought you were going to” is an early warning sign that your expectations and theirs are out of step
• The “I don’t care / I care a lot” technique for letting small things go without losing yourself

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• How Change Really Works by Julia Dhar
• Happy Home Ladder
• No Guilt Mom Inner Circle
• The Best Mom is a Happy Mom by JoAnn Crohn
• noguiltmom.com

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