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Podcast Episode 255: How to Make Sure You Get What You Want for Mother’s Day Transcript

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn: Knowing what you want in this instance is so important because a lot of times we do tell our partners, Oh, I just want you to put thought into it. And that’s where I ran into trouble there because his thought is different than my thought. about what I want and neither is better than the other.

But really what we’re talking about, like when we ask our husbands or partners to say, you know, put some thought into it, what we’re really telling them is like, do this and guess this specific thing that will make me happy. And I don’t think that’s fair.

Brie Tucker: That is,

JoAnn Crohn: fair to them.

Brie Tucker: That’s not fair.

JoAnn Crohn: So it’s much better just to tell them exactly what you want and do it today.

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host, JoAnn Crohn , joined here by the lovely Brie Trucker.

Brie Tucker: Why? Hello. Hello, everybody. How are you?

JoAnn Crohn: We’re talking about Mother’s Day, and we’re a month out from U. S. Mother’s Day, and we want you to have a wonderful Mother’s Day that honors you, that doesn’t require you to do extra work, nor will you get another robe that you’re not gonna wear.

Brie Tucker: my gosh. As soon as you said that, I’m thinking back to an SNL skit with, uh,

JoAnn Crohn: Uh huh.

Brie Tucker: Christmas,

JoAnn Crohn: was a purposeful trigger. That was like me, I’m, I’m going to trigger

Brie Tucker: I got a robe. They got a robe for the dog too. Wow.

JoAnn Crohn: That’s how it works because there’s so many times like we hear about women getting gifts like their family tries or the husband tries. You see this all the time and then you end up either taking care of everybody on Mother’s Day or, um, you just have to pretend you’re so excited to get something that you’re really not excited to get whatsoever.

And we’re going to tell you exactly what to do. We’re going to tell you what guilts you’re probably going to be fighting against while doing it. And we’re also going to give you some really funny stories that have happened to our friends about.

Brie Tucker: And to us.

JoAnn Crohn: And to us about what’s happened with GIFs. So, before we get into the episode though, can you rate and review us, please, on Apple Podcasts? If you enjoy the No Guilt Mom podcast, please tell us on Apple Podcasts. That really helps push this podcast out to more people. You know those little, like, New and noteworthy or podcasts that we think you’ll enjoy that Apple Podcasts gives you. This is how they pick the podcast to put there. So we would love it if you could take an extra second just to tell us what you like about the show. Give us some ideas for future episodes if there’s anything you want to hear from in the show. Like, we love it so much reading those reviews,

Brie Tucker: Yes. Yes. Please. I think I said this on another episode. I especially love hearing what people like hearing about it so that we can do more of It’s exhausting. I, I, I’m not the best mind reader, so let us know what you guys like because I would love to hear and make more of what you guys like to hear. So let’s do that.

JoAnn Crohn: And a little, little behind the scenes thing here. When Brie says it’s exhausting, this is the third episode we’ve recorded today. So we,

Brie Tucker: This batching stuff is killing me. Whoa.

JoAnn Crohn: we match it, but we also just get to laugh and rant on things. So it’s, it’s kind of a fun time. Uh, so we hope you enjoy. Okay, we are getting it early this year, Brie. We are making sure that Mother’s Day goes well for the millions of moms out there. because, again, we don’t want you getting a robe. No, the world needs less robes from moms. We

Brie Tucker: Well, and I just feel like there is this dark side to GIFs that people don’t talk about. And, and I think that they hit moms more than, than husbands, and they hit moms more than a lot of other people. And that secret dark side is these gifts that are typically like experiences, and they come with a string attached.

JoAnn Crohn: The string attached. Uh, for instance, we can say that an anonymous friend of ours received a gift about going away for the weekend, um, to see like some Broadway shows, but she was like, oh, cool. But the whole family came along and so she had to pack for her kids. She had to make reservations to get their pets watched. She had to like do all these other things. She had to take off of work. She had to like, there was just so, figure out where they were going to eat. So many things. Buy them clothes because it was raining and they didn’t have any rain clothes to be out all day. It was a lot so much so that this gift this wonderful amazing quote unquote gift took so much out of her That it doesn’t seem much like a gift anymore And we don’t we don’t really talk about this because I think I don’t think there was any like I truly believe that like her husband probably thought he was getting it right and he was surprising her, but he also wasn’t aware of exactly what else needed to happen for this gift to go through,

Brie Tucker: I think this stuff happens all the time. Like, I, I used to have somebody that would give me for birthdays and holidays and Mother’s Day, I would get a gift card to the salon I like to go to to get my hair done. And first of all, funny, because that money came out of like our household, but okay, whatever.

So, uh, so here’s a gift card to go get your hair done. Um, and then, oh, great. That’s awesome. Now I’ve got to figure out who’s going to watch the kids while I go because he’s not going to. I have to figure out when I can get the hair appointment done so that I can still manage to make it in time to pick up the kids from school and or have dinner started in time and like, oh, what day do we have other stuff going on?

So it’s like all of this planning. That goes into it. Like same thing for like a night out. Like, Oh, here, you know, we’re going to go to this. Great. Great. We’re going to have a night out date night. Okay, great. Who’s going to watch the kids? What restaurant are we going to? Do I have any clothes that fit me? Nope. Okay. I got to go buy a new outfit now. Oh, I also like my roots are showing. So now I feel like I want to get my hair. It’s like all of this extra, like thought that has to get put into these things. Okay, you can tell it’s, it’s personal for

JoAnn Crohn: Here’s the thing and then we get thrown back against us Oh, you’re just not spontaneous anymore, and you’re no more fun

Brie Tucker: Or you’re not grateful. I, I, did

JoAnn Crohn: Or you’re not grateful.

Brie Tucker: you’re not being, and we’re not saying that it’s not so sweet and kind. And we’re not saying that. I would take offense to that whole, like, I’m not spontaneous. Spontaneous is you thinking of all the extra crap that ha We can’t just up and leave anymore. We have kids, families, pets. Like, it, it’s not the same life that it was prior when we were dating.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, it gets that way. It becomes very unsexy, too I Think like the sexiest thing a guy could do is think of all those things and like have you come like you’re there and you’re Like I I don’t have to do anything. Oh my gosh, you’re amazing.

Brie Tucker: yeah, it’s all planned. It’s all planned. It’s all taken care of. There’s nothing I need to do, but just take care of me. That’s, and, and that’s the stuff. It’s like, we’re, so our whole point of this is just that, there are things you can do. And we’ll, we’ll talk about that as the episode goes on, but that it, it’s okay to be frustrated.

When this happens, because it happens to all of us, like I am really hoping there are people listening to this episode and I’m almost certain there’s a lot of people listening to this episode going, heck yeah, I remember when I got that gift. Last year. Last week. I know I’m getting it and I know I’m getting it in a month. Like, whatever it is.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh yeah. Or you just get like, I got in actually a lot of trouble for this and it’s really started the communication going between me and my husband about what exactly I wanted versus like what he thought I wanted, because he is. He forgot about Mother’s Day or something or that he should celebrate it.

So Remembering at the last minute he went to the store and he got a card and he got some flowers and at the time I really like took offense to that because I felt like I was spending all this effort thinking of stuff for like Father’s Day and like his birthdays and really like Putting in that time and thought and then him at the last minute was like, oh here I’ll just get a card and flowers and That’s what I got upset about. I was upset because I didn’t feel like he was prioritizing me in our relationship. It was more last minute. Um, but he took it as, Oh, you want like an expensive gift or whatever. And so then he got me like a

Brie Tucker: my gosh, no!

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, no, but it was like a miscommunication and I’m like, no. It’s not that. It’s like, it’s just the thought involved in the process. And so through that whole situation, what we found is that I need to say exactly what I want. And I need to figure that out for myself, exactly what I want, because I’m also somebody who doesn’t like surprises. I just don’t and like, if people try to surprise me, I feel like I like, I’m so specific about certain things that a surprise will come through and I will be like trying to fake the whole time that I really like everything that’s going on and then it’s not relaxing for me whatsoever.

I just, I don’t like, I don’t like it. So, um, It’s better if I know what I want. So I really, really had to dig into it. And I will tell you right now, if you don’t know what you want, I’m going to give you some tips on how to dig into it. Right after this break. So when you’re trying to think about what may I want for Mother’s Day? I’m not talking about like any like gifts. I’m not talking so much in like the commodity sense or anything like that. I want you to think about what do you want your Mother’s Day to look like? Like, what would be a relaxing day for you? And when I.

Brie Tucker: as being amazing?

JoAnn Crohn: Yes, what do you envision? And like for me, I love a buffet. I mean, we’ve talked about my love of food before. I love a buffet, especially a fancy buffet. And so my request for Mother’s Day is usually like, I just want like to have the family together. And I don’t want to prepare things, so we need to go out and let’s just go to like a Mother’s Day Brunch or something like that and usually at these Mother’s Day brunches They do such a good job and they give like moms like a glass of champagne and like a rose when they come in and Like you just feel completely special and I love that whole thing and it’s like our brunch So it’s like our breakfast and our lunch and it’s like the special occasion. So it’s not so much a present I like I like that experience And that’s like my, my perfect Mother’s Day. What is your Mother’s Day?

Brie Tucker: So mine would also be experience, um, and it probably would be very similar, not, not the buffet thing. Not, not a huge fan of that, but I definitely do like going out and wherever I’m going, if there’s, if there are mimosa flights, I’m, I’m in, I don’t care how bad the food is. I just wanted to most of my, no, I, I only half joke. So anyway, I

JoAnn Crohn: No! But that’s a good thing to know!

Brie Tucker: and, and my go to, like my go to has always been. It’s like nobody argues with me that day, like nobody argues with me, that’s all I want, unless I am asking you to do something that is insanely ridiculous, like, I don’t know, let’s go base jumping off the Empire State Building. I expect people to smile and be like, sure, let’s do it for today, for you mom, we’ll do it today for you.

So. Yeah, and I would, and I, food is a big thing for me because you’ve heard me complain many times on the podcast talking about like the mess of like cooking and stuff like that. Nothing irritates me more than having to clean up a mess after cooking. So yeah, I’d like to go to a restaurant where somebody takes care of all that for me. And it’s, and there’s mimosas involved. Then I’m happy.

JoAnn Crohn: So like, I want you to think about what you want right now. What do you envision your mother’s day looking like? And I’m guessing it’s nothing extravagant. It’s probably something like Bri and I say, we want to be taken care of. And our families could do that by making a nice reservation. And now is the time to make that reservation right now, as this episode is airing in April, because I mean, we live in the Phoenix area and these restaurants for mother’s day get. Right away. So,

Brie Tucker: But I mean, so everything gets packed. Like if you’re, if what you want to do is go get a massage, like you can’t, that stuff can’t, it happens same day. Yeah. There has to be and I, and I’m 100 percent with you on that with the thing you had with your husband. it’s all about putting some thought into it.

Like it doesn’t have to be a bazillion dollars. Maybe it’s all you do is you wake up in the morning and you’re like, I love you. What do you want to do today? Like you name it. And I will make it happen. That also like right there. Cause I, I wanted to like, take us on a, on a slight, we’re going to take a slight fork in the road, but it’s going to come right back to the main road here in a sec, like we talk a lot about mental load on here and how things, and I, the whole, I started this whole episode, like talking about how, when, I would have somebody give me a, a gift for a hair salon.

Like it wasn’t a real gift because there’s all this mental load involved in it. If you at least say to me, what do you want to do? Yes, sometimes that decision fatigue will make me go, Oh my God. But it gets followed up with a, and I will make it happen. Oh, hells to the yeah. I can certainly get behind that.

Like, so wait, I just get to tell you and it all happens. I don’t have to actually be the one who searches it and then finds the address and then gets everybody loaded up at the car and then goes. Like. Okay.

JoAnn Crohn: But like knowing, knowing what you want in this instance is so important because a lot of times we do tell our partners, Oh, I just want you to put thought into it. And that’s where I ran into trouble there because his thought is different than my thought. about what I want and neither is better than the other.

But really what we’re talking about, like when we ask our husbands or partners to say, you know, put some thought into it, what we’re really telling them is like, do this and guess this specific thing that will make me happy. And I don’t think that’s fair.

Brie Tucker: that is

JoAnn Crohn: fair to them.

Brie Tucker: That’s not fair

JoAnn Crohn: So it’s much better just to tell them exactly what you want and do it today. You could be like, Hey, I was thinking about Mother’s Day and I would really like to go to a brunch restaurant for Mother’s Day. Can you make the reservation for that? And can we all go to the brunch restaurant? And your partner will probably be like, Yeah, sure.

Brie Tucker: Well, to add on to that, if you know what brunch restaurant you want to go to, then add that in there. Like, don’t, it’s not selfish to say, I really, really love XYZ. I know we don’t go there that often, or I know it’s hard to get into, but I would really love to go to XYZ. Like, I think that that’s super helpful.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I think it’s, it’s super, super helpful.

Brie Tucker: So, I mean, I just, I feel like it is important to be able to articulate what you want. And if you don’t even know what you want, then maybe that’s what you say. Like, that’s the, honestly, that’s my cop out with the whole, like, nobody argues with

breathing. I’m not great about thinking about things in advance. I mean, sometimes I could think 20 steps ahead and then other times I’m, I’m struggling to think of step one. So, That’s why my answer is always like, nobody argues with me, because when I wake up that day, that’s when I want to decide what I want to do.

Like, I love, I love the idea of the spontaneity of it, but again, my, my husband, like, has to know, like, I’ve told him, like, don’t plan anything in advance. Don’t plan anything in advance, because I like to fly by the seat of my pants that day.

JoAnn Crohn: Okay. It’s also one of those things where we have to let people fail on us a little bit and do it their own way. here’s what I’m talking about. So like when I, Tell my husband exactly what I want. I cannot be nagging him or like being like, Have you made that reservation yet? Have you made that reservation yet?

Like, I, I can’t do that. I have to trust in him that he is going to do it and he is going to solve the problem. Um, I can tell you a thing from this weekend. He’s like, What are you thinking for dinner? And I looked at him and I’m like, I think I want you to make the total decision about what to make for dinner. Cause I am decided out right now. I just been helping my daughter clean out her entire closet because she has a trouble organizing. And so I had to make so many, Oh my gosh, so many decisions, so many decisions. And you know what? There’s stuff still piled on her floor because I’m like, and you get to clean, like you, you can handle this and it’s still there, but that’s besides the point.

Brie Tucker: Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: Um, and so he, And he’s like, okay, he took an hour to figure out dinner. He was like looking through all the DoorDash stuff, like looking through every single menu, trying to, it took him an hour. And I had to leave it. And there was one point in there where I’m like, Oh, look, we have some leftovers here. We could do this. And I’m like, Oh, I’m going to, I’m going to be quiet. Cause this is yours. Got it. Cause it’s such habit

Brie Tucker: Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: for me to like step in and move things along faster if I don’t think they’re going fast enough.

Brie Tucker: Oh, that’s 100 percent me. That’s me. Oh, yeah, I have a really hard time shutting up and, and, and, and watching somebody go at the pace they need to go at. Like, again, that’s why I say that my husband and I do well. He like, he’ll, like, when I start to muddle myself, or muddle, I start to like, butt myself into a situation, he’ll like, come over and hug me. I love you. I’m gonna squeeze my hand if I’m talking to the kids. And I know exactly what that is. That’s the back off Brie. Back off

JoAnn Crohn: Back up.

Brie Tucker: The back off Brie cue.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s a hard, hard line not to cross

Brie Tucker: because again, like you just said, like the pace isn’t going the way that we want it, like,

and why is it maybe you were hungry and you’re like, I don’t know, do I have time to get a snack? Do I not have time to get a snack? Like, it’s yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. So after this break, we are going to give you some gift stories where they’ve gone wrong. And also you’re going to get a few tips on what to do if your Mother’s Day doesn’t go exactly like you want it to. Right after this break.

JoAnn Crohn: So there have been gifts we’ve heard from other people and they’ve gone just horribly, horribly wrong where the mom has had to figure out the childcare or like, Just was sitting alone expecting to create the entire dinner for everybody. Like, I hear that a lot from actually our balance community where they’re expected to create. my gosh, this is so Yeah, I don’t think it’s fair at all. Like, I’ll be like, what are you doing for Mother’s Day? Oh, my mom and my sisters, we’re all coming over and we’re going to make a big Mother’s Day brunch for all of us and celebrate all of us. Oh, heck no. Uh Uh I get one day off a year. That is my, that’s the,

Brie Tucker: it’s my one day off.

JoAnn Crohn: And your birthday, you got to claim the birthday and you have to do like a whole birthday week.

But like, yeah. Oh, you know what I do for my birthday. Like, my birthday is like, I typically, like, for people listening, I take the day off if I can, and I just drive around and just get free stuff from all kinds of places. Like, it’s that, it’s, it’s happy birthday every 10 minutes for free. Yay! Happy birthday! but I, I want to encourage you to take a different tactic this Mother’s Day instead of thinking that the men in your life will not do something for you for Mother’s Day. So then you have to take it up yourself. I want you to request it this year, just like we went through with you, figure out what you want and ask for it.

And then if the men in your life don’t do that, we have other discussions that you need to have with them. Because it’s something that I feel pops up a lot, like, especially with our balance members, a lot of them are afraid to ask for what they want. And I think it’s just like how we’ve been conditioned in society and like what we’ve been told is selfish or ungrateful, um, that they’re always very surprised when they ask for what they want and their husbands are like, sure, yeah, let’s make that happen for you.

Brie Tucker: Well, I think, I think you hit that perfectly. Like, a lot of us, we have been conditioned that it is, and we have an episode on toxic gratitude, like how you were supposed to be grateful for everything and that you need to be grateful, grateful, grateful. And by the way, hashtag blessed, you need to be grateful.

And I think that there is something to be said about it. Helping create your happiness in your life. And there is nothing wrong with being clear and articulate. Like, would you like to have to figure out like, I’m sorry. Let’s just take this a step back. I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but when my kids birthdays come up and Christmas and whatever, and I have to buy presents for them, I ask them what they want. 

I ask them And they make lists. They make so many lists. Yeah. Yeah. I will ask them and I, and I do the same with my husband and you know why I do that? Because it is helpful. I would rather get them something that they want than something they don’t want. So why is it wrong for us to do that same thing? Yeah. It’s funny because we’re not asked. We’re not asked what we

JoAnn Crohn: want. Like, I don’t think people actually ask us what we want. It becomes our emotional labor to tell everybody what we want. And that’s not exactly fair. I mean, let’s just acknowledge that right now. It’s not fair. And I’m not saying it’s fair. You’re right. That is a point. I want to

Brie Tucker: like start like picket signs now and be like, ask moms what they want. When do we want it? Yeah. But I also think like, It’s not any like people not thinking, but like so much is it’s due to us also pushing back the issue. Like, I remember asking my mom what she wanted and she’s

JoAnn Crohn: like, Oh, you know, anything you want to give me. It’s great. Oh, my mom does that all the Yes. And

Brie Tucker: Like, no, that’s not how this works. so you just stop asking because you’re like, Oh, well, they’re just going to, they’re just going to be happy with anything.

JoAnn Crohn: So we can just fly by the seat of our pants because they’re going to be happy with anything. I mean, they’re doing exactly what they’ve been told. Uh, it’s, it’s no fault of theirs, but it’s also like this really complicated issue. So we do have to say exactly what we break the cycle people. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: let’s break the cycle people. We’re breaking it to make it more positive moving forward for our kids. For everybody that gets to deal with us in our lives, I have never heard anybody say like, wow, someone who’s really clear on their communication skills is awful to deal with. No. Yeah. Never heard that.

JoAnn Crohn: No. Mm mm. It’s usually the most awesome thing when you’re dealing with somebody who’s good with communication because you’re clear on what, where you stand. You’re never second guessing if they like it or not. It was something that they asked for specifically and you could feel good giving it because you know, they’re going to be very, very excited opening it or like going to the experience. It’s a win win. All around, all around. so that’s our challenge to you this Mother’s Day. Uh, I know I, I, I previewed some stories, but we already told our stories, guys. We

Brie Tucker: gonna say, like, I wonder what stories. JoAnn has, because again, like, mine comes back to, like, it’s the same thing, and I, yeah, and, and I just remember always being so mad when I would get that gift that was in a little, Little envelope, cause I knew what it was every dang time. I’m going to be told I can go to the hair salon.

I’m going to be told that it’s my job to figure out what to do with the kids. And, and I’m going to have to like figure out all the pieces to it. And this is not a gift. It’s a burden because then also there was the follow up of like, did you do it yet? Did you use it? What’d you think of it? Why haven’t you gone yet?

Why haven’t you done it yet? And it’s like, no, it’s not. That’s not cool. So again, like we’re, our, our point of this episode is like, yes, we’ve all been there. We’ve all had the gift that came with a bazillion strings attached and we’re sitting there trying to smile our way through it, trying to act like we’re, we’re like so excited when we are like, it’s a great thing that you did.

But now my mind is immediately running with the 20 other things I have to figure out just so I can. Be a part of this gift that was given to me. And we’re here to tell you that it’s okay that you feel that way. You’re not a bad person, but that there are ways to fix it. There are things that you can

JoAnn Crohn: Exactly. Exactly. So, this Mother’s Day,

Brie Tucker: I want to hear from

JoAnn Crohn: I do, I want you to DM me on Instagram when you go and ask your partner for what you want this Mother’s Day. DM me and say, did it! Did it, Joanne? Like, I did it. I, I asked them for what I wanted and here’s what happened. Or you can just tell me, did it? Whatever you like. Um, Brie, I think

Brie Tucker: Yes. Like I want to hear what people

JoAnn Crohn: yeah, I want to hear what you do. And I also want to shout out some of our podcast reviews on Apple Podcasts. So if you’ve not left a review yet, please go leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. It’s what helps get No

Guilt Mom out to so many other women. really helps push this podcast out to more people. we would love it if you could take an extra second just to tell us what you like about the show. I,

Brie Tucker: Well, I would say like, we are asking for what we would like. We are sharing with we’re asking for what we like. Like We this is what we would like. We are communicating clearly that we would love to get your, like your feedback, give us a rate and review. Let us know what your thoughts are. It helps us or not, or, and if you’re up for bonus, like, or you’ve already left us a review and for some reason you can’t leave another one, then Hey, share this with a friend.

Tell some, share, like, go and hit this share link on your, on your phone to share our, send our podcast to at least one other person that you think would enjoy it. One other person that’s gotten a gift with strings attached and had to sit there and smile and grin and be like, thank you so much for this fantastic opportunity to pack for everybody and plan everybody’s wellbeing for the next

JoAnn Crohn: Yes. Yes. So let’s shout out some of these podcast reviews that were recently left for the No Get Mom podcast. Okay. First up is AA Friday. She says, must listen for moms. No matter the season of motherhood you’re in, JoAnn and Brie provide thoughtful, supportive, and fun content to help you navigate the challenges women face today. With their stellar lineup of guest speakers, along with candid conversations and personal experiences, you’ll soon feel like they’re your own personal life coaches.

Brie Tucker: That is so sweet! There’s so much love there! 

JoAnn Crohn: This one is from Lena Horne, keeping it real and encouraging. JoAnn and Brie are so good at giving voice to the real life challenges of motherhood that we all have to deal with, making you feel seen while also giving tips and strategies that actually help.

Brie Tucker: Yes! that is our goal! You’re seen, you’re heard, and this is what you can actually do about it.

JoAnn Crohn: Yes. So go leave a review on the podcast. We would love you immensely. And we may shout you out on a future episode. and we hope that right now you are going to take the steps to have the best mother’s day possible and get exactly what you want, uh, because the best mom is a happy mom, take care of you. And we’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker: Happy Mother’s Day all. Thanks for stopping by! 

Brie Tucker

COO/ Podcast Producer at No Guilt Mom
Brie Tucker has over 20 years of experience coaching parents with a background in early childhood and special needs. She holds a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Missouri and is certified in Positive Discipline as well as a Happiest Baby Educator.

She’s a divorced mom to two teenagers.

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