Podcast Episode 408: What You Didn’t Know About Breast Cancer (That Could Save Your Life) Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn (00:00)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the brilliant Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:07)

Hello hello everybody, how are you?

JoAnn Crohn (00:09)

We are going into October right now and October is breast cancer awareness month. And so we thought this topic was really important to bring to you because, Brie, I know that you have a history of breast cancer in your family. I have many loved ones who have been affected by breast cancer as well. And so we’re digging in in this episode of exactly what to tell kids, how to communicate with family and also just to have a space to talk about this and how it affects women and how we can come together and be stronger with it.

Brie Tucker (00:44)

Yeah, I actually am very interested to hear Paula’s information and advice about this because I don’t think the way my family shared my mom’s diagnosis was the best way to do it. And I’m, I will share that on the podcast.

JoAnn Crohn (00:58)

Yeah, I don’t think I haven’t heard this story. So I’m interested. ⁓ my goodness, helping us through this today is Paula Schneider. She’s the honorary vice chair of the Susan G. Komen Foundation, bringing a personal lens to her leadership as a breast cancer survivor whose mother also died of metastatic breast cancer. She’s also the author of a new children’s picture book

JoAnn Crohn (01:22)

called Love Stays Strong, in which a mother explains serious illness to her child and reassures her that no matter what changes, their love endures. And now, let’s get on with the show.

Paula, welcome to the No Guilt, No Podcast. And you’re joining us from sunny San Diego, which Bri and I are like, we wish we lived there, Paula.

Paula Schneider (01:46)

It is the nicest place to live. So whenever anyone asks me where I live and I say San Diego, I say I win.

Brie Tucker (01:51)

I know, right? Let’s see. We’re in Phoenix, Arizona. I don’t think there’s anybody that would argue that you don’t win in San Diego. We all leave here in droves to go to San Diego for those weekend trips.

JoAnn Crohn (02:04)

Yeah, it’s where we all go, definitely.

Paula Schneider (02:06)

But Phoenix is nice in the wintertime.

JoAnn Crohn (02:09)

There always has to be that clarifier in the winter time.

Brie Tucker (02:14)

The only place that you can wear a tank top and shorts on New Year’s Eve.

Paula Schneider (02:18)

Yeah, there you go.

JoAnn Crohn (02:20)

Pretty much. However, all of us native Venetians or Arizonans as I am, we will put on our sweaters when it’s 95 because that’s the only time we get to wear them. We know how to go with the clothing.

Brie Tucker (02:31)

It’s Jean and sweater and boot weather when it hits 90 because you’re like, hallelujah. Hallelujah.

JoAnn Crohn (02:38)

So Paula, you have such a interesting story about your journey with breast cancer. And I really want to hear that from you. So can you lead us through it?

Paula Schneider (02:49)

Sure, you know, as I say, it is the worst club with the best members. Everyone has heard this statistic that one in eight women will have breast cancer. So it’s real and it’s big and it’s a scourge. I was diagnosed in my forties and had I not had a background in that my mom had breast cancer. Right. So I was very well aware that this could be something that would hit me or my sister. And so I felt alone and was then subsequently diagnosed with breast cancer and I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, which is kind of a funny name because it’s really, it’s not this kind of breast cancer, that kind or the other kind, triple negative, that are more treatable, right? So triple negative is one of the most deadly kinds of breast cancer and it’s also one that is the less treatable. So I was diagnosed, had young children at the time, not the age of the book that I wrote, but they were at 11 and 13 at the time. Yeah. You know, the last thing in the world you want to do is leave your kids ever, but certainly thinking about them going to high school and junior high and high school and that very, very important time for moms to be around for daughters. It’s always important for moms and dads to be around for their children. But that’s the first thing you think of is, my God, you know, I want to be here for my kids.

Brie Tucker (03:49)

That’s a hard age.

Paula Schneider (04:15)

and anyone who’s diagnosed with breast cancer or any kind of cancer that has children will feel the same way.

Brie Tucker (04:21)

And that’s like the first thing you go to, I think. I mean, you start to go down all the possibilities. And JoAnn and I talk a lot about, I tend to be a step 20 person. Like as soon as a situation falls onto my lap, I want to know every possible outcome so that I can figure out the path to the outcome I want. And unfortunately, when it comes to illnesses, you cannot guarantee that outcome that you want.

Paula Schneider (04:45)

No, you can’t, but part of the conversation always has to be early detection. So ladies, if for those of you who are out there who are listening and you’re probably moms, if you’re listening to this podcast, you need to put your big girl panties on and make sure you get your mammograms. we, Komen was very instrumental in making the age go down to 40 as opposed to 50.

And don’t think this is something you should do once every five years. It’s something you should do every single year. And if you are younger than that, you can still have a predisposition for breast cancer. And that’s what started this book. So if you feel anything, be your biggest health advocate, love your family enough to go get your mammograms regularly. And if you certainly feel anything, you’ve got to go and get it checked out.

JoAnn Crohn (05:32)

Yeah. So when you were diagnosed, what then happened next?

Paula Schneider (05:37)

Well, I was running a very large company at the time. was the largest swimwear company in the world. It had like 15 different brands, including Speedo and Calvin Klein and all of the mass brands for Walmart and places in the mass channel. women don’t really take care of themselves as much as they should, especially moms. And when you’re being large and in charge, I had my family, my social life. ran this massive business.

And I was in the middle of a restructure of this business and I unfortunately had to lay off like, you know, few hundred people. And so I asked my doctor when I got diagnosed, said, listen, I’m in the middle of this massive restructure at work. Can I have three weeks or will I die? And he’s like, well, you won’t die, but I would really like you to get started as soon as possible. I’m like, okay. So I finished up the restructure on Monday and Tuesday. We let people go, Wednesday I told my team I had cancer and Thursday I went into chemo.

JoAnn Crohn (06:37)

That is stressful, Paula.

Paula Schneider (06:39)

That’s a week. That’s a week. I didn’t want my team to have to do it without me. Right. Yeah. It just was what considerations that I made and I did go through that. you know, that’s a tough week. Nobody wants a week like that.

JoAnn Crohn (06:42)

That is a week.

No, and it’s like, think the illustration of how women put so many people before themselves. It’s also like your first thought was you wanted to take care of your team.

Paula Schneider (07:06)

That’s exactly my first thought.

JoAnn Crohn (07:08)

Yeah. Meanwhile, dealing with this life-threatening diagnosis, it is not an easy decision to make. During that week, did you have to then tell your family too?

Paula Schneider (07:17)

You know, I told my family slightly before and I just had my own podcast, which is a real pink podcast for Coleman. They had my daughters on with me and we were asking the question, they were asking them and they’re grown women now, they’re 32 and 29. And they were asked like, how did it feel? What were you thinking? And I learned a whole lot of things that I didn’t know, which was really fascinating. But when I told them we called a family meeting and I was already upset because, you know, it’s hard not to cry.

If I ever had to cry in a movie, I would think of two things. One, when I showed my mom my bald head, and two, when I had to tell my kids about having breast cancer. So those are very difficult moments to go through. And we told them about the breast cancer, my husband and I, and then I had planned to go to a Greek festival that we went to every year with friends so that it felt like, okay, this is happening, but life goes on and you guys were all gonna be okay and we’re gonna go and do what we would normally do until we can’t do what we would normally do. And kids deal with things very differently. Both my daughters dealt with this completely differently. And we are all incredibly close, but my oldest daughter just couldn’t deal. mean, like she didn’t want to be home when I was sick, because I’m used to being large and in charge and would take them hiking and would do, I played sports with them and I’m an athlete and to then not be able to get out of your bed. Yeah. My youngest one wanted to look under the covers and see every stitch, you know, but my oldest daughter just couldn’t be around and you have to sort of let them go do their thing. And she went over to her little boyfriend’s house whose mother is a really good friend of mine. And my friend Carol would cook for them regularly.

And then Chloe, my youngest daughter, realized that Carol’s cooking and she’s a really good cook. So she went over there and ⁓ I was like, and then Carol started delivering food to me.

Brie Tucker (09:18)

I was going to say, we need some leftovers people. I mean, come on.

Paula Schneider (09:21)

Although you know I will tell you that my youngest daughter came home one day and said, Mom, Carol bakes the best pies. Can we bake a pie? I’m thinking, my God, Carol, you’re killing me here. And so I’m like, okay, honey. And I called Carol and I said, dial it down a notch, baby. You’re killing me. I cannot be baking pies. So I went to the store with my daughter. I got a graham cracker crust, chocolate pie pudding, and whipped cream. And that was our pie. But I made a pie, even though I felt like hell, you know?

Brie Tucker (09:50)

And we’re not even talking about the nausea

Paula Schneider (09:54)

I didn’t eat it, but I did make it.

Brie Tucker (09:57)

memories, bringing back memories.

JoAnn Crohn (10:02)

And it’s interesting how you said that, you your daughter’s dealt with it two different ways and you just kind of have to let kids experience their own emotions and process their own emotions in their own ways. It hits home for me. It reminds me of when my grandmother passed away when I was 14. And initially I just shut down. I couldn’t talk about it. I like went off to do my thing with a friend when my dad went to the nursing home to take care of like, everything. And my dad tells me later, he initially thought I didn’t care. But then he saw me like breaking down in tears walking and he’s like, ⁓ she just needs to process it in her own way. And I think that’s such an incredible reminder.

Paula Schneider (10:45)

It really truly is because they’re children. Whether you’re 14 or not, you’re not fully developed, right? And Zoe was 13, Chloe was 11. And you know, there’s a moment where they’re like, doesn’t she care about me? Yeah, I knew that that wasn’t the case. So you know, as the parent, you’ve got to continue being the parent

Paula Schneider (11:04)

and supportive of your children in whatever way you need to be, even though you’re depleted and you’re having a really difficult time yourself, because it also affects your husband and your mother, your family, everyone. So you really have to let them grieve and deal with it in their own way. Absolutely. And be okay with that. Yeah. not take it personally because it isn’t personal. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (11:22)

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah. And we’re going to get more into what it was like during treatment for you and how you navigated things right after this.

Brie Tucker (11:38)

Okay, Paula, I gotta share with you, that’s not how mine went down with my mom. So I wanna first of all say that conversation is never easy. I’m getting sweaty palms and an upset stomach just thinking about this.

Paula Schneider (11:52)

Because she’s probably going to hear this, right?

Brie Tucker (11:54)

She’s going to hear it, but also I tease her about it. So she knows, she knows that it’s a thing.

JoAnn Crohn (12:00)

We keep producing episodes, Paula, to bury all these stories for her.

Brie Tucker (12:03)

I know, right?

Paula Schneider (12:05)

I get it.

Brie Tucker (12:06)

But it can be hard. So like in my family, my great grandmother, my grandmother and my mom all had breast cancer. So, and I have two older sisters. So we have always lived our life as like you had with your mom, like your mom had it. So you kind of were like, I’m going to be aware because my odds are really high. So I like always just kind of lived my life as I’m always going to keep an eye out for this because it’s more than likely coming one way or another. They all got diagnosed when they were 50.

So I’ve been getting mammograms since I was 30, our whole family, like we just do what we can to stay on top of it. But my story of how I found out, I was in college and it was my junior year of college and first semester. My family had moved while was in college. So that’s kind of important. They were in Arizona. I was going to college in Missouri and she just kept calling me at random times would just be on the phone and just be like, yeah, how are you doing today? I just wanted to hear your voice. As a college student who cares about her sorority, her boyfriend, you know, where are we going out? Which bar tonight? Like, you know, how am I going to do on my midterms? I just found it annoying that I was getting all of these calls and I would say, mom, what’s going on? Why are you calling me? You sound worried. And she’s like, no, no, I’m not worried at all. I’m totally fine. So I knew something was going on.

I knew something was happening. And then my family started making a big deal about me making sure I made it out for my birthday in mid October. And this was after these phone calls had been going on for probably about a month. And I’m like, okay, something’s happening. So I come out there and the first night I come out to their house, I’m like sitting there on the floor playing with my parents. Like they had little Maltese puppies at the time. I’m playing with them. And then all of a sudden, both my sisters walk in from their homes and they’re like, let’s all have a family discussion. ⁓ crap.

I don’t know what’s happening, but this isn’t good. Like my fear, again, being a self-centered, underdeveloped frontal lobe, I’m all like, they’re going to tell me I can’t continue going to college in Missouri and they’re going to make me move out here to Arizona. Nope. They’re like, we just wanted you to know that mom has breast cancer. And I’m like, my God, when did she find out? And they’re like about six weeks ago. And I was so angry.

Brie Tucker (14:27)

so angry that they all knew and they chose not to tell me because they didn’t want to disrupt my life. So instead, I missed out on this time to be supportive to my family, supportive to my mother. I’ll admit it, I was a short, snarky girl on the phone when she would call me. Because I’m like, what is your problem? You’ve called me like five times today. What are…

Paula Schneider (14:52)

wanted to connect with you then

Brie Tucker (14:54)

Right? But I didn’t know because I wasn’t having that shared. So flash forward, that was October, that Christmas break. I went out to visit my family. Like I always do. I spent every morning getting up at 5 a.m. driving my mom to chemo in downtown Phoenix, spending that time with her that I desperately wanted and she desperately wanted. The story works out great. She is in remission now. Yeah, like 25 years in remission. She’s doing fantastic. And she tested negative for the gene. So like again, everything works out, but that initial, I would definitely say the path you went is a path I wish my family had gone. Cause even as a 20 year old, I knew something was wrong. And then I felt like this huge betrayal that I couldn’t be there to support them.

Paula Schneider (15:40)

You know, that’s an interesting thought that you felt betrayal, right? Because your mom was only trying to protect you. I can understand completely why if you were just back at school and she got diagnosed and you were coming home in October, that that might’ve been a better time for you not to worry. Because there’s no, listen, there’s no guidelines for figuring out how to tell your kids.

Brie Tucker (16:01)

and you never know what’s gonna work out, right? Like you don’t know if you’re making the right choice. All you can do is what feels right.

Paula Schneider (16:07)

Right? There’s no guilt. There you go. Yes.

Brie Tucker (16:10)

Exactly

JoAnn Crohn (16:11)

There’s no guilt about it.

Paula Schneider (16:12)

And she made the choice that she felt was best for you.

Paula Schneider (16:17)

I’m with you mom

Brie Tucker (16:22)

Sue, Sue’s my mom’s name, Sue.

Paula Schneider (16:25)

⁓

I get you. I get you, sister.

JoAnn Crohn (16:28)

Yeah, it’s hard being a child on that side of the interaction because I totally see it from the mom perspective of not wanting to disrupt your child’s life where I mean, they’re in a space that they can’t do anything for them and it would just be worrisome for them. And I also, I see it from the kid’s perspective too. We say here at No-Go-Mom, like no one can help you unless you give them the space to help.

As a child, we always want to be there for our parents. it’s almost like feeling like you’re robbed of this chance to help and be of service, like having the decision made for you instead of you being trusted as the person to make the decision. So I could see both sides of it.

Paula Schneider (17:13)

But you also have, it depends on the age too, right? You’re evaluating circumstances, you were at college, you wanted you to have a good first part of your junior year, because what would you have done? You might have just turned around and come home.

Brie Tucker (17:25)

Yep, I honestly probably would have.

Paula Schneider (17:28)

And that could have disrupted your education and she might not have known, you know, any of the information yet that you would want to know. So it could have been whether she needed chemo or didn’t need chemo, all of those things, I’m sure, impacted the way that she made that decision. And you were 20, you’re almost a fully formed adult at that point. But when kids are younger, you have to make decisions too. And that’s part of the reason that I wrote this book. I was the CEO and president of Susan Chikoma for the last eight years. And now I’ve stepped into a new position as honorary vice chair. But I spoke with the reason the impetus of this book, because I spoke with women, I probably spoke with four or five women in the course of a month, month and a half, that were all in their 30s that had been diagnosed and all had young children. So when I am telling you ladies that are out there and probably listening to this in your demographic, you’ve got to be vigilant about your own health. This is not a disease that discriminates against age. And more and more and more young women are getting breast cancer. And especially if you have families, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (18:41)

It’s hard.

JoAnn Crohn (18:41)

Because we hear all the time about women canceling doctor’s appointments or not scheduling doctor’s appointments because they feel that they have so much on their plate that they can’t take the time then to go and take care of themselves. literally, like this is a disease where early detection is everything and finding it first is everything.

Brie Tucker (19:00)

I was going to say as someone that’s been getting mammograms and she was in her 30s, I don’t think they’re really that painful.

Paula Schneider (19:06)

Try all the things that happen if you you know if you can’t progress this. Look don’t be afraid of a mammogram that’s like borderline silly right? Yeah it’s not great but okay pinch your arm and then go okay that’s that.

Brie Tucker (19:23)

It’s not as difficult as I think, like it has a reputation. I feel like that is not warranted.

Paula Schneider (19:31)

Yeah, it’s not that of a deal. Ladies, it’s not, know, put your big girl panties on and make sure, especially if you are 40 or if you have a history of breast cancer, talk to your doctor about it and you should be starting a family history. You should be starting mammograms at 35.

Brie Tucker (19:46)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (19:48)

The scariest part of mammograms for me, I’m getting my mammograms yearly now, but when I was 40, I got my first one and it came back inconclusive because of density of breast tissue, which I had never even heard about. Like no one had talked about this, how when you get your first mammogram and they’re trying to find a baseline, getting that thing in the mail saying like, ⁓ we need to see you again. And now we need to do an ultrasound and a mammogram to make sure that everything is okay. And I had to go in every six months just to make sure all was good. They found a cyst actually, but they monitored it. They know about it and they see it every year. Yep.

Paula Schneider (20:28)

Yeah, and dense breasts are a thing, right? No one can feel your own breasts and decide, yeah, I feel dense or not. Yeah. That isn’t how it works. It’s just when you have dense breasts, it sort of hides things more, let’s say, well on your mammogram. So women who have dense breasts, and now when you go get a mammogram, they have to tell you whether you have dense breasts or not because you’re four to five times more likely to get breast cancer. these are facts, right?

It’s scary stuff, I get it, but the scarier thing is not being around for your kids. So you’ve got to make those decisions that are really important for your family and this is one of them. It’s the fear that most women have is the biggest health fear is getting breast cancer. And it is a real thing, so just make sure that you have early detection and that you are doing everything you can to be your own health advocate because it makes a huge difference. Huge difference.

JoAnn Crohn (21:23)

Huge difference, yeah. Well, right after this, I do want to get into the treatment portion and how you communicated with your children during that. And we’ll get to it right after this break. So Paula, once you went into treatment, I have been watching online just a friend of the podcast. Her name is Dr. Katie Hurley. She was on like during our first episode, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and she’s been documenting her journey. She mentions a lot how just tired and draining therapy is and how she doesn’t have the energy that she once did. During your treatment, how did you deal with that while having young children at home?

Paula Schneider (22:06)

Yeah. Well, you know, it depends on the type of treatment, like the treatment that I had was 18 years ago, doesn’t even exist today because it was too hard. ⁓ Most people couldn’t get through it. ⁓ At that point, only about 50 % of people finished on time with the type of treatment that I had because it was really hard. But chemo has come a tremendously long way. The anti-nausea drugs,

Paula Schneider (22:33)

Part of this is that there’s individualized treatment now that is much more for each person. used to be that if you were a very low stage, you might not have had a certain types of cancer, because breast cancer is 100 different diseases. It’s not just one. It’s all different stages and types, et cetera, et cetera. It’s complicated. But if you were a low stage, you might not have had to have chemo. You might just have radiation or just a lumpectomy or mastectomy or something like that.

For most people now, because of Cummins research actually, there is a Onca testing which essentially says, okay, used to be standard of care that everyone above this line got chemotherapy. And now there’s about 50 % of people that don’t need chemotherapy because they can have personalized treatment that is different for them. Which is huge, huge. There’s hundreds of thousands of women that will not have to have chemo because of the work that Komen’s done, meaning the outcomes will be the same, very close scientifically and statistically the same. For me, I never had that option because I had, again, triple negative, which was really hard to treat and very, very deadly. went through that. It wasn’t even called that then. I didn’t even know I had triple negative until I moved to when I took the job at Komen and I moved to Dallas for a couple of years and I went to have an oncologist there and she said, so you have triple negative. And I said, my God, I did.

Brie Tucker (24:02)

What did they just give you like at that time? Just like what stage you were in for breast cancer? Okay, can I ask?

Paula Schneider (24:10)

Yeah, was, well, at first they thought I was stage three. Okay. But then they downgraded me at some point during my treatment to stage two, but it had already spread to my lymph nodes. Oh, geez. So it was the year of living dangerously. had chemo for six, seven months and I had 36 radiation treatments. I had a double mastectomy and the day after radiation, I got on a plane and went to Europe, you know, for work.

Brie Tucker (24:37)

I am not built that way. That is amazing

Paula Schneider (24:40)

Yeah, you know, it just depends. Like every day that I could work, I did work because I just wanted to feel normal. And that was what made me feel normal.

Brie Tucker (24:50)

I think that’s one of those things that people don’t necessarily understand until you’re in that.

Paula Schneider (24:55)

I mean, you know, how much time do you want to sit at home and think about your diagnosis? Right. When you can’t get up and my chemo would literally knock me down for like nine days of staying in horrible pain, no sleeping. mean, just, you know, like a lot of stuff, but I really don’t like to harp on that because people need to fear the disease more than the cure. So, you know, if you have to do it, you got to do it, put your foot one foot in front of the other and get her done.

Paula Schneider (25:25)

Because then it open your rear view mirror and the treatments now are so much far better than they were when I was you in my 40s and had the treatment 

JoAnn Crohn (25:35)

That is so interesting to know. didn’t know that now 50 % of women diagnosed will never have to go through chemotherapy.

Paula Schneider (25:42)

It might not be that much because it depends on the type, but there’s a whole slew of people in the middle that do not have to have chemo now, which is all because of the work that Common’s done.

JoAnn Crohn (25:53)

So Danielle Fischl, who is known for playing Topanga in Boy Meets World, she recently said that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was a type of breast cancer that I had never heard of before. Doctal carcinoma in C2, which I’m not familiar with it and I was wondering if there was a connection to the Coman research and that kind of cancer.

Paula Schneider (26:14)

There’s so many different types of breast cancer. I’m not a doctor, first of all, let’s make that clear, but we always have 250 research projects going at any given moment. So I know that we have some that are in that realm.

JoAnn Crohn (26:27)

What surprised me about that one is it was listed as stage zero and I didn’t even know there could be a stage zero breast cancer.

Paula Schneider (26:35)

And she probably didn’t have to have all of the massive treatments that, know, because she caught it so early. Stage zero does not stay stage zero.

Brie Tucker (26:45)

Yeah, it’s going to progress.

JoAnn Crohn (26:46)

it’s going to progress.

Paula Schneider (26:47)

It never gets better. Like people, if you’re out there and you’re thinking, well, if I have stage two, it’ll get better if I just wait, it will not. It’s not going to go. It’s like a toothache. A toothache, it never goes away if you don’t do anything about it. It just gets worse. So it’s the same kind of thing. And you really have to be very aware of what’s going on in your body. And again, if you’re listening to this, you’re probably a mom. got to think of your kids. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (26:55)

It will go away on its own.

I’m curious, you said that you interviewed your daughters recently on the podcast and asked about like, and you found out some, some things you didn’t know what they were thinking. Can you like share like one or two things that were a surprise that you weren’t aware that your children were thinking at the time when you were going through this?

Paula Schneider (27:32)

Well, there was incidents, right? I just remember I took them hiking right after I had my biopsy and I knew it was breast cancer. And I had a very large bruise on actually this side of me. And the girls, when they asked about it, I told them I fell in the shower, right? While we were hiking, I’m an athlete. So it’s like when we went on hikes, I was head of the pack and you know, like, and they’re really athletic too. So they were both saying that they knew something was wrong with mom because I stopped like four times on this hike. And I remember doing it, but it wasn’t because I was in pain or anything. I was just had such anxiety about, you know, that they didn’t know about what was going to happen about loving them so deeply and so intensely that I, you know, I knew I was going to cry. So I had to get control of myself and that’s when they sort of like figured out like, what the hell’s wrong with the mom? Kind of like what you were thinking. know, mom’s acting weird. She’s not doing something that is normal for her. She’s not telling us, hurry up, we got to go. Yeah. Yeah. You know? So that was one of those things. But we use humor in our family and I’m funny. Okay. I’m just telling you that. And my girls are really funny. My husband thinks he’s funny, but he’s not funny. Because we all know. And we love him.

But I remember I was working on a project with my youngest daughter, some kind of school project, right? Because she’s going into session in seventh grade and we’re working on a computer project and I’m feeling like just dog crap and I can’t hardly make it through the, like helping her. And she said something and I snapped at her and she looked at me and she really wanted to fight with me. But she knows, here I am like a bald and skinny and miserable and she’s like, what’s the matter? Did somebody spit in your chemo? ⁓ my gosh! I laughed so hard. I said, yes, I think that’s it. Someone spit in my…

Brie Tucker (29:32)

Don’t make me crack a rib do you know how real I am and then

Paula Schneider (29:33)

She doesn’t remember that at all and I remember it like it was yesterday. So just different moments that happen and how you try to keep some levity in a very serious situation, you try to keep it going, try to keep some kind of normalcy.

JoAnn Crohn (29:52)

Well, tell us about your book, Love Stay Strong.

Paula Schneider (29:56)

Yeah, it’s very sweet. have it sitting on my desk. My little love stays strong. See, they only wanted to draw and illustrate one daughter. So I always joke that sorry, Chloe, you know, you would only illustrate one.

JoAnn Crohn (30:08)

That humor. That humor.

Brie Tucker (30:11)

And then your other daughter gets to be like, I knew I was the favorite.

Paula Schneider (30:14)

Yeah, yeah. Well, that’s what I said. Yes, I just picked my favorite. But you know, I have two dogs and they only illustrated one dog. So I said, Chloe, you’re with Bugsy, you’re just not on the page. But the story and I sort of made it illustrative of the seasons. It’s very beautifully illustrated. And essentially, it’s the story of if there was a mom or a dad, because it’s it’s disease agnostic. It’s not a mom with breast cancer. It is a parent talking to her children about or reading to her children about, know, that things could change and life changes all the time and you have to be okay with changes, but through it all, our love stays strong. And so it starts out where it’s talking about, you know, how much the parent loves the child and all of the things in the love stays strong. And then it goes into sort of fall and how the change in leaves are so beautiful and they’re so interesting to watch, but it’s change.

And sometimes change can be scary. And then you go to the next page and it has like winter, right? And the leaves are bare and there’s no one in the ground, not in San Diego, but in general. And it talks about how life changes and I am changing, I may change too. And through it all, there may be days I can’t pick you up from school or make you your favorite snack or help you with your homework.

but know that through it all, that my love stays strong. And it ends every page with my love stays strong. And then it talks about, there’s a picture of all the families at an aquarium looking at dolphins. And it says, did you know that dolphins are a pod? And they play together, they stay together for life. You have a pod and you have all these people and support around you, which I hope every child does. And know that their love for you stays strong.

And then there’s one question that says that a bee can use a drop of honey to fly around the world. questions are, and you can ask any questions you want because it makes your brain stronger. So you can ask me anything. And, know, and it talks about, and then snuggles help too. And so it’s, just really sweet. And it was just a baby labor of love. And it’s kind of funny because during my book tour, I had one stop where they had like child psychologists and young grammar school teachers and things like that and they were asking me, you know what background or what tech, know, did you like do research on this? I’m sorry, I’m like no, I wish I were that.

I just wrote what I felt and just how I wanted them to, young kids to feel. I want them to feel safe, but understand that there’s changes that are going on. It never mentions cancer. There is a nod because I’m one of the illustrations that has daddy shaving mommy’s head and you know, the child looking on because Chloe wanted to watch like this. Zoe said to me,

Paula Schneider (33:18)

right after you shaved your head mom you had a wig on and you picked me up and we were going mattress shopping. have no recollection of this whatsoever and she said when I saw you I thought my god this is real because I knew you had a wig on and I don’t remember mattress shopping I don’t remember that moment at all but for her that stood out. ⁓

Brie Tucker (33:38)

Yeah

JoAnn Crohn (33:40)

Well, it sounds like a wonderful book to help families especially explain diagnosis to their children. And Paula, we like to end every podcast episode the same way on a high note. So what is something in your life that you are excited about right now?

Paula Schneider (33:57)

I have the most beautiful grandbabies ⁓ on the planet that are both my girls had kids at the same time because they do everything together. They’re best friends. I have a 14 month old little girl named Mila and a nine month old little boy named Hayes. And it is the most exciting fun thing. I will still continue on curing cancer.

Could you buy the book and give it as a gift to anyone who needs it? Then then that all of the proceeds go to Coleman. But for me personally, it’s this new phase of life where I can relive what I had with my children, but I don’t have to take care of them all the time. So it’s all.

JoAnn Crohn (34:41)

Yes. Well, Paula, thank you so much for being with us today and for sharing your story.

Paula Schneider (34:46)

And thank you for bringing up an important topic. really appreciate it. Absolutely. And ladies, mammograms.

Brie Tucker (34:55)

drop them on the plate man get the mammograms done

JoAnn Crohn (35:01)

Breath, hold your breath. ⁓

Paula Schneider (35:04)

It’s over in three minutes. It’s not a good deal.

Brie Tucker (35:08)

Obviously in my opinion most places make it spa like I get a pretty little robe, get a gorgeous little locker.

Paula Schneider (35:15)

You do what you have to do. It’s great. You love your family, do it for them.

JoAnn Crohn (35:20)

Well, to everyone out there, remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (35:26)

Thanks for stopping by.

JoAnn Crohn (35:30)

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