Podcast Episode 389: Burn It Down: Letting Go of the Version of Motherhood That’s Killing You Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn (00:04)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the brilliant Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:12)

Hello, hello, but how are you?

JoAnn Crohn (00:14)

Brie, today we’re discussing something that I think is on so many moms’ minds, but they may not realize how much it affects them. So looking at you out there, no guilt mom listeners in podcast land, what if we told you that being a good mom might be the very thing that’s stealing your joy? I it’s a broad statement, right, Brie?

Brie Tucker (00:39)

It is, but you know what? I would put money on that. Mm-hmm, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (00:44)

Yeah. Yeah. So the No-Guilt Mom podcast is for moms who feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and stuck managing everything for their families. Just know that if you are in that boat right now, you’re not alone. We’re right here beside you. And in this podcast episode, we promise that you’re going to walk away with something you can do right now to reclaim your joy, your time, your energy. And this episode…

We’re going to dismantle that good mom myth, which is going to give you so much freedom and your time back because you’re not going to be doing everything for everyone. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (01:18)

And then we’re going to be giving you three steps on how to reclaim yourself.

JoAnn Crohn (01:23)

Yes. So like, I think having these three steps, having something actionable to do rather than just operating in theory, like it’s one of those things, Brie, where you know what you should do, but how you make that happen is kind of hazy.

Brie Tucker (01:37)

Yeah, I mean, and also like sometimes just because you know that the rut that you’re in right now isn’t good for yourself. So like, let’s say right now you’re thinking, ⁓ I’m not being as good of a mom as my friend Jennifer or whomever, right? You know, it’s not healthy, but you don’t know what your other options are. We’re going to show them to you.

JoAnn Crohn (01:57)

Yes. So stay tuned. That’s what you have to look forward to in today’s episode of the No Guilt Mom podcast. Hey, if you hear something in this episode that you really relate to and you think other moms should hear, please share it with a friend. And if you’re on social media, tag us at No Guilt Mom so that we can share it as well.

You want mom life to be easier. That’s our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids. We’re going to have fun doing it. We’re going to help you delegate and step back. Each episode, we’ll tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process. Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast.

Brie Tucker (02:29)

And…

Okay, so we’re gonna start by busting that myth that like, you have to do things a certain way to be a quote unquote, good mom. And the reason we want to bust it is that I think so many of us are getting burnt out. We are so tired, exhausted. We feel like nobody appreciates all the effort we’re putting in. And who are we doing it for? The admiration of our kids that don’t even like, they’re like, ⁓ my mom’s a good mom.

half of the stuff I could stop doing and I don’t think my kids would even notice. I’m being honest.

JoAnn Crohn (03:28)

Yeah, and I think that’s very truthful. Yeah. I often ask myself that a lot because I feel like I do a lot of stuff with the kids and they don’t even notice. They just notice the things like I don’t do.

Brie Tucker (03:39)

Right, right. How could they never notice all the crap we do do? But if we mess up on something, it’s like, ⁓ mom, you forgot to grab, like just today, I was calling my daughter and said like, hey, I got to run by the Dollar Tree. Do you need anything? And she’s like, mom, I told you that I needed face wash. I told you like three days ago, I needed face wash and school starts tomorrow and I don’t have it yet. And I’m like, I’m sorry. Was I supposed to just miracle myself to the store? And like,

And right now I’m calling you and being polite. You could have just said, yes, I would love some face wash. Yeah, that would have been nice.

JoAnn Crohn (04:12)

Yeah.

Dealing with teenagers. So much my go-to responses. You have a driver’s license and you can go get that for yourself.

Brie Tucker (04:24)

We understand if kids, yeah. We understand if your kids eight, they don’t have a driver’s license, but there’s still stuff that you could shave off. So like not only that stuff, there’s also the, have a mantra that imbalance. One of the things we do every week, we have this like rainbow planning and in rainbow planning, we review our week, you know, what did we do? And one of the big questions that we have is what changes have I noticed in my mindset as I’ve been practicing self compassion? And mine,

JoAnn Crohn (04:27)

Yeah.

Brie Tucker (04:55)

I have one statement it’s been for a year and it’s a very strong statement for me. You know it already, but our audience doesn’t. It’s I am enough. I am enough because I am constantly fighting back against the voice in my head that says, ⁓ you didn’t spend enough time with your kids before they had to go off to work today. ⁓ you weren’t as present during dinner chatting as you should have been.

Your daughter really wants to go shopping with you. Can’t you spend that time with her and that money and all and like I know money’s tight right now, but we can like, you know, pull it all together because I won’t get this time later and I should be so grateful that they’re here. I am enough, Brie. I am enough.

JoAnn Crohn (05:35)

It pulls people down. It pulls you down. Like I don’t have those thoughts, but I am very quick to anger, I feel. And I just get pissed off at everyone around me really fast. So it’s like, that’s my version of guilt. It is my version of guilt. I do feel guilty, but I also like, because I am quick to anger, I really notice if something’s bothering me and if something needs to change right away. So for example, like,

I made a little reel yesterday because get this free. I saw in the parent Facebook group for the high school, all of these parents were like, where’s this mandatory senior meeting? What are the details of this mandatory senior meeting? And I’m like, this was a post of like 17 comments with parents going back and forth about a mandatory senior meeting. Now keep in mind, this was not for the parents. This was for the students to attend this mandatory senior meeting. Why?

did parents need to be so involved with their 16, 17 and 18 year olds trying to get them information for a senior meeting? And so my daughter was on the other side of this and she was actually the one who communicated the senior meeting and she was complaining that a lot of parents were like contacting her about this mandatory senior meeting. A senior high school student and these parents were like, like there’s not enough information for this. There’s like, where is this? Where? And she’s like saying to herself back off. I am a 16 year old.

What is going on right now?

Brie Tucker (07:05)

I know, right?

JoAnn Crohn (07:07)

So she came to my office and I’m like, I’ve told them all off Camden. I’ve told them all off. I did a little reel about it. And she’s like, what did you do? I didn’t use names. I blacked out everyone. I didn’t even say it was your school. I just did this. But it goes from like being happy with you to being mad and like no time at all with kids. And it’s the hardest thing when we focus all of our energy as parents about making our kids happy because

It’s completely unpredictable. can’t make our kids happy. No matter how hard we try and even things that you think will make them happy and will amuse them, totally piss them off. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (07:49)

Was the senior meeting senior picture on the first day?

JoAnn Crohn (07:53)

No, it was just a meeting. run games. The seniors run games during the first week of school for the underclassmen. So it was a meeting just for people wanting to be involved in the games. was a fun thing. my god. That’s cool.

Brie Tucker (08:05)

My kids’ high school doesn’t do that.

JoAnn Crohn (08:08)

Student government man, student government. Whatever. Student government. But you like try to live up to all of these and it’s so hard. Another thing I wanted to share, which is bursting out of me, is that, so you’re having a dinner with some family and friends and my brother-in-law was talking to me about potato day. I’m like, what’s potato day? And he says, well, it’s just.

Brie Tucker (08:12)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (08:31)

when we’re allowed to sit around the house and watch TV and do nothing. We call it potato day, so we feel less guilty about doing it. And all of a sudden, all the alarm bells went off in my head about this statement.

Brie Tucker (08:44)

Yes, you have to call it potato day. Okay. I want to hear more, keep unloading. Tell me more. 

JoAnn Crohn (08:49)

But that’s where I stopped because I’m like, I know my family, they have not asked for my advice ever. And when people don’t ask for my advice, I will, but even like external family members, like I’ve gotten in trouble in the past. Like they’ve all gotten mad at me because they think like I’m taking over their parenting or something when I’m doing nothing of the sort. And so I don’t give my opinion in those situations at all. But yeah, it’s potato day and

JoAnn Crohn (09:18)

I wanted to console them and I wanted to be like, but it’s okay not to do anything. It’s okay not to take advantage of every single moment.

Brie Tucker (09:27)

That’s true, but I am going to give him props to I love the colorful name of potato day. I think it’s awesome because it also helps your kids understand we’re having a chill day. I mean, you could have called it chill day, but he’s got little ones. So I like potato day. like that in my house. That’s called a lazy Sunday. Yeah, we don’t give it a name. It’s called a Sunday pretty much. If I’m not running errands to go grocery shopping.

We try to do as much as we can on Saturdays and Sundays, like a resting day.

JoAnn Crohn (09:58)

Isn’t it kind of a commentary on where our society is to say that laziness is wrong in some respects?

Brie Tucker (10:07)

or to say that you need to like justify it in some way. What did I just do? What did I do? I called it lazy, right? So there you go.

JoAnn Crohn (10:16)

And I do it too, I have to justify my rest. I always have to justify my rest rather than just resting. And this is something that a lot of women in our balance membership, they have to justify as well. And when they first come in, they have the hardest time giving themselves that permission to rest, relax, to do stuff for them. And the changes that I’ve seen in our body doubling at Sixth Ambry, it’s phenomenal. We have one member who used to come on at body doubling.

And at the end of it, where we tell everyone what we did, she would list all of these things she did. She meditated, she journaled, she exercised, she did all these things. And then she would always end it with, yeah, that’s all I did. We’re like, hold on, hold on, you did a lot. She’s ending it just period. I did this, I did this, I did this. And it’s nothing like, no shame on not accomplishing more, but like absolute pride and just.

You know, I did this and I be proud of myself for this. it was enough.

Brie Tucker (11:15)

And it was enough –

I think one of the big problems is that we think that if we’re not grateful 24 seven, we are ungrateful the rest of the time. And that’s not the case. You can not be like loving every second of parenthood, but still love being a mom and a spouse and a friend and all of those things. It doesn’t mean you have to love it 24 seven.

JoAnn Crohn (11:37)

Yeah.

Brie Tucker (11:51)

Yeah. And that, that is the big issue

JoAnn Crohn (11:53)

You’re in a human and a relationship. And if that story resonated with you, by the way, by kind of downplaying your own accomplishments and not feeling pride in what you did do, come join us in balance. can check it out at balanceformoms.com forward slash go, and we can take you there so that you don’t feel guilty about resting and relaxing anymore. So go check that out. And coming up next, we’re going to talk about when you feel a little resentment.

towards what you have to do and everyone around you.

So, greed last night, I was dead tired. Like dead tired, like a body ache all over me tired. And my family, like to go downstairs in our basement and we’re just hanging out down there. My son’s building Legos, my husband’s on his phone. And my daughter came down for a quick second until the battery ran out on her cell phone and then she’s like, good night everybody. But I was feeling resentful being down there. I was forced to be down. Like, I don’t know, I felt like I had to be down there around everybody else because I don’t see other people during the day.

Brie Tucker (13:08)

Wait, or else you were a quote unquote bad mom?

JoAnn Crohn (13:11)

Yes,

I was a bad mom who was ignoring my family even though like every ounce of me wanted to go to bed. And I also get kind of made fun of a little bit, egged on a bit that I like to go to bed early. I do. My bed is wonderful. I love my bed. I love my bed. I love reading in bed. I love it.

Brie Tucker (13:28)

It’s got to be hard having a family of night owls.

JoAnn Crohn (13:33)

They are so night owls. They are night I am waking up at 5.30 in the morning. Because that’s me.

Brie Tucker (13:38)

When they are still snoring in bed. Including the dogs.

JoAnn Crohn (13:42)

But I felt so resentful of like having to be down there and like changing my entire chronotype or whatever you call it. Just to be around them. And we talk about reframing that resentment as kind of an internal check engine light. Like I was feeling real guilty and it was making me mad. And I decided to listen to that and say, hey guys, I’m real tired. I’m going to go to bed. Good night. And that’s it. No excuses.

Nothing like that. was just like, good night.

Brie Tucker (14:14)

Yeah. No, I think that that’s perfect because like when you’re having something happen and you’re getting resentful or angry about something that you’re being asked to do in your role as a mom. And again, we’re talking about like just the everyday mundane little things, not huge stuff, which right now I’m blanking on except for like going to your child’s high school graduation. So are these high competent in my head in the moment, but when you’re feeling guilty about the day to day stuff, it’s worth asking yourself that question. Like you just said.

Would I be doing this if I wasn’t feeling guilty? And if the answer is no, then you have to ask yourself, why do I feel guilty about leaving? And really have that conversation because I think in those moments, that’s when we can be honest. So like, here’s how the conversation would go in my head about something. My daughter, her puppy just finished his training classes.

And my husband was telling me last night before my daughter got home from work, she normally comes home from work, eats real fast and then goes to the puppy training class. And he’s like, do you want to go to the puppy training class tonight? know, Moose is going to graduate and get his like certificate and everything. And I was like, immediately JoAnn, it was a hell no for me.

JoAnn Crohn (15:28)

It was a no. No. Yeah. ⁓

Brie Tucker (15:30)

I don’t want to go to PetSmart at eight o’clock at night because the class is an hour. I don’t even leave PetSmart until nine, which means I don’t even get home until like almost 930 and I’m supposed to be in bed by nine. That’s where I start my bedtime routine. So I was very annoyed that I was being asked to do that. And then I was like, well, no, I’m being a crappy mom. My daughter’s probably proud of her puppy and wants me there and everything. And so then I was like, I don’t know. We’ll see. I was leaving it open. And then when it came time to go, he asks my daughter, she’s getting all her stuff ready. Would you like some company? And she pauses and she turns her back to us and she’s like looking at her dog, but still talking to us. And she goes, well, you know, you guys haven’t been there for the last couple of visits or last couple of classes. And, you know, I don’t know if that’s like the best for our routine. And I went, Hey, you don’t have to feel guilty telling us no. And she’s like, okay, then no, don’t come.

In my head I’m like SCORE!

JoAnn Crohn (16:29)

Yeah, it’s so funny how she tries to justify it in best for her routine. Yeah, that’s hilarious.

Brie Tucker (16:36)

So like, mean, she had a point. She was like, you guys haven’t been there before and not in a while. You guys only came to the first couple and I’m afraid that if you come, you’ll distract Moose and he won’t pass his last test. And I’m like, okay, full point. But my point of that story is I had told myself this whole story in one nanosecond that if I didn’t go to this class, I was going to let my daughter down. She was going to think I didn’t care about her or the work she’s putting in trying to train her puppy.

I’m letting my husband down because he wants me to go and share in this experience so we can have this like beautiful, you know, Polaroid family moment when Moose graduates. And nobody really gave a crap. Nobody really cared. But in my head, it was like, I could see my daughter laying on the therapy couch at 30 going, and then my mom didn’t come to my dogs.

Brie Tucker (17:31)

And i’m just so wrecked from that.

JoAnn Crohn (17:35)

No.

Yeah. So I have a question for you. Do you think that going through this experience will help you next time this comes up?

Brie Tucker (17:44)

Like I do catch myself. I’ll often tell my husband all the thoughts I have going on in my head because he does have a tendency to be like, are you sure that’s what everybody else is thinking? You’re the only other person I can do that with too. Like I’ll do it with you and you’ll be like, really? You really think that’s what they’re thinking? And I’ll be like, yeah, you’re probably right. They’re probably not. I should just ask. And then I always find that when I ask, I find out honestly people 90 % of the time I have made it into a much much bigger thing in my head. So now I will say this though, this will not work asking your kids if they want you there if you have like preschoolers or early elementary because they want you every.

JoAnn Crohn (18:24)

They want you everywhere. ⁓

Brie Tucker (18:27)

So we’re telling you right now as parents of teens, I could ask my kids, do you remember that I came to like every like school assembly and they’d be like, no. ⁓ Like half the time I show them videos of stuff that pop up on my Facebook memories and they’ll be like, I didn’t even know you were there. And I’m like, great, thanks.

JoAnn Crohn (18:44)

That’s to say it reminds me of another saying with my gosh You should go everywhere your kids want you to now because later on they won’t want you to go guys That’s a good thing that they don’t want you to go That’s a good thing that is so much pressure off of you as a parent when they don’t want you to go to something you’re like score

Brie Tucker (19:05)

I know, right? The relief that comes. I mean, there is a piece of it, right? Of like, okay, I mean, we’re not saying never do anything with your kids, but we’re saying that chances are decent that you’re listening to this episode and that everything is big. Everything is monumental. Everything that you consider not going to brings you guilt and makes you think that you’re letting people down. We are telling you that chances are very good you’re not. You’re not letting them down.

JoAnn Crohn (19:35)

chances are very, very good. And if you do let them down, that’s okay. They repair and heal. I think we have all of those like movie scenes in our head where the parent is neglectful, actually neglectful of their child. And we are comparing ourselves to that neglectful parent where like maybe like the dad went out for milk and didn’t come back for five years. And we’re equating that to the same thing as missing a school assembly because we have to work. It’s not the same. It’s not the same.

Brie Tucker (20:06)

No, it is not on the same level at all. So like we’re saying like, it’s okay. Feel uncomfortable to feel guilty. Ask yourself, go through those questions to yourself. All right, I’m feeling guilty. Would I be doing this if I wasn’t feeling guilty? And then what’s going to really happen if I don’t do this? And really be realistic. You know what? No, don’t be realistic.

JoAnn Crohn (20:12)

to feel.

Brie Tucker (20:31)

Be as crazy as you want to be because sometimes I think when I go down that crazy spiral of like the whole world is going to end if I don’t do XYZ for my kids. Most of time when I hear it out loud, when I say it out loud, I’m like, ⁓ that’s just nuts. So yeah, so it’s not pretty. It’s not a ton of fun, but it’s worth keeping that in mind and going through the fact that you don’t have to be there for everything.

JoAnn Crohn (20:56)

Use that resentment as a signal that maybe this is the time to stop and honor your own emotions and not go to that thing you feel like you have to go to to be a good mom. And right after this, we’re going to give you those three doable actions to actually release yourself from this feeling that you have to be a good mom all the time.

So far in this episode, we’ve talked about the good mom myth and how it’s weighing you down. And then we talked about using those signals of resentment as a little like, hey, maybe I don’t want to be doing this thing and how to honor your own emotions with doing it. Now we’re going to get into the actionable stuff of what to do when you’re just ready to get rid of this good mom myth and how to put it into practice. So Brie, we’re going to take out our little remarkable devices.

Brie Tucker (21:51)

Yes, so we’re making this into a little game. The first tip that we have for you is to name one thing that you’re done with. So JoAnn and I have not talked beforehand. We’re going to write down the one thing that we resent a lot in motherhood right now. We’re to write that down first. So write down one thing that you don’t like and I’m going to hum Jeopardy for everybody.

JoAnn Crohn (22:15)

How to word this. So I’m going to word it in the easiest… Okay, I’m I’m thinking about this.

Brie Tucker (22:25)

do do do do do do do do

Do, bum, bum. All right, what’s yours?

JoAnn Crohn (22:37)

School coordination. hate it. So guys, I know this episode is airing in July, but believe it or not, my kids started school July 16th. And so this week I had to go to the Meet the Teacher thing at the middle school. And I like doing that. I like meeting the teachers. I like seeing who my son’s involved with. I like that. What I don’t like is the list of 10 to-dos the school sent me home with.

these forms to fill out for like the emergency annual emergency card thing, how to register your athlete, mark down this date on your calendar, go school supply shopping with all that. Like there are so many things, so many things to do in regards to my kid’s school. It’s just, it really makes me rethink what I asked parents to do as a teacher because parents, you have your own lives. You have your own lives.

Brie Tucker (23:32)

say that the school coordination and what school has become like a couple of people that I love to watch on TikTok, Instagram on reels is like the Holderness family. I especially love it when they do like parenting, getting ready for school in the nineties and getting ready for school now. And like, ⁓ gosh, there’s another one. I forget what he’s called, but he does a lot of that too, where he’s like, we’ll go back to like what parenting and like what the supply list looked like when we were starting high school.

don’t ever remember my parents ever coordinating anything for me once I hit middle school. It was my job. And that included me coordinating a ride with them to go to the store to have them buy the school supplies that I needed for the year or for that school year. All of that was on me. And I never thought twice about it. And I’ve told my kids, that’s how I’ve raised my kids is that once they hit like junior high,

It’s not that I didn’t do it. And I would check in with them like, Hey, we haven’t gone school shopping yet. Have you gotten that list yet? When do we need to go? Or I’ll be like, Hey, I got the list. When are you going to go? Just because I think they kind of need to have that like a little bit of learning.

JoAnn Crohn (24:43)

I a little bit, yeah. I don’t mind it piecemeal, but it’s like all the things coming at once. And then maybe it’s also the pressure from other parents. it’s the, you don’t even realize it’s pressure. You see the Facebook groups, the parent Facebook groups lighting up with, my gosh, have you done this for your child? my gosh, have you done this for your child? And you immediately feel like you are failing your child because you are not doing these things. Even though logically I know that I am building my child for self-confidence and self-assurance and I should not be doing these things for my child. And yet, I still feel like I should, you know?

Brie Tucker (25:21)

I’m gonna tell you, stay away from those Facebook groups for class of 2026 you don’t want those.

JoAnn Crohn (25:26)

I’ve been in it. I’ve been in it. And like, it’s funny because someone else was like, you should see the college parent-based groups. I’m like, there’s college parent Facebook groups?

Brie Tucker (25:36)

I will not touch that with that because they will they will unlock new concerns and fears that I didn’t even know existed My brain is gonna put its own. Okay, you ready for my my thing? I’m gonna get rid of I Hate the most right now

JoAnn Crohn (25:43)

No, I will not be joining those.

Yes.

Brie Tucker (25:54)

Making dinner for rest of my life. the rest of my life.

I am extremely angry about that. And that’s another thing I’ve seen on social media. I know I’m not the only one that did not sign up to cook for the rest of my life. My God, like I am so sick and tired and done with it. So done.

JoAnn Crohn (26:11)

It’s especially hard too when you’re not just cooking for yourself, you’re cooking for other people and then the other people aren’t falling down at your feet and worshiping you for cooking dinner, which should happen.

Brie Tucker (26:21)

What you get is they poke at it and what’s this? Like, okay, so like last night, it was my night to cook dinner. And honestly, like I helped cook dinner most nights, but my husband has been really amazing this last few weeks, because I’ve been working later in the evening. So like he’s, he’s had to pick up on the dinner, which is fantastic because he knows how much I hate it. So thank you, Miguel. I love you. You’re amazing. But with that being said, last night I was making dinner. It was a Buffalo Ranch bacon, yummy, yummy thing.

but I knew my daughter wouldn’t eat it if it had onions or cilantro or if it had like the buffalo sauce. So while I was making it, like stopped halfway through, put aside a small section for her and then made the rest of ours. So like, even though I did that, I still got like all these like, scrunched up nose and question, what was that? What did you make? Is that a tomato in here? Did a tomato get in my mom? You know, I don’t like tomatoes. I’m like, you know what?

How about a thank you mom for making this separate for me and remembering that I don’t like buffalo and remembering I don’t like tomatoes and onions.

JoAnn Crohn (27:27)

So it’s It’s true. That’s what it should be. It should be falling at your feet and worshiping. swear. Yeah, like I’m not even being I’m not being sarcastic. Making dinner is such a hard thing. Really, they should.

Brie Tucker (27:41)

told us that we were going to have to do this for the rest of our lives. And I don’t think that we should. think that, I mean, one thing that does make it easier in my household, and I got this lesson from you, is that we all take a night of like cooking. So that way no one person is responsible for more than like, because in our house we’ve got four people, so no one’s responsible for more than two days of cooking at most.

JoAnn Crohn (28:05)

That relates to our next step. So first step is just to recap, write down one thing you’re done with, just like Brie and I did. And the second step is to make one imperfect change. So Bri, do you have any idea what your imperfect change is? You said a little bit about having somebody make dinner separate nights in the household. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (28:24)

So what I’ve done, this is the problem. When my kids who are in high school say, oh, I’m really busy, Mom, I’ve got to work this class. I really want to go see this friend tonight. I know I was supposed to cook dinner, but can we change it to another night? And I’ll be like, OK, yeah, sure, let’s just move it around.

JoAnn Crohn (28:44)

Right? Yes.

Brie Tucker (28:46)

And then what happens is when the night comes, they’re supposed to cook. They’re like, I forgot I’m spending the night at Jessie’s house or whatever. you’re like, what? Yeah. So I think I need to go back to holding them accountable for when they sign up to cook. Cause we do at least ask them every week. What night do you want to cook? And what do you want to cook? You tell us what and we’ll go buy the supplies. So I think I just need to pull firm with my nose. I’m not, no, you can’t switch. No, you’ve got to figure this out for yourself tonight.

JoAnn Crohn (29:14)

You got to figure out how to get it covered and it’s not my job to cover you. It’s like working. It’s like, you know, you have to figure out who’s covering for you. That’s actually genius. I just thought of that. Someone else to cover for you. This is a workplace.

Brie Tucker (29:24)

Yeah

Yep, is a work life skill people, work life skill. What would be one thing you would change about school coordination? I don’t even.

JoAnn Crohn (29:36)

I don’t even know what I would teach. don’t even know. A lot of people find themselves in this situation where you’re stuck in this task you don’t even know how to let go of because do the forms need to be filled out? Yes, they do. However, I do wait until the absolute last moment until I get five or six emails about it before I do it. That’s my personal form of protest against the school coordination. Okay. It’s not the most healthy thing in the world though.

Brie Tucker (30:01)

I’ve been there. I’ve been there.

JoAnn Crohn (30:03)

The only thing I can think of is to delegate it. But like my husband also has so much he has to do. Or I just give it to my son. I’ll be like, okay, tell me which of these things you really need done and which of these can not be done. I mean, I was talking to one of our balance members today about delegation and her issue is like when she delegates, like if she puts something on the calendar or if she asks her husband to do something.

he won’t go along with her same method of organization and delegation. So like she’ll put something somewhere and he’ll be like, I didn’t see it. Or he refuses to actually use any organization strategy whatsoever. And so he asks her to put things on the calendar and remind the family when it needs to be done.

Brie Tucker (30:53)

Okay, that’s adding more mental load. That’s not cool.

JoAnn Crohn (30:56)

That’s not cool. And I’m like, hold on. And I was like, hold on. And this was during body doubling this morning. And I’m like, let’s talk about this in coaching about some conversations you could have for this delegation. And I bring that up because with school coordination, delegating it to my husband is pretty much similar to like telling him what to do and how to handle things. And it won’t work. I know this won’t work. I know it won’t work. It’s more of a situation where I think with this, I just have to vent my frustration. I think it’s a necessary evil. I have to vent my frustration to him. I have to let him in on it. I have to tell him the things I’m doing and then invite him to come in and take over some of it instead of it all being on me.

Brie Tucker (31:39)

What if like you were at some point in the evening to sit down with your son and your husband and be like, okay, let’s make a list of all the things that have to happen before the next two weeks.

JoAnn Crohn (31:53)

Well, that would be great, but I’ve already done all of them. So.

Brie Tucker (31:56)

Okay then, I hear you then. All right, yeah, I’ve been there. But I think that.

JoAnn Crohn (32:00)

We all do. We’re very proficient. We know how to get things done and we just do all the things even though it kills us and we put everything else off.

Brie Tucker (32:10)

fill out an emergency contact sheet in my sleep. But could my ex-husband do that? No. Would my husband now be able to do that for my kids? Probably not.

JoAnn Crohn (32:22)

But with that emergency contact sheet. Like it all seems like an easy task until you actually sit down to do it. When you get on the computer and you can’t find your password for the stupid computer like thing and then you’re looking for your password for that and then for some reason you click on the emergency card and it’s not working and there’s an error message. ⁓

Brie Tucker (32:38)

Wait, this is all like you have to put it in the computer. You can’t just write on a piece of paper

JoAnn Crohn (32:42)

No, it’s not on paper. It’s on the computer. Everything’s on the computer. Yeah, everything’s on the computer.

Brie Tucker (32:47)

I like paper so much better.

JoAnn Crohn (32:49)

This is JoAnn’s  personal venting session about school stuff. So if you need this in your life about complaining about all the school stuff.

Brie Tucker (32:56)

Yes. So what we want you to understand is that when you’re making that imperfect change, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Messy, having something done in a messy way is better than suffering through it to make it perfect. Yeah. Let’s just remember that. And then what’s our third tip?

JoAnn Crohn (33:14)

So you want to create a new rule that honors you. It could be something simple, a mantra you say to yourself, one that we use here a lot on No Good Mom is embrace the messiness because everything is messy. Nothing is perfect. I think that’s something that through like this whole school coordination thing, it is what I’ve told myself. I don’t get too down on myself for not doing the things because I’m like, this is messy and I don’t do the stuff.

Brie Tucker (33:25)

that one.

JoAnn Crohn (33:42)

then I get reminded of the stuff that’s necessary for me to do. So yeah, works out.

Brie Tucker (33:46)

And I can also guarantee you that odds are really decent that nobody at the school even realizes that you haven’t done it. Those emails that are going out, they’re going out to so many parents. Nobody’s going to be like, Sarah’s mom still hasn’t done this yet. Most of the time they don’t even.

JoAnn Crohn (34:05)

And also, if they are all bent up about it, what are they getting bent up about? You’re not completing a form? Why are we caring? Well, okay. No, but okay. So I said that a little harshly. I said that, why are we caring a little harshly? Because guys, I gotta let you in on a little secret that when Bri and I are coordinating the Happy Mom Summit, we have a naughty list of people who don’t fill out forms.

Brie Tucker (34:32)

We do. I so do. That’s my way to be like venting when you work by yourself. Because I can tell my dog, but he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t empathize with me.

JoAnn Crohn (34:35)

I will!

Like the naughty list on our end is how we stay mentally sane. And it really has nothing to do with the other person. I’m sure I’m on many naughty lists myself for the amount of forms I don’t completely.

Brie Tucker (34:55)

my gosh. it’s fine. Everybody like we all know that that stuff is happening. So just know it doesn’t have to be perfect. It could just be saying no, being more accountable, doing something better done messy than done perfectly.

JoAnn Crohn (35:11)

Yes. And it’s something that we talk about in Balance all the time. Yeah. And this month in Balance, guys, we’re doing Balance Bingo where it’s like rest is part of the bingo squares. Like you rest and you get prizes.

Brie Tucker (35:23)

I love it. Yes. It’s one of my favorites. Like we have squares on there. That’s like eat a piece of chocolate. Go to Target by yourself. Buy something just for you and don’t buy anything for the kids or the spouse. Just for you.

JoAnn Crohn (35:36)

Since you made it to the end of this episode, Brie, I want to give them like a little bit of a treat for it because we talk about our balance membership a lot and we have the link for you down there to go and check it out. Starts at $68 a month. That’s it. There’s no commitment, nothing like that. But for July, we are having this promo where our balance members get to invite a friend and have a month for free. So if you’re interested in that, go and DM us on Instagram at NoGuiltMom and say, hey, I would love the free month of balance. We’ll send you the link on how to sign up for it that way.

Brie Tucker (36:11)

Did we mention that like by playing bingo this month and balance, not only do you get to do things like take a rest, eat some chocolate, go out shopping just for yourself. You also get entered for winning a $50 gift card. So to me, getting to buy myself something, have a break, meet other awesome moms and win money. Yes, I’m there.

JoAnn Crohn (36:35)

And you’re also doing personal development as well because everything in balance is meant for that goal to help you become confident, have less guilt and raise kids who are self-sufficient. So through this episode, we talked about that good mom myth and how you can dismantle it, how you can use resentment as a signal for stop doing something that makes you mad and resentful. And also those three things you can do to take action on it. So hopefully now you are in the place to start seeing where that good mom myth comes up in your own life and having the tools to counter it as well because you get to be the mom your kids need and the woman you were before they came along. Don’t forget that woman. She’s really, really freaking cool.

Brie Tucker (37:25)

She’s really interesting. I like hanging with her. Yes, I do. So hey, if you resonate with this episode or this episode made you think of one of your friends, text it. You have a friend who’s about to be at her breaking point because she is trying to do everything perfectly. Send the girl some support. Send this episode.

JoAnn Crohn (37:43)

Absolutely. And remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (37:48)

Thanks for stopping by.