Podcast Episode 415: The 5 Mistakes Moms Make Every Holiday Season (and How to Avoid Them) Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn (00:01)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn joined here by the brilliant Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:08)

Hello everybody how are you

JoAnn Crohn (00:09)

We’re talking about holiday season, guys, because it is coming up. and I have both made our share of mistakes during the holiday season in terms of running ourselves into the ground mistakes.

Brie Tucker (00:20)

yeah, yeah. biggest problem is, cause back in the day when my kids were little, that was like what pre Instagram, that was more of Pinterest. I always thought that I needed to be like as good as the Pinterest moms. Right? And you put so much pressure on yourself. You put pressure on yourself to have it be a magical experience for your kids. And this is the time of year where it gets crazy. Cause like Halloween is coming up in a week.

JoAnn Crohn (00:31)

my gosh.

Brie Tucker (00:45)

Did you get the right costume? Are you doing a family costume? And when the hell did family costumes become a thing? Like that is-

JoAnn Crohn (00:51)

I see the family costumes and I’m like, that is like one more thing because some families, like I know one in particular, they have a family costume in addition to the regular kid’s costume. And I’m like, guys, like I couldn’t get my husband involved in a family costume anyways, cause he would not be into that at all. And it’s so much stress. But if you’re into that, it’s great to be into that. Just know that you don’t have to do that. 

Brie Tucker (01:17)

I’m saying for the moms that it’s another thing to try to figure out that it’s like, you don’t have to. And just because your kids see it with other people and they think that they want to do it, if it’s going to stress you out, don’t do it. Don’t do it. But this is what I refer to as the roller coaster time of the season, right? Because once we hit Halloween, you’ve got like maybe a month, if you’re lucky, if it’s a late Thanksgiving, but you have Halloween, you have Thanksgiving, you have Christmas, you have Hanukkah, you have…

Kwanzaa, you have New Year’s, like there’s so many holidays that are all crunched into one. My pocketbook stresses out, my anxiety stresses out, and my patience, it’s gone. It left trains ago. It left the station a long time ago.

JoAnn Crohn (02:01)

In addition to that, my family, I have my birthday and I have my daughter’s birthday as well in December. is like seriously one of those need to pace yourselves kind of month. My husband always dreads it and I try to balance the dread a little bit. It’s hard. And if you’re in that situation too, or you have a partner who’s just like the Grinch, I love you Josh, but really he knows it. He’ll own up to it.

Brie Tucker (02:31)

you also have another holiday birthday there, because this birthday is right before Halloween. And mine, the day we’re recording this, this is the day before my birthday. And we’re recording this just a week before Halloween. So I mean, it’s a lot. And there’s a lot of things that make it hard for us to stay in a healthy mindset, in a healthy place. And when I say healthy, I’m talking about just like not a mental breakdown. And there’s a lot of things that we can look back on and be like, yeah. If I could go back in time, there are some things I would change. And that is what we’re going to share today.

JoAnn Crohn (03:04)

Yeah, we’re breaking down the top five health traps that moms fall into every October, December so that you know about them and you can spot them when they’re happening. And let’s get on with the show.

So Brie, there are five mistakes that we found that moms make and I am pretty sure I’ve made all of these mistakes just to let it out there so that if you’re listening right now, there’s no shame with this. There’s no shame. There’s just…

Brie Tucker (03:33)

Yeah, I like to say a lot that everybody needs a ghost of kids future friend. Yeah. And that is what we are being here for you guys. Now granted, our kids are still kids. Like I only have one 18 year old and one 17 year old. So like, as far as I’m concerned, they are still kids. But looking back at this time of the year, it’s gotten easier as I’ve gotten older because I have learned from these five mistakes that I have gone through myself every year, every year for like the first few.

JoAnn Crohn (04:05)

I’ve had the, you know, like don’t have the motivation to do anything during the holiday season because of how hard I pushed myself, how I didn’t listen to my body, how I didn’t listen to what I needed. And I’m looking at this list right now, Bri. And it’s funny because the first one I’ve actually never done because of my opinions about it. And it’s skipping sleep to make holiday magic. Sleep’s a non-negotiable for me. If I don’t get sleep, I am not a fun person to deal with at all.

So grumpy, but you have done this, skipping the sleep.

Brie Tucker (04:38)

Yes, I can tell you that for sure. So the first one is like, don’t skip sleep to make holiday magic in quotations of magic there. I did this every single year on Christmas Eve. I would say probably from like the time they were two until they were like 10. And ⁓ it was, yeah. yeah. It was everything from waiting to wrap gifts at the last minute or this was a big one. I don’t know how this started, but I just know it had been going on for a long time. I would creep outside their windows at Christmas Eve and shake a bell so that they thought Santa was on the roof. yeah. And I’m even going to skip ahead here to Easter. Like Easter, that stupid little thing that went around when we were little, when our kids were little, the like dropping the jelly beans

Brie Tucker (05:29)

into the yard and then making them grow up as suckers. I don’t know if you knew that one.

JoAnn Crohn (05:34)

No.

Brie Tucker (05:36)

We didn’t have grass. We had a rock yard. So we didn’t have little rocks. We had big rocks. So I feel like it was dumb looking back at it now. My kids, we would have them like plant jelly beans in the yard. And then I would have to go out because my husband at the time knew that I was crazy and this was not a good idea. But I had to go out pre-dawn to find the jelly beans and replace them in the exact same spot with a sucker.

And if I missed any, kids would be like, well, this one didn’t grow. And I’m like, must’ve been a dud. And I’m just like, I crawled around here with a flashlight and my pajamas. Like, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (06:14)

that you do that your kids will never know. Well, they will know.

Brie Tucker (06:17)

Yeah, they know now and and now they’re like, why did you do that? And probably when they have kids they’ll be like, that was so cool And I’ll be like no it wasn’t don’t do it. Don’t do it It’s not worth

JoAnn Crohn (06:29)

just wonder what you look back and you’re like what your parents did for you. Like my mom always made us like big Easter baskets. It is not something I do for my kids now. I admire my mom for that. My mom is very good at that. She’s very good at that. Not my best, yes. Yeah. Right? So then, not at all.

Brie Tucker (06:47)

I think that leads us into number two. The second mistake after skipping sleep is saying yes to everything. Everything. Everything. The class parties, the bake sales. I want to do secret Santa. Oh, this friend is doing like white elephant. Oh my God. It’s a lot. It sounds fun.

JoAnn Crohn (07:06)

I did this. It’s what led me to eventually break down and feel like I was completely unsupported because I would sign up for all of these activities that of course my husband had no interest in. I mean, good for him looking back in hindsight. And I would just be completely stretched thin, wanting to cry, not looking forward to the next thing, thinking that…

I had failed to everything I signed up for because I would be so self-critical. Like if it was a white elephant gift exchange, I’d be like, I did not get the best gift. And I would go into it with that mentality for everything. I didn’t get the best gift for other people. Like I’m like, I’m such a horrible gift buyer. That kind of thing.

Brie Tucker (07:49)

I know you’re going with that one for sure. Yeah. But I mean, that’s a lot of pressure. Like my big one were the class parties because I felt like I had a flexible job when my kids were in elementary school. And like sometimes I was the room mom or I was volunteering in the classroom. So I felt even though nobody said it, I felt obligated that I had to participate because I had to step up for the parents that couldn’t.

And to me, I didn’t see it as like resentful against those parents. was like, you know, this is something that I should do because I have more time. But then I completely dismissed the fact that the way I had more time was because after my part-time job that I had and picking up the kids from school and doing dinner and doing bath and getting the kids stories and in bed, then I started working on the decorations for the class party. Then I started and plus two, like we didn’t have a lot of money, so I was trying to come up with the cutest thing on the lowest budget. And then you added in like food allergies and whether or not the teacher was into it. it just. That’s a lot. It was a lot.

JoAnn Crohn (08:51)

to say like there’s two things in that like kudos to you for stepping up and making the magic for people. Being a magic maker is a really important job. So kudos to that. And also on the other hand, like Buddhist society for making that not part of the experience that’s planned by other people that parents who are low on time have to step up to make that magic happen. Because It’s stressful. It’s very, very stressful. And I would look at it as a teacher. And first of all, we didn’t have those things at the school I taught at. Our parents were working like two to three jobs and it was just an impossibility for anyone else to come in. And I was so overloaded as it was that like the most they got was like a little party to celebrate. Cause I’m just not the most festive minded person. Like it’s always been something I wish I was, but I’m not. I’m just not.

Brie Tucker (09:50)

And like you’re saying, like looking back at it now, I could have still said yes to the class parties and brought in a box of pre-wrap brownies from the grocery store. And the kids would have been just as happy with that as the little brownies I made that were like, had like the little pretzels to be spider legs and like a little like, you know, witch’s hat made out of, I don’t even remember. I think it was like strawberries. I can’t even remember now at this point, but the stuff that I had done, the kids would have been just as happy with it being 10 layers less of Pinterest than what I was giving. But I felt like I needed to impress everybody. And we’re here to tell you that like, no, you don’t. No, you don’t. You don’t have to. No, we’ve gone through two.

JoAnn Crohn (10:34)

Yes, anyone. So yeah, right after this break, we’re gonna tell you the three other mistakes that moms make and what you can do to kind of counteract them right after this.

Okay, so before the break, Brie, we talked about that skipping sleep to make the holiday magic and the saying yes to everything. The third mistake is the not properly feeding yourself, living on coffee and leftover crust and bites of mac and cheese and the like dino nugget that you pick off your kids plate. 

Brie Tucker (11:06)

Right? 

JoAnn Crohn (11:09)

That is so hard to keep yourself going. I mean, I’m one of those people who gets hangry very, very easily. And if I don’t eat, I’m horrible.

Brie Tucker (11:21)

Yeah. Well, I get pretty grumpy too, but I totally remember doing this. You’re like, oh, I’ll have time to eat later. Or you get down like a granola bar on your way between things that you’re doing. And because you keep telling yourself, well, this is okay for now. It’s only temporary. But we’re here to point out to you that, okay, I get it. Right now it’s a week until Halloween when this episode airs. You might be thinking Halloween’s like one day.

Yeah, but the problem is that right after Halloween is done, you’re gearing up for the next holiday and the next one and the next one. So when you keep telling yourself it’s only temporary, the temporary ends up being like three months long. And your body is not made to run on that. No, it’s It’s not going to work. So starting with healthy habits now, as soon as you can, moving forward is such a huge helper.

JoAnn Crohn (11:58)

Mm-hmm. It’s a really hard thing to because there is a, I like using big words, proliferation of candy and sweet stuff too, that you tend to easily grab. Like that’s something that I do during the holidays a lot. Like I’ll grab like, ⁓ my hairstylist has like some fun size Halloween candy. Let’s grab some of that. Let’s grab some of that. And that’s like, you’re trying to sustain yourself through nutrition that doesn’t I want to say neutralize you. Nutri- that doesn’t nourish you. There’s the word I’m looking for. There we go.

Brie Tucker (12:46)

Well, remember those Snickers commercials?

JoAnn Crohn (12:48)

Yeah, Snickers satisfied. You were you were tricked into thinking that a Snickers bar was all you needed. I know! What liars!

Brie Tucker (12:57)

That was awful!

JoAnn Crohn (12:59)

Meanwhile, Snickers bar just makes you crash and makes you like want more food and you’re never satisfied. Snickers never satisfies. There goes that advertisement. ⁓

Brie Tucker (13:09)

You’re right. But for me, was different. Snickers never, it’s satisfied because I always wanted more Snickers. love it. I don’t like chocolate, but Snickers is the only one that I will eat. I could eat a whole bag of if you let me.

JoAnn Crohn (13:14)

It’s not real chocolate. No, it is I . mean, but it’s like, you know, the American chocolate where it’s mostly it’s more sugar than chocolate.

Brie Tucker (13:24)

Well, that’s the key right there, because I’m a sugar fiend. OK, all right, so moving on, number four. This was one that hit you hard.

JoAnn Crohn (13:39)

Yeah, ignoring your stress signals. That comes in if you’re saying stuff to yourself, like, I should be happier, or I should be more grateful. That’s kind of telling you, you probably have some stress going on that you want to really push down and hide. I was trying to do that all through the holidays thinking like, I’m doing this for everyone else. And then no one else thanks you. Everyone else starts to expect it and you’re not seeing the same taking care of you as you are other people. And I think that’s where resentment really starts to build, at least it did for me.

Brie Tucker (14:18)

Yeah. I mean, you’re tired. You’re exhausted. Your patience is shorter. You snap. You need a good back massage and shoulder rub like every day. And you’re just like, ⁓ well, this is just what happens. No, no, it doesn’t have to. It really doesn’t have to. Yes. The holidays are on the calendar. They happen at certain times. You can’t change that, but you can be more aware of things. I digress. 

JoAnn Crohn (14:44)

 It’s also like the energy that’s being brought to each activity, like something that I noticed when I did volunteer in the classroom after I was a teacher when I was staying home with my son. And I would see parents come in and they would have these huge holiday spreads, but they would be so stressed out. So stressed out. And the kids would be noticing their stress. They’d be like, okay, let’s put this over here. don’t touch that. Don’t touch that yet, Billy. Don’t touch that. Okay. ⁓ no, no, no. That’s not in the right place over there. Can you put it over there? Hey, hey.

JoAnn Crohn (15:15)

That stress wears off. And it’s one of those things where when I saw it, I had to like back away and I’m like, wow, I don’t know if this person knows what they’re doing to themselves. Like this isn’t probably don’t. Yeah. It’s just like, it’s a situation. So if you find yourself in that kind of behavior, that’s a signal that you’re stressed out. And to step back.

Brie Tucker (15:41)

And the last mistake that we make, and I am a famous one for this one, you keep telling yourself, it’ll get better soon. It’ll get better soon. And particularly a lot of us will be like, it’ll get better in January. It’ll get better in February. You know, you’re like, I just got to make it through October, November, December, and it’ll get better. And what happens is we end up putting things off, which is fine. Not everything is a five alarm fire and has to be taken care of right away. But then what happens is when we come to January, everything starts crashing down. All the crap we’ve been putting off, all the things that we hadn’t been doing, it just ends up catching up to us. And then it just, it’s all there. up. Yeah. It blows up on you. So.

JoAnn Crohn (16:24)

And you start January with being like, my gosh, I have all these goals and I’m going to take care of myself now. And those goals usually last five days. \

Brie Tucker (16:33)

Yeah, at best! And then the cycle starts again.

Brie Tucker (16:37)

It starts again. So we’re going to now shift gears slightly and we’re going to move into how to fix these mistakes. And I think we already were kind of hinting at a lot of these because again, having gotten out of the phase of where the holidays are magical every single year, like that’s the joy of teens. think like when they get older, the expectations change.

JoAnn Crohn (17:00)

They roll you their eyes at most things and.

Brie Tucker (17:03)

Well, I would also say like, we’ve definitely gotten the point now where I’m like, okay, you guys are old enough to help. You the magic, you got to help with the magic. yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (17:11)

So my daughter actually decorated for Halloween. That was like our win because I’m like, it always overwhelms me and I’m not much of a decorator. don’t like the clutter. I don’t like all the little things, but I can appreciate them when they’re out. I’m like, that’s festive. She decorated because.

Brie Tucker (17:25)

Be the same way. Hey, do think she’s up for hiring? Maybe I can hire her. No.

JoAnn Crohn (17:29)

She is way too stressed right now.

Brie Tucker (17:32)

That is not going to happen. Darn it. All right. So let’s start with the one about not sleeping. What are some things that we can do to fix and to stop doing the, I’m going to skip my sleep or I’m going to stay up late. What are some things that you do? Cause you’re very protective of your sleep. have a good sleep

JoAnn Crohn (17:51)

I’m looking forward to reading a novel before bed. Like my reading time is my sacred time and it’s like the time like my whole body decompresses. And so I look forward to that decompression so much that I will be like, okay guys, I’m going to bed, good night. And like everyone’s still up just so I can have my alone time and be by myself.

Brie Tucker (18:14)

I think that’s very healthy and very important. like that sleep routine even can be self care for yourself. And you really do need to like defend it during this time of the year. if let’s say you are not able and or willing to defend it every day, just shoot for like three days, maybe three days a week where you’re like, this is non-negotiable. go to bed at this time. I don’t care what still needs to be done.

JoAnn Crohn (18:44)

Yeah, I think you start. Do you do that now? How’s your sleep now that you’re not magic making as much anymore?

Brie Tucker (18:45)

it’s way better. It’s way better. Like I have learned now at, you know, 46 that like, I gotta go to bed. I gotta be in bed in my bedroom by no later than 9 15. If I’m happy, if I had nothing else going on, I didn’t have to make anybody else happy and I’m home alone. I will be upstairs in bed by eight 30 actually. To start the wind down routine. And I have like my eye massage that I do. And I listen to my music and I put on my lavender oils and my lavender lotion and like, I drift to sleep very calmly, but I don’t, I don’t protect that very well. You know what? That’s making me think about that. I’m going to start protecting that a little bit more. I’m going to be a little bit more with my husband of like TV is off. I’m heading upstairs. Join me or don’t.

JoAnn Crohn (19:24)

That’s a good thing.

That’s basically how I am. It’s a join me or don’t because my husband always stays up way, way later than I do. He jokes that he has a second life because he stays up so much like later than everybody else. And I’m like, kind of. Yeah, but you know what?

Brie Tucker (19:51)

Yeah, I’m like, honestly, I think I would be happier if he did stay downstairs because like my routine is for me. It’s not for him. And if he’s there next to me, I’m like, oh, is my music too loud? And like, I know he doesn’t like the lavender. So then I would be worried that I’m too much lavender. It’s like, you know what? I think we’re going have a conversation tonight. Like about.

JoAnn Crohn (20:09)

There’s nothing wrong about leaving them downstairs and doing their own thing. I think it’s very healthy actually for relationships.

Brie Tucker (20:15)

Yeah. And I think another thing too to bear in mind, like if you’re doing things for your kids during the holidays that go later in the evening, maybe shifting them up a little bit. Like even like half an hour earlier than what you were going to do it. It’s not going to ruin the magic if it’s not dark outside. I swear to goodness gracious, it’s not. It’s still going to be about. Yeah. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (20:44)

So enjoy the self care, enjoy the self care that sleep gives you because it also gives you the ability to fill your cup. That is a huge thing. And then let’s do one more. We’ll do one more tip here for you guys right now of like, let’s fix the mistake of saying yes to everything.

JoAnn Crohn (21:01)

I want to get a like longer into this tip. So we’re going to do it right after this. So right before the break, we talked about what to do about skipping sleep. Now let’s move into the saying yes to everything because I think there’s something deeper going on here when we say yes to everything. It’s not just like we can’t, you’ve probably heard advice before to like say yes to less and do less things and

JoAnn Crohn (21:30)

If you’ve never taken it before, there’s a reason. I am in therapy right now. I love it so much. I’m learning things every single day. ⁓

Brie Tucker (21:41)

Wait, can we advocate for people buying therapy as a gift?

I would love it if my husband’s like, here’s a gift card to grow therapy. Give him a call and have all the therapy you need. I’d be like, heck yeah. Anyway, go on. ⁓

JoAnn Crohn (22:04)

It’s a great essential thing because a lot of the things we do are internal thought processes and values we already hold about ourselves. And my therapist in particular deals with internal family systems, which is basically saying that you have all these different parts in you competing for attention and you have to validate these parts and tell them that you’ve got it. They don’t need to control the show anymore. And so yesterday,

We were doing this work in the session and I have named one of my parts my people pleaser part. And I feel my people pleaser part in my throat and in my chest. Like it causes me a lot of anxiety because I will see concern in other people and I’ll think I’ll need to fix it and make it better. But then another part in me tells me that, no, like this doesn’t involve you. And so they fight and then they cause me tension and anxiety.

JoAnn Crohn (23:03)

But yeah, and the work that we did is like noticing where it is. And that’s really kind of funny because my therapist is like, now, can you ask that part to leave your body and just be outside of you? And so it’s a lot of visualization. Basically, I found my people pleaser part is a perfect Barbie. And it’s like right here on the side. But the reason I bring this up is because saying yes to everything, it might be that you have a people pleaser part in you.

That is begging for attention. That is begging for validation. Things to say to your people, please, are part. Things that I have to say to mine is you matter. You are important. No one will leave you because based on my past, it’s happened. So just know when you say yes to everything, you might have a part of you that wants to please everybody and that’s hurting you.

Brie Tucker (23:59)

I think that is a huge mic drop right there. I think that is a big reason a lot of us say yes to everything because we think that we are less than, like we are letting people down if we don’t do everything and then some. we hear, and you and I have both said this before, we think one of the most awful statements ever said is that you only get 18 Christmases. You only get 18 Halloweens.

JoAnn Crohn (24:26)

Thank goodness. It’s become very stressful if you live that way.

Brie Tucker (24:32)

Yeah, is. And we’re here to tell you that you get a heck of a lot more than that. You really do. If you have a healthy relationship with your kids, where they see about like taking care of yourself and being aware that you’re not your job to make everybody happy, you will have a relationship with them where you’ll continue to have Christmases, you’ll continue to have Hanukkah, you’ll continue to have New Year’s, Halloween’s, Thanksgiving, all of that stuff after the 18 years. And I can also tell you as someone who put her blood, and tears into that. Like I would say the first six years, every holiday, I went above and beyond and tried to make it like flashing lights and everything. My kids can barely remember those now. And I’m dealing with a 17 and 18 year old. They’ll be like, I don’t remember that. I’ll even tell them about the bells. You don’t remember the bells on Christmas Eve of Santa being outside your windows. And they’re like, no. And I’m like, son of a gun.

I lost so much sleep and froze my cushy off outside doing that. Yeah, you don’t need to say yes to everything. Maybe make a list of your no’s and ask your family to help you stay accountable of those no’s. Like, I am not gonna do anything that requires me to make something from scratch. I am not going to do more than one event in a day. That’s a hard one to hold to, I think, sometimes when your kids are little.

JoAnn Crohn (25:53)

And I want to say another issue with that phrase, you only get 18 Christmases or 18 Halloweens, is that in that phrase, you’re totally neglecting what the holiday means to you individually. It’s like saying that everything ends, everything fun ends once your kids grow up. And I think that’s a horrible, like toxic mentality to deal with because find your own fun in this. It is not just making things for other people. Go have fun. You’re allowed to have fun.

Brie Tucker (26:23)

I can guarantee you if you’re doing it because you want to make memories for your kids, your kids will remember more that I don’t want to put guilt out on there because this is No Guilt Momb. But I mean, I feel like when I would bring up things to my kids, they remember more if I was stressed out. Yeah. Then if I did special wrapping paper, or if we had the special handprint turkey name cards for Thanksgiving.

They remember more of me being stressed out or tired or cranky. And that’s hard. Yeah, that actually leads us into the next one. Living on coffee and crumbs. The mistake of not eating healthy, just grabbing what you can when you can because you’re so busy. I think that goes hand in hand with the saying yes to too much, doesn’t it?

JoAnn Crohn (27:12)

Yeah, not putting the priority on your own nourishment and your own self. Like you are a person too. You do not need to martyr yourself to make these magical memories, your kids, like to follow up on what you said, Bri, kids notice your mood more than they notice if you have the handprint paper. Or if you made like the perfect meal that they loved. In fact, kids would probably just like you to make easy mac and fish sticks or chicken nuggets most of the time. But when you neglect your own food, it’s like putting yourself on the back burner. And this is something I’ve done before. I’m much happier if my meals are balanced, if they don’t have sugar. Like there’s everything about your internal blood sugar and organs and like, brain chemistry with what you eat. Like it’s, it’s a thing. And when you run out of food and energy, ⁓ it’s bad.

Brie Tucker (28:11)

Yeah, you know what? Moms who are fed yell less. That’s science. That is science, Hangry is a thing. Hangry is a thing. So how do you fix that? You commit to yourself that I’m going to have one, like at least one whole meal a day. And if you can do that anchor meal at lunch, I think that’s huge. That like helps a ton because it can definitely help you.

JoAnn Crohn (28:36)

It helps a ton to have a set breakfast too. Like I have a set breakfast I have every morning. It’s scrambled eggs and a tortilla. That’s it. Or some black beans with that. Or I have frozen protein waffles and I put like sugar free syrup over it.

Brie Tucker (28:51)

I think protein, that is one of the things that I like right now. I would almost say it’s a fad, but I mean, it’s not. But how everything, protein is much as seen as something that people need more in their diets these days. And so it’s way easier to find things that have protein in them. And I think that that is helpful right now, because I used to think eating an English muffin would be enough to get me going, but no, it’s not. So just be thoughtful about what you’re putting in your body and that’s what your body needs.

JoAnn Crohn (29:21)

Absolutely.

Brie Tucker (29:22)

Yeah, and that coffee and like jelly beans do not last long. They don’t they don’t personal experience

JoAnn Crohn (29:27)

I think this goes hand in hand with mistake number four about ignoring your stress signals. Food helps with stress. It really, really does. And if you are finding yourself stressed, don’t look at it as a personal feeling in your willpower or your stamina. I mean, that is how I used to look at it with Bea. I’m like, I wish I should work out more and I should eat healthier because I would be able to take this or like other people are able not to be stressed. How do I do that?

That’s not what it’s telling you. It is telling you, take a ⁓ break. If you have tight muscles, if you are snapping, I want you to hear my voice in your head. Take a break. That’s what it’s telling you. You are strong. You are doing everything in your power. Humans need rest, period. You can’t get around that.

Brie Tucker (30:21)

Yeah, our bodies, our brains were not meant to go at the long sustained periods that we do now. They do need those breaks. So take a few minutes, listen to your favorite podcast, know, listen to some relaxing music, take breaths. Like I remember one of the best things that I have ever learned was from yoga. It’s just like about proper breathing and doing that. And I remember also I was really, really, really big into yoga in my twenties And then I also remember doing like a weight loss program, mid twenties, late twenties, whatever. And they were talking about the importance of breathing. And I was like, Oh no, I got it. And I would show them like how I did my breathing. And they’re like, wow, you’re really good at that. And I’m like, yeah, learned it from yoga. And apparently it’s really good to help you with digesting your food and all of that.

JoAnn Crohn (31:10)

Breathing is essential.

Brie Tucker (31:12)

Breathing is essential for loving people. But taking the breaths that you need and like deep breaths, calm breaths, asking yourself that check-in. Like you said, what do I need right now? Do I need water? Do I need a snack? Do I need quiet? Do I need-

JoAnn Crohn (31:24)

I’m willing to bet you need a break. That’s what I’m willing to bet. Yeah. That leads us to number five. You cannot wait until January to take your break.

Brie Tucker (31:31)

Probably.

Noooo! You won’t make it, man!

JoAnn Crohn (31:41)

I’m gonna go all in on this you need a break, like bigger than a KitKat. You need a break because it is not necessary to burn yourself out during the holidays for everyone else. These holidays are for you too. You are not needing to be the soul magic maker. This is for you. And if you don’t feel joyful, it’s not something you can make yourself feel joyful. You need something. You need to give yourself something so that you can feel rested and joyful and that can’t wait till January.

Brie Tucker (32:14)

Well, and I’m going to throw this out there. This is a little bit of a squirrel, but it’s in the same neighborhood, at least. A lot of us do traditions during the holiday seasons during this time of the year from October all the way through January. We’ll do things that our parents did growing up because that nostalgia, it makes us feel warm and fuzzy. And then a lot of times we add new things that have to do with the new updated times. ⁓

If that stresses you out and that’s causing you like all this time, I have to do it. have to do it. I just have to push through till January. I want you to take a moment. And this is something that we do say a lot here on the no gut mom podcast and realize that by your kids seeing you do that, you have the potential for setting them up to be doing the exact same thing to themselves. Yeah. With they end up having kids later in life too. Right. Mom did it. Yeah. Mom did it. Why can’t I do it?

JoAnn Crohn (33:04)

Because they don’t know any other way to be. How to operate. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (33:11)

And it’s like, yeah, mom did it because she like was holding on by a fingernail, man. She just could barely hang on. And we don’t want our kids to go through the stress that we did. So be more realistic. Be more realistic. Don’t put everything off till January. Cause then you’re going to end up like Bri and you’re going to hate January. Cause January is nothing but cold and no holiday lights and negative checking account. It’s awful.

JoAnn Crohn (33:35)

Give yourself the permission to feel good now, whether that is connecting with people that you really enjoy that don’t stress you out. So I just want to take off the family gatherings from that list. If you feel compelled to have it, basically it’s not a relaxation activity. If you feel like you have to do it, say no to the volunteering you do. If you find your stress levels are pretty insane right now, you do not have to take that extra volunteering slot. don’t.

Brie Tucker (34:04)

Just because it’s there doesn’t mean you gotta do it.

JoAnn Crohn (34:06)

You’re the best mom is a happy mom and happiness cannot be faked. cannot be manufactured. You actually need to give yourself what you need to get the happiness.

Brie Tucker (34:18)

Yeah. Yeah. So hopefully you got a lot out of this episode. I’m going to guess a lot of our listeners were able to say yes to one or more of those five holiday mistakes that they have done. And I want you guys to know that you’re not alone. all do it. And that really being aware of it and having those intentional mindset shifts where you’re able to realize that, okay, my body, whatever all of me is telling me I need to take a break. I need to slow down and that that doesn’t mean that you’re less than, doesn’t mean that you’re ruining anything for anyone else. Tell that people pleaser to sit down and zip it.

JoAnn Crohn (34:58)

Well, according to the people pleaser thing, you can’t tell it to sit down and zip it, but you can validate it with what it means. You can say, you matter. I got this. I’m in control right here. Do not worry. The things that you’re worried about will not happen because I got this. And the people pleaser could just stand by the side and kind of like nudge you if like you need to do some people pleasing. Not all people pleasing is bad, but yeah, validate it.

JoAnn Crohn (35:28)

Tell it what it needs, give yourself what it needs, and have a very, very happy holiday season. We are here for you when you need us. Remember, best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (35:40)

Thanks for stopping by.

JoAnn Crohn (35:44)

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