Podcast Episode 365: Finding Pockets of Joy: How to Create Unicorn Time When You’re Drowning in Responsibilities Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Brie Tucker (00:02)

had to like decide one day if I was gonna save him or the paddle. And I went after him of course. Got him back on. I did go back for my husband.

JoAnn Crohn (00:18)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn joined here by the brilliant Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:24)

Wah! Hello, hello buddy, how are you? I’m going by the joyful JoAnn. I need to do that back!

JoAnn Crohn (00:32)

That was the only thing that I could think of during those middle school introductions was joyful JoAnn. You know where you had to match an adjective that started with the first letter of your name and then introduce yourself that way to everybody else? Joyful, jubilant, those were the only words. I don’t often. No, you didn’t have those. No. Maybe they just scarred in my memory because there’s not many adjectives that start with J. And I’m like, come on.

Brie Tucker (00:48)

Remember that very

There’s a lot that go on with V so yeah

JoAnn Crohn (01:00)

⁓

There’s a lot, something about joy is that we’re talking about joy today in the podcast. And it’s so interesting because I feel like fun is just one of those other things I have to do.

Brie Tucker (01:14)

think it’s another thing to add to the to-do list.

JoAnn Crohn (01:17)

Yeah, it’s like, you listen

to like, go grocery shopping, make meals for the family, have fun. You’re like, what the heck am I supposed to do here?

Brie Tucker (01:26)

Yeah, sometimes it does feel like trying to figure out something that you can enjoy doing that is yours and that you’re not making it in a way that it accommodates your kids or your hubby or your spouse. That can be a challenge.

JoAnn Crohn (01:42)

can be a challenge and it’s like really triggering for me too. My sister-in-law is living her best life right now and she is doing improv and she’s doing singing improv and she’s like posting stories on Instagram about how you have to make time for fun and like I just get in those moods where I’m like, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do for fun. Like all of these creative activities that look like they have so many skills attached to them. I’m just like, ugh.

Brie Tucker (02:11)

Well, I can say like, I know one of my big joyful times I haven’t made time for in the last year.

JoAnn Crohn (02:18)

Is it concerts or water?

Brie Tucker (02:20)

Water, water. think we went out on the water twice last year, all summer long. And that was just… not me. It’s sad. Yeah, I used to go like every weekend.

JoAnn Crohn (02:31)

Yep. So in this episode, we are going to talk about how to find those pockets of joy, how to find your fun again. And we have a little gift for you at the end. If you’re one of those people who are like me, you’re like, oh my gosh, like, I don’t even know what I find fun. We have a huge list of activities that you could choose from. And we’ll tell you about that at the end of the episode. So for right now, let’s get on with the show.

You want mom life to be easier. That’s our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids. We’re going to have fun doing it. We’re going to help you delegate and step back. Each episode, we’ll tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process. Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast.

JoAnn Crohn (03:34)

Okay, Brie, let’s talk about this joy thing. And notice I’m like, let’s talk about this joy thing. Because in our society right now, we do prioritize productivity over pleasure.

Brie Tucker (03:46)

Like I just saw a post on Instagram yesterday where they were talking about the Danish lifestyle and how like no you sent it to me you sent it to me it was from our good friends

JoAnn Crohn (03:58)

Mary Catherine, I sent it with a comment, Mary Catherine, you’re listening, mom life comments. was like, Mary Catherine is killing it.

Brie Tucker (04:05)

I I know, and I was like, I wanna go live out there.

JoAnn Crohn (04:09)

The Danish lifestyle where they have everyone get off work at 4pm so that parents work schedules align with their kids school schedules, where they actually encourage everyone to leave the office. They’re like, up, it’s four and everyone’s here at their desk, everyone out. Like, yeah, that is definitely not American culture.

Brie Tucker (04:30)

No, I remember the last job I had before I came and joined you at the most blissful place I’ve ever been, no guilt mom. I had a job at a charter school district office and there were times when the weeks I didn’t have my kids, I would stay late trying to compensate for the fact that I had to leave on time when I had my kids. And I remember the CEO would come by a lot and would be like,

Brie, you’re still here. And like, you could tell he was like acting like I should go home, but he was really, it felt more like proud of me first day. stuff done. And yeah, yeah. It was definitely like a badge of honor there. The people that stayed late came in on weekends and worked hard where I’m saying worked hard, but we all worked hard. But those ones that put in the extra hours were always the ones that got the employee of the month, employee of the year. And it was just.

It is not stop.

JoAnn Crohn (05:29)

It’s messed up. Messed

up. When you see like the comparisons of the two countries, really like in your face like that and how much we don’t prioritize joy here in the US and also like how stressed we are, how overworked we are, how like we are not very good on a mental health basis, depression and anxiety, which then that depression anxiety gets put off as our fault when it’s not our fault, it is

part of the air we breathe. It could be hard to listen to something like this or for me to see on my sister-in-law’s account this joy and really embrace it.

Brie Tucker (06:00)

Error you know what you want to do, it can feel like you’re a little bitter and just feeling harsh that other people are able to find this and why can’t you.

JoAnn Crohn (06:24)

Or like, the thinking that goes through my head is I’m like, ⁓ you know what? They’re really putting in the work to find that joy. And I’m not putting in the work to find the joy. I mean, how messed up is that? That I think I have to put in work to find joy?

Brie Tucker (06:37)

Right? Exactly. Like that is what we are seeing everywhere. And honestly, it’s that two-faced thing because like I said at my work, you get told that, you shouldn’t do too much. You know, you should find the time for you and everything. but a good mom goes to that banquet this weekend and goes to the PTA meeting and volunteers as the classroom mom. Right?

JoAnn Crohn (07:01)

Gives all of her time away and is unselfish and is helpful and never needs anything herself. I feel like that we’re pushing back a lot against that ideology. We’re finally having discussions like that as a broader society, but we want to take it even further. So I want to give a shout out to all our lolas out there. Hello, lolas.

Brie Tucker (07:25)

What’s her lola’s?

JoAnn Crohn (07:27)

Lola’s are something that there are balance members. We have long embraced this in our balance membership. And just recently I posted in our balance group, I’m like, Hey guys, like, I feel weird calling you balance moms. Like, it’s just like, you feel so much more than that. And one of our dear members, Marie Chris came up with the name Lola, and it stands for Lotus Lady, because the lotus flower is a big symbol in our balance program.

lotuses like you think they’re just floating there on top of the water always been there always beautiful. But really they started below the surface of the pond in the dirt and they work their way up so hard through all of the junk and the misery and then they emerged as this beautiful flower. And that is how you listening right now I want you to see yourself you are a Lola

You are here, you are working your way through all of the crap and the junk, and you’re gonna emerge a beautiful flower through it all. There’s still hope for you, and that’s where you’re gonna be.

Brie Tucker (08:34)

And Bree’s ADHD brain could not stop thinking about this, so it’s screaming at me right now to play this for you guys, so here you go.

JoAnn Crohn (08:42)

is Barry Manilow.

Brie Tucker (08:43)

you

JoAnn Crohn (08:50)

I haven’t heard that song.

Brie Tucker (08:52)

you don’t know this one? This Lola. Well, this is a cover by the Raincoats. But I mean, I don’t think that they’re the original. Pretty sure.

JoAnn Crohn (08:54)

No, who is that? This is-

Because of course I hear Lola and I think Barry Manlow. Her name was Lola.

Brie Tucker (09:06)

Well, that’s another good one. Okay, but wait, that’s the first one I got with, but this time the other Lola was stuck in my head. Do you remember William Shatner? He did like a speaking song record.

JoAnn Crohn (09:17)

Do you remember? I don’t remember anything on it. We’ll have to find that.

Brie Tucker (09:19)

And one of them was Lola is like, ⁓

yeah, I’ll find it for you later.

JoAnn Crohn (09:25)

But as Alola, as Alola, we’re going to embrace this joy. We are going to go for this joy with everything we can. We call it Unicorn Time taken from Eve Rotsky and her unicorn space that she popularized in Fair Play and also her other book, Finding Your Unicorn Space. And we’re going to go and find this joy because in today’s episode, we’re going to talk about the three myths blocking your joy.

JoAnn Crohn (09:52)

and how to overcome them. And we’re going to get into that right after this.

So in our balance program, all of our lolas find their unicorn time. And unicorn time is this place that is outside your kids that is just your fun and you’re happy where you get to go and you get to learn and you get to challenge yourself. Unicorn time isn’t watching Netflix or scrolling on your phone.

Brie Tucker (10:18)

or taking a bubble bath.

JoAnn Crohn (10:20)

or taking a bubble bath. Unicorn time is something that you really delve into that makes you a more interesting person. So for example, my unicorn time right now is Pilates. Now, this is so different than like other workouts I’ve done because other workouts I’ve done just to get strong. Pilates, I am into everything. I just love the back and forth on the reformer. I am working my way up.

to be on the next level in Pilates. Like I’m in a 1.5 class and I want to really move into a two, but they don’t let you to be in a two, you have to pass a test. Because that’s where you stand on the reformers. So they have to know you have enough experience and you’re not going to fall and seriously injure yourself.

Brie Tucker (11:01)

Well, that’s an important thing to have figured out. Yes, I like that. I like the way they do that.

JoAnn Crohn (11:07)

Yeah, so that is like my unicorn time right now. What is yours, Bri?

Brie Tucker (11:11)

Well, OK, right now I would say my unicorn time is, ⁓ god. Like, I don’t think I’ve been doing unicorn time for myself lately. So I’m going to say that I have been missing my past unicorn time, which is going out on the water either kayaking or paddle boarding. My husband has me really into the paddle boarding rather than the kayaking right now, simply because it is easier to carry. I can carry a stand up paddle board by myself down to the water.

way easier than I could my kayak. I really love that.

JoAnn Crohn (11:46)

bulky. Little bulky. are.

I like water too.

Brie Tucker (11:51)

that I can like take a kayak down like the Salt River and like I can hit little rapids and I don’t worry about tipping and losing everything. But in a stand up paddleboard, I sit and I pray.

JoAnn Crohn (12:06)

What all?

Brie Tucker (12:06)

as I go through the little like stuff. Okay, explain this to me guys, explain this logic. We go paddle boarding, stand up paddle boarding together on lakes and on rivers. He prefers the lakes, I prefer the rivers because I get a little bored with the lake. It’s all my work. It’s all me moving me along in a lake and the river, the current carries you.

JoAnn Crohn (12:28)

Yeah, I totally agree with your assessment of both water spaces.

Brie Tucker (12:31)

Right? But my man, this man can do a headstand, a headstand on a moving paddleboard. Right? And yet every time you go on the river, he crashes and loses his shit in the water. every time. I don’t let the man carry the car keys anymore. He doesn’t know that. I love you, honey. If you’re listening, I do love you endlessly, but I to be able to get back in the car. Well, I mean, you put the car keys in a water bag, right?

JoAnn Crohn (12:55)

How’s he like?

Brie Tucker (13:01)

But the problem is every time he’s crashed, things go down the river. And like he’s lost his glasses. He’s lost other things. Like I had to like decide one day if I was going to save him or the paddle. And I went after him, of course. like, I’m my husband.

JoAnn Crohn (13:18)

did you decide? I didn’t go back to my-

You could have huge implications for your marriage.

Brie Tucker (13:24)

No, right? I would never live that one down, nor would I want to. But luckily somebody else further down the river saw what happened and they grabbed our paddle for us. Because can you imagine trying to get down the river and not having any way to steer? So anyway, it is unicorn time. But you made a good point about how yours is Pilate is right now because like things can change and that’s a big thing.

JoAnn Crohn (13:48)

Yeah, it could change. It just depends where you are. Like we started this podcast as our unicorn time. I mean, we get to talk with interesting people and it’s still something I very, very much enjoy. However, with a lot of my hobbies, I have made them work. That’s my problem. I’m like, but what better thing to do to take something you like and then make that your career and your passion and everything like that. But it has its downsides.

Brie Tucker (14:11)

Yeah, yeah, it has to stay. And you know what, another thing too, I’m just going to throw this out there, sorry. I do not love saying that unicorn time is something that makes you more interesting. only because screw you if you don’t like my paddle boarding. I love it. I think it’s fun. That’s where I think I get hung up. And I wonder if any of our listeners feel that way too on that word.

JoAnn Crohn (14:23)

See you then.

That’s an interesting way to look at it because I haven’t looked at it that way before. I’ve more looked at it in a way that, for instance, in this conversation we’re having right now, we haven’t once mentioned our children. It hasn’t been about them. It’s been about us and something outside of them.

And I feel that a lot of moms and women get caught into this trap where they only talk about their children. And it’s like what Bobby’s doing today or what Mary Sue is involved in and what they’re doing instead of like what the actual human woman is doing with her life. So when I say like, make yourself more interesting, it’s making yourself a person outside of your kids.

Brie Tucker (15:15)

Yes, I love that. love that. I do think that the interesting is a good point. And maybe it’s from my past relationship of that had a lot of emotional abuse going on. Like I feel like sometimes that statement is telling me I have to live up to somebody else’s standards.

JoAnn Crohn (15:33)

There’s also the whole thing, like, you’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea.

Brie Tucker (15:38)

Yeah, and we’re not right you and I have both been told before that we can be too much and we don’t mind

JoAnn Crohn (15:45)

my God, guys, the amount of stuff that comes through, just said, I haven’t told you about this yet, Bri, you’re gonna get mad about this.

Brie Tucker (15:51)

Ooh, ooh I have to fight.

JoAnn Crohn (15:54)

There was a survey that I sent out to our list and it was about our balance program. Just asking people like, hey, like, you know, I noticed that you’re not a Lola yet. Here are some questions, like, just tell me what you think. And this individual, which if there was email addresses attached, I would have gone and just deleted her. This is how mad I was. She was like, yeah, I don’t listen to the podcast because it’s too childish. I don’t like the tone. And I’m like, thank you for taking time out of your day to totally insult us at our work. Thank you. Just know, I know.

I know. just to know that’s okay. Not gonna be everybody’s cup of tea and having that said to me, of course I was mad, but I’m like, you know what? I don’t want to hang out with that woman anyways.

Brie Tucker (16:26)

Yeah.

And she probably wouldn’t want to hang out with us. mean, she just said she doesn’t. So there you go.

JoAnn Crohn (16:40)

And every person who decides to knock you like that, they have something going on in their own lives. It’s not about you. It’s about them. I would never, ever say that to another individual unless I felt crappy about myself and I wanted to hurt them.

Brie Tucker (16:56)

Yeah, yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (16:58)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so just know that. Pri, if someone disses your water love, it’s not you. ⁓

Brie Tucker (17:05)

Okay.

I love that.

JoAnn Crohn (17:08)

So let’s talk about this unicorn time and what may be preventing you right now from exploring your joy and taking that time for the joy. Because myth number one is I don’t have time for joy, which I think when I see my sister in last post, this is what I’m telling myself right here, Brie. I don’t have time for

Brie Tucker (17:27)

Yes, I think that that is something that we all feel is true. And yes, we are here to validate you that we understand that you have that feeling. We do. We understand it and that’s hard and it sucks, but you don’t have to have a ton of time to find something that’s interesting to you. You don’t have to go paddle boarding for four hours on a river.

JoAnn Crohn (17:52)

You can go and see what kind of lights you up instead. I think the main fallacy that we have when we say we don’t have time for joy is that we are thinking of joy as a work activity.

Brie Tucker (18:04)

Yeah, it’s another thing to check up on the list, right?

JoAnn Crohn (18:07)

another thing to check off on the list, something that I try to do when I say I don’t have time for joy is I’m like, I need to get out of whatever current space I’m in right now. So for example, I work from home, I’m here a lot. If I am in my home, I will probably want to work. So I need to get outside of my home and do something else and be surrounded by different people.

Like just last week we went to a happy hour with friends and I haven’t been out with friends for the longest time because nobody has freaking time for it. And it’s one of the most joy inducing

Brie Tucker (18:44)

what you had to do.

JoAnn Crohn (18:46)

I dragged Brie to that one. I was like, I will be there at your house at this time. in the car.

Brie Tucker (18:54)

gave her every reason why I couldn’t go. I’m like, well, we’re going to be getting a puppy that we get or like two days after that. So I’m going to be busy getting the house prep. Enjoy. was like, the puppy’s not there yet. And I’m like, OK, but then Miguel, we had this pop up and Miguel might need me to help him with that. And he’s going to need the cart. Then I’ll come and pick you up. What time does Miguel need you possibly? OK, I’ll have you home by then. was like, God damn it. She’s going to make me go do this.

JoAnn Crohn (19:18)

Like what were the results?

Brie Tucker (19:20)

It was a ton of fun. I can tell everybody on air right now, had, I’d been struggling this year. It’s been a hard year for me, mental health wise. And so I had been avoiding going out and doing things with people. So, and it was good that I had you to drag me. It is good.

JoAnn Crohn (19:38)

And pro chip, by the way, that I’ve learned, we were all like, yeah, we should do this again. I stopped everyone from leaving and I’m like, everybody get out your phones right now. We’re going to schedule this.

Brie Tucker (19:51)

It’s good that we did that because there was still conversation about how we could find the time to do it. And like, I could see if that had been a text thread where someone was like, well, I can do this weekend. Well, I can’t do that weekend. It would have It would have died because people would have been like, after you have to suggest two different days and times on a text thread, I feel like people see it as work anymore after that. And it’s like, nope, forget it. It just ain’t happening. Ask on the stars. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (20:04)

used text threads before.

That’s actually how we think of it. And it’s so important. The joy is so important. So if you feel like you don’t have the time, schedule that sucker. I know it feels even more like work, but like this is something that’s going to light you up inside and bring you so much joy and connection with other people. Like I got to introduce you to my old friend Chelsea, who like I’m, I’m like rediscovering my friendship with her and I’ve missed her so damn much.

Brie Tucker (20:47)

I know, I know, and she was really cool. I was like, we need to exchange phone numbers. We have a lot to chat about, girlfriend.

JoAnn Crohn (20:53)

She is amazing. She’s amazing. So that’s the first one. I don’t have time for joy. The second one.

Brie Tucker (21:00)

So we’re gonna tell you guys the next two myths right after this.

Okay, guys, now we went over myth number one, I don’t have time for joy. And we’ve explained to you that it can be found because it doesn’t have to be a huge thing, okay? So we’ll just start there. Like let go of that thought process that you have to take on hours of time to do something that brings you joy. Now, myth number two, and this is a big one. my God, we hear this all the time in our community. Well, my needs, AKA joy.

should come after everybody else’s needs. Because it’s selfish if I do what I want.

JoAnn Crohn (21:41)

A lot of time people don’t even know they’re thinking this. They don’t even know. They just think they automatically schedule other people’s priorities over their own and they don’t even know this is a thought process.

Brie Tucker (21:52)

I am so guilty of this a lot lately. when I’m not, again, when I’m in that thought process where I am not full, again, I’m struggling with feeling like sad and anxious and stuff. Yeah, it’s much easier just to kind of hide and pull back. And like you said, sometimes you don’t even notice it. Like I hadn’t even really said how long it had been since I had gone out until you like had said like, Bri, come on.

JoAnn Crohn (22:18)

Yeah, well, I mean, I think it’s really common. I was just on the like a Zoom call with one of our No Guilt One community members yesterday, and she described herself. She’s a helper. She likes to help everybody else. She likes to make sure everybody else’s needs are met. And she knows that she should do more self care, but she doesn’t. And I think that that is a situation that a lot of women find themselves in. You want to please everyone else. You want to help them. You want to help your kids.

You hear that whole saying, we only get so much time with our kids at home. But I think that saying gets so misused. We don’t need that said to us as moms. We have enough mom guilt as it is. I want you to like, when you hear that saying, just be like, as a Lola, I know that my own needs are important for me to thrive. And I need to make myself a priority.

Brie Tucker (23:14)

And if you aren’t sure if that describes you or if you’re thinking to yourself, yeah, but it still sounds selfish. Let me ask you this. Can you think of a time right now, close your eyes. And I want you to reflect to a time recently where you had an interaction with somebody you love and care about. Could be a best friend, could be your kid, could be your spouse, whomever. And you

had a interaction where you either lashed out at them or you said something in a way and it just makes you leave going like, ugh, I don’t like how that went down. And you know that part of the reason it went down that way was something else was happening that day that had nothing to do with that person. You just lashed out at them. Maybe you had a headache. Maybe you didn’t sleep well the night before. Maybe you’ve been fighting a stomach bug. Maybe you’re feeling anxious or depressed about something. But the point being is

Your cup was empty. The nausea, the headache, the tiredness, all that stuff. Like it has taken away from your emotional. And so you ended up having that bad interaction because of the fact that you had nothing left to give. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You got to fill your cup of joy people. And it’s not just coffee. I would love for it to be as simple as putting an iced coffee in my hands. It helps. The iced coffee does help with the joy.

JoAnn Crohn (24:19)

I want to give a little like, like a dendem to this because this also came up and I’ll call this woman Elle. I don’t want to release her her name. She has a very distinctive name, beautiful name, but Elle also knows she’s like, I hear all the time. I can’t pour from an empty cup. I know I should be doing all of these things, but I just don’t do them. And to me, I say,

You need some support and community in your life. need a, yeah, you need a B who’s going to call you and be at your door and get you out of that damn house. Because it’s true.

Brie Tucker (25:20)

Everybody needs a JoAnn. Everybody needs a JoAnn.

JoAnn Crohn (25:24)

I accept my bossy nature and I want things done my way and I know what’s best for everybody and I will come and show up at your door.

Brie Tucker (25:32)

We

work out so well because not only are we friends in real life, but we also have the birth order thing in our favor. JoAnn is a first born and I am a baby. I am the third in my family, third and last, and I need that person that directs me.

JoAnn Crohn (25:49)

Well, it’s funny because I see this in my sister too. Like she’s the baby and she’ll be like, yeah, like she was planning bowling plans for us. Yeah. What do you guys think? Like, where do you want to go? Like, what do you want to do? What time is good for you? And I’m like, you have the five year old and one year old is all about what’s easiest for you. Please choose what’s easiest for you. And like she needed to hear that to be able to make the decision to go with it. Because it happens, but like.

If you don’t have someone who’s like me, who’s like the bossy one. Hi, I’m bossy. I will totally take that now. I will, I will own that. I love it. I love it. I am the boss. But if you don’t have that join us in like the best Lola community there is balance because we all keep each other accountable in there. Yeah. That’s how our women actually do the stuff. Like they all know you can’t pull from an empty cup. Like we’re not teaching anything new there.

Brie Tucker (26:28)

Beautiful bejeweled crown.

JoAnn Crohn (26:49)

but we do get them to do it.

Brie Tucker (26:51)

We do, we do. So you’ve got to put that oxygen mask on and full of laughing gas for you first. No, I’m joking. I’m joking. I’m joking. Not the laughing gas, but.

JoAnn Crohn (27:01)

Laughing guess would be great.

Brie Tucker (27:03)

I know right can you imagine how hilarious you would be?

JoAnn Crohn (27:07)

That would be hilarious.

Brie Tucker (27:09)

Takes

me back to like back in the day when they used to do that at the dentist all the time. But anyway Myth number three. Let’s move into myth number three. What is this?

JoAnn Crohn (27:20)

I should be productive all the time. That one is me. Yeah. If I am not getting something done or if it does not have a bigger achievement goal, I have a really hard time. A really hard time with it.

Brie Tucker (27:22)

Yeah, that one is you.

I

have like a shoot off of that. Mine is that I am not worthy. Like, so like my myth is that I’m telling myself that I’m not worthy of the time.

JoAnn Crohn (27:44)

Yeah.

Brie Tucker (27:45)

I’m not doing enough to make other people proud of me. ⁓ Right? You see how that’s similar though to the I have to be productive because the productiveness you think also is like what’s defining the self worth, right?

JoAnn Crohn (27:58)

Yes, it’s the achie- like, achievement.

Brie Tucker (28:00)

Yeah, and we’re here to tell you that like, nope, people love you even if you accomplish nothing. ⁓

JoAnn Crohn (28:06)

dig into that a little bit because I think there are reasons that we feel that way. I started a journal practice called Rage on the Page, which I’m naming it Rage on the Page because it’s what I do. But it really helps me get all of my feelings out to figure out why I think the way I do and maybe what events that have happened in my past make me feel that way I do. And I know when I was growing up, achievement was how I got recognition and love. Like if I did something and I got all A’s or like

I did a good job on a project. That’s when people would be like, my gosh, you’re amazing. That’s incredible. You didn’t just get to be amazing just because you’re amazing in yourself. You had to prove it to everybody around you. And I think that’s where that came from, at least for me. Do you find that in your life at Albrey? Yeah.

Brie Tucker (28:52)

I feel like I always had to earn my place by being the person that made everybody happy at school, at work, and my family. Like nobody ever said that to me. That’s just a message and a thought that I got that like I have to earn people’s happiness with me. Yeah, I to earn it.

JoAnn Crohn (29:11)

Love, your connection, your

belonging.

Brie Tucker (29:18)

Yeah, and it’s crazy about that. Like, I don’t know why so many of us have that.

JoAnn Crohn (29:23)

messes

you up for sure. Sure. And like, as soon as you start realizing that you’re like, I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that they have to do that. So last night, my daughter was just there. And one of the things I’ve realized is like, I just want my parents to say they’re proud of me without like saying that they didn’t do anything good themselves. They’re proud of just me doing things like even talking about it makes me tearful. But ⁓ anyway, so my six year old daughter’s in the kitchen and I’m like, I just want to let you know that I’m so proud of you.

I see everything you do. I see like the kind of person you are and how much you care. And I just love you and I’m proud of you. And my daughter’s like, okay. And my husband is like right next to her and he’s like, here, this is a hug from mom to saying she’s cause I’m on the other side of the counter when I’m saying this. My daughter’s like, why are you guys being here? And we’re like, we just want to tell you, we’re proud of you. We love you. And you’re so amazing. And she’s like,

Brie Tucker (30:01)

Yeah.

weird.

JoAnn Crohn (30:22)

Okay, and she just slinks away.

Brie Tucker (30:25)

give love to a teen is like trying to hug a mountain lion. Like they’re like, what the hell are you doing? And then you either get the completely confused face or you get the teeth of like, back up.

JoAnn Crohn (30:40)

Yeah, I mean, like, honestly, I can’t believe her because I haven’t told her these things before. I mean, if I was in her situation, I’d be like, are you dying? Are you trying to like, her be able to before I give you bad news? Why?

Brie Tucker (30:50)

you not do that?

JoAnn Crohn (30:53)

I just don’t think of it. I don’t think of it. don’t know. I conscious awareness before that this was an issue for me.

Brie Tucker (30:56)

Yeah.

Okay, from the friend perspective, I hear you say lots of positive things about your kid. And I can tell you that I think every single day, positive things about my teens, my 18 and 16 year old. However, do I tell it to them all the time? No, because I get met with a lot of those, what the hell’s the matter with you face or an eye roll or a K. And I don’t know about you, but when I’m being vulnerable.

And I’m telling my kids something that I feel is extremely important and deep. And I get that kind of a response. It makes me not want to do it again.

JoAnn Crohn (31:36)

No, I get that too. I’ve had this in situations before.

Brie Tucker (31:39)

And that’s why they get it all.

JoAnn Crohn (31:41)

Thanks.

Yeah, I tell my daughter that when that happens. This is going so far off subject. Guys, thank you. You’re amazing. If you like Brie and I going off subject, let us know.

Brie Tucker (31:54)

like three times in this episode.

JoAnn Crohn (31:55)

I feel like this is an important discussion because I do let this whole idea, the myth, I have to be productive all the time. And then when you tell people that they’re good just for being who they are and you get met with this very fierce reaction, it only perpetuates the myth that only things that are seen as productive or things that are seen as achievement are worth mentioning.

And so I tell my daughter this. I’m like, hey, I was trying to ⁓ tell you that you’re more of a person than your achievements. And that’s what I was doing last night. And I felt hurt. And she’ll take that in. And then she’ll think about it. And then she’ll realize, OK, that’s, you know. So it’s good to share that as well. I mean, I do. And I see some good benefits from it coming later. Not right away. Later.

Brie Tucker (32:43)

Well, because we’re trying to break that cycle that we had. So now we think though, I know, right? So we’ve talked about the myths. How about we talk about the strategies that people can do to integrate joy into their life.

JoAnn Crohn (32:47)

So, okay.

Mm-hmm.

So Brie, funny you mentioned, but I have a little YouTube video that goes into all of the strategies that people can use for each myth. So we can post that link right below so that you can go and check it out on our YouTube channel. It’s called Joy Thieves.

Brie Tucker (33:17)

Yep. I was going say, are YouTube channel? No guilt. Mom, if you didn’t know, we have one. We’ve got some pretty awesome crap on there. ⁓ I said,

JoAnn Crohn (33:24)

Go over there and find out how you could really counter those myths and what you can do instead. And we have another little, little gift for you that I said at beginning, if you’re having a hard time finding joy in your life, just comment DM, go find no guilt mom on Instagram and DM the word joy. And then the little, little automation bot takes over and we have a list for you.

all these different activities that you could start trying and just skim through it. See what works for you. See what you’re willing to try and then like start integrating that joy more into your life. Finding those things.

Brie Tucker (34:02)

And yes, Pilates and stand-up paddleboarding will be on the list because those are two of our favorites, but you’ll find your own joy.

JoAnn Crohn (34:10)

Absolutely. So until next time remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (34:18)

Thanks for stopping by.