Podcast Episode 373: The Personal Spending Paradox: Why It’s Harder to Buy That Dress Than Pay for Everyone Else Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Brie Tucker (00:00)

Maybe that’s where that kind of comes from, this whole spending paradox thing where like we want to spend money on other people because it’s that people pleaser in us. And again, it comes back to that thought process that we need to make other people happy before we can make ourselves happy.

JoAnn Crohn (00:18)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn here with the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:25)

Why? Hello, hello everybody, how are you doing today?

JoAnn Crohn (00:27)

So as you know, Brie, I’m not one who can fake something and Brie, I am coming into this episode in a bad mood. So I just want to like give permission to everybody out there that if you are in a bad mood, you do not have to hide it from people. You do not have to pretend you’re in a good mood. But I’m just putting it out there because I’m hoping just by addressing it, that’s the first step. You got to name it to tame it, right?

Brie Tucker (00:51)

Yes, and we all have rough days. have our days where things work out really well and then days where you wake up and you’re just like, it’s going to be a struggle today.

JoAnn Crohn (01:01)

Yes. Well, I mean, like I had a struggle this morning when I was trying to get my son to school. He was in tears because he did not want to go and not certain activity that was being done today. And I mean, it took a lot of just sitting in patience and being there and like everything that we tell you to do as a parent, just know like how hard it is to do it. It’s hard. And I didn’t lose my cool. I stayed with him. I was calm. I was centered. I am

very proud of the way I acted through the whole situation. And he got to school. He got to school. But it takes a huge emotional toll on you too as a parent. And I just feel like I’m ready to break into tears.

Brie Tucker (01:43)

If you’re dealing with what I call the emotional hangover of it, where you had to use every bit of your energy to get through something and then it just makes you feel exhausted. But we have those days and a lot of times I feel like we try to take the shortcuts around it. We try to just be like, you know what, I’m just gonna wipe out the rest of my stuff today because I had to give so much to another member of my family or somebody else.

I’m just gonna give up on myself today, which kind of leads us into our topic for today about how we do things for other people and then we just kind of push ourselves to the back.

JoAnn Crohn (02:21)

It is true. I do have a tendency to do that because honestly, I want to give up on all of my goals today. And I have two episodes of hacks that I need to catch up on. So 

Brie Tucker (02:32)

That’s actually for you. I’ll give you that. I have those days too.

JoAnn Crohn (02:37)

It’s a hard thing, but I am going to Pilates and everything too. Because as we tell you here, it is important to make sure that you prioritize yourself so that you can be there for other people. I mean, the only reason I’m able to actually stay calm when my son is having an emotional meltdown is because I do have that time and energy that I use just for me and being able to step away from parenting.

24/7 and like go out with friends and buy stuff for myself and do stuff that makes me happy. It gives me the emotional bandwidth, even though this parenting thing is so hard, so damn hard.

Brie Tucker (03:19)

100 % hear you about that. We have so much that we carry, it can be difficult. So today, we are going to tackle why it’s harder to spend money on us than it is to spend money on everybody else. That is a phenomenon that I feel like it’s very unique to women. don’t see it as much in men.

JoAnn Crohn (03:42)

to women.

And if you look at it from a marketing perspective as well, it’s just because you know, here at No Guilt Mom, we run a business and so we are very, we see the trends and we know what’s going on in our own business. Usually when you’re selling to women, you have to tell women how it benefits someone else that they buy that purchase for themselves. Yes! Which is crazy. It’s crazy. Cause with men…

with men you kind of appeal to their sense of autonomy and be like, wouldn’t you be so proud if you got this? Can’t you see yourself later? And that’s the like, way that men go. And it’s just how we’ve all been programmed in society. Like anytime someone’s like, ⁓ patriarchy is not real. like, we’re on our own free will. It’s lies, guys. It’s lies.

Brie Tucker (04:32)

You tell me how many men will be walking through Home Depot, looking at washers and going, God, wouldn’t it be so great to have all these different options? I could get the laundry done so much faster. No, there is this like, wouldn’t it be great to get this new table saw? I could finally make those cabinets that I’ve always been dreaming of or what? It’s just a different setup. It’s just a different way we look at things.

JoAnn Crohn (04:59)

It is and it’s like, there’s also a lot of guilt put in with spending because I know like we were talking about this before and I will not buy things for myself because I think I’m being wasteful or I think I’ll need it sometime, the money sometime in the future and what if I buy this for myself now to make myself happy now? Won’t I be like trading out future security or happiness or like it gets very messed up and muddled in my head.

becomes the point where it’s like, I’m not buying anything to keep myself happy. I only buy it on a necessity thing. And that’s no fun at all. No fun.

Brie Tucker (05:34)

No, no. And this isn’t a new topic either. We have broached this to some extent before. We had that lovely episode about why we all have holes in our undies that we have a link to here in the show notes. But this episode, we are not only going to dig into why we tend to put ourselves last and why we tend to cancel our own wants and needs in place of others, but we’re going to give you some tips and tricks on how to stop doing that.

JoAnn Crohn (06:02)

Yep, and we were going to get into it right after this. Let’s get on with the show.

You want mom life to be easier. That’s our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids and we’re going to have fun doing it. We’re going to help you delegate and step back. Each episode we’ll tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process. Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast.

So I’ve been doing some interviews for my upcoming book, Guys Permission. It’s called Permission, fall this year, 2025. Still on the rough draft, but it’s going to happen. I’m making really, really great progress and self-publishing. So of course I have complete control of the process, which is also delightful working with our lovely friends over at selfpublishing.com on it. But regardless of all that, I can really go down a rabbit hole and talk about this book.

I’m doing interviews and one interview in particular sticks out about this episode where the woman was saying like how she doesn’t really spend money on herself at all. like her dream, she wants to go to Disney World. She’s a Disney fanatic and she thinks Disney World would be like the most awesome vacation. And that’s what she would do, but she doesn’t have the time to plan it, she says. She doesn’t have the money to plan it. She doesn’t have all those things. And so I asked her the question. I’m like, so.

if one of your kids said that they wanted to go to Disney World and it was like their dream vacation that they wanted to do for their birthday and my gosh, mom, I want this so much, would it happen? And she’s like, yeah, I’d find the time and the money. I mean, she’s very upfront about it. And I think all of us would be very upfront about it because we do that work for our kids, but we won’t do it for ourselves.

Brie Tucker (08:04)

Yeah, no, 100%. Like that actually makes me think about the first time I went to Disneyland as well. Like that was for my kids. And I like, I worked a second job to like save up the money so that we could go because I wanted it to be this like great experience for them. And I would have loved to have gone on a vacation that was not focused on the kids, but I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I felt like that was selfish.

JoAnn Crohn (08:31)

Let’s take it though and look at it from like another perspective because think about how much pressure we are putting on that vacation and on our kids when we do it that way because we spent all of this work and all this hard money and then if the kids have a bad mood, I mean, what’s the immediate thing you think? ⁓

Brie Tucker (08:49)

You’re like you little ungrateful rats. didn’t appreciate this. That is the unfiltered response, people. Yes. You might have a nicer inside head, but that is exactly where mine goes. my God. We won a trip to Legoland when my kids were in kindergarten and preschool. And I remember them being mad that I wanted to take pictures. And I was just like, you were getting a trip to Legoland for free. This is an amazing trip. We will never be doing this again. Smile.

Like you can tell in some of the pictures my son’s like, he has like a scared smile because he’s like, mom’s being crazy. But you’re right. It was not relaxing because for whatever reason I felt like there needed to be a better degree of happiness happening. And that is so ridiculous when you look back at it now.

JoAnn Crohn (09:40)

It’s funny because my husband Josh, he doesn’t like Disney at all. But he says the one thing interesting at Disney is just watching all of the family interactions ⁓ about and the pressure that a lot of parents are under at Disney because of course they’ve shelled out so much money for this vacation for their kids. And if you’re talking about Disney World, it is.

I was once in dizzy world. was talking to one of the employees and they’re like, yeah, we live here in Orlando. And I’m like, how is that year round? Because Orlando is just hot and muggy and like the humidity gets to me and he’s like, like living in the devil’s armpit. And so that’s always like.

Brie Tucker (10:17)

Okay, we live in the devil’s oven here in Phoenix, so it’s, you know, either way. Someone left the door open to hell. Can we please close it? Can we close it between the months of June and in October, please? Yeah. got the key? ⁓

JoAnn Crohn (10:33)

So people are in Disney World during these horrible months in Florida. The kids are, of course, uncomfortable. The parents are uncomfortable. And so many family fights erupt. And it’s just the pressure cooker. So I hope right now, if you’re listening and you have a Disney vacation, I hope we’re not ruining it for you. Just take some proper precautions. Brakes.

Brie Tucker (10:55)

realistic expectations.

JoAnn Crohn (10:57)

Yeah. Yes. Yes. I’m not trying to get on every ride and stuff like that, but it’s true. Like we will do all that work. We’ll spend all that money on our kids, but we won’t do the same if we want something ourselves. yeah. Which is, It’s interesting. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (11:12)

It is interesting. like there was, when we were talking about this episode, one of the things was like, you know, ⁓ maybe go through like your recent purchases on your bank app and see how many are for you and how many were for your kids. And it’s, I didn’t do that, but I know if I went through mine, the only thing on there for me is food. That is the only thing that I care free. I can spend money on for myself and not feel guilty for. But if I buy a shirt, if I buy a pair of shoes, if I buy a pen,

I’m like, do I really need that pen? It’s a really nice pen. It’s 350. It only comes in a two pack. I could just go to Dollar Tree and get a 20 pack. Granted, they suck. Half of them don’t work. But you know, I’m not sure if I’m worth 350 for a two pack of pens.

JoAnn Crohn (11:59)

You were worth 350 and more. is true. Isn’t that sad? Yeah. And like our kids have no problems asking for things for themselves. Like sometimes I wish, and I remember to our husbands, I feel.

Brie Tucker (12:11)

It’s a societal thing. I think it is. It’s a societal thing like you already said.

JoAnn Crohn (12:16)

It is a societal thing. mean, case in point, Brie and I went to Mexico and we both dropped about $98 a piece on a tequila bottle for our husbands. Yeah. With no second thought. It was like, they deserve it. And it was the best tequila ever. Josh is almost halfway done with it.

Brie Tucker (12:27)

Yeah. I haven’t had a chance to try mine yet because I just got better from beads.

JoAnn Crohn (12:40)

Yeah, but no thought whatsoever. Did we bring anything home from that trip for ourselves?

Brie Tucker (12:46)

COVID.

COVID and a stomach plug hack. 

Brie Tucker (12:59)

Guys, I’m almost crying about this.

JoAnn Crohn (13:02)

Yes, my rest my case we could stop the episode now here we go

Brie Tucker (13:07)

It’s like that. It’s always like that. That’s just that.

JoAnn Crohn (13:12)

Right after this, we’re going to go into like what’s actually happening in this selfless spending and why, why we tend to do it more often than spend money for ourselves. So we’ll do that right after this.

Something that you found during the research for this, Brie, is that selfless spending actually releases dopamine, which is the brain’s feel-good chemical. And dopamine is that thing associated with pleasure and reward. And self-spending can sometimes lead to guilt due to these conflicting beliefs and emotional triggers. So, of course, I will hit the dopamine button.

every single time rather than have to confront all of those emotional triggers with buying things for myself.

Brie Tucker (13:58)

my gosh, so like I’m thinking like, am I? Okay, an example of this right now. So I need to get some skincare type stuff. And I like going to like, shout out to TJ Maxx and Marshalls. I like going there because I can get my stuff. They a lot of times carry what I use for like cheaper, right? But I get nervous about going there because I get excited. And I look at all the little trinkets there, all the little things and I’m like, I could use this. ⁓

could use that and I feel so good while I’m there and I’m shopping. But then the moment I get home, I feel like crap. Cause I’m like, spent money on myself. Granted, I earned the money. I have a job. Why do I feel bad spending it? I feel so great when I’m doing it. But then when I get home, I’m still happy about it. I’m so happy about what I got and everything. But then I just immediately start feeling guilty that I spent money on things for myself. Like, my gosh, that pit your stomach.

JoAnn Crohn (14:58)

like

makes you happy though, in the moment, it’s like so weird that it happens that way. But I’ve always felt that way. I don’t know if it’s like maybe something in us, or like it’s societal programming from a very, very young age. But I remember, I never even wanted to try out or try to play basketball, because I didn’t want my parents to have to buy me shoes. And I mean, shoes were like over $100. They weren’t

that expensive compared to the other things the household was buying. Our trips to Costco or like grocery bills. Other things. It was called Price Club then I had to stop myself there because people would be like, what’s Price Club? It’s called Price

Brie Tucker (15:35)

⁓ God, Costco.

Really? Yeah. Well, we didn’t have those in Kansas City. I don’t think growing up. I don’t remember that. If there was, my parents would have had it. Yeah. They love buying things in bulk. But you know what though, the thing about the dopamine is that the research says that it’s spending money on something that we want, but also spending money on others can also give you that. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (16:08)

Which is maybe a great thing. It’s a great thing for generosity. And it’s been shown in multiple studies, which is why community involvement is such a good thing. It can make you happier giving to others. It makes you happier. It all makes sense from that standpoint.

Brie Tucker (16:21)

And it makes me think, I think there’s also a slightly, I’ll be honest with you. I have a bit of a secret agenda. When I buy something for somebody that I love, friends, whatever. It’s mainly my kids. I take that back. Not friends, whatever. This is just my family, my kids. Cause I don’t even feel like this about my husband. Sorry guys, Rhee’s having an introspection moment on Mike. I find that when I buy something for them that

I’m hoping that that makes them go, oh, I should buy things for other people. Not me, not mom. Just I should buy things for other people. Oh, that’s interesting. Isn’t that weird? It is. Isn’t that weird? Because when you really dig down to that, I’m wanting them to feel it is their responsibility to do that for other people. now that I say that out loud, damn it, I don’t want them to have that.

JoAnn Crohn (17:14)

But it’s funny looking into like thought patterns like that. I mean, the only way to correct them is to actually examine them and to notice that they’re there. Looking very thoughtful, everybody. of the Lola, she’s looking very thoughtful. She’s realizing something here.

Brie Tucker (17:22)

Yeah. Yeah.

I’m like, wow, that’s, that was, I was putting a lot on my kids all the time. I need to stop that. Well, good thing I figured it out by the time they were 18 and 16.

JoAnn Crohn (17:41)

Yeah, I just, I like just making people happy. Like when my kids get something, just see like someone else smile makes me smile. And part of it, it is a selfish thing in that way. Cause I just like the smile. I like the laugh. I like making people laugh, even if it’s like a stupid joke, which I do frequently, but it’s harder. I guess I can’t see myself smile when I get something. ⁓

Brie Tucker (17:42)

It does!

Maybe that’s where that kind of comes from this whole like spending paradox thing where like we want to spend money on other people because it’s that people pleaser in us. And again, it comes back to that thought process that we need to make other people happy before we can make ourselves happy.

JoAnn Crohn (18:23)

True, because if you look at our husbands, for instance, my husband has no trouble spending money on himself whatsoever. He will buy himself a new car. I mean, that is my husband, but he…

Brie Tucker (18:35)

He has called you from the dealership on multiple occasions.

JoAnn Crohn (18:40)

I‘ve learned to know the warning signs now. I could see them. If I catch him looking at cars online and he hasn’t mentioned buying a new car, it’s coming in like three months. ⁓ that’s Leda. Wow. There’s no cars right now. Don’t need to think about that.

Brie Tucker (18:53)

He went through it recently.

JoAnn Crohn (18:57)

Anyways, but he has no problem getting himself that he has no problem going and buy himself vinyls, nothing. And I think the only thing like I will buy myself are I really love clothes and I have my subscriptions and books. I love it. have, you know, book with the Muggs Club subscription where I look for that little blue box every single month coming in my mailbox. I have my armoire subscription with clothing rental where I get to like try on new clothing. And that’s been really fun because I don’t have to keep it and find a place for it.

I just get to see what looks good on me and like wear it occasionally and then send it back and get new things. So that’s a good one as well. So I guess like I’m all about buying the consumable kind of things because like books, I read it, I consume it. I actually give my books away after I read them because yeah.

Brie Tucker (19:44)

Where do you give them away to? Like, people? do you donate them to the library?

JoAnn Crohn (19:48)

Sometimes I leave them in hotel rooms for people.

Brie Tucker (19:52)

That’s interesting.

JoAnn Crohn (19:54)

Well, because there’s all of these like reader shells. Like if you go to hotels, usually you’ll see somewhere in the lobby, there’s like a bookshelf. So I’ll leave like my book there.

Brie Tucker (20:03)

I saw that on our recent trip to Cancun. They had like little stands throughout the resort that had books just sitting on them. thought that was interesting. I know that was a thing.

JoAnn Crohn (20:13)

So like giving those things away. But again, it’s the consumables, the food and everything we were talking about earlier. And I don’t buy any like investment stuff for myself, which is odd when you think about it that way, because it’s like, why am I not investing in my future, but I will invest in everybody else’s.

Brie Tucker (20:34)

You know, it kind of Briengs us back to a point that we had. had a conversation with Eve Rotsky a while back, and we were talking about how women don’t value their time because we don’t get paid for it. You and I, we have no guilt mom. We do a job here. There is pay for that, but we don’t get paid for the work that we do at home. Right? The things that we do for our family, coordinating carpools.

JoAnn Crohn (20:47)

Mmm.

Brie Tucker (21:02)

Making sure that things are getting done, cooking dinner, cleaning, caring for the kids, all that stuff. And because of the fact that we don’t get paid for that, we tend to also look at that as like, unvaluable time. And I think that’s kind of what ties us into the whole, don’t deserve this, but our kids and our spouses and our families, they do deserve it. And I think also part of it with me too is like, well,

When my kids were littler, I’m like, well, they don’t have a job. don’t have their own money. So I have to spend stuff on them. There’s no way for them to get it without me. Yeah. But like you said, though, that was my thought. My ex-husband didn’t have that thought. I don’t think my current husband has that thought either. They don’t sit there and feel like they owe something to other people. Like I think.

JoAnn Crohn (21:53)

I think you are onto something though about that correlation with time and money and we’re going to get into it more right after this.

So talking about this time and money thing, I could see how that happens. Actually, I was just on a financial planning call this morning with my husband and our financial planner just for personal things. And my husband, he is very, very strategic with money. So much so like I would say he is more strategic than the average bear. We have an investment strategy, we have a triumphant strategy, we have everything because of my husband.

I’m here sitting and like, we’re going through all of his like investments and all of his pay. It’s much, much, much, much larger than mine, much, much, much. And I’m sitting here on the call being like, gosh, no more like what have I been doing with my life? Have I wasted? No, this is the first thing that comes in my head. I I know, but this is the first thing that comes in my head. Like I’ve, I’ve like wasted my potential. I’ve wasted my life. And then I’m thinking about it and the financial planner’s like, yeah, worst case scenario. And he’s talking to my husband.

Brie Tucker (22:44)

my ear.

JoAnn Crohn (23:03)

how are we going to protect JoAnn for like the future of something were to happen to you? And immediately like I did feel guilty in that moment because I’m like, my gosh, shouldn’t I be taking care of myself? But then I’m like, no, wait, wait a minute. I am the reason that everything happens in this family. I am the connector. I am the glue. I am the one who like takes everybody out of their rooms and

The reason I cook dinner is so everyone talks to each other because as you know, with having teens, that’s a hard thing. That’s a really hard thing.

Brie Tucker (23:40)

And I will say that in your scenario, your husband has made it clear that he does recognize that. Right. And I feel like though a lot of us, we don’t have that uncomfortable conversation a lot of times with our partner saying, do you see all the things that I do? And it’s okay to say, I’m feeling like I’m getting overlooked. I’m feeling like I can’t spend money on me. 

JoAnn Crohn (23:46)

yeah, no, he’s a great guy.

Brie Tucker (24:07)

I think that that’s like one of those first steps to be able to make some progress, right?

JoAnn Crohn (24:12)

I definitely like open that conversation up, I would say, and say personal feelings because your spouse is your chosen partner. And I bet you married this person because they were your best friend, and they’re still your best friend and they still want what’s best for you. I want you to believe that wholly because a lot of the women I talked to who are in relationships now where like they feel that they’ve lost that connection with their spouse.

because these conversations aren’t happening. We are so overrun by time and by work obligations that we forget to nurture the relationship with each other. And this isn’t your fault. It’s both parties not nurturing the relationship with each other. Cause also we haven’t been taught how to have those conversations. When I was younger, my mom and dad,

They’re still married, of course, but they would go to like separate rooms in the house and watch separate TV shows because they didn’t want to watch the same TV show. And that was every night. It was no conversation over dinner. We actually had a TV at our kitchen table. I was like not taught how to have these conversations, nor that these conversations were necessary. And I think that’s really common for a lot of people who grew up in the 80s and 90s to see that dynamic.

Brie Tucker (25:31)

So with that being said, let’s be perfectly clear. If you’re in this area that we’re talking about where you feel like you feel guilty when you do spend money on yourself, you put yourself in your needs behind those of other people in your family. And I don’t care if you have a one-year-old or a 17-year-old or a 23-year-old. It doesn’t matter. I’m just talking about still putting your needs behind everybody else’s consistently. It’s a habit.

And it’s a bad habit because all it does is pull from your cup and make you feel more drained, less appreciated. And a lot of times that can build up to resentment over time. So we’re telling you right now, start with a conversation, right?

JoAnn Crohn (26:17)

Yeah, just start with the conversation. Just say, feel like I can’t spend money on myself through no fault of yours. Because I think that’s really important when you start these conversations with your partner. It’s not that you’re coming up and saying that it’s your fault. You spend all this money on you and you golfing all the time and you do this and like, I don’t spend money on myself. Like that’s not the conversation I recommend having.

Brie Tucker (26:41)

And why? Because nobody wants to be immediately accused and made into a villain. As soon as your kid comes up to you and says, you are the meanest mommy in the world, I hate you, you’re not about to have a very open mind in listening to what they have to say. So the first thing we need to do is acknowledge that a lot of us have this feeling. And like we just pointed out, it’s probably not your spouse. ⁓

JoAnn Crohn (27:08)

It’s probably not.

Brie Tucker (27:09)

This is a societal thing that started when you were way younger.

JoAnn Crohn (27:13)

I mean, with me, when I had this conversation with Josh, I’m like, I really want this, but should I spend money on it? And he’d always be like, if you want it, yes. It was such a simple cut and dry solution. And the more I talked to him about those things, the more that kind of thinking really embeds itself in my head. And I started hearing his voice when I say, do I want something? Now, that said, we know that not all guys are that understanding.

Brie Tucker (27:43)

we’ve heard it. And in some families, like in some situations, we’re not talking about blowing a grand on yourself or something. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t, if you have the ability that is awesome. But I know that most families, again, we’re talking about the 350 pen, a pen that is $3.50. And I won’t allow myself to get it because I think it’s a splurge.

JoAnn Crohn (27:44)

when we know it.

more like the most gorgeous hundred dollar top that is made of really great material. just feels amazing and you know we’ll like pair with every single outfit and you still say no to yourself that you can’t buy it. Ryan.

Brie Tucker (28:25)

We’re just working on a lot of times when you feel like you have that block, it probably is much deeper. It’s a deeper block of I’m not worthy of it. I should not be doing that. So on and so forth. So the first way to start tackling that is to have a conversation.

JoAnn Crohn (28:42)

Absolutely. Have that conversation.

Brie Tucker (28:44)

And if you’re not ready for the conversation, you talk a lot about journaling, writing out your feelings.

JoAnn Crohn (28:50)

Word vomiting, all the things. What I find helps if I don’t know how I feel about something, I’ll set a timer for 20 minutes and then I’ll just word vomit all of my thoughts about that one thing for 20 minutes. I think that’s what I got wrong about journaling in the past. I thought journaling was dissecting my entire day and that became really boring after a while. But if you come to journaling with a set topic, you can find clarity pretty fast.

on what you think about that topic, what might be holding you back on that topic, what thoughts come out about that topic, like how Briee had this sudden realization that she was forcing her kids to buy stuff for other people. You might find realizations like that.

Brie Tucker (29:32)

Or just that I thought that that’s what they would get from me buying things without any conversation without any conversation I’m like see I bought you a gift now I want you to internalize that and spread it out to everybody else in the world

JoAnn Crohn (29:46)

But it’s not my job!

Brie Tucker (29:47)

So yes, word vomiting, writing down how you feel about it, having that conversation. Because the other thing that I think is important to both JoAnn, you and I feel very strongly about this. We know that our kids are watching us. We know personally, we’ve had the conversations with our kids that they see what we’re doing and that is shaping their expectations, both for themselves and for their future selves, like their partners.

what they plan for relationships to look like in the future. And if they see that you, and I’ve got to tell you the truth, they see you as the mom 90 % of the time. So if you have a son, they’re going to be expecting this out of their partner possibly. And if you have a daughter, they’re expecting this out of themselves in this role that moms are to be sacrificed. We are to be sacrificed. We are to be last. And that’s what being a good mom is. And we’re here to say,

JoAnn Crohn (30:18)

Yeah.

Brie Tucker (30:45)

No. Let’s scratch that record. That’s not the case.

JoAnn Crohn (30:46)

Yeah.

That’s not the case at all. And I think we see that so much in society too, where people are like, my gosh, my mom gave up everything for me and I’m so grateful for her. And you can be grateful for her and can also go do something for herself. I was thinking about it today because as you guys know, we’ve talked about this before. mean, when you were public on the internet, especially like running a business, you get the comments from people.

And as much as I try to have those comments not stick in my head, they do from time to time. And so this one comment, I asked about this runner, this woman runner who was finishing a marathon, obviously first, because she was going through the tape. And the dad was standing on the wrong side of the finish line with two small children.

And the small children ran towards the woman before she got to the finish line, by the way. And the woman of course skirted aside the kids and ran toward the finish line. And you could see the dad in the background going, what the, my gosh. And the kids are crying cause mommy didn’t hug them. And I said, I was like, what would you do in this situation? I know as a runner, what I would have done the exact same thing. The exact same thing she did. And one male commented, because everything’s about

you. I was like, ⁓ you have hit me so hard with that comment. You have no idea. ⁓

Brie Tucker (32:14)

That is somebody who’s working through their own schiznit. That is definitely that. It is. is someone who is mad at someone else and you’re the one that’s there. And yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (32:25)

No, it’s true, but it also like it goes on every single place, every place. Going back to the permission book interviews, one of the questions that I was asking women are, you ever been told you were selfish? And many of them said, yes, I was told it by a brother. I was told it by my mom. I was told it by an ex-husband that I was selfish. There was a story about a woman who was a photographer.

And she gave up photography for a little while. And then she saw this camera in a shop that she really wanted to buy. And her ex-husband told her, no, it’s not worth it. It’s too expensive of a thing to buy right now. And so she didn’t buy it. And they got divorced. And he ended up being a photographer. She said, ironic twist. ⁓ And he bought a camera for himself, of course. No problem at all.

Brie Tucker (33:14)

Okay, that story makes me wanna give her a big fat hug.

JoAnn Crohn (33:16)

I know, and it happens so often where women are told that they are not worth something. And so as we end this episode, we want to tell you that you are worth everything that you desire. And if there’s someone in your life telling you that you’re not worth it, need to question that relationship a little.

Brie Tucker (33:38)

Well, there needs to definitely be a conversation.

JoAnn Crohn (33:42)

Yes definitely. And when I say question the relationship, I do mean have a conversation with that person, but don’t accept it as fact. That’s what I don’t want you to do. Don’t accept it as fact.

Brie Tucker (33:54)

Yeah, don’t just be like, this is how things need to be going forward. I really would love for you guys to look at what story are you telling your kids about your worth and the worth of their partner in a relationship in the future.

JoAnn Crohn (34:10)

Exactly.

Yeah. And if you want some more tools to go through these things, and if you need tools on how to have these conversations, that’s what we do in our balance membership. It is so much more than a course. It is this community that boosts you up and helps you through it. Especially if you are right here trying to balance this work life and family life and feeling like you are failing at both, we’re here to support you. So we have a link to balance right there in the show notes and

Until next time, remember the best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. Talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (34:45)

Thanks for stopping by.