Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.
Brie Tucker: Try it out, cold turkey, come to your family and be like, Hey, I’ve decided that I have been robbing you guys, the experience and the skillset to learn how to do this on your own. So we’re going to shift some things around here and, come up with a plan because they can do it. They can.
JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the delightful Brie Tucker.
Brie Tucker: hello, hello, everybody. How are you? You like that? I got a little twang.
JoAnn Crohn: We’re talking, about one of my favorite topics to talk about with other moms and it is laundry. Most specifically, how you don’t have to do it anymore.
Brie Tucker: It’s true! It’s true. It’s a hot topic. It is.
JoAnn Crohn: it is a hot topic.
Brie Tucker: No, like, people feel like they’re, like, they absolutely, positively cannot do, cannot allow their children to have that responsibility. Or They feel like, 100 percent from the get go, like, I’m not doing anybody else’s laundry, and we’re, and just to be clear, we’re not talking about, like, your infants, or your toddlers, or your preschoolers, like, we’re talking, like, once they’re old enough to handle this. So,
JoAnn Crohn: Yes. Yes. Like how you do not have to be doing your teenagers laundry anymore. If you’re doing it, how really, if you’re a kids above the age of eight, they could start doing their own laundry totally from start to finish. And we’re really going to dig into it in this episode. And hopefully by the end, you will have the confidence.
To have your kids start doing their own laundry and you removing yourself from it. One less thing from your mental load. but before we get into it, Brie, we, we need to ask if you listen to the No Guilt Mom podcast, can you give us a little rate and review right now on Apple?
Brie Tucker: a little love,
JoAnn Crohn: so much to us, so much to us because then it helps spread No Guilt Mom across the Apple podcast. Universe. And wherever you listen to this podcast, please rate and review us. It really helps it get out to more people. And if you haven’t already, please subscribe. We love our subscribers so
Brie Tucker: and that way you don’t miss a single episode, ever.
JoAnn Crohn: exactly. And we’ll talk you into not doing something next. So we’re going to get into the laundry. You’re going to get the confidence not to do it anymore. And let’s get on with the show. Okay, laundry. It is such a hot topic. And like, I know it’s a hot topic and I kind of like to poke the bear a little bit on Instagram by putting stuff about laundry out all the time. Because recently I posted unpopular opinion Moms should only do their own laundry. And I want to say, if that, because there’s always like, maybe someone else could do your laundry for you too, so that you don’t have to be the one responsible
Brie Tucker: Yes, it’s not always necessarily you, like, yeah, 100 percent that there’s, I want to just toss in for that, like, in my household, my, my husband does laundry, and I’m laughing because, like, first of all, I hate laundry, so when he asked if he could take it over, I had no, I was like, sure, sounds great, and then, like, after a little while, I was like, hey, Did you want to take over laundry?
Cause you don’t like the way I do it. And he just kind of smiled slightly and was like, looked the other way. And I’m like, okay. I didn’t know. Like it’s, it’s, it’s the joys of being remarried, coming into somebody in your forties of like, oh, I didn’t know what I’ve been doing for like 35 plus years was not somebody else’s jam, but I don’t mind, man. Tell me I suck at laundry all day long. I don’t care. I won’t do it.
JoAnn Crohn: I don’t care. I have the same reaction to tell me I suck at laundry. Tell me I suck at loading the dishwasher. Totally cool. I don’t know about suck at making dinner though. I really do take pride so much pride in food. Like I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t handle that, but I won’t make dinner. I don’t want to make dinner. But don’t tell me I suck at it.
Brie Tucker: I’ll give you that. Like, I was just, it’s so funny. I laughed because last night I was making wings and I burnt the wings and I was, I’m taking them out of the, out of the fryer. Like my, my daughter had a friend over and they were going to eat dinner with us. And I was like, yeah, I suck at cooking. I don’t know if Audrey ever told you that. Like, I’m not a great cook, but somehow I’m the best cook in the house. So somehow burnt wings is our best option for dinner.
JoAnn Crohn: it happens. But I think like with these jobs around the house, particularly laundry, there are excuses and there are like thought patterns that go through our heads that make it seem like we have to be the one to take it on. one of those thought patterns is our kids have too much to do. Especially like in this day and age with like all the pressure of school on them, and we think like, okay, our kids have too much to do, they’re stressed out, they have anxiety, we can’t load more on our kids. And Brie, you and I have both seen this in our households.
Brie Tucker: my gosh. Yes. And it always brings me back to that. was it a podcast or just a post with Glennon Doyle? Or maybe it was part of one of her books where she talked about
JoAnn Crohn: It was part of Untamed. Untamed,
Brie Tucker: all I remember is that it was Glennon Doyle, her and Abby. I love them. They’re so cute. Anyway. where Abby was like, I’ve noticed that like, you are, what was it? Something like you’re not giving enough responsibility to your, to your oldest, like you’re always, you’re taking things on for him because he has so many other things to do, school, soccer, blah, blah, blah. And what you’re kind of teaching them is that home responsibilities don’t really matter. And I think that that is a huge thing.
Like with our kids. There are things that we can help and take off their plate. And one of the things when it comes to, so like for my kids, like my, my oldest, my son is insane. I mean, that boy is in nothing but AP honors classes, has marching band before and after school and works a job. So he has a lot going on, but I don’t, he still has to do his own laundry. Because, guess what? that stuff still happens in life. Like, you’re gonna have to learn how to, how to juggle it all. So, there are little things I’ll do. Like, hey, I’ll make you breakfast one day or I’ll pack you a lunch or something like that. Like, little things, but.
JoAnn Crohn: I mean, but it’s all about humans helping each other like and especially when you live in a family It’s all about helping each other out. So making People responsible for their own things. I mean, even if they have all of the workload, because I wasn’t responsible for my laundry when I was growing up, my grandma actually came in once a week and she did our entire household’s laundry. and my mom paid her for that. And so my grandma like earned an income and like got to come in and I saw her once a week that way as well. The first time I did my own laundry was when I went to college, and that was interesting, but it was also one of those, yeah, we know your story.
Brie Tucker: One day we’ll have to have Glinda on the podcast.
JoAnn Crohn: yeah, it was also I didn’t know how to handle certain laundry situations that I think like if I’d been doing my own laundry at home where I had an adult nearby like my parents to kind of coax me through them. For example, I had no idea what hand wash was. I had no idea. I actually didn’t learn that until like maybe my 30s when I started having hand wash stuff. I would just put everything in the washer. I had no clue. and. My, my mom, I remember didn’t have a hand wash thing either, but she had these like racks, which she laid sweaters on.
I’m like, Oh, like, what’s that? I have no idea. And so I went all through college and I could have been like so much. more confident about what I was wearing because I would buy the clothes that needed to be hand washed instead of staying away from the hand wash clothes because I had no idea what I was doing. I thought it was extremely complicated that I had like no, no thing. So I think that doing laundry when I was a kid, it would have like, Giving me that confidence and I could have been taught it a little bit more. So even though I had so much on my plate, it would have taken less off me when I went to college. You know, it would have given me those skills that I
Brie Tucker: Well, I think it just in general gives you the confidence of that I can do things on my own. Like I can live on my own and I’m not going to fall apart. those are huge, huge things. But so, so you posted on Instagram recently about, this, about the whole laundry issue. And it’s funny because like some people were like all about it. Like, yeah, I totally, I totally have everybody do their own laundry. And I saw like at least one comment that I remember somebody was like, but what happens when, when they don’t do their laundry and it’s dirty? And it’s like,
JoAnn Crohn: Oh, yeah. Then they have, like, I’ve had this happen so many times because my kids have been doing their laundry for a really, really long time. Like, my daughter started when she was seven and then my son started when he was about then as well. But even before, like, my son was seven, I was doing the laundry with him. Like, I would, we would bring it to the washer together. We would put it in together. I would help him measure it. And, like, I’d be there the whole time. But, when he took it over himself, he He had a lot of instances where he had dirty clothes and he would come out to me, like getting ready for school. And there would be like some crust of like pizza sauce right there on his chest. And I’m like. Dude, where’d you get that? He’s like, this is the best one. I’m like, why is it the best one? Everything else is dirty. I’m like,
Brie Tucker: and that doesn’t qualify as dirty. Okay
JoAnn Crohn: yeah, this may be time for some laundry. Yeah, he’s like, yeah, yeah, this is time for some laundry, but it was that discussion and it wasn’t Like a meltdown, or it wasn’t horrible. Actually, all we did, I’m like, so here’s what you do. You go to the sink, you wash that off as best as you can, and then if this is the best one, you go to school and you gotta do laundry this afternoon. And he did. He just put his laundry in that afternoon, but it doesn’t have to be huge. Mm
Brie Tucker: no Like I also like agree another cool thing that happens out of it is that they learn More about like you said like how to care for their stuff. I’ve noticed that My kids do their laundry to completely different capacities. And this is, this is definitely a teen thing. So, uh, my son, his version is dump and wash and the, and the biggest problem we have.
Cause I’ll, I probably, I know, not probably, I definitely did not give them as much guidance as you did. Cause mine started when they were in like middle school, I think doing their own laundry. He just dumps everything he could possibly fit in the washer. So we, we’ve had several conversations of what’s called overloading.
And like, you put too much in there, nothing gets clean. And then also, by the way, you stick it in the dryer and nothing gets dry. So, we’re still working on that one with him. I notice him walking down with like the huge basket. And I’m like, that looks like more than one load. And he’ll be like, I bet I can fit it. I’m like, oh God. You see it doesn’t break the washer.
JoAnn Crohn: Oh my gosh. I still have that. In fact, like I’ll tell you a story about Overloading and it involves my husband Right after this break. So we still have problems with overloading in our house where we have a washer that if you overload it, it will go to that uneven load setting, like really You know when the washer starts going
Brie Tucker: Oh yeah,
JoAnn Crohn: and you hear it and our washer just stops. And so like, it’s happened, it happens a lot if we have too many towels in the load along with a big load. and my, my husband was like trying to wash a load of laundry and he’s like, I have been trying to wash that load for like a whole day now, and I have been reating the washer. three or four times and I came in and I’m like, okay, I see what the problem is. And because I do it so often with like, I help my kids through it. I’m like, here’s what you got to do. You got to take all the things that have clumped on the side. You have to lay it out in the middle flat and you just flatten them and you flatten them and then you can fix the uneven load.
but even like, Us as adults are learning those things too. So when we think of teaching our kids about laundry, it’s not a perfection thing because they’re never going to get it right. I mean, dude, Brie, I just turned my laundry load blue this past week because there was one rogue sock, one rogue sock that I had no idea, but I’ve done this before and it actually washes out. Like the more you wash it, it just did the gray material. But yeah, it’s. It happens, and kids are gonna make mistakes with laundry, and that’s not a reason not to hand it over to them
Brie Tucker: Right, right. And so like, my daughter, she has decided that she has a little bit more expensive taste in clothing. So she’s been spending her money from Birthday, Christmas and her new job on like nicer things, girl goes like nuts, like she’s the worst one for laundry. And I mean that in a loving way because like I’ll come downstairs and my entire laundry room is taken over by like sweats and sweaters and everything laid out everywhere.
And she’ll be like, I got a drop of something on my pants. I need help on how to clean this out. Like she takes everything super seriously now. And that’s. I kind of, I see that definitely as a positive that she’s learning on that skill. Now, another thing I want to throw out there in my case, again, being divorced and kids at two different homes, I don’t do things the same way they do with their dads. And so at their dad’s house, they don’t do their own laundry. their stepmom, she does their laundry for them. And. Folds them and puts them away. I’m like, wow, that’s a bit of Donna Reed for me. I can’t go that far ever.
JoAnn Crohn: You know what I would do as a kid? I would take all of my laundry with me, and I would take it to that house and just let her do it for me. You gotta use what you have, you know?
Brie Tucker: the options you got. Yeah, no, it’s so, so like, that’s how that happens at their dad’s house. But here, like, again, they know that, like, they don’t, I don’t, I don’t do that. Mama don’t play that. So, uh, I did ask them just recently. How that worked out. I’m like, does that bother you guys? Like, at here you have to do your own laundry and everything and they’re both like, nope.
And I’m like, all right, would you rather it be more like at your dad’s? And they’re like, Nope. Nope. Why? They’re like, because like, we don’t, we never know when our stuff’s going to get taken and when it’s going to come back. And like, they’re like, it’s just, it’s, it’s weird. And they’re like, we’re learning more at your place too. Like it’s just, we prefer it this way because we can, we have control over our own stuff. And I’m like,
JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, the control thing’s
Brie Tucker: yeah. Yeah. So I found that interesting. I found it interesting that they preferred having to do their laundry. Versus somebody else doing it for them. So, that was
JoAnn Crohn: Oh, yeah. Yeah. like, when you give your kids that control, like, you also have to let go of the control because they may not do it the way you want them to do it or the way you would
Brie Tucker: Like, overloading.
JoAnn Crohn: like, overloading or like, folding,
Brie Tucker: gosh. Oh, that’s the second thing. Like, my son will not fold his clothes to save his life. They, they live in that same hamper, which I don’t know how that works. He has one hamper, and that’s where he keeps his clean and dirty clothes.
JoAnn Crohn: Well my when I met my husband in college He had a system for doing laundry and he’s like, yeah I have two piles and as soon as I can’t tell them apart like two piles were cleaned pile dirty pile as soon as I Can’t tell them apart. It’s time to do laundry again I’m like, okay, cool.
Brie Tucker: that’s
JoAnn Crohn: If that works for you,
Brie Tucker: process, I guess. Yeah.
JoAnn Crohn: So like my son, um, he, he just puts it all in his basket and there’s some wrinkled stuff in there. And I asked him the other day, I’m like, hey, bud, your shirt’s a little wrinkled. Do you want to like spray that a little? And he’s like, no mom, all the kids shirts are wrinkled. I’m like, okay, I’m just gonna step back out of this bathroom right now because
Brie Tucker: I do believe it. Like that is so, okay. So that’s another thing I hear people talk about. Like, you know, okay, my kid doesn’t fold their stuff right. So I need to fold it. Da da da. First of all, there’s a lot of aspects of that. Like, my son has a dresser. And if you don’t put the clothes in right, the dresser, like, we, we have it anchored now to the wall.
But when he first got it, now granted people, when he was 14, when he first got it, like, I didn’t, Anchor it because I’m like, okay, he knows not to climb on a dresser, but the first time the dresser fell over because he didn’t put the clothes in. Right. I’m like, okay, apparently we need to take care of this.
so in some cases, yeah, like to, in order to store where you want it to be stored, it needs to be folded a certain way, but I would push back on anyone that’s like, well, my kid doesn’t fold it. Right. So it doesn’t fit in his dresser. Why does it need to go in his dresser? Why can’t it, can it be hanging?
Does it, can it be sitting in a hamper? In a pile? Like, who cares that it’s wrinkled? You care, not them. They’re never going to care for you. Like, that’s the other part that we have to learn as moms, and I think that you and I have been through that a lot.
JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, and like my daughter completely opposite Like she cares about her clothing and her appearance like she’s the one sitting on her bedroom floor Watching youtube videos and folding her laundry and making sure like everything is okay and everything like is ready for school and it’s just, it’s, it’s different. And I, same parent, same teaching method, different expectations, from the child in terms of like what they want their clothes to be at. And sometimes when I’m talking with moms about this, there’s a lot of overthinking that goes into it. such as one of my friends, well, one of my.
Sons, friends, parents, friends, moms. That’s a lot to say in one sentence, um, but She was asking him over the phone because like they do video chat and she’s like, well Like what happens if you don’t have a full load and my she told me my son just answered really matter of factly. I just wait She’s like, well, yeah, of course
Brie Tucker: I’d be like, you just wait, or if you really, really wanted to wear it, then the washer has settings. It’s called a
JoAnn Crohn: Mm
Brie Tucker: Like, I, and again, like, you don’t do it every week. Once in a while, sure, like, I have seen my son plenty of times, because his work clothes get pretty dirty, like, he’ll come in and be like, I gotta do a small load. I’m like, okay, whatever. Just, you got, you learn. You problem solve.
JoAnn Crohn: Yes. And well, the same friend, I went to lunch with her and I was like really interested on this whole laundry thing because she still does all of her kids laundry. And so I’m like, so tell me like, what is holding you back? And she’s like, well, you know, I kind of like folding everybody’s laundry because I just shut myself in the bedroom and no one bothers me. And I’m like, oh, there’s something to be said about that one. And I did mention, I’m like, well, you could do something else. But I think like a lot of people, and if you’re listening to it right now, like laundry, no one bothers you because they don’t want to be folding laundry. And it’s your quiet time. That is, that’s telling that you probably need some more quiet time. And you deserve the quiet
Brie Tucker: And you deserve to have it not be doing chores. There’s other
JoAnn Crohn: Yes. Yes, yes, something enjoyable, something lovely. I was just thinking about this the other day because I was so overloaded from the day. It was just a lot of stuff as we prepare for our Happy Mom Summit, which is March, people. It’s March and VIP passes are going on soon, just to sell you. But um, the, it was just a long day and I was like, you know what?
I’m not going to do anything. I’m not going to make dinner. I’m not, I’m going to go sit in my room and I’m going to watch a TV show. And I was just laying there in bed the same time, the same thing I do when I get sick, because sometimes I really love being sick because I don’t feel like I have to do anything. And while I was laying there watching the TV show, I’m like, this is so nice. Like, why don’t I do this? Like, why don’t I give myself permission to do this when I’m completely well and I’m just like a little tired because I felt so much better like after an hour I was like, oh, I feel like I’m not dragging
Brie Tucker: is it because you’re afraid that people will judge you and or your family will be like mom’s being lazy and that’s Not, that’s, I mean, forget them if they think that! Like, that’s all I
JoAnn Crohn: it’s easy to say that, but it’s not even them. It’s me. Like, they’re not gonna say that. They would never say that to me. I would get so mad at them. Like, there would be words. There would be so words. It’s all me. It’s me and like my, Oh, I should be using this to the best of my ability and I should be productive and look at everyone else who’s successful. They’re using their free time and they’re not watching Berlin on Netflix, JoAnn, but like all of those voices,
Brie Tucker: Yes, they are. They just have a team that does scrap for them as well.
JoAnn Crohn: well, yeah, but we’re going to get into some, some of the last excuses we hear about laundry right after this break.
Brie Tucker: And then another reason is 100 percent the fact that we We’re fearful that we’re gonna get judged right like we’re fearful that people are gonna be like If our kid shows up with a wrinkled shirt, and somebody’s like, Oh my gosh, what’s wrong with your shirt?
Didn’t your mom, like, help you with your Didn’t your mom do your laundry or whatever? And they’re like, No, I have to do my own laundry. My mom doesn’t do it for me. Ooooooh! I can’t breathe in
JoAnn Crohn: to say it crossed my mind It crossed my mind with the wrinkled shirt and like the first thing that popped in i’m like Oh his teacher must think i’m a total slacker Like, you know, that’s the first thing that I had to like, be like, no, JoAnn, you’re, you’re going for bigger things
Brie Tucker: Exactly, exactly. So this is kind of more of a pushback on the whole why can’t everybody have an equal part of this because I feel like that expectation that mom should be the one doing laundry. For everybody is just another relic of the whole Mom should do everything right like it’s our job to have a career to raise the kids to keep the house And it just and yet nobody else has that level of expectations
JoAnn Crohn: Well, usually, and the women who are very, very judgy about it are the ones who are trying to uphold that standard in their house and they hate it. And they’re so resentful about it. But they’re like, they look at like us and we’re the rule breakers, Brie. We’re the ones who aren’t playing by the code. And so since we’re all happy and our kids have wrinkled clothes, well, that’s a thing to attack because we’re not playing by the rules.
Brie Tucker: Hmm, that is interesting. I
JoAnn Crohn: Who set a rules? Don’t know, but they’re the rules.
Brie Tucker: They are they’re they’re really tough like so So I’m curious, I’m curious what this episode has done, if people are coming back and, uh, are listening and are going to, uh, You’re going to come up with a plan now to slow it to either quickly, like cold turkey, just cut it. Like that’s what I did. It was like one weekend.
I was like, you know what? Forget this crap. Robert, Audrey, you guys do your own laundry. You guys can handle this. I think I, again, I didn’t do the best transition for my kids. Like I kind of showed them how to do it. Kinda. And in all fairness, I only kind of half ass know what I’m doing laundry.
JoAnn Crohn: it all worked. Yeah, me too. I mean everything goes in one load, cold wash,
Brie Tucker: yeah, I did
JoAnn Crohn: That’s what I do.
Brie Tucker: like, yeah. Yeah. And it, I was like, you can separate stuff somewhat. I will say that I am teaching my daughter about the hand wash mode, like have delicate. So I’m like, if I were you with the money you spend on your stuff, I would wash probably 90 percent of your stuff on delicate and you got to have like smaller loads and dah, dah, dah. So yeah.
JoAnn Crohn: I did do that. I taught how to hang on the rack
Brie Tucker: you’ve taught your kids way better. Your kids probably know better how to do laundry than I do, but that’s,
JoAnn Crohn: know about that.
Thank you. See, there I am accepting a compliment. I was, I was about to like defer the compliment and I’ll, and I’m going to just say thank you and go on
Brie Tucker: That’s
JoAnn Crohn: instead of deprecating myself, I will say thank you.
Brie Tucker: But no, so, so
either, so either like try it out, cold turkey, come to your family and be like, Hey, I’ve decided that I have been robbing you guys, the experience and the skillset to learn how to do this on your own. So we’re going to shift some things around here and, come up with a plan because they can do it. They can. And it was so cute, those little pictures of like, of, so those pictures of your youngest of, of when he would try to do laundry, and like you had to get him a step stool and everything. Oh, that was so cute.
JoAnn Crohn: Oh, yeah. And then he makes jokes where he’s like face down in the washer and his feet are coming out the other end. He still does that. He’ll call me
Brie Tucker: Oh my gosh.
JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I should post that. I’ll put a picture on that on Instagram. But hey, if you’re a fan of the no go mom podcast, can you give us a little rating and review on apple podcasts?
We would be so grateful. it really does help. Like you hear us asking for ratings and reviews, but it really, really helps. and we will shut you out on a podcast episode, when we see a review come in because we love reading those reviews. It’s wonderful. And subscribe, hit that subscribe button. If you have not already, please, please, please do, do, do. And, Until next time, best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.
Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.
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